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Post by eats_crayons on Jul 22, 2014 2:16:29 GMT
Any other refupeas have an only child by choice?
How did you come to that choice? How old was your child? How was your choice taken?
I'm so tired of being asked about when we will have another. I'm very comfortable explaining that we are happy with one, and choose not to have any more. But man, oh man, the comments after that. DS will be lonely, who will take care of you guys, DS will be spoiled, oh you'll change your mind.....UGH.
We decided when DS was 2 that we were all done. We are only 28, so people assume we will be having more, but I don't mind getting the question as much as I mind the reaction to the answer. I'm getting a PhD, hubby is getting his MS, I run a successful business.....and I just don't want another baby. Sure, I like the idea of DS having company someday, but I DON'T want another baby. I don't want another toddler. I don't want the expense, the time suck, the career delay....any of those things. When DS was a baby, I was miserable. Hated every minute of it. I feel like it would be totally selfish to bring another child into my postpartum world and make my son go through it, too.
We are happy just the three of us. There are so many things that are within our reach now that we know we will only be having one. There's no "well, if we are pregnant in the fall, then the vacation has to wait until summer" blah blah....there are so many decisions that have to be halted when a pregnancy occurs. We are happy to not have to do that.
Anyone else in this boat? DS is 3 now and I'm loving every single day of his little life, but we, as a family, are looking forward to the future too.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 13:15:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2014 2:38:05 GMT
My son is 12. Wasn't so much a conscious decision rather just never had a desire for another. I thought having a newborn was pretty awful too. Love my son dearly and so thankful for him but that first couple months were very rough. I'm divorced now so no one asks me about more at least..
I'm really just not a baby person. I love the age of my son and have such a good time with him. I do occasionally consider fostering an older child but always talk myself out if it. And it's not because I feel my son needs a sibling.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Jul 22, 2014 2:38:28 GMT
Kind of. I had a late term miscarriage when my dd was 2.5...I was 5 months pregnant. After the emotional turmoil I wasn't willing to try again. So, I guess I chose not to have a second child. I sometimes regret my decision in that holidays can be kind of lame if it's just us. My dd will probably go on to have a litter of children because of being an only.
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Post by ilovelucydog on Jul 22, 2014 2:40:13 GMT
My situation is a little different from yours. We suffer from infertility and did IVF and got pregnant with twins. I lost those twins at 24 weeks due to pre-term labor. Did IVF again and had a daughter 7 years ago. I felt totally complete from the second she was born. No, I couldn't get pregnant again without help, but I could have done IVF again. I have zero desire. I love having an only. I sometimes feel guilty, but another child is not right for us. I may have felt differently if I hadn't had the experience with my twins. My life was shattered when that happened and I feel so unbelievably blessed to have my daughter.
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Post by snappinsami on Jul 22, 2014 2:44:27 GMT
Yep. DD is 13, and we knew early on that she'd be an only. For one thing, I was 32 and DH was 38 when Erin was born. If we'd been younger, we might have had another. But at the time, we didn't want either of us to have another when we were much older. But beyond that, Erin was a HORRIBLE infant. I've always joked that there isn't enough Prozac to get me through another infant like her. But at the time, it wasn't a joke. At all. She had colic. I had post partum depression. It was an ugly combination, and DH said he wouldn't put me through that again. For a while, people asked when we'd have another one. But after a while, they stopped. And now, I'm glad we have only one child. We're a family of 3, and to me, that's really special. And I agree with what you said you don't want (another infant, toddler, etc.). Plus, there's not guarantee that siblings will be friends or even get along. Hang tough. It's your life, and only YOU should or can make that decision.  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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Post by eats_crayons on Jul 22, 2014 2:45:08 GMT
@luvcookies I also just have no desire. I had the easiest pregnancy and a dream birth, but hated most of the baby days. Didn't feel fulfilled, couldn't wait to get back to work. Of course he's my moon and stars, but boy would I hate to go through that again! I just feel complete with the three of us |
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Post by stephofalltrades on Jul 22, 2014 2:47:10 GMT
I was 19 when I had DD, so I really never got that question when she was little because I was so young. By the time we were financially stable enough that I didn't have to work constantly, she was starting middle school and I didn't want to start over again with an infant. For a few years I got that question a lot. She is 14, so now people ask "Are you going to have another?" instead of "When are you having another?" I just got my tubes tied this summer, so its a pretty definite "no."
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Post by Pahina722 on Jul 22, 2014 2:48:02 GMT
We adopted DS when he was 7 and I was almost 45. We talked some for a year or two about adopting another child a bit younger but quickly decided that one was enough. Apparently, our decision was pretty common among the parents of kids he went to elementary and middle school with. Most of his friends were "onlies" with parents who had had them relatively late in life.
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Post by MichyM on Jul 22, 2014 2:52:31 GMT
I always find it interesting to hear that people are asked if they're going to have more children. My adult son is an only. While we would have liked to have one more, it wasn't in the cards unfortunately. I don't recall anyone ever asking us if we were going to have any more...thank goodness!
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 22, 2014 2:54:17 GMT
My husband and I struggle with this whenever we talk about having a baby. I'm pretty much set on only having one, but we are both the youngest siblings in our families. I have one older brother and he has two older siblings, a brother and a sister. I always think "what if our parents decided to only have one?" Then I wouldn't be here and neither would my husband.
My mom had two miscarriages between my brother and I, and one was late term. I admire her so much for her willingness to try one more time. If either one of those pregnancies had gone full term I probably wouldn't be here right now.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Jul 22, 2014 2:55:01 GMT
My only is 12. We were both 35 when we had her. I've never wanted another. I never really get questions or comments from others. But I wouldn't be bothered because I'm 100% comfortable with my choice. It seems to be more common than when I grew up. I knee one only child. Quinn has at least 6 friends who are onlies.
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Post by stephofalltrades on Jul 22, 2014 2:55:14 GMT
@luvcookies I also just have no desire. I had the easiest pregnancy and a dream birth, but hated most of the baby days. Didn't feel fulfilled, couldn't wait to get back to work. Of course he's my moon and stars, but boy would I hate to go through that again! I just feel complete with the three of us This was me, too. My pregnancy was really easy, no complications, fast labor, etc. But I hated being pregnant. I couldn't stand being limited physically, I was freaked out when the baby moved instead of the  most people get, and my body image went out the window. I can remember getting a Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail and sobbing over it. Also, DD was such a good baby, I would be afraid to roll the dice and get an opposite experience. I cannot imagine going through all the sleep deprivation again, much less if it was worse. |
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Post by annaintx on Jul 22, 2014 3:06:09 GMT
Our DD (5 on Friday!) is an only. We thought about having another when she was 3 or 4, but at the time we didn't know if we would get pregnant or not. We had a scare a few months ago and the relief I felt that I wasn't pregnant proved to me that I am done. I finally have some of my life back and I'm old now, LOL. I know several children who are onlies--either by choice or circumstance. I figure DD will have a ton of kids--she's already talking about how she wants a boy and a girl when she grows up. |
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krbeah
Junior Member
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Post by krbeah on Jul 22, 2014 3:07:23 GMT
I chose not to have any at all but got pregnant on accident. I went through a divorce when she was 3 and refused to put another child through that experience so I chose to never have any more. I wouldn't change a thing and am thankful I had her 22 yrs ago ...she is my world!
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suzette
Junior Member
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Post by suzette on Jul 22, 2014 3:13:21 GMT
We have an only, he is 15. We also had him in our 30s and are totally satisfied with one.
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Post by my.unquiet.mind on Jul 22, 2014 3:14:34 GMT
I always pictured myself with 2 kids and that's exactly what I have. I completely understand and respect a person's decision to have an only-In fact, I sometimes joke that if I'd had my daughter first, I'd have stopped there. My pregnancy with her was miserable! I had gestational diabetes and pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel syndrome, and then when she was born, she was super fussy. It was NOT fun! She's 7 now, and so much fun, thank goodness! |
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Post by boxermom73 on Jul 22, 2014 3:22:53 GMT
Thank you for this thread!!! I had a surprise baby this year @ 40 years!! I thought I had entered menopause! Lol we also lost 2 late term pregnancies. I told myself when I hit 40 that dream was gone.  I lost 40lbs and surprise I got pregnant, had to have a cerclage, stay on bed rest for most of the time was terrified the whole time, so I didn't enjoy it... I have a beautiful son who is my World!!! But I feel like he was a gift and I don't think I can go through all that again... I get asked constantly about having another I'm like I just had him get off me!! I'm to old to have a bunch of kids!!! |
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 13:15:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2014 3:27:20 GMT
At first no I wanted more but now knowing what having a young child would be like, no I don't want another one. I can't deal with a young child again. I am too old and tired. My friend has 2 and she is 44 and the baby is a year old I think. Having another child at this age would kill me. So my dear sweet son stays an only child.
OMG the kid is so spoiled too so it's not like he is hurting for anything and he has a million cousins in Japan...
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grammanisi
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by grammanisi on Jul 22, 2014 3:51:21 GMT
We only have one child, she is 35yo and has 3 kids of her own. I don't remember ever wanting another child, but we didn't do anything to prevent it.
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Post by babybeansmom on Jul 22, 2014 4:03:48 GMT
We have one, though I'd have had more if I had a choice.....
We had a hard time getting pregnant with DD and while we tried after DD was born DH was diagnosed with colon cancer before DD was 2, so with radiation and treatment, it was pretty much the end of that. We could have tried, but I was terrified his cancer was going to come back and I couldn't handle that.
I'm so thankful that we have DD.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jul 22, 2014 4:30:42 GMT
DS is an only ~ now that I'm in my 60's people don't ask if we're having any more. For us it was a conscious decision. We met when we were 36 and decided if we had one healthy child, that would be it. Coincidentally DH's sister and my sister only had one also. Neither of them planned it that way, it's just the way it turned out. I have told DS he needs to marry someone with lots of siblings because only children are used to getting their own way. 
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 13:15:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2014 4:34:36 GMT
Try handling reactions when you have no children at all. I was never so happy to celebrate birthdays, because every year older meant one more person gave up on the questions and know-it-all advice.
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mom2rnb
Shy Member
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Post by mom2rnb on Jul 22, 2014 5:52:29 GMT
We have an only who is 12 going on 13. I used to get asked a lot, but not so much anymore. I had a lengthy delivery so my standard answer was I needed to get over what happened the first time around...people laugh then they move on. I still have my moments where I'm unsure if we'd like another. But we are quite comfortable just us 3. She is quite independent now and that is so nice. She went through a phase of wanting a sibling but I think that is over for now at least....she understands the changes in family dynamics that would take place. My mother in law used to give us the line about how she'll be alone when she grows up and what if something were to happen to her and we only had one, as if another would be a replacement. She hasn't asked in a while so I guess she gets the hint.
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Post by tampascrapper on Jul 22, 2014 8:13:31 GMT
My only just turned 20. I have a few reasons why I sent the husband to get a vasectomy when our ds was a few months old. If people asked about having another child I usually just jokingly said if you do it right the first time you don't need any more!
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Post by formerpea on Jul 22, 2014 11:28:58 GMT
We experienced a bout of infertility - tried everything, including five artificial insemination. We finally got pregnant when I was thirty five (naturally I might add). By that time, I was completely spent, physically, emotionally & financially. Having my son completed me & felt no need to try for another.
He is 19 now & we are a wonderful family unit. Because he was an only, we were able to splurge a little with him, which we all loved.
I wouldn't change a thing!
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Post by coaliesquirrel on Jul 22, 2014 12:15:56 GMT
One and done here. I am not one of those people who always wanted to be a mom. In fact, everyone in my family is a teacher, but as I like to say, I didn't get the patience gene, so I'm the only non-teacher. We decided to try with the understanding that if it didn't work, so be it - no extraordinary measures. I was surprised to get pregnant right away at 35. My pregnancy was great. I had a C just because DD had decided she was staying in forever (even after my water broke, I never even dilated to the "courtesy fingertip" and the examining nurse said she'd wait and let my doctor "see if he can find your cervix"). However, I suck momming a small child. I don't function at all well on less than 8 hours of sleep, and I don't relate well with people I can't reason with. 
I am a born & bred packrat, but as DD outgrew things, I wanted them OUT OF MY HOUSE, immediately if not sooner. With absolutely everything in my being, I did not want another baby/child. I wouldn't have minded being pregnant again, but I did NOT want another person to bring home!! I think since we started so late (and now I'm 42), we didn't have to endure as much "what about another?" as most parents of onlies, but good lord did we put up with a lot of "so, when are you going to have kids?" because we were together 10 years (married 6) before DD came along.
In our circle, it's mostly 2 or more kids per family, but we often find ourselves secretly thankful when they talk about running errands or going on vacation or car shopping for a car that comfortably carries 6 or whatever. We've also explained to DD that she gets to do/have some things that not all families do, and sometimes that's because we just have *one* kid instead of more and it's a lot cheaper that way.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
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Post by mallie on Jul 22, 2014 12:28:30 GMT
Any other refupeas have an only child by choice? How did you come to that choice? How old was your child? How was your choice taken? I'm so tired of being asked about when we will have another. I'm very comfortable explaining that we are happy with one, and choose not to have any more. But man, oh man, the comments after that. DS will be lonely, who will take care of you guys, DS will be spoiled, oh you'll change your mind.....UGH.We decided when DS was 2 that we were all done. We are only 28, so people assume we will be having more, but I don't mind getting the question as much as I mind the reaction to the answer. I'm getting a PhD, hubby is getting his MS, I run a successful business.....and I just don't want another baby. Sure, I like the idea of DS having company someday, but I DON'T want another baby. I don't want another toddler. I don't want the expense, the time suck, the career delay....any of those things. When DS was a baby, I was miserable. Hated every minute of it. I feel like it would be totally selfish to bring another child into my postpartum world and make my son go through it, too. We are happy just the three of us. There are so many things that are within our reach now that we know we will only be having one. There's no "well, if we are pregnant in the fall, then the vacation has to wait until summer" blah blah....there are so many decisions that have to be halted when a pregnancy occurs. We are happy to not have to do that. Anyone else in this boat? DS is 3 now and I'm loving every single day of his little life, but we, as a family, are looking forward to the future too. I have a friend with an only. When she get comments like that, her reply is, "At least with an only we apparently have the time to teach her the good manners not to comment on other people's private life." That shuts them down right quick. |
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Post by pierkiss on Jul 22, 2014 12:28:44 GMT
My brother in law and his wife have decided to only have 1. His wife was 33 (he was 28) when they decided to have my niece, and she has been adamant about not having any babies after 35. My husband an I are totally supportive of their decision, but oh my the comments from my in-laws.  . Fortunately, now that she's almost 40, those comments have pretty much stopped. |
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Post by nesser01 on Jul 22, 2014 12:32:17 GMT
I get asked CONSTANTLY when I am going to have another. It's always by coworkers and it is so annoying. I've started saying
"If you would like to provide me with the funds needed to care for the amount of children you want me to have for the next 18 years of its life, and purchase me a larger home because we're not all going to in my small 2 bedroom apartment, then I will be more than happy to have more children" It drives me up a wall but this usually shuts them up. I don't normally say stuff like that...it just came out one day after constant pestering.
My son is 8 and at the rate my life is going, he will probably be an only child. Before I had him I wanted more. Still do but I need to get my life/goals sorted out and make it the best I can for him and I before I want to bring another child into this world. If he's the only one, I will be okay with that.
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Post by kmk1112 on Jul 22, 2014 12:37:08 GMT
We have an only child who is 15 and people finally stopped asking around the time she was 10 or so. We are completely content with our little happy family. I don't think I am cut out for more than one child, when I'm around my nieces and nephews, their normal sibling back and forth completely stresses me out. I also didn't have a great relationship with my sister, so no reason to try to duplicate that for my daughter.
We can also afford one child, both in terms of providing a decent number of activities for her to try out, and in terms of time. My DH has always worked either third shift or very early in the morning, which has limited his availability in the evenings for driving her around, 2 would not have worked if they were in two different activities.
A few years ago, for whatever reason my daughter got in her head that I was pregnant and was freaking out. She didn't want a brother or sister, happily for all of us, it was a complete figment of her imagination.
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most people get, and my body image went out the window. I can remember getting a Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail and sobbing over it. Also, DD was such a good baby, I would be afraid to roll the dice and get an opposite experience. I cannot imagine going through all the sleep deprivation again, much less if it was worse.
I lost 40lbs and surprise I got pregnant, had to have a cerclage, stay on bed rest for most of the time was terrified the whole time, so I didn't enjoy it... I have a beautiful son who is my World!!! But I feel like he was a gift and I don't think I can go through all that again... I get asked constantly about having another I'm like I just had him get off me!! I'm to old to have a bunch of kids!!!
. Fortunately, now that she's almost 40, those comments have pretty much stopped. 
