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Post by luvmygirls on Jul 23, 2014 1:01:04 GMT
I'm curious how others handle this. My daughter has a friend who is our neighbor. I talk to the parents but not on a regular basis. When my daughter goes out with her friends (they are 15) I usually drive one way and the friends parent drives the other. Well this particulate friend/neighbor seems to always be in trouble and I mean ALWAYS! However, the parents let her spend the night at our house, go to the mall with my daughter go to a church picnic with my daughter. It seems that the child's punishment is that the parents won't drive her anywhere or let anyone spend the night. This is frustrating to me in several ways and I'm not sure how to handle this situation. I don't mind driving the kids but I'm not picking up too (I will do it on occasion). I love having the friend spend the night but not every weekend. I'd like some peace too. What would you do in this situation? I don't want to punish my daughter but at the same time I don't want to do all the driving and entertaining either.
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Post by cmpeter on Jul 23, 2014 1:36:02 GMT
I generally just grin and bear it. Dd has a friend who seems to have an unstable family life and her parents never host or offer to drive. So, I do more than my fair share for her.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by mallie on Jul 23, 2014 1:44:22 GMT
In so far as the sleepovers, I'd simply tell my dd that she can have sleepovers every other weekend, not every weekend. Done.
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marianne
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Not my circus, not my monkeys. . . My monkeys fly!
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Jun 25, 2014 21:08:26 GMT
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Post by marianne on Jul 23, 2014 1:45:00 GMT
Frankly, it sounds like either the friend's parents are checking out on their reciprocal driving responsiblities or that maybe the friend is embarrassed to have anyone at her house. How are you finding out that the friend is being punished? From her or her parents? Just seems a bit much that she's ALWAYS in trouble and the punishment is so one sided.
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Post by maryland on Jul 23, 2014 1:46:54 GMT
That's hard! I have three kids, and we always share the driving with the other parents. Occasionally I will do both, but they also do both sometimes. How do the girl's parents expect the daughter to be punished when she still gets to do what she wants? It sounds like you are getting punished, not the child - because you are the one that has to do all the driving and host sleepovers. If the other parent couldn't help, and I was busy, I would just tell my child that they can't do it this time. And I also limit my kids sleepovers. Sometimes we have to much to do, or I just want to relax. And I don't want to be taken advantage of by the other parents.
Sorry you are put in this situation!
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Post by Aheartfeltcard on Jul 23, 2014 1:51:45 GMT
IMO it isn't punishment if she can go with you. I wonder what the parents expect her to learn, not to count on them ? If my kids are punished then they simply cannot go at all. They make no sense!
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Post by luvmygirls on Jul 23, 2014 1:52:04 GMT
My daughter has been to their house just doesn't stay long. I like the idea of sleepover every other weekend.
Her friend is over our house at the moment. As she was Sun and Mon and last week. I'm sure she would have been here this weekend if we were home. They are not loud kids at all. I'm downstairs and can't hear anything. I like that they like to spend time at our house but at the same time wish they would go to neighbors house too.
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Cheesy
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Location: The cornfields of Illinois
Jun 26, 2014 16:49:38 GMT
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Post by Cheesy on Jul 23, 2014 1:59:40 GMT
My kids have had friends like this, with flaky parents. I figure that if I do more of the driving and hosting, maybe the friends can benefit a little by being around a different family.
Plus, it gives me more opportunity to keep an eye on everyone; kids seem to forget I'm in the car and they talk about all kinds of stuff.
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Post by scraphollie27 on Jul 23, 2014 2:04:58 GMT
I don't mind the sleepovers not being reciprocal (although I would definitely limit it) but the driving has to be. Unless it is convenient for me to drive both ways, they have to have made arrangements with the other family before I agree to my part. I won't drive there unless they have a ride home and sometimes that means they take the bus.
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tiffanytwisted
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you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Jul 23, 2014 2:14:37 GMT
So let me get this straight, when she's punished she can go out w/her friends. They just won't drive her. She can go to a sleepover. They just won't let her friends come to their house. A little too convenient for me.
If you don't mind having the girl over, I wouldn't end the sleepovers. But my chauffeur service would be over.
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 13:15:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2014 2:24:51 GMT
I know it's frustrating to be the one always getting the short end of the stick. To be the one always driving when it seems many others don't do their fair share and certainly take advantage of you.
I've had it happen numerous times.
The way I look at is that by me driving, the other kid is able to do something that they most likely would not have been able to do.
You're not helping the other set of parents that don't do their fair share or pick up slack for their kid.
You're helping the kid. Giving them an opportunity for fun, or to participate in an activity that they may otherwise had to skip.
I do it not because the other parents will say thank you or give even half a shit. I do it because it (usually) means a lot to that kid and that kid appreciates you.
Like I said...it is hard...frustrating...not fair...you name it. I don't blame you for being annoyed. That kid may not have another adult in their lives that they can count on. You may be it.
Let them count on you. You be there for them because their parents refuse. I can't think of one instance where I've ever been sorry or regretted doing something for another kid. |
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Post by eebud on Jul 23, 2014 3:03:33 GMT
Have you called the parents and asked them to pick up? Just curious if this is only coming from the daughter that they won't drive.
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Post by donna on Jul 23, 2014 3:26:55 GMT
Sounds like to me these parent are just using this punishment to get out of having kids around. The kids are better off at your house with this attitude.
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