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Post by bostonmama on Dec 2, 2015 16:37:36 GMT
Do you ever step in? What was the age where you resigned to letting them wear their hair however they chose, absolute disaster or not?! For those with no dress code at school (that mentions hair length on boys), do you still insist on haircuts/trims? My 9 yr old son is growing his out, and it's at his shoulders and in that crazyunrulymess stage! I'm not sure it getting longer will help alleviate the mess, but maybe once it reaches man bun status (the goal) that will help. Lord, help him when he sweats; it becomes a disaster! I am of the opinion that it's his hair, he's old enough to decide how he wants it, and it's not a battle I'm picking. I remind him to brush it ("even though you can't SEE the back of your head, the rest of the world can!  ) or he'll frequently wear a hat. My DH, on the other hand, hates long hair on boys and is pushing hard for a haircut. He's almost ready to insist on it. What at say the peas? When do you stop stepping in with your child's choices in appearance? |
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Post by myshelly on Dec 2, 2015 16:39:21 GMT
My boys all have longish hair.
I only take them to get haircuts when they ask for a haircut.
It's their hair.
Signed,
A mom who let her 3 yr old dye his hair green bc he wanted to.
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,984 
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Post by blue tulip on Dec 2, 2015 16:47:24 GMT
one of my sons is growing out his hair into an undercut style. this child has also been cursed with the most unruly straight hair- every piece fights being styled and wants to stand straight up. we made a deal 5 months ago that if he wanted that longer style, he must style it every day (because that's what the look needs). if it gets long and you're not keeping up on it, it's getting cut. that's worked for him, he needed a couple reminders but now he has a little 1 minute routine in the morning to mousse and comb. it's not a big deal.
obviously I'm a proponent of doing what you want with your hair, but I draw the line at it looking slobby, unkempt or like rodents live in it.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,760
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Dec 2, 2015 16:48:23 GMT
Which lesson does your DH want your son to learn?
Either let him be and your son will have to listen to all the comments (good and bad) about his hair, thereby learning to live with his own decisions.
or
does he want his son to learn his Dad will not listen to him and will overrule him about something that is quite important to his son's image of himself.
It's a phase (maybe not), pick your battles.
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 2, 2015 16:59:48 GMT
My seven year old grandson has shoulder length hair. In his opinion, he needs "hockey hair", LOL. It's a struggle to get him to comb it, but what the heck. By 20 he'll be balding, so let him have his fun!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 2, 2015 17:00:39 GMT
My rule is clean and combed. My son has shaggy hair. He's not great about getting a haircut. When he says he wants one, I take him. Last weekend, he dyed his hair so black it almost looks blue tinted. I think it looks bad, but it's his hair so I let him do with it what he wants. He has had longish hair since he was around 7.
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Post by bostonmama on Dec 2, 2015 17:02:07 GMT
Which lesson does your DH want your son to learn? Either let him be and your son will have to listen to all the comments (good and bad) about his hair, thereby learning to live with his own decisions. or does he want his son to learn his Dad will not listen to him and will overrule him about something that is quite important to his son's image of himself. It's a phase (maybe not), pick your battles. My DH wants him to look groomed, not slobby. He understands we're talking about a 9yr old and isn't wanting perfection (whatever that is); he just feels a shorter style would be easier to maintain/less unruly. This is slightly more possible when it's freshly washed, but only that lasts so long! I believe DH thinks our son's appearance (in terms of not looking unkempt/slightly homeless!) reflects on him/us. And @stephdrebel, our son is getting one, too! |
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Post by SweetieBugs on Dec 2, 2015 17:11:42 GMT
 I've learned to embrace it. I actually think I'd cry if he cut it now. We're buying him a club on man bun for his stocking  |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 1, 2024 22:59:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2015 17:19:34 GMT
I tell my boys as long as they keep their hair clean and brushed, they can do what they want with it. Unfortunately, ex doesn't have that mindset and insists their hair is almost boot camp short. They value their Dad's opinion so much that they won't fight him when he takes them in. So many times, I've picked up the boys with one or the other looking like he's about to start boot camp. Yet when I suggest it, they whine and complain and say they don't want to go. They usually end up looking better after our hair stylist does theirs, much better than their Dad's barbershop. I wonder if he tells them what he wants vs me letting the boys tell the stylist what they want.
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Post by anxiousmom on Dec 2, 2015 17:20:57 GMT
I was always a proponent of this being a battle I didn't want to fight. Hair is/was a fairly benign way of expressing personal freedom for a kid and from the time an opinion on what the boys wanted their hair to look like, I let them decide. We did have a school mandated length (approximately touching the top of a collar) so that kept it fairly well in hand, but beyond that it was their gig.
My only requirement was keep it clean. If you don't want to comb it and look like a rag-a-muffin, that was on them.
For a while we had issues with a kid who has really thick, curly hair and he claimed he was washing it when clearly he hadn't got the hang of what clean really meant and I had to threaten a couple of times to do it for him. Eventually I read something where a mom took the kid to a real grown up salon, picked the cutest hairstylist there and asked her (quietly and to the side) to show her kid how to wash his hair. When I did that, it worked like a charm as he wanted to really impress her (or her boobs, they were eye level you know)... no more icky hair.
Ironically, both of my boys have short hair now. One regularly schedules his own cuts and keeps his hair neatly trimmed and fairly short. The other has to regularly cut his military short.
I would say that set a small boundary if you feel you need to (like length or cleanliness) and let the rest go. Biggest hurdle for us moms is to realize that our kids physical appearance isn't really a reflection on us and letting our kids control how they dress and groom themselves with minimal input from us.
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Post by ilikepink on Dec 2, 2015 17:23:02 GMT
My ODS was a freshman/sophomore and let his hair grow out. I thought it looked horrible, but didn't make too much of a fuss. It was curly and stuck out - kind of like an afro. He was running cross country and track, and while I think there was some drag, it made it easier for me to find him across the track, lol. We went to a Yankee game, and he wanted to wear his Yankee visor, and discovered it wouldn't fit over the hair - that upset him. He came home from school the next day, and asked to go to the barber shop. I practically leaped from the couch to the car. And the poor barber!!! He about fainted! Did get a great lay out in the scrapbook, though! Since then, he doesn't let any longer than an inch, and has clippers to keep it that short. lol
Let it go - he'll tire of it at some point. I'd stick firm with clean and presentable-looking hair for occasions when you want him to look clean and presentable. Good luck!
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Dec 2, 2015 17:42:37 GMT
My younger son started letting his hair grow in the seventh grade. He put up with lots of negative comments from people about his hair, and he kept letting it grow. No problem at school as long as it was pulled back. He cut it his senior year because new school had grooming rules.
We just felt like letting him have control over that wasn't worth other battles. He kept it clean. He still hates haircuts, but must conform at work. He also hates shaving, so he may just have sensitive skin.
Girls and women change hair regularly. It's okay for guys to switch it up too.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,377
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Post by RosieKat on Dec 2, 2015 17:55:48 GMT
I'm not particularly controlling about hair. (Heck, with DD's sensory issues, sometimes even brushing isn't a priority!) My son is 7 and has tight curls that he hates. He's wanted to shave his head forever. This past summer (age 6) he went with his dad and came back with it cut to about 1/2 a millimeter. I hated it, pretty much everyone else hated it, but he loved it. (He had it trimmed very short again, but since then has let it grow back to short curls. He wants it cut again, but I don't think quite as short this time.)
I'm pretty much of the mindset that as long as you take care of it, I can live with it. Now, I say that knowing neither of my kids is too likely to want to go too crazy with it - if I'm completely honest, I'm sure there's something I would have a problem with. But it's hair, and can be cut or grown back (somewhat) pretty quickly , so it's not a fight I'm going to put much effort into.
I do think it's reasonable to consider what the norm is within your family or your part of the country. Where we are, anything goes, and my family doesn't much care. But if you live in a military town (for example), having longer hair is probably going to give you an image as somewhat of a rebel whether that is true or not. And it is worth considering how other people will judge - fair or not, it's reality.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Dec 2, 2015 18:07:20 GMT
I really can't stand the hockey hair that I see around here and wish the trend would go away.
My boys are biracial and we keep their hair short (the older three, youngest has his curls yet). They look so much better with clean, fresh hair cuts. They complain about it when it is time to get their hair cut, but they don't throw a fit. For now, I am ok with insisting they keep it short. I guess if they made a bigger deal out of it I would probably let them have their hair of choice, within reason. I think they think that if their hair was longer it would be straight, but that is not the case.
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joinutah
Junior Member
Posts: 88
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Post by joinutah on Dec 2, 2015 18:07:58 GMT
My 15 year old was just in the high school musical, Oklahoma. All boys were asked to let their hair grow out to look more authentic for the time period. His hair is usually styled in tight curls but it started getting frizzy and poofy as it grew out and it irked me every day but I kept my mouth shut, knowing we'd schedule with my stylist as soon as the play was over. Guess what!?! He is auditioning for the next smaller play - and it is also suggested that he have longer hair.
I've decided I am going to let it go. He looks scraggly and unkempt but it is his choice. I am thinking of asking him to wear it in a man bun to church though.
Jo
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Post by anonrefugee on Dec 2, 2015 18:28:51 GMT
Not a battle we wanted to fight, but we had a few shampooing issues. Oddly enough I employees same method as anxiousmom to resolve it with then middle schooler! Now that oldest drives he takes care of his own cuts, and most of his brothers too. Both have short hair now. |
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Post by mellowyellow on Dec 2, 2015 18:36:03 GMT
Oh man...I remember this battle! My ds insisted on growing his out when he was in high school and he does NOT have cute long hair. It just gets poofy with some slight curl at the ends. My dh, dad and brother used to give ds the hardest time about it. Finally I told them...enough! It's his hair...leave him alone! And that's just it...it's just hair! DS did have to get it cut in order to be able to show his FFA animal. My only requirement was that it was clean and combed. LOL! Now DS is in the Navy and has to keep it short.  To me, this is just not something I would enforce. Growing up, I was told when, how to do every single thing with no input at all. If I had an opinion....my dad gave it to me. I didn't want to be like that with our kids. DS's room was a total nightmare but I felt that was his room and if he wants to keep it that way then so be it as long as there wasn't critters crawling out. DH didn't agree. Now that DS is in the Navy his room is in tip top shape. He gets freaked out if it's not when he's home on leave.  |
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Post by mellowyellow on Dec 2, 2015 18:38:05 GMT
I've learned to embrace it. I actually think I'd cry if he cut it now. We're buying him a club on man bun for his stocking I love this picture Steph! |
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Dec 2, 2015 18:58:20 GMT
I haven't posted a pic of my kids in a long time, so here goes. The older ones want longer hair and the youngest wants shorter hair like the older ones.  .   |
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psiluvu
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,217
Location: Canada's Capital
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Post by psiluvu on Dec 2, 2015 19:19:04 GMT
My 12 yr old ds has flaming red hair that is naturally curly he is growing it and call it his "flo" He keeps it clean so that is all that matters to me. I do mention from time to time that when he takes of his hockey or fottball helmet and his sweatiness has added to the curliness of his curls that he looks like Bozo the clown. My dh is not a fan of it but we ride him enough about school that we let his hair pass.
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,507
Location: Alabama
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Dec 2, 2015 19:27:02 GMT
It's part of their individuality and I embrace it. DS18 left, DS15 middle, DS10 right. DS10's hair is now long in the front and partly covers one eye, but he loves it that way.
Sorry, you have to click it to enlarge.
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Post by katiejane on Dec 2, 2015 20:18:33 GMT
We left it for him to say when he needed a cut when he was younger. It was around shoulder length. When he moved school he had to have it above collar length so we kept it that length. His college has no hair dress code so I will take my cue from him.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Dec 2, 2015 21:36:31 GMT
As long as it was clean and combed my sons could have any style they wanted. When they were younger, "steps" on the side of the head were in style. My ILs and parents thought they looked ridiculous but I was always on the side of it's only hair. There are bigger battles to be won.
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my3freaks
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,206
Location: NH girl living in Colorado
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Post by my3freaks on Dec 3, 2015 4:40:53 GMT
I've learned to embrace it. I actually think I'd cry if he cut it now. We're buying him a club on man bun for his stocking They look so grown up Steph, very handsome boys. When I was in high school, I would have followed your longest haired son anywhere!  |
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Post by Drew on Dec 3, 2015 5:00:36 GMT
At 9 years old, if my kid is behaving well at home and at school, and achieving good grades, he can keep his hair how he likes. However, a case of lice would earn him a high n tight right quick.
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 3, 2015 5:05:12 GMT
Ever since they had an opinion we let them decide. We haven't paid for a haircut for one of my sons since junior high and the other ninth grade. They buzz it themselves on the deck or in the garage. They do get a little straggly with the facial hair and my husband will tell them they need to clean it up a bit and they do. I do like the rule of clean and combed. That seems fair.
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) or he'll frequently wear a hat. My DH, on the other hand, hates long hair on boys and is pushing hard for a haircut. He's almost ready to insist on it. 
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