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Post by roundtwo on Jul 23, 2014 14:23:50 GMT
I just ran into an acquaintance, Ann*, who is heading out on an awesome holiday in Ireland with her new partner and she asked how SO and I had enjoyed our recent trip overseas. Ann left her husband Harry about 2 years ago because he was screwing someone else who is approx two decades younger than himself. Harry and my ex are in the same profession and it seems to be an epidemic with these guys. I have lost count of the number and the story is always the same - us old hags are dull, the husbands aren't happy, they are stuck in boring routines, we don't appreciate them, blah blah blah. A sweet young thing appears with a magic whoha who understands them and appreciates everything about them, including the dirty socks sitting in the middle off the bedroom floor, the wonderful noises they make during and after pretty much every meal and the snores coming from the couch after dinner. Oh wait... The SYT is in it for love, of course, and never once has dollar signs flash before their eyes or thoughts of how great their lives will be because these guys have money, stability and prestige (  ). Of course they believe the stories they are told about us old things sucking the lives out of them and not appreciating such princes among men. The SYT invariably wants a baby or two, and as it turns out the ex really wanted a few more kids but of course us evil first wives demanded they get vasectomies after only 3 or 4 babies. And then just like that they are in their 50's and living an exciting life again, free from the routines and predictability of their previous marriages. Ann and I are going to meet up again later in the summer to plan a skiing holiday this winter, once she is back from Ireland and SO and I return from a visit to a local wine district.  *Names have been changed and this matters because you all know me and of course all of my friends... |
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Jul 23, 2014 14:32:36 GMT
It sucks ass to be Ann, but it seems like the older I get the more of friends become Ann. I'm so jaded about marriage anymore, and I hate it. When I see FB posts about a new marriage I can't help but think in 15 or so years, if they make it that long, he'll be cheating on her. I wish someone could come along and make me change my mind.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 2:30:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2014 14:36:37 GMT
But wait, where's the ironic part of the story?
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Post by christine58 on Jul 23, 2014 14:37:16 GMT
But wait, where's the ironic part of the story? Phew...thought it was me... |
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oblibby
Full Member
Posts: 211
Location: Bonnie Scotland
Jul 10, 2014 10:30:12 GMT
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Post by oblibby on Jul 23, 2014 14:39:14 GMT
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 2:30:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2014 14:43:59 GMT
I think the irony is the the old wives are off on fabulous holidays with new partners and the cheating husbands are stuck at home with piles of dirty diapers  Ah, thank you. I don't think I read the last couple of paragraphs very carefully. I went back and saw this: *light bulb*  ( I think I need caffeine) |
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Post by roundtwo on Jul 23, 2014 14:48:47 GMT
Scorpeao, I was in the same situation as Ann a couple of years before her and it definitely sucked. I am in a much better place now and am happier now than I ever dreamed possible.
Exactly oblibby, the ex wives were not withholding anything from these guys. They were just too selfish and self-centered to see it.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 23, 2014 14:52:51 GMT
I always wonder why the sweet young things fall for all that. Don't they read the same magazines and hear the old hags talk? I mean really, this isn't a new phenomenon and there is plenty of evidence out there that suggests that we old hags used to be sweet young things ourselves-before the drudgery of life turned us into the old hags? Seems like the irony, at least in my case, my responsibilities seem to be winding down and my life is much freer than my ex who has started over and in the middle of little kids, and looking forward to the tween/teen years. He may have the money, but he will be almost sixty and dealing with a 16 year old daughter. THAT will be funny.  |
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Jul 23, 2014 14:59:33 GMT
I always wonder why the SYT doesn't see that someday she'll be Ann. Does she really think she's all that special? OP I'm glad you're in a better place. I have to say I am too, but I just can't get past being jaded about the whole marriage thing. Truly, when it happened to me I was SHOCKED! My friends were shocked. My ex and I had, what I thought, was a solid marriage. That's maybe why I am so cynical about marriage. When people asked what happened I told them girlfrieds are way more fun than wives.
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Post by momofkandn on Jul 23, 2014 15:02:27 GMT
The irony in my situation is that he insisted I spent all the money and he never got to buy anything he wanted. But since we've separated, he is the one overdrafting his account and still complaining that has no money to go out. While I have been on two vacations in the last month and always have money in the bank for me and my kids. So now he has all the time in the world to go to happy hours and all the fun stuff he felt he was missing out on. But no money to do it. Sucks to be him.
Edited to add: his SYT isn't so happy that he can't wine and dine her anymore now that he doesn't have a wife making the budget.
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Post by MissBianca on Jul 23, 2014 16:24:19 GMT
Saw a lady driving around town, and not a wealthy town, in a brand new Maserati yesterday. As she drove by DS18 and I both looked, she looked to be about 50 - 55. We both said at the same time, she got that in the divorce settlement!!!
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Post by kimpossible on Jul 23, 2014 16:51:33 GMT
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439 
Location: Idaho
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Post by perumbula on Jul 23, 2014 17:17:15 GMT
Mid life crisis. Classic. The man wakes up one morning bored with his life. It's pulling him down. It obviously can't be his fault he hasn't achieved his overwhelmingly fabulous potential in life. He's wonderful after all. So it must be his family's fault he hasn't become SUPER GREAT. He starts feeling resentful. Gets grumpy with the wife and kids. Blames them for everything and of course goes out for a night or two on the town just to feel young again.
SYT on the prowl can spot this guy from a mile away. He's trying too hard to have fun. He's desperate to prove he's still a "Fun" guy and appealing to the ladies. These guys are very easy to win over.
It's really really sad. It's also the stuff of nightmares for the Anns of the world. I'm an Ann. And while I trust my husband and I don't believe he would ever do that to me, it is one of those things that nibbles at the back of my mind. What if? It's a scary thought.
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miyooper2b
Full Member
Posts: 331
Location: Central Indiana
Jun 27, 2014 15:38:05 GMT
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Post by miyooper2b on Jul 23, 2014 17:29:11 GMT
It's really really sad. It's also the stuff of nightmares for the Anns of the world. I'm an Ann. And while I trust my husband and I don't believe he would ever do that to me, it is one of those things that nibbles at the back of my mind. What if? It's a scary thought. I am an Ann, too. And I also have those scary thoughts. The other day I found a very long hair on just-washed bath towel I was putting away. I have very, very short hair. For a moment I had a bit of panic. Where did it come from? To whom does it belong? Bad thoughts were going through my head. Then I started to think that we had just visited the DGD's, both who have very long hair. It probably came from one of them. But for a moment I was very scared. |
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Post by roundtwo on Jul 23, 2014 17:35:07 GMT
My theory is that they just mirror to one another what they want to hear. Plus they are both so selfish and self-centered that they really can't believe it to be otherwise. I always wonder what happens when the SYT approaches 50 and their husbands are coming up on 70 - are they still married to each other or are they still chasing rainbows and unicorns? I guess I will eventually find out in my case anyway. The ex really sold his SYT on a life full of excitement and luxury and she was star struck (?) enough to believe his tales without opening her eyes and seeing for herself what life with him was actually like. I suspect things are not nearly so exciting when you aren't sneaking around in fancy restaurants and hotels in various places around the globe (the ex use to travel a lot for work and that is when they would meet up) and a whole lot of the paycheque goes to the ex wife. I know the odds are good there are some SYT reading here and I really hope that they look long and hard at what they are doing. If he is willing to cheat on his wife and lie to her, then he is probably more than capable of lying to you as well. I can tell you that 99.9% of the time, the wife isn't the nasty old cow he is describing and he is far from blameless when he claims to be unappreciated and that his marriage is a dull routine. |
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jul 23, 2014 17:57:19 GMT
Mid life crisis. Classic. The man wakes up one morning bored with his life. It's pulling him down. It obviously can't be his fault he hasn't achieved his overwhelmingly fabulous potential in life. He's wonderful after all. So it must be his family's fault he hasn't become SUPER GREAT. He starts feeling resentful. Gets grumpy with the wife and kids. Blames them for everything and of course goes out for a night or two on the town just to feel young again. You articulated that so well! |
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Jul 23, 2014 18:31:23 GMT
And how stupid are the men that they don't see that either?! Of course SYT looks great. NOW. In 5/10/15 years, she'll be me, sweetheart. And you'll only be 5 years older, fatter & poorer. They really are DUMB.
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Post by Ellie on Jul 23, 2014 18:54:27 GMT
This is making me think of this quote from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes:  |
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Post by ChicagoKTS on Jul 23, 2014 18:59:46 GMT
I once worked with a lady who drove a very expensive, darling little sports car with the license plate: "Wuz Hiz".
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 23, 2014 19:06:22 GMT
I'm Ann too! I don't have a fabulous life with wonderful vacations.. but I do okay. I am happier I no longer have Mr. Grumpy Pants around. (I used to call him GP ) I also don't have a screaming 2 year old and 22 year old wife who would rather be out with her friends than home with a baby! I think I win! Edit to add... I also get to live with our daughter 48 weeks a year.. not 4! (His choice) |
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Jul 23, 2014 19:21:19 GMT
Saw a lady driving around town, and not a wealthy town, in a brand new Maserati yesterday. As she drove by DS18 and I both looked, she looked to be about 50 - 55. We both said at the same time, she got that in the divorce settlement!!! It irks me that you'd assume a woman of that age had to get a nice car from a divorce settlement. Couldn't earn/pay for her own car from her own income. I know it's a cliche...  |
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Jul 23, 2014 19:29:08 GMT
Yep, one of my former bosses divorced his wife because after having children she just wasn't exciting anymore.  |
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loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
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Post by loco coco on Jul 23, 2014 19:29:41 GMT
The irony in my situation is that he insisted I spent all the money and he never got to buy anything he wanted. But since we've separated, he is the one overdrafting his account and still complaining that has no money to go out. While I have been on two vacations in the last month and always have money in the bank for me and my kids. So now he has all the time in the world to go to happy hours and all the fun stuff he felt he was missing out on. But no money to do it. Sucks to be him. Edited to add: his SYT isn't so happy that he can't wine and dine her anymore now that he doesn't have a wife making the budget.
 definitely sucks to be him! you go girl |
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Post by pmm on Jul 23, 2014 19:37:00 GMT
*Names have been changed and this matters because you all know me and of course all of my friends... This is awesome! Thanks for the laugh! |
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Post by MissBianca on Jul 24, 2014 19:20:14 GMT
Saw a lady driving around town, and not a wealthy town, in a brand new Maserati yesterday. As she drove by DS18 and I both looked, she looked to be about 50 - 55. We both said at the same time, she got that in the divorce settlement!!! It irks me that you'd assume a woman of that age had to get a nice car from a divorce settlement. Couldn't earn/pay for her own car from her own income. I know it's a cliche... Oh I know there are women out there that can and will buy a nice car with her hard earned cash. But in this particular area of CT, the way she looked and dressed, it oozed "wuz hiz". People around here just don't drive those kinds of cars unless the either get a divorce settlement or have a mid life crisis. |
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Post by grammyj64 on Jul 24, 2014 19:53:57 GMT
I'm also Ann, but my XDH found a woman *older* than I am, not a SYT. Now they are living in a senior citizen residence, never go out anywhere or do anything but complain about their life. Me - I'm not rich, but I have a great relationship with my kids and grandkids and I exercise and get out with people, so I've got the better life. They've got lots of money because he's a cheapskate that won't spend a nickel unless forced to.
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Post by karinms on Jul 24, 2014 20:25:26 GMT
Ha ha, I'm an Ann too. While I'm loving life with the nicest, sweetest, funniest, most considerate and sexy men I've ever met, the SYT that landed my delightful ex has to deal with the reality of life with a man who was the poorest excuse for a dad before they had a child together and is proving that age didn't change that, who has developed a beer gut bigger than thought humanly possible, who goes to bed at 8 o clock.. and who still loves to spend every penny he makes (and more) and hasn't saved a penny for retirement in the hopes he'll inherit. Good luck with that honey!
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Post by moosedogtoo on Jul 24, 2014 20:46:45 GMT
Why don't these SYTs understand that if he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you. They will be Ann someday. I guess they'll learn the hard way. Go Ann, go! |
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jul 24, 2014 21:25:18 GMT
I always wonder why the SYT doesn't see that someday she'll be Ann. Does she really think she's all that special? OP I'm glad you're in a better place. I have to say I am too, but I just can't get past being jaded about the whole marriage thing. Truly, when it happened to me I was SHOCKED! My friends were shocked. My ex and I had, what I thought, was a solid marriage. That's maybe why I am so cynical about marriage. When people asked what happened I told them girlfrieds are way more fun than wives. I do think the SYT's do think they are special...i've heard my (step) MIL say as much. She's 2 years older than dh  I can fast forward the story of the SYT because it does get rather comical....so they marry and have kids. He's now letting her raise a 2nd family (he didn't bother raising the 1st so no change there.) Now in his upper 60's all the kids are finally out of the house. He hasn't retired yet because the SYT liked the money he had so they spent it and they spent it all. They lost their home and now live in an apartment and share a car. She's around 50 and she's married to an "old" man. I say this because he although upper 60's may not be old, he hasn't even taken care of himself and has a lot of health problems. He ignores these until the ambulance arrives usually. Just one version of the SYT, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's not a common one. |
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Post by penny on Jul 24, 2014 21:57:16 GMT
I know the odds are good there are some SYT reading here and I really hope that they look long and hard at what they are doing. If he is willing to cheat on his wife and lie to her, then he is probably more than capable of lying to you as well. I can tell you that 99.9% of the time, the wife isn't the nasty old cow he is describing and he is far from blameless when he claims to be unappreciated and that his marriage is a dull routine. First - I AM NOT A SYT! Second - I AM NOT A SYT! Just throwing in the perspective of someone who is dating and bumping into these guys... Met a man online, lived far apart so there was a lot of messaging/skyline happening rather than just the minimum before I felt comfortable meeting him for coffee... He has two grown children so I asked about their mother... He said that they married young, he loves her, but that people change and they didn't want the same things... He never said the word 'divorced' or 'separated' so I pushed further... He said that they still get along but that she wasn't in the house... Talked about how she preferred to be closer to a certain part if the city but he liked it on the water... Turns out, he was being literal... "She wasn't in the house"... She lived there because they were still married, but she was out with friends during that conversation... Are you kidding me?? We had had so many good conversations that I was disappointed, but there was disgust and anger too... We had a few conversations after where I asked him things about why, what if he got caught, what was missing, I'm old (35, ancient for a STY), and I'm not built like a toy and don't present myself in a sexual manner... That coupled with the distance/impracticality of anything happening, blew my mind... The things he wanted/was looking for were not just sexual (which I don't know if that's a redeeming factor in any way/shape/form or not)... He - and I get the absurdity, never said anything bad about his wife, accidentally said some quite flattering things, and it was clear to me that he loved her... I still can't get my head around that - seeing/hearing/sensing how much he loved her but knowing what he had tried to pull with me... It was like a car accident... I was practically mesmerized by seeing this creature in it's natural habitat...lol He was experiencing genuine emotions but it went against everything I see/believe is genuine... I will say that beyond all the typical reasons why some woman would get involved with a married man, there is something powerful about making someone happy, making them smile or laugh, hearing them excited to talk to you... I'm not sure how big a role that plays, but I think it's an intoxicating thing for both the guys and the women... In closing - I AM NOT A SYT! I ended all communication with him... Not my thing at all... I did tell him that we had had good conversations, shared a sense of humour, had similar interests... And that he is someone that I would've been happy to have as a friend (only!) in my life if he hadn't lied/behaved how he did... A couple weeks later I got any apology email from him that was very sincere (?) and that was the last contact... The amount of time/effort he was willing to extend could've reaped him so many more benefits if he had out that effort in at home... For an actually smart and sought after businessman, he missed that simple "ya get what you give" message... You guys might worry about being married to them, but there are also a bunch of us single women who are worried about meeting them...  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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). Of course they believe the stories they are told about us old things sucking the lives out of them and not appreciating such princes among men.
(I think I need caffeine)
