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Post by threegirls on Dec 6, 2015 0:50:01 GMT
I have advanced cancer. I've paid for and completely planned my funeral. Cemetery plot, headstone etc are all chosen. It's going to be hard enough, the last thing I want my loved ones dealing with is the funeral arrangements. However I have left instructions that if there's something important to them that I've overlooked to please add it; a reading, a song whatever. I spoke with the people who mean the most to me and got their input. It's my belief that a funeral is for the living, a way to come to terms with their loved one's passing. So I've incorporated a lot of what they've said. (Some of them knew what I was doing while others just thought we were having a general discussion.) I've written a little something to be read so that my family and friends will know how much they meant to me, how thankful I am to have had them in my life. I've made arrangements through my attorney for the one year anniversary, whenever that may be. I've left instructions for a huge party for all my family and friends so that they come together and celebrate life. The attorney will send invitations and I've paid for everything. I want them to re-live all our good memories and have a blast to celebrate life. And then I want them to move on and live their life. Some of my family and my closest friend know about my plan though they don't know all the details. Kat I think your plans sound beautiful and the arrangements for a one year anniversary will be a wonderful gift to your family and friends.
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Post by Linda on Dec 6, 2015 1:14:26 GMT
I want a direct cremation followed by a Catholic Memorial service and I want my cremains buried or placed in a crematorium not on the mantel or a dusty closet shelf and certainly not scattered.
Beyond that - up to my loved ones.
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Post by Restless Spirit on Dec 6, 2015 1:18:39 GMT
No funeral. No obituary. Direct cremation. Ashes mixed with those of all of my dogs and scattered (my DH and daughter know where this place is).
My DH worked in the funeral industry for a couple of years. I personally know a funeral director (she's a wonderful person), however, I learned far too much about the inside of the funeral industry and what I know really made me dislike the industry as a whole. They will get as little of my money as possible.
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,411
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Dec 6, 2015 1:26:33 GMT
While I was on life support my husband was lost at making plans. Other than knowing I wanted creamated he didn't know any of my wishes.
My wishes now start with organ donation and to science, as attached to my drivers liscense.
My daughter wants some of my ashes in a jewelry, that she can pick out at the time.
Creamated, a small service, then I want them to go on a cruise and dump me in the ocean.
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Post by giatocj on Dec 6, 2015 1:27:10 GMT
No wake or funeral for me, just direct cremation and burial.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Dec 6, 2015 2:05:48 GMT
I'm afraid that people will feel compelled to say nice things about me and all those present will be looking at each other like "did (person speaking) even KNOW Scorpeao?"
I want my dd to turn me into a diamond...or a tree.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Dec 6, 2015 2:09:54 GMT
I have advanced cancer. I've paid for and completely planned my funeral. Cemetery plot, headstone etc are all chosen. It's going to be hard enough, the last thing I want my loved ones dealing with is the funeral arrangements. However I have left instructions that if there's something important to them that I've overlooked to please add it; a reading, a song whatever. I spoke with the people who mean the most to me and got their input. It's my belief that a funeral is for the living, a way to come to terms with their loved one's passing. So I've incorporated a lot of what they've said. (Some of them knew what I was doing while others just thought we were having a general discussion.) I've written a little something to be read so that my family and friends will know how much they meant to me, how thankful I am to have had them in my life. I've made arrangements through my attorney for the one year anniversary, whenever that may be. I've left instructions for a huge party for all my family and friends so that they come together and celebrate life. The attorney will send invitations and I've paid for everything. I want them to re-live all our good memories and have a blast to celebrate life. And then I want them to move on and live their life. Some of my family and my closest friend know about my plan though they don't know all the details. Kat You made me cry. I'm sorry you are having to do this. You sound very strong, and I only hope if I was in the same situation I could respond with such grace and compassion.
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Dec 6, 2015 2:48:20 GMT
My dh knows my wishes. Cremation and then I don't care. He knows that I'd MUCH prefer no services at a funeral home, but a party somewhere fun. But I also realize that services are for the living and I'm not going to be around, so I don't really care what they do.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Dec 6, 2015 3:17:10 GMT
#1 thing I care about is having Free Bird played at my funeral. #2 I don't want any flowers. I want people to bring things that I have made over my lifetime and I can have the ultimate gallery show. lol
I'd really love to be buried in my back yard.... no really. I want to be cremated and sprinkled on my 2 acres - the first place on earth I was truly happy.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 8:07:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2015 3:18:24 GMT
Hubby and I have talked and we have also let the girls know. Me, no service at all. Cremation and sprinkled in with magnolia tree. If the girls want each one will get a tree and can sprinkle me when they plant it. This way they can visit and talk anytime they want. Hubby wants the whole LEO thing, but will be cremated. I told him that's fine, but I will not be OK with the final call. I will be a mess and that will push me over.
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grammanisi
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,741
Jun 26, 2014 1:37:37 GMT
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Post by grammanisi on Dec 6, 2015 3:31:30 GMT
My husband, daughter and oldest granddaughter know what I want.
I don't want a lot of money spent on it.
No sad service.
I want the music I like played...bon jovi, Billy Joel, Fleetwood Mac, Adele, Eric Clapton.
No open casket, I don't want people saying how good I look when we all know that dead people don't look good.
After I want them to have a party.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Dec 6, 2015 3:32:50 GMT
I only want a few things. 1. Donate it all. If possible please start with every and all organs. 2. Whatever is left, donate to science. There are many scientists who just need matter to do tests on. Please, send me to them. 3. I'd love for my death certificate to say "death by misadventure." I simply want to go out of life with the bull by the horns. Should I get to live a long life or die tomorrow I'd love to think I went out on an adventure.
The rest is whatever my family wants. I'm not a church person but do your thang if it makes you feel better. I'm not much of a party animal. You know... just thinking about this... I'd love for the people who come to my funeral be engaged in an act of service. Go pick up trash, serve meals at a shelter, heck- go paint a shelter, build a house, reorganize/clean the food bank. Not just money, but service.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Dec 6, 2015 3:42:23 GMT
I told my husband that I want him to do whatever brings him the most comfort. Since I will be dead and not there it's all about him and the kids mainly.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Dec 6, 2015 3:42:28 GMT
I've told my older kids as well as probably my dh and maybe parents - literally anyone who might listen when the subject comes up, that I don't want a wake. If they want a funeral so be it. But I just absolutely loathe wakes and the poor family sitting around for hours on end making small talk with those coming to pay their respects while all they probably want to do is go home and cry in peace.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Dec 6, 2015 3:47:38 GMT
I've given a bit of thought about it since my DH died and have told my girls what I want. I want to be cremated and have them spread my cremains where my DH's are. I'd like a small service with music that I've picked out. I have a list in my desk.
Other than that, they can do whatever brings them the most peace and closure.
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Post by chaosisapony on Dec 6, 2015 4:17:58 GMT
I want a direct cremation and no formal service. I want my loved ones to use the money they would spend for a funeral and take a fun trip together, preferably to Disneyland. After dealing with my MIL's funeral, I want as little money as possible going to mortuary services. If my family insists on some sort of service, I want it to be completely informal and on my family's lake property in Idaho, where we have lots of fond memories, and they can sprinkle my ashes on the beach there . This is what I want too. I don't want anyone spending a bunch of money, getting dressed up, and getting together in a funeral home for me. No thank you. Just cremate me and sprinkle me somewhere. Or maybe plant me under a tree or something. Whoever wants to be there can be and wear what ever is comfortable! I don't want a somber service, I'd like friends and family to be laughing and sharing stories. If they insist on spending money then take what would have been spent on my funeral and donate it to a worthy animal rescue.
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Post by penguin on Dec 6, 2015 4:43:11 GMT
I want to be cremated and sprinkled over South Coast Plaza, but I think that's illegal. The alternative is popping my cremains in with my parents, but I want my own marker. No need for a service.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,646
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on Dec 6, 2015 5:15:12 GMT
I do not want any service at all. Just cremate me and spread my ashes. If my girls need a place to come and visit with me, they can sit at the ocean.
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Post by jemali on Dec 6, 2015 5:23:45 GMT
My dd is eighteen now but she came up with these "rules" for when she dies: 1- she was born in 1997 do she plans on living until age 104 go she can say she lived in 1900's, 2000's, and 2100's 2- she wants to die the day *after* the best day of her life so she has time to tell people about it 3-she wants her funeral to be held at night. When it is in the morning or afternoon it ruins the rest of your day
She has a list for her wedding too, lol
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 8:07:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2015 5:25:53 GMT
Exactly. My goal is to make sure there's money to fund costs people decide on. If they need formal or joyous or none at all, it's up to them. I'm outta here.
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Post by lancermom on Dec 6, 2015 5:29:28 GMT
I am a control freak, so I plan and update every year! Clothing always changes. I want friends to bring pictures to the visitation. This way I will have my friends and family with me. As long as I look ok there may be visitation. But if ingonthrough a long illness o don't want people commenting. I want to be cremated and snuck into the park planted under a tree. A bench instead of a headstone. I figure my family will more likely come visit than in a cemetery!
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
Posts: 4,363
Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Dec 6, 2015 5:37:58 GMT
My dh knows my wishes. Cremation and then I don't care. He knows that I'd MUCH prefer no services at a funeral home, but a party somewhere fun. But I also realize that services are for the living and I'm not going to be around, so I don't really care what they do. This is pretty much where I'm at, too. I haven't given it a lot of thought, but I admit that when I have thought about it, I have had the thought/worry that no one will come to any kind of service and it'll seem pathetic. I haven't had much conversation around this topic with my parents but I know I need to do this. I want to specifically know what they want so that I can make appropriate plans when the time comes (or even before).
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 8:07:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2015 5:50:10 GMT
I won't be there, so I don't care. My instructions are to do whatever makes the living happy.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Dec 6, 2015 6:01:58 GMT
I have asked to be buried in our family plot (we have 2 plots), everything goes to science but I do not want to be cremated. I don't want a service, but a private family burial and then maybe have them go away to grieve and recover. (It will probably just be DS at that point).
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Post by Belia on Dec 6, 2015 6:18:47 GMT
This thread is making me cry!
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Post by nlwilkins on Dec 6, 2015 6:54:59 GMT
I told my husband that I want a parade. I am going to glory and it should be celebrated. Other than that, it is up to them. The family are all buried in a private cemetary, so that is probably where I will end up.
I loved it how my sister did it for my BIL. The cemetary service was first early in the morning with only family members present. Then we went to the church and had a celebration of his life. The choir sang a rousing song and his quartet sang a song with his son filling in for his dad. There was standing room only and people were outside the church cause they could not get in. The only thing I hated was the long line afterwards when everyone stood in line and just HAD to hug my sister. She stood there for about three hours speaking to everyone in line.
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Post by jenjie on Dec 6, 2015 11:41:17 GMT
I have advanced cancer. I've paid for and completely planned my funeral. Cemetery plot, headstone etc are all chosen. It's going to be hard enough, the last thing I want my loved ones dealing with is the funeral arrangements. However I have left instructions that if there's something important to them that I've overlooked to please add it; a reading, a song whatever. I spoke with the people who mean the most to me and got their input. It's my belief that a funeral is for the living, a way to come to terms with their loved one's passing. So I've incorporated a lot of what they've said. (Some of them knew what I was doing while others just thought we were having a general discussion.) I've written a little something to be read so that my family and friends will know how much they meant to me, how thankful I am to have had them in my life. I've made arrangements through my attorney for the one year anniversary, whenever that may be. I've left instructions for a huge party for all my family and friends so that they come together and celebrate life. The attorney will send invitations and I've paid for everything. I want them to re-live all our good memories and have a blast to celebrate life. And then I want them to move on and live their life. Some of my family and my closest friend know about my plan though they don't know all the details. Kat This is very thoughtful and a gift to those who love you.
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Post by jenjie on Dec 6, 2015 11:43:22 GMT
My fred was never going to die, although he was told otherwise. All I knew was one song he wanted played because he said that every time he heard it through the years. For those who know, it's Kutless' rockin version of "it is well". I had a friend put together a playlist of worship music for during the viewing and she made sure to include it.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on Dec 6, 2015 12:45:57 GMT
Aside from wanting cremation, I will leave it up to my family.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 16, 2024 8:07:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2015 13:13:19 GMT
I don't want a wake or visitation or viewing. Direct cremation, no funeral, as little interaction as possible with a funeral home. We are not religious at all so no prayers, no ceremony. Have a gathering at home if it's large enough or rent a hall and have an open house in my memory.
I'm the youngest of my cousins and with the trend of some of the women in my family living to be 90+, I may have very little family left beyond my kids and their kids. I have little to no friends so it's likely any service really would just be a dinner with my family.
My dad has said he wants his memorial service to be a car show. I dread my mother's because it'd be a bunch of people telling me how wonderful she was and I'd be thinking "you must be thinking of someone else."
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