The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Nov 8, 2015 23:21:48 GMT
I teach. We have a new person in our department. She is very unhappy and has been since the second week or so of school.
My department has tried to be understanding. We wanted to help her transition. (she is a veteran teacher from another state) We offered her our curriculum. We offered to sit down with her before the school year started. We offered to listen to her complaints and concerns. She turned down all help before the school year.
She feels persecuted. She does not see her role in this at all (honestly seems to believe that no one offered her any help). She makes claims about our curriculum that are not true. She doesn't seem to have read through our curriculum. She is complaining to admin about us. She says mean things about coworkers and students. She constantly talks about being a "kick ass" teacher all the time. She has had students complaining about her demeanor. She has some valid concerns, but she has a hard time explaining what she really wants, she never seems to be happy with any discussion or outcome and tells us we are not "progressive" enough for her. (We are not some cool "alternative" setting/Charter school---which she is not coming from---but we are not some backwoods village. We have 1:1 devices, hybrid classes offered, decent amount of electives, AP, many project based assignments, etc...) She makes constant snarky comments.
I think she is a decent content teacher. I think she is probably a good personality for some students. She is not a good team player or coworker. She is stressing many people out. She is super sweet one minute, passive aggressive the next, and then just out and out mean a minute later.
There is a TON I could say, but I want to keep this relatively short and I don't want to give too many details. I really think she is not mentally healthy.
Any ideas on how to proceed? I really feel like there is no way we will win. It is like walking on eggshells with her. I am not hopeful, but maybe someone with experience with this type can help me proceed?
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 5:48:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 8, 2015 23:32:14 GMT
Do you have to work with her? Let the administration know she is unwilling to take your advice and your help is never good enough for her.
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Post by christine58 on Nov 8, 2015 23:33:30 GMT
What, if anything, does your admin say?? Is there a way to just not engage with her?? Is it possible that she just regrets taking the job so she's making everyone miserable??
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moodyblue
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Location: Western Illinois
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Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Nov 8, 2015 23:35:51 GMT
One thing that jumped at me is your comment that she is complaining to admin about the rest of you. Does that cause any problems for you guys?Would it be helpful if some reps from your department went to admin and explained that you feel that she is struggling some with adjusting to the new school, explaining what you have offered and done, and asking the admin how you (the department) can help her be successful. I don't think it will change her, but it will show the administration that the rest of the team is concerned and has tried to help and wants to improve things. Maybe your admin gets what is really going on, but I know it's possible that she could do some damage with her complaints.
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oaksong
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Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
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Post by oaksong on Nov 8, 2015 23:36:09 GMT
In my experience, you just have to figure out how to adapt. She will not change one iota. Deal with her as if she is a person who is mentally challenged (which she is), and try not to ever take things personally. Narcissists will suck the life out of you if you let them get in your head. Good luck.
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Nov 8, 2015 23:37:58 GMT
Does your admin have your back? If admin is used to your department functioning well and peacefully, but now suddenly there are a lot of complaints (from new coworker), then they'd be foolish not to look at her first as the source of the trouble. If the department is known to be full of bickering and backstabbing, then her complaints might seem more credible.
When I had a difficult coworker, I finally figured out that keeping my mouth shut and staying as far (FAR!) away as possible was the only strategy that would give me any peace. It wasn't easy and didn't work perfectly, but it helped.
For me, the worst part was that everyone else seemed to think this person was a fine professional with a sweet personality. I wondered for a LONG time if I was the crazy one. It was awful. Slowly, though, I learned that I was not the only one who had trouble with this person - that helped a lot, as I could quit wondering, "What's wrong with me, that I don't see this person as competent and kind?"
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AmeliaBloomer
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Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Nov 8, 2015 23:50:13 GMT
No, you can't change her, and you probably can't change the situation unless you always give in to her.
She really believes no help was offered. I know this sounds extreme, but I would keep notes, email yourself, email her "just following up" after conversations. A personality like this can be pretty dogged about courting the favor of supervisors.
(I have some experience with this. It's like an elaborate version of confirmation bias. She has decided that y'all are unskilled and unfriendly and that she is exceptional and victimized, despite what really happens. To her, her inner narrative is Truth.)
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Post by iteach3rdgrade on Nov 8, 2015 23:52:40 GMT
I felt that way last year. I just kept to myself. It was awful. A new job was a blessing for everyone. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It could almost be the same person.
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Post by fuji on Nov 9, 2015 0:59:17 GMT
I would document the issues and share them with administration. Document what she asks for, how you and/or your dept. have helped, comments she has made about staff and students, everything. You may not need it, but if you do, it's all there. Hopefully administration is doing observations and seeing the same things. If it isn't better within a month, I would start talking to administration, so they can get their ducks in a row if need be. The best case scenario would be that they not offer her tenure at the end of this year (assuming she had it in her previous district and needs only one year vs. three).
In the meantime, I would be polite and helpful when asked, but I wouldn't engage.
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Post by mollycoddle on Nov 9, 2015 1:44:03 GMT
No, you can't change her, and you probably can't change the situation unless you always give in to her. She really believes no help was offered. I know this sounds extreme, but I would keep notes, email yourself, email her "just following up" after conversations. A personality like this can be pretty dogged about courting the favor of supervisors. (I have some experience with this. It's like an elaborate version of confirmation bias. She has decided that y'all are unskilled and unfriendly and that she is exceptional and victimized, despite what really happens. To her, her inner narrative is Truth.) Exactly. I work with someone like this, and she has a definite way of ingratiating herself with superiors. Document interactions as best you can and otherwise try to give her a wide berth. |
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mallie
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Post by mallie on Nov 9, 2015 1:45:52 GMT
The worst work experience I ever had was due to a coworker with NPD. (And I've had drug addicts, alcoholics, paranoid schizophrenics, bipolar people who refused to take their meds...) Everyone who had to work with her either ended up on BP med, anti-anxiety med, in counseling, or quit. I worked on getting her fired. She got fired.
Honestly, my advice is to find a way to get her fired.
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Post by beachbum on Nov 9, 2015 2:49:01 GMT
I would be very careful. Make sure your principal knows what is going on, document that you have shared your curriculum, document everything. Where I taught we had someone like that - who threw several people under the bus without a second thought when she left. Lucky for us our principal had caught on and knew what was truly going on. Watch your back, don't share anything you wouldn't print on the front page of the newspaper. I'm sorry you are going through this, it adds more stress to an already stressful job.
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The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Nov 9, 2015 3:04:32 GMT
You are all confirming what I guess I already knew.
My department chair and I have had many conversations about the coworker. She has had a conversation with the principal.I think his radar is dinging, but I can never really tell with him. Either way, he KNOWS our department, and I can't imagine he has been impressed with this woman's accusations.
I have been doing exactly what you have said. I try to not engage as much as possible. We started having working lunches last week because it is too hard for the group of us teaching the same class to get together after school due to coaching schedules. I have been very quiet with her and keep my mouth shut as much as possible because I feel like everything I say can and will be twisted. I started out trying to please her/play her game, but now I try to change the subject as much as possible. Department chair and I cannot imagine her getting tenure. Department chair can't imagine her for the rest of the year.
I am debating if I should say anything to the principal. I am just concerned he might take the path of least resistance and we might end up saddled with her, and I just can't imagine dealing with this tension forever.
I am mostly worried for my young coworker (hardworking and passionate third year teacher) who has to teach next door to this woman. She is having a hard time dealing with the negativity. ---to the point of tears.
Anyway, I just wish I knew how to get her fired. I hope she implodes completely on her own.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 9, 2015 4:16:18 GMT
I would offer her any assistance needed and stay out of her way. im not quite sure why it seems like the other teachers there feel so responsible for her.
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Deleted
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Apr 28, 2024 5:48:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2015 4:28:12 GMT
Avoid her as much as you can. Sounds like trouble.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 9, 2015 4:54:55 GMT
I would talk to your principal for sure. Make a list so you don't forget what is going on and just make sure your principal knows there are two sides to the story. After that walk out and hold your head high. Be who you were before she walked in and do your best. Your boss will start watching more intently for sure.
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