ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,019
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Jul 24, 2014 12:11:46 GMT
I hope she does appreciate what you are doing for her. My dd is getting married on Aug. 9th and won't be having a shower. I didn't have time to throw one, and not one other person offered. Her bridesmaids are all either traveling here for the wedding or are her little sisters (14 and 9.) One of my sisters halfheartedly mentioned that she didn't think people would want to travel "all the way" to the next town where she lives (12 miles away) to attend the bridal shower. I knew she didn't really want to do it. Not one of my friends has offered. Nothing makes me feel more like my dd was never really accepted and loved than this. No shower. Not one person loved her enough to throw her a shower. Luckily she's a young bride and hasn't noticed the lack. Someday when her friends are getting married she will, though. It makes me sad to read this. I'm so looking forward to her wedding! I can't wait for pics! It's going to be awesome! Lisa D.
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Post by gailoh on Jul 24, 2014 12:14:45 GMT
I would go buy them and send them out...
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,987
Jun 25, 2014 23:13:23 GMT
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Post by Nanner on Jul 24, 2014 12:17:37 GMT
I'd be somewhat ticked too.
Perumbula, that is sad that nobody stepped up to host a shower for your daughter I hope she has a lovely wedding.
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Post by alibama on Jul 24, 2014 12:18:05 GMT
You are not being unreasonable all. Like others have said I would buy that extra pack and be done with it.
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Jul 24, 2014 12:52:49 GMT
Wine. My answer is lots of breathing and wine. I think she expects way too much. Wine is never the answer. Wine is the question - the answer is yes.
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Post by not2peased on Jul 24, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
I think you need to understand that no one is doing anything "to" you. sometimes mistakes are made-it doesn't mean someone is a jerk, it means they are human and messed up.
I would buy some inexpensive invitations and send them out and try to get over it
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Jul 24, 2014 13:39:40 GMT
I guess different regions have different customs. In my area, showers are held and people are invited to the shower who are not necessarily invited to the wedding. Friends of the mob or mog, extended family who for various reasons (couple not wanting a big wedding) are invited to the shower. It is a big party, not a "gift grab". My friends came to the "Jack & Jill" shower for my son, wanting to get to meet my future DIL.
Former neighbours who cared about our family came to the shower. It was a party. The gifts were not the "main attraction".
I have never been to a shower in a restaurant, but many are held in our church fellowship hall. There is usually an open invitation to anyone who would like to attend. There is usually an option to contribute towards a group gift, so the granny or other person who looked after my son when he was in the nursery or in Sunday School can give a small $ amount, if they choose to.
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Post by annabella on Jul 24, 2014 13:46:00 GMT
Typically about half of all the people you invite will show up anyway. She's probably figured that out and thought to invite a few more people to up the number of guests with presents. I would just go buy a pack of basic baby shower invites , mail them and call it good! ITA just get some store bought invites and mail them.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 24, 2014 13:46:48 GMT
I agree with just buying the invites and yes, I'd be cantankerous too. I hope she does appreciate what you are doing for her. My dd is getting married on Aug. 9th and won't be having a shower. I didn't have time to throw one, and not one other person offered. Her bridesmaids are all either traveling here for the wedding or are her little sisters (14 and 9.) One of my sisters halfheartedly mentioned that she didn't think people would want to travel "all the way" to the next town where she lives (12 miles away) to attend the bridal shower. I knew she didn't really want to do it. Not one of my friends has offered. Nothing makes me feel more like my dd was never really accepted and loved than this. No shower. Not one person loved her enough to throw her a shower. Luckily she's a young bride and hasn't noticed the lack. Someday when her friends are getting married she will, though. Thank you so much for being willing to do this. Your niece may not ever fully appreciate what you are doing, but it's awesome. Great job, Aunt! This makes me sad I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter. Does she have friends she works with? Perhaps they will do something for her there. Me too. And you know what? I am the etiquette queen, but in this case I would have absolutely not given a second thought to a mother hosting the shower. And if/when children show up? I would also host a baby shower to end all baby showers-forget about the rules about family hosting.
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Post by khaleesi on Jul 24, 2014 13:56:30 GMT
I agree with just buying the invites and yes, I'd be cantankerous too. I hope she does appreciate what you are doing for her. My dd is getting married on Aug. 9th and won't be having a shower. I didn't have time to throw one, and not one other person offered. Her bridesmaids are all either traveling here for the wedding or are her little sisters (14 and 9.) One of my sisters halfheartedly mentioned that she didn't think people would want to travel "all the way" to the next town where she lives (12 miles away) to attend the bridal shower. I knew she didn't really want to do it. Not one of my friends has offered. Nothing makes me feel more like my dd was never really accepted and loved than this. No shower. Not one person loved her enough to throw her a shower. Luckily she's a young bride and hasn't noticed the lack. Someday when her friends are getting married she will, though. Thank you so much for being willing to do this. Your niece may not ever fully appreciate what you are doing, but it's awesome. Great job, Aunt! To the OP: I agree with just picking up a pack of invites and sending it. That's about all you can do at this late date. Perumbula: I'm sorry your DD isn't having a shower. Can you throw a lunch together at a restaurant for her with family and some local friends? You could do a basket for her and have each person bring an item for it. My stepson got married in May and his bride to be wasn't going to have a shower either. I was able to throw together an informal dinner at a local restaurant with family and we did a pasta basket themed gift. Each person was assigned an item to bring. I provided the colander as the "basket" and each person brought an assigned item: pasta, sauce, a recipe, etc. I also bought a DVD of Lady & the Tramp because it seemed to fit the theme. When I got married my bridesmaids and maid of honor all lived out of state as well as my whole family and I would not have had one if it weren't for my now MIL and friends. It can be as big or as little as you want.
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Post by NanaKate on Jul 24, 2014 15:02:30 GMT
You are NOT being unreasonable and cantankerous...
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Post by rumplesnat on Jul 24, 2014 15:49:42 GMT
I'd be cantankerous as well, especially if I was making the food. Over a dozen more mouths to feed is quite an adjustment, both prep wise and budget wise...also for seating! Hell, a lot of showers consist of a guest list of 14. I'd be stopping at Dollar Tree for more invitations (Don't forget to buy more stamps! ) and also pick up several packages of Thank You cards as a nice little extra surprise gift for her to make sure she is well stocked to send thank you card to all of these guests. I'm the passive aggressive cantankerous aunt.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 24, 2014 19:35:55 GMT
What about just buying a pack of invites for the last 15 people or however many you need and just sending them off tomorrow and then don't worry about it. I'd probably be pissy about it but at least this way she gets to invite more people and you don't have to put more work in and it doesn't create waves. Sorry you're in this position. I agree with this. Just buy a pack of invites, mail them off next day, smile, and know that it will all be over soon enough anyway.
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Post by lucyg on Jul 24, 2014 19:46:35 GMT
Back again to say I am truly shocked at the number of people saying to just buy more invitations and send them out. Do the hostesses have no say whatsoever in how many guests they are hosting? Just do it because the bride said so?
Does.Not.Work.For.Me.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jul 24, 2014 19:56:09 GMT
This would be the biggest issue for me. I hate that unspoken message that you weren't cared about enough to make the first list, but, oh yeah, come bring a gift anyway. Plus this absolutely ought to be run by the other hostesses because of space concerns for adding 14 a more and the additional food & drink required.
Perumbula -- I "attended" a by-mail only shower once when everyone was so far-flung it was either do that or not have one at all. You could "host" a quick recipe shower by e-mailing all the people and asking them to share a few favorite recipes with the bride-to-be.
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Post by auntkelly on Jul 24, 2014 20:06:42 GMT
It wasn't the bride's mother who came up with the "aunts throw the shower" edict; it was my husband's sister (the one I call "Sarge"). She was stressed out about having to throw it and I told her I'd be happy to help. The nickname "Sarge" made me LOL.
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Post by wholarmor on Jul 24, 2014 20:11:02 GMT
Yeah, I wouldn't be mailing out extra invites. I think it's selfish of the bride-to-be to expect another 14 to be added to the list. My friend was throwing a baby shower for someone, and the mother-to-be was asking her to add people to the list because she saw that they gave nice gifts at another shower.
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Post by phoenixcov on Jul 24, 2014 20:14:44 GMT
I think you have done your share and to ask for more is just rude of the Bride. I agree with others that the Aunts doing the catering must be very put out. So, sorry but I wouldn`t be buying or posting any more cards at this late date.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Jul 24, 2014 20:21:31 GMT
Unreasonable? Yes. But, yea, I would go buy some and send them out. I certainly would not make more. I know I have done the same thing to MYSELF with Christmas cards and I didn't want to make more! It is a lot of work.
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Post by cannes on Jul 24, 2014 20:28:29 GMT
I don't think I'd be willing to send out 14 more invitations at this late date. I think the bride is being unreasonable, quite frankly. The hosts should determine the size of the guest list based on their budgets/limitations.
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
Jun 26, 2014 15:57:39 GMT
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Jul 24, 2014 21:26:15 GMT
Back again to say I am truly shocked at the number of people saying to just buy more invitations and send them out. Do the hostesses have no say whatsoever in how many guests they are hosting? Just do it because the bride said so? Does.Not.Work.For.Me.
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