carole3k
Junior Member
Posts: 59 
|
Post by carole3k on Jul 23, 2014 2:13:59 GMT
My dad passed away June 6. It was a quite event. He didn't suffer and basically just drifted off to sleep. We were all there for a few days leading up to his death and a few days after to be with mom. I had NO unanswered questions or issues with my dad. We were very very close and I loved him dearly. Obviously his death has left a huge a hole in my heart.
About every other night I have these horrible dreams that I have to rewatch him die. And they are not easy deaths. They are horrible. In my dream I keep asking why I have to watch him die again and the people (I don't know who they are) keep telling me that is is just what I have to do . I am devestated by these dreams and wake up in the morning exhausted.
Why am I having such horrible dreams when I had no issues with my dad? It's been 6 weeks.
I feel like I am losing my mind.
|
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Jul 23, 2014 2:19:45 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss. I wonder if grief counseling or a grief group would help. Hope you can find some peace of mind soon.  |
|
Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,233
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
|
Post by Gravity on Jul 23, 2014 2:23:30 GMT
I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. I think Lucy's idea is a good one.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dixie Lou on Jul 23, 2014 2:27:56 GMT
I'm sorry about the death of your father. I cringe thinking of having to relive the death of a loved one. Are you on any sleep medications? There was one I had to stop taking because it made me have horrible, bizarre dreams. Keep telling yourself that your dad's passing was peaceful and block that thought out of your mind (when you're awake.) Maybe that's not good advice but when something gets stuck in my head I deliberately make myself change my thoughts, turn on music, yell, start to sing loudly, turn the TV up...I know these are happening when you're sleeping though. Hope it gets better for you soon.  |
|
|
|
Post by donna on Jul 23, 2014 2:28:22 GMT
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. For some reason this is how your brain is working through losing your Dad.
I have lost several close family members over the years. It is not unusual for me to have dreams where they are alive again. These dreams are so vivid that sometimes I wake up confused about what reality is. As time passes it has happened less often thank goodness. I hope your dreams will stop soon.
|
|
brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
|
Post by brandy327 on Jul 23, 2014 2:30:54 GMT
I'm SO sorry for your loss. I also lost my father on June 6th, but in 2001. It was his 51st birthday. I also had no unresolved issues with my dad and we got along great. But for more than a year after he died, I dreamed of him 4+ nights a week and he was ALWAYS sick. He had colon cancer and didn't have a very easy last month or two. And I think that was really the center of my dreams. They finally did go away after a year to a year and a half. I still have dreams occasionally...but they're not always where he's sick.
I'm sorry for your loss and hope the dreams go away.
|
|
|
|
Post by scrapmaven on Jul 23, 2014 2:34:43 GMT
I'm so very sorry about the loss of your dad. It is very normal to have nightmares when a loved dies. I had them after my mom died and I hated it. My dreams were similar to yours. It's way too soon to expect that you'll feel normal. You're likely still in a great fog. What I can promise you is that you will find a new normal and happiness, once again. Give yourself a lot of room to grieve and don't judge. Losing a parent is a horrible loss and it takes lots of time to work it though. You're going to be OK. You will be happy, again. If you get too overwhelmed don't be afraid to reach out for grief support. Wish I could give you a big, reassuring ((((HUG)))).
|
|
AgnesDeux
Full Member
Posts: 217
Jul 7, 2014 0:50:46 GMT
|
Post by AgnesDeux on Jul 23, 2014 2:43:27 GMT
My father died earlier this year and for a while, I had the same sort of dreams. I was there when he died, and it ran through my head when awake, like a horrible movie, for at least two months. Then his dying moved to my dreams. Those have finally stopped, thank goodness.
Be gentle and kind to yourself. It's been a hard transition to make. Peace to you and your family!
|
|
|
|
Post by AussieMeg on Jul 23, 2014 2:53:16 GMT
(((Hugs to you))), I'm sorry about the loss of your dad. I have no advice about how to stop the dreams, but I wanted to say that it is normal, even if there were no unresolved issues.
My sister died 28 years ago, and I STILL have recurring dreams about her. Her death was expected (illness) and like you mentioned, there was nothing left unsaid and no unresolved issues. In the dreams I have, she has died but then comes back for a short period of time. In the dream I know that I have to make the most of my time with her because she will leave again soon. It's both comforting (that I get to see her again) and disconcerting (that I have to lose her again). I don't have this dream very often, in fact I haven't had one for probably a few years now.
I tell you, when I saw the movie Ghost and Patrick Swayze's character Sam came back to see Molly, I bawled - it was exactly like my dreams!
I also had other dreams regarding her death that were not pleasant, quite gruesome. Luckily they stopped after about a month.
I am sure that your dreams will lessen in frequency over time. It's still quite raw for you.
|
|
|
|
Post by Chips on Jul 23, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss and ((((hugs)))).
I agree with Lucy and know from first hand experience that grief counseling can really help. About five years I suffered a very close loss unlike anything I'd ever experienced and grief counseling and a support group was the only thing that was able to get me back on track.
|
|
scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
|
Post by scrapaddie on Jul 23, 2014 3:20:28 GMT
While his death may have been peaceful, it was still traumatic for you..... Perhaps your mind is not totally admitting the trauma you have undergone, and this is how your subconscious is getting the message across. Counseling may be good for you. Grief takes time... First to allow the grief and then to let it lessen it's hold on you
|
|
gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,091
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
|
Post by gsquaredmom on Jul 23, 2014 10:55:11 GMT
I think i have a little PTSD from seeing my dad die. It was not a drift off to sleep end. And it was the sort of death he did not want. I dreamed his death a lot at first, less and less as time went on. I think it was my brain's way to absorb the shock. Losing a parent is traumatic. You are still reeling. Be kind to yourself.
|
|
|
|
Post by baslp on Jul 23, 2014 11:36:06 GMT
I also would recommend you go see a counselor, so you can talk about this. It really helped me when I lost my parents. My dad developed pneumonia and was put an a vent. I received a call that he was not doing well. I knew I could not go and watch him die. I knew that I would not be able to get back home. I would be an emotional wreck. I am still dealing with this. I feel like I can cry and really talk during our sessions. I find that I am not having these dreams as much. Take care and be kind to yourself.
|
|
|
|
Post by jmurray on Jul 23, 2014 12:13:32 GMT
I'm very sorry about your dad. Just keep in mind that June 6 isn't very long ago at all, and you are still going through all the immediate emotions following the loss of someone close, so I'm sure this is probably a very normal experience for many people, even though it's maybe not what you expected. Just be gentle with yourself and maybe seek some assistance from a grief counsellor - I've not yet had to use one but I've heard nothing but good about how much they can help.
|
|
|
|
Post by joyfromny on Jul 23, 2014 12:49:41 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss. I wonder if grief counseling or a grief group would help. Hope you can find some peace of mind soon. Totally agree about joining a group. so sorry for your loss. |
|
|
|
Post by phoenixcov on Jul 23, 2014 13:02:51 GMT
I lost my Mum and then Husband in a year both from medical negligence.
The dreams were horrific for quite some time. Mostly involving being angry
with myself for not "saving" them.
Counseling might help you work through your feelings a bit quicker than
coping on your own.
My thoughts are with you, and I wish you peacefull nights.
|
|
