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Post by Fairlyoddparent on Jul 22, 2014 12:38:58 GMT
We had one child for 10 years and dealt with those kinds of questions too. Some people could be very rude about it too. I actually had one friend ask me if my dh and I knew what to do to make it happen.
When that child was 11 I had [HASH]2---completely unplanned and a huge surprise. With such an age difference it really seems like at this time [HASH]2 is an only child. His older sister hasn't lived at home since he was 8 and he barely remembers her ever living with us. And, yes, we get comments all of the time about having such a small family.
Obviously chil [HASH]2 has been an enormous blessing to our family and I cannot imagine life without him. That said, we were very happy when we just had [HASH]1. The only time I think about having a bigger family is when I see adult children, their children and grandparents together. It just looks very fun to me to have those big family get togethers. Other than that---I am quite happy to have two only children.
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Post by jesslee on Jul 22, 2014 12:52:12 GMT
I hate when people comment on the amount of kids a couple has! Its none of their business. What works for me doesn't work for someone else. You just know when your family is complete. I really didn't understand that until after my son was born. He is my 3rd child and he just completes the family.
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 22, 2014 13:02:43 GMT
My parents only had me. It wasn't 100% by choice--my parents had years of infertility, and my father was 41 when I was born, which was like 60 back in the dark ages. My mother was 29, however, and not so old to be having more kids, but, based in his age and their financial position, she thought it was best to have one.
Funny, I feel like I know more families with only children or three and four kids now, but then, everyone seemed to have two, exactly, no more, no less. My mother got very tired of explaining her decision as well as of people assuming that I was bored, lonely, or spoiled, or that she had nothing to do. Anyhow, I know she eventually just stopped explaining herself and did the whole "we are doing what works for us," "she is fine," etc.
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Post by melonhead on Jul 22, 2014 13:05:21 GMT
That was me. I love other people's babies, but one was enough for me. I really like it better when they are old enough to say what's wrong, etc.
When DD was 9 or 10 we joked that we were waiting for her to be potty trained, but by the time it happened I was too old. Back then I would not have considered having a baby in my 40s.
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melirez
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 26, 2014 15:46:38 GMT
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Post by melirez on Jul 22, 2014 15:36:21 GMT
I was 19 when I had DD, so I really never got that question when she was little because I was so young. By the time we were financially stable enough that I didn't have to work constantly, she was starting middle school and I didn't want to start over again with an infant. For a few years I got that question a lot. She is 14, so now people ask "Are you going to have another?" instead of "When are you having another?" I just got my tubes tied this summer, so its a pretty definite "no." This. I was 16 when I had my DD. She was already 10 when my DH and I got married. Those first years on my own with her were rough and I had no desire to start over with another one at that point. I may have briefly considered it in my thirties, but now I'm glad we didn't. I am 44, DH 45 and we are still young enough to do whatever and not be tied down.
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Post by redayh on Jul 22, 2014 15:42:07 GMT
I only have one 16 month old and I only intend to have one. I waited until I was 40 to have her. The people at daycare often tell me she should have a sibling. I rebuke them.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 13:14:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2014 15:55:18 GMT
I am an only child and I have an only child. It wasn't so much of a purposeful choice that I made but I knew that I if I was going to have a second child, I wanted it to be within a very small window of time and when I didn't get pregnant in that time frame, then only child it was. To be completely fair, I didn't put a lot of thought into it because being/having an only wasn't something that I thought was either a negative or a positive.
I did have an extremely easy pregnancy and she was a super easy baby and toddler, so there was a part of me that didn't want to take a chance with having a challenging child the second time around.
I don't ever recall a single person asking when or if we were going to have another baby.
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Post by smokey2471 on Jul 22, 2014 16:53:28 GMT
My husband was married to an only child before and together they had one child. He is now married to me and I have 3. He went into a bit of culture shock esp after he moved in. His DD comes over every other weekend and seems to enjoy the rowdiness not but was very much overwhelmed at first. She is very shy and quiet by nature and very much sheltered. I'm sure her very conservative Christian mother loves to hear about the stories of her 3 heathen step siblings lol. Mine are 12, 12 and 17 His is 15
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 7,799
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Jul 22, 2014 17:12:24 GMT
I'm an only child with an only child. Like my parents, my husband & I were professionals in our 30s when our son was born. Whenever someone (including my husband's mother) makes comments, I've always just smiled & never once offered an explanation.
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Post by Yoki on Jul 22, 2014 17:34:37 GMT
This recently popped up on my facebook feed: m.huffpost.com/us/entry/2768143My son is an only. If he had not been our first we might have had another baby, but his first few years were rough and there was no way I was going to take the chance of going through it all again. I'm very happy to have an older kid (he's 11 now) that gains more independence all the time.
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Post by swtpeasmom on Jul 22, 2014 18:09:10 GMT
Our 7yo DD is an only. Up until the past year, she was asking for a baby SISTER, but now, she doesn't want me to have any more babies, as she realizes that she would lose some attention. She's our little sweetie. We used to be asked when we were going to have another often, but not so much in the past few years. One of her teachers at preschool actually said to me that a family is made of 4, and we should have another. I said, no, our family is 3 and we are very happy that way. We usually tell people who ask that we got it right the first time, so no need to have another.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,790
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Jul 22, 2014 18:27:57 GMT
Our only ds will be 19 next week. I was 43 and dh 45 when he was born. We had been married 23 years at that point. Since we were "old" when he was born, and he had no problems at all other than coming 6 weeks early, we decided not to tempt fate and try for #2, and be thankful for the happy healthy son that we had. Did not get very many questions regarding another after he was born, but I imagine b/c of our age.
However, the years leading up to his birth, 10 of which were spent in ultra-children-centered Utah Valley, were a constant barrage of questions about our childlessness. But we were happy, dh is oldest of 7 and pretty well raised many of them, so we were in no rush for kids, in fact could have gotten along OK without them. Never did have a burning maternal urge, but I will say that my Mommy skills turned out to be just fine. God has surprises in store, and our boy was, and still is, an excellent one!
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Post by penny on Jul 22, 2014 23:58:40 GMT
I'm an only child and always wondered why - I've always wanted a sibling so I know I asked as a child, and both my parents have siblings... Finally asked my mom just last year what the real reason they only had me was... I'm not sure what I was expecting to hear, but I wasn't expecting "we just sort of forgot"... What??! Yup... Turns out that they were going to try and get pregnant again but when my mom would think of bringing it up, it wasn't a great time for my dad so she didn't say anything... Dad wanted to bring it up a couple times, but mom was dealing with stuff and so he thought he'd just wait a bit longer before saying anything... Makes sense, but hearing "we forgot" cracked me right up...lol
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by oktrae on Jul 23, 2014 0:11:16 GMT
After struggling with infertility (no treatment possible) and then adoption rejection we were shocked just to have one. The complication I had was determined to likely be recurring and several doctors who I respect said that they did not recommend another attempt as I got extremely lucky to not have a severely pre-term DD and also die myself. So did I choose? Yeah sort of.
But we've been so happy to just have the one that I don't really miss it. I do get tired of people telling me to have another. I'm so tempted to scream mind your own business. Particularly at people who know we were told it would likely kill me and they still freaking ask. Like I want to see DD grow up without a mother.
Dh's best friend lost his wife unexpectedly when their DD was 3. He was totally and vocally supportive in not risking me so that DD would have a mom. I think that helped DH to see what his friend was going through.
The inlaws however... I sometimes wonder if they weren't hopeful for a fatal outcome if I had another. They just don't seem to get it despite being told over and over and over.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jul 23, 2014 0:28:04 GMT
I am an only child and I have an only child. It wasn't so much of a purposeful choice that I made but I knew that I if I was going to have a second child, I wanted it to be within a very small window of time and when I didn't get pregnant in that time frame, then only child it was. To be completely fair, I didn't put a lot of thought into it because being/having an only wasn't something that I thought was either a negative or a positive. I did have an extremely easy pregnancy and she was a super easy baby and toddler, so there was a part of me that didn't want to take a chance with having a challenging child the second time around. I don't ever recall a single person asking when or if we were going to have another baby. Well, at least you got perfection with AN.
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Post by eats_crayons on Jul 23, 2014 0:56:25 GMT
Our DD (5 on Friday!) is an only. We thought about having another when she was 3 or 4, but at the time we didn't know if we would get pregnant or not. We had a scare a few months ago and the relief I felt that I wasn't pregnant proved to me that I am done. I finally have some of my life back and I'm old now, LOL. I know several children who are onlies--either by choice or circumstance. I figure DD will have a ton of kids--she's already talking about how she wants a boy and a girl when she grows up. I realized for 100% sure that I was DONE when I realized that I would feel utter panic and despair if I found out I was pregnant again. Is that terrible? I'm financially fine, educationally fine, super supported by family.....but I would be absolutely horrified if it happened. Sheer panic.
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Post by scrappykindofgirl on Jul 23, 2014 1:44:33 GMT
My DS is my only kiddo. He is 11 now and I just don't think it's medically possible at this point. People still ask to this day if I'm going to have more (I guess if the stork arrives?!), but it is nice having an older child when my friends are up all night with babies/toddlers.
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