Peabay how are you doing?

Oh, you all are sweet. Thanks for thinking of me.

I'll be honest - it's been very hard. There's an emptiness and loneliness - an existential loneliness because my friends and family have been amazing - that is so profound, I don't know how it abates. I know it gets better eventually but it really is a gaping hole in my life. We were very close - she drove me crazy like every mother does to every daughter - but we had a close bond and she is the one person who I could call and unabashedly brag about my daughters and she would share in the glow. I miss that. It's hard for me to fathom that I'll never talk to her on the phone again. Or share a Christmas with her. Or have her come up to see the girls in their shows.

Sorry - it's just been hard.

But I do appreciate every good thought and kind word thrown my way. I never realized how important that was until I sustained this loss. I will make a much better friend to those who are bereaved now that this has happened.

Oh no. I didn't know what this was going to be about when I opened it.

Peabay, I am so very sorry for your loss. There's never a good time of year for it to happen but I can only imagine that this time of year is not ideal at all.

Offering you love and hugs and wishing you the patience to take the time you need to grieve.

(previously jjpswife)

Peabay, I won't lie. The first set of holidays, especially when they closely follow your mom's passing are excruciatingly awful. That hole or fog is larger than life right now, but I promise that it does fade and happiness plus a new normal comes to you. It is way too early to expect anything more than what you feel right now. I completely understand what you mean when you say that your mother drove you crazy. I'd give anything to hear my mom ramble or nag just one more time. What used to annoy me now makes me smile. You'll get to that point, too. In time you'll remember your mother w/laughter and smiles, but right now you're in the thick of the grief and that's to be expected. Just know that you're not alone by any means. You've joined a club that no one wants to join, but we're a club full of compassionate and hearty members who will sit by your side as you grieve. ((((HUGS)))).