caro
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Post by caro on Dec 4, 2015 20:06:45 GMT
I have a special needs child in my young three's class. I will call the child B. I knew something wasn't neurotypical with this child from the day the parents brought the child in for meet and greet in August. Nothing was written on B's form of any problems we should be aware of.
The first day or so I realized B had orthotics in his shoes. One piece of this puzzle.
As time has gone on we found out B has mild to moderate hearing loss. He is probably on the spectrum but that diagnosis isn't in yet.
English is not this families first language and mom barely speaks English at all. Dad does all the talking but his language skills are questionable.
Today I found out B's parents have had hearing aids for B since B was 6 months old but have refused to use them and B is now three in a couple of days.
Why would a parent put their child in such a disadvantaged situation when using the hearing aids may have helped B all along?
I felt so bad for the parents because I knew they were getting a diagnosis for their child that was so hard to hear and deal with.
The lady from Babies Can't Wait was evaluating B today in the class and she was appalled B had these hearing aids that were never used.
I am angry at these parents. I have gone above and beyond advocating for their child, working to help B fit in with the class and to make things as easy for B as possible.
And I find out they don't care!
Vent over. It helps to write it out.
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Post by Linda on Dec 4, 2015 20:14:24 GMT
That does sound very frustrating and poor B. but I wonder if the parents truly understood about the hearing aids etc...given that English isn't their first language and neither sound especially fluent in it. I know how hard it is to really take in everything at a doctor's appointment while juggling a little one especially when you're in shock over the news and to add in language (and possibly cultural) differences as well -I'm sure that didn't help.
Prayers that B gets the help he needs
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2015 20:22:24 GMT
I wouldn't be angry at them without knowing the whole story and I think it is VERY wrong for you to assume they don't care. You don't know what their reality is.
Yes, it's a shame that child hasn't had the hearing aids for all this time, but you just simply don't know if there's more to the story.
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caro
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Post by caro on Dec 4, 2015 20:30:26 GMT
I wouldn't be angry at them without knowing the whole story and I think it is VERY wrong for you to assume they don't care. You don't know what their reality is. Yes, it's a shame that child hasn't had the hearing aids for all this time, but you just simply don't know if there's more to the story. It's true I don't know the whole story but when the dad told me on Monday that B had hearing aids in B's bag and I asked why B wasn't wearing them, dad told me B didn't like them. Well, that is probably true now but at 6 months old B would have adjusted much faster. It's just a vent. And believe me, I know first hand how hard it is to hear a diagnosis of a disability your child may have. I lived it for 14 years. The difference is I did everything in my power to help my child progress and never let a stone go unturned.
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Post by annabella on Dec 4, 2015 20:38:30 GMT
Simple they are from a different country where hearing aids aren't prevalent so they have a negative view of them. You can suggest they leave the hearing aids at school so they don't have to see it. He didn't know they needed to announce to you his child's problems. Nothing to be angry over, it's a cultural difference.
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Post by twinks on Dec 4, 2015 20:58:12 GMT
I can certainly understand your anger and frustration. I know you are ranting. However, I wouldn't be so quick to judge the parents. As a parent of a neurologically compromised child who had to wear glasses at 6 months, getting an infant to wear something like glasses and hearing aids is very, very hard to do. My DD could take her glasses off and chuck them across the room faster than anything. I couldn't do anything to positive reinforce her keeping her glasses on. Perhaps the parents had the same experience and just gave up. Now their child is extremely sensitive (sensory integration problems is common with people on the spectrum) and it is even harder.
Since you have the child in a school situation I would, 1. make sure the hearing aids are fitting right (size, etc.) and then 2. Set up a situation for positive reinforcement. For example, make it a big deal to put the hearing aids on and show him in the mirror how "handsome" he looks. Have something like Fruit Loops (or some other easy "treat") and give him a reinforcement. If he goes to grab them off, then gently say "No". You know how to do all of this. You will probably have to have someone constantly on him for about a week.
Good luck with this. As I said earlier, I can certainly understand your anger and frustration. It is hard when you see this child as having some problems and you are trying to give him every advantage you can to minimize them. Thanks for being a caring person.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Dec 4, 2015 21:16:16 GMT
I hear your frustration Though I also think it might be more of the language barrier and different culture then not caring. Hopefully now that it's out in the open it will be easier on the child and you
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janeinbama
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Jan 29, 2015 16:24:49 GMT
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Post by janeinbama on Dec 4, 2015 21:21:32 GMT
It is so sad that he has missed so much learning in the past 2 1/2 years that he can never get back.
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caro
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Post by caro on Dec 4, 2015 21:28:31 GMT
Simple they are from a different country where hearing aids aren't prevalent so they have a negative view of them. You can suggest they leave the hearing aids at school so they don't have to see it. He didn't know they needed to announce to you his child's problems. Nothing to be angry over, it's a cultural difference. If the director of our school had known of B's disabilities, particularly the physical one, B would not be in my class because of where my class is located and stairs are involved which B can't maneuver. But then again, if B had been placed into one of our classes located downstairs, a couple of those teachers would have complained loudly to have B removed from the program. A couple of these teachers have subbed in the class for my co-worker and complained to me about B. I have told those teachers B is progressing, albeit slowly, and I am not bothered by B's disabilities.
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Post by RiverIsis on Dec 4, 2015 21:30:47 GMT
If the parents didn't care B wouldn't have the hearing aids in the backpack. They have packed them. They are there for his/your use. In their eyes you are one of the experts on children and it is up to you how you help.
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craftykitten
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Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Dec 4, 2015 21:31:50 GMT
Sometimes parents just don't care. Sometimes they don't know any better. I work with some kids who have severe vision problems and should wear spectacles. These two children, 4 & 6, have severe squints and their eyes look in completely opposite directions. When they were forced to wear spectacles for a while, one of them kept pointing out planes in the sky because he'd never seen them before Their parents won't make them wear spectacles because "they can make their own choices". These are CHILDREN, too young to know any better, and they are significantly behind at school because they can't see to do the work. The parents won't take them to the dentist, and when the school donated them some shoes because theirs were full of holes, the parents sold them. Some people just don't deserve children. We do our best!
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caro
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Post by caro on Dec 4, 2015 21:31:49 GMT
It is so sad that he has missed so much learning in the past 2 1/2 years that he can never get back. I agree with this so much. B will hard to work a lot harder to get caught up. I hope B has that ability. I'm not sure.
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happymomma
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Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
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Post by happymomma on Dec 4, 2015 21:38:33 GMT
I don't know that it can be blamed on a cultural thing. Your kid can't hear. These will make it so he can hear. It's not that hard to understand, no matter what language you speak. I could see if the 'rest of the story' involved not being able to afford to buy the hearing aids. But that doesn't seem to be the case as they have them in-hand (or in a bag.) I'd be angry too, because they are choosing to not give their child proper medical care when it comes to something so instrumental as HEARING. That is cruel to knowingly disadvantage a child. The child at that age depends upon their parents for its needs. An infant of 6 months old cannot make a decision to follow or not follow medical advice. I won't slap you for being angry. It makes me very sad.
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caro
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Post by caro on Dec 4, 2015 21:38:48 GMT
If the parents didn't care B wouldn't have the hearing aids in the backpack. They have packed them. They are there for his/your use. In their eyes you are one of the experts on children and it is up to you how you help. The problem with this is, the hearing aids were never in B's bag until this week. I didn't know B had them. The parents should have been upfront with me in the beginning of school. Communication with teachers is so important for a child's well-being.
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caro
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Post by caro on Dec 4, 2015 21:41:02 GMT
It makes me very sad too, happymomma.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2015 21:42:56 GMT
I don't know that it can be blamed on a cultural thing. Your kid can't hear. These will make it so he can hear. It's not that hard to understand, no matter what language you speak. I could see if the 'rest of the story' involved not being able to afford to buy the hearing aids. But that doesn't seem to be the case as they have them in-hand (or in a bag.) I'd be angry too, because they are choosing to not give their child proper medical care when it comes to something so instrumental as HEARING. That is cruel to knowingly disadvantage a child. The child at that age depends upon their parents for its needs. An infant of 6 months old cannot make a decision to follow or not follow medical advice. I won't slap you for being angry. It makes me very sady Except who knows how good their instruction was on how to use them, how to acclimate him to them, and so on? Those things can be very challenging to any parent and when there's a language barrier, well, it can become much worse. Geez, my mom is in her 70s and has had a hearing aid for years and she needs help with it sometimes. It's not like they are simple, infallible devices. My son goes to a school where about half the students come from non-English speaking homes. It has really opened my eyes to how difficult it is for non-English speakers to navigate routine things that many of us take for granted.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Dec 4, 2015 21:51:59 GMT
The child might just not wear them unless you tape them to his head. My son wouldn't wear shorts one summer and it was 30C outside. (This is totally different) but I couldn't get him to wear anything but long sleeves and jeans. We have no a/c and the kid wants to dress like this. No amount of negotiating or anything would keep him out of them. My son had really bad asthma when he was young. I had to show the school how to administer his Flovent and Ventolin however many times a day (There was no nurse on staff). He refused to take it from me. I remember holding him down to use the aerochamber to get him to inhale. Even then he wouldn't do it. If my son had needed hearing aids, I don't know what would have kept them in his ears. If he had needed glasses he would have broken them constantly. Heck this kid I picked up with one finger in his teeth. He bit me so hard I lifted him in the air by my finger in his mouth. So it could be the child won't wear them for the parents. Will he wear them for the school? Maybe. If the teacher/principal/counsellor etc. say "Ok sweetheart, you MUST wear these every single day. Or else." maybe the little guy will wear them if they put the fear of god in him. My son would never ever do what I wanted him to do. Never. If a teacher told him "Honey, you need to do this or that, that kid was so obedient. He did everything the teacher said." Give it a shot and see if it helps. It really worked once we got the school involved.
NB: My son, now, is very gentle, soft spoken, mature, articulate and thoughtful. He is a fine young man and has a huge circle of close friends, our family loves him and he has never been in trouble in any situation in his life. Age 0-8 though he was for sale.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 4, 2015 21:55:25 GMT
I actually feel very sad for the child and sympathy for the parents. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to have all their challenges. Certainly it can't be easy to get a 3 year old to wear hearing aids. But on the flip side, for the child's well being, it is a challenge they must rise up and meet. I hope you have the patience and the determination to help with this. This child needs you. And you sound to me like a very caring teacher. Good luck to you!
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raindancer
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Post by raindancer on Dec 4, 2015 21:59:05 GMT
I wouldn't be angry at them without knowing the whole story and I think it is VERY wrong for you to assume they don't care. You don't know what their reality is. Yes, it's a shame that child hasn't had the hearing aids for all this time, but you just simply don't know if there's more to the story. I agree. There is a whole lot more here than being a simple "They just don't even care".
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raindancer
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Post by raindancer on Dec 4, 2015 22:00:32 GMT
I wouldn't be angry at them without knowing the whole story and I think it is VERY wrong for you to assume they don't care. You don't know what their reality is. Yes, it's a shame that child hasn't had the hearing aids for all this time, but you just simply don't know if there's more to the story. It's true I don't know the whole story but when the dad told me on Monday that B had hearing aids in B's bag and I asked why B wasn't wearing them, dad told me B didn't like them. Well, that is probably true now but at 6 months old B would have adjusted much faster. It's just a vent. And believe me, I know first hand how hard it is to hear a diagnosis of a disability your child may have. I lived it for 14 years. The difference is I did everything in my power to help my child progress and never let a stone go unturned. The difference is that you were given the diagnosis in your native tongue, you are educated and capable of looking into things further. You also have a job. Which is likely created a situation for you in which you are more stable. You don't know anything about this family and judging them sure as hell isn't going to help them or their child. Wait what? This is nonsense. You just said they struggle to communicate and don't speak English. What on earth? If it is so important what have you done to learn their language or find someone who does to help you communicate better with them? You know. For their child's well being.
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happymomma
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Post by happymomma on Dec 4, 2015 22:13:22 GMT
I don't know that it can be blamed on a cultural thing. Your kid can't hear. These will make it so he can hear. It's not that hard to understand, no matter what language you speak. I could see if the 'rest of the story' involved not being able to afford to buy the hearing aids. But that doesn't seem to be the case as they have them in-hand (or in a bag.) I'd be angry too, because they are choosing to not give their child proper medical care when it comes to something so instrumental as HEARING. That is cruel to knowingly disadvantage a child. The child at that age depends upon their parents for its needs. An infant of 6 months old cannot make a decision to follow or not follow medical advice. I won't slap you for being angry. It makes me very sad. Except who knows how good their instruction was on how to use them, how to acclimate him to them, and so on? Those things can be very challenging to any parent and when there's a language barrier, well, it can become much worse. Geez, my mom is in her 70s and has had a hearing aid for years and she needs help with it sometimes. It's not like their are simple, infallible devices. My son goes to a school where about half the students come from non-English speaking homes. It has really opened my eyes to how difficult it is for non-English speakers to navigate routine things that many of us take for granted. Then I guess, as a parent that didn't understand how to use prescribed medical things, you ask for clarification. If your child needed antibiotics, say, and you didn't understand the dosage would you just throw it in a bag and not give it to them? If your child had a prosthetic leg and you didn't understand how to attach it, would you just throw it in a corner or take it upon yourself to find the answers? I know they're not simple infallible devices, my husband has them (and refuses to wear them but hey he's an adult and if he doesn't choose to hear well, that's on him) Surely the parents can understand the hearing aids won't work at all if they're not being used. I think what upsets me is that the child has no way to do what is helpful and essential to him by himself. When you have a baby, it's your responsibility to take care of them. They depend on you. (General you of course.) I'm sorry for sounding mean? I was a mom of a child with non-typical medical needs. (Injured at birth resulting in Erb's Palsy and had to go through a lot of physical therapy.) I didn't understand all the physics behind the therapies he needed but since I wanted to give him the best shot at development I asked questions about the things I didn't understand. I'm also wonder why this child's health care professionals didn't question why the hearing aids were not being used and intervene.
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Post by moveablefeast on Dec 4, 2015 22:15:30 GMT
It is so sad that he has missed so much learning in the past 2 1/2 years that he can never get back. This is both true and not - a little unnecessarily pessimistic. Many children have late diagnosed hearing loss or receive hearing aids after some years of living with limited or no hearing at all, and are able to make up for lost time. It is certainly a disadvantage, and I'm not arguing they shouldn't have had the child wearing his hearing aids all along, but the child's delay is not irretrievable. The child will probably need some additional support and intervention but certainly has the potential to make up much if not all of the lost ground. I assume Babies Can't Wait is an early intervention - we have the same thing, it's just called by a different name - this child has now been flagged and identified and that is very important. If that program works like our Infant and Toddler Connection, it also means that the parents have been involved in the process and consented to the child's evaluation. What I get from all this is a family that probably really doesn't understand how and why to use their child's hearing aids, are probably working with information given to them in a language they don't speak fluently, and may or may not have any knowledge of developmental issues and what to do next. I work with a largely ESOL population and this is incredibly, incredibly common. We have seen many 2's and 3's children come into our school with developmental, language, and social delays and flourish by the end of 4's. I don't know that it can be blamed on a cultural thing. Your kid can't hear. These will make it so he can hear. It's not that hard to understand, no matter what language you speak. I could see if the 'rest of the story' involved not being able to afford to buy the hearing aids. But that doesn't seem to be the case as they have them in-hand (or in a bag.) I'd be angry too, because they are choosing to not give their child proper medical care when it comes to something so instrumental as HEARING. That is cruel to knowingly disadvantage a child. The child at that age depends upon their parents for its needs. An infant of 6 months old cannot make a decision to follow or not follow medical advice. I won't slap you for being angry. It makes me very sad. I find that many of our ESOL parents, if they don't understand what you've said, they smile and nod and say "Yes, okay". If you don't know that's what they're doing, you might think they understand when they don't. It's very common. The child is enrolled in preschool and has been identified for early intervention. That doesn't read as apathy or intentional disadvantaging to me - it is either a parent who is a little clueless, a little in denial, or working with a language barrier. Or possibly all three, which is super common. Then I guess, as a parent that didn't understand how to use prescribed medical things, you ask for clarification. If your child needed antibiotics, say, and you didn't understand the dosage would you just throw it in a bag and not give it to them? This is exactly what happens, in some cases, yes. I have found with our ESOL population at my school that most of them don't pursue something they don't understand because they don't want to be a bother. We finally hired a staff member who speaks the primary non-English language in our school, and one of her jobs with us is to help deal with the language barrier to mitigate the "smile and nod" phenomenon. This is one of the most serious barriers to quality of life living in a place where you don't yet speak the language fluently enough to get by.
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raindancer
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Post by raindancer on Dec 4, 2015 22:19:00 GMT
Except who knows how good their instruction was on how to use them, how to acclimate him to them, and so on? Those things can be very challenging to any parent and when there's a language barrier, well, it can become much worse. Geez, my mom is in her 70s and has had a hearing aid for years and she needs help with it sometimes. It's not like their are simple, infallible devices. My son goes to a school where about half the students come from non-English speaking homes. It has really opened my eyes to how difficult it is for non-English speakers to navigate routine things that many of us take for granted. Then I guess, as a parent that didn't understand how to use prescribed medical things, you ask for clarification. If your child needed antibiotics, say, and you didn't understand the dosage would you just throw it in a bag and not give it to them? If your child had a prosthetic leg and you didn't understand how to attach it, would you just throw it in a corner or take it upon yourself to find the answers? I know they're not simple infallible devices, my husband has them (and refuses to wear them but hey he's an adult and if he doesn't choose to hear well, that's on him) Surely the parents can understand the hearing aids won't work at all if they're not being used. I think what upsets me is that the child has no way to do what is helpful and essential to him by himself. When you have a baby, it's your responsibility to take care of them. They depend on you. (General you of course.) I'm sorry for sounding mean? I was a mom of a child with non-typical medical needs. (Injured at birth resulting in Erb's Palsy and had to go through a lot of physical therapy.) I didn't understand all the physics behind the therapies he needed but since I wanted to give him the best shot at development I asked questions about the things I didn't understand. I'm also wonder why this child's health care professionals didn't question why the hearing aids were not being used and intervene. And if you had been in a foreign country, not able to speak the language? Come on. Lets be honest, if you were given instructions from a doctor who was speaking to you in say, Arabic, or German, would it be so easy then? To understand medicalese in a foreign tongue?
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georgiapea
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Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Dec 4, 2015 22:27:38 GMT
If B needed glasses would his parents follow the same course they have about the hearing aids? I am hearing impaired and have worn aids for 30 or so years. I don't get the 'stigma' about hearing loss or deficiency. It's no different than any other medical issue. Are people embarrassed to have a lack of hearing? Then them must be embarrassed if they have diabetes. All those people who have lived through heart attacks must be cringing with embarrassment.
I would ask that the hearing aids be brought to the school so I could help him with them. They may need to be replaced with a different set.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Dec 4, 2015 22:36:31 GMT
I wouldn't be angry at them without knowing the whole story and I think it is VERY wrong for you to assume they don't care. You don't know what their reality is. Yes, it's a shame that child hasn't had the hearing aids for all this time, but you just simply don't know if there's more to the story. It's true I don't know the whole story but when the dad told me on Monday that B had hearing aids in B's bag and I asked why B wasn't wearing them, dad told me B didn't like them. Well, that is probably true now but at 6 months old B would have adjusted much faster. It's just a vent. And believe me, I know first hand how hard it is to hear a diagnosis of a disability your child may have. I lived it for 14 years. The difference is I did everything in my power to help my child progress and never let a stone go unturned. It's quite possible that they don't understand the diagnosis, and they don't have your knowledge about how important it is to start hearing aids early. They probably are doing everything they know how to help their child. They would probably greatly benefit from your experience and your compassion. I find parents who were born in the USA and speak excellent English are often overwhelmed when their child needs services, and they don't know what is available to them. Maybe the organization that is evaluating B can arrange for an interpreter to come and help the parents.
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Post by shannoots on Dec 4, 2015 22:45:20 GMT
I understand what you are saying. However, I have a nephew that has had hearing aids since he was 2. He is now 7 and it can still be difficult to get him to wear them. He also loses them easily and there are super expensive. He does wear them but needs regular reminders. I imagine it would be difficult to get a baby to keep them in.
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caro
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Post by caro on Dec 4, 2015 22:46:10 GMT
The dad can speak English but it is difficult to translate what he is saying some of the time. He has a job with a large IT company.
Mom is SAH. I am very sympathetic with what they are going through in terms of the diagnosis they are beginning to receive about B other than developmental delays and hearing loss.
They will have a choice to remove B from my class and put B in a special needs preschool. I hope they will do what is best and put B in a specialized classroom. We will see.
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Post by melanell on Dec 4, 2015 23:18:10 GMT
I don't know that it can be blamed on a cultural thing. Your kid can't hear. These will make it so he can hear. It's not that hard to understand, no matter what language you speak. I could see if the 'rest of the story' involved not being able to afford to buy the hearing aids. But that doesn't seem to be the case as they have them in-hand (or in a bag.) I'd be angry too, because they are choosing to not give their child proper medical care when it comes to something so instrumental as HEARING. That is cruel to knowingly disadvantage a child. The child at that age depends upon their parents for its needs. An infant of 6 months old cannot make a decision to follow or not follow medical advice. I won't slap you for being angry. It makes me very sady Except who knows how good their instruction was on how to use them, how to acclimate him to them, and so on? Those things can be very challenging to any parent and when there's a language barrier, well, it can become much worse. Geez, my mom is in her 70s and has had a hearing aid for years and she needs help with it sometimes. It's not like they are simple, infallible devices. My FIL had a devil of a time with his hearing aids. He went to the doctor more times than I can tell you because for some reason, the use of them caused him physical issues with his ears. So he needed them, he'd use them, and then he'd develop an issue with the ear, so he'd have to stop using one until it cleared up. Lather, rinse, repeat. BUT, in this case, I imagine that it has much more to do with how incredibly difficult it can be to keep an infant/young child in any type of medical device, particularly if the child is on the spectrum. Clothing can be difficult for some kids. Socks used to be a major issue for one boy I cared for. Even when all of his socks were replaced with the one brand & style he would tolerate, getting them on him in a way that felt right to him was a daily chore. Sometimes more than once a day. And one baby I cared for had leg braces to wear at night, and you would be amazed how many times a baby can manage to get those things off just from wiggling and pulling/pushing his legs. He didn't use his hands to remove them because he wasn't at that developmental point yet, but man alive, we always had to go check him after he fell asleep to see if they were still on.
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AnotherPea
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Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Dec 4, 2015 23:34:34 GMT
I understand your frustration. I have a student whose mother refuses services for her child when he really, really needs to spend at least part of his day in a resource room. In her case it isn't that she doesn't care about his education but that she doesn't want him to miss out on the electives he wants to take. She isn't making the best educational decision for her son and she won't understand that until after he's failed his core classes Differences in culture are hard to overcome too. We have a substantial portion of our students that are from a very different culture and it is difficult connecting with parents when it comes to discipline issues. Good luck.
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Post by lorieann13 on Dec 4, 2015 23:36:14 GMT
A list of reasons... 1. Its looked down upon within their family to have a child who needs hewring aides 2. Autism isnt accepted 3. A special needs child isnt accepted 4. Their church family looks down upon sn children 5. They dont want their child to be different, singled out, etc On and on and on. All the reasons why my neices do not wear their hearing aides and glasses. They are hard of hearing in one ear/almost deaf in one ear. One has sensory needs Another food issues Possible autism But nope, no IEPs (because gasp they follow you to college ?), no speech, no ot... Its sad but there is nothing you can do. Bless you for being that childs advocate when obviously his parents have failed him
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