oldcrow
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,828
Location: Ontario,Canada
Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
|
Post by oldcrow on Jul 24, 2014 16:48:41 GMT
A lie by omission is still a lie. Could you live with the lie?
As you say it is better to be eliminated at the start than later when your hopes have risen.
Good luck.
|
|
Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,015
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
|
Post by Sarah*H on Jul 24, 2014 17:13:06 GMT
I agree with everyone else that you are right about wanting to disclose your relationship. The thing is, if she finds out later and disrupts the adoption, it's not just the two of you who would be hurt, it would be the child too. He's already going to have at least one significant relationship disrupted when he leaves his mother, adding in two more would be devastating.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Jul 24, 2014 18:16:17 GMT
Well, first off, you should just move up here to Massachusetts and get married and adopt babies anyway! I'm sad that you even have to consider these options after being in a loving relationship for five years. I agree with so many others that honesty is the best policy in this situation and shame on anyone who doesn't recognize you and your partner's ability to be loving parents to any child placed in your care. A kid couldn't do much better than having a nurse and a teacher for moms. I wish you nothing but the best and hope that the perfect child comes into your lives. This is what I was going to say, except for come on up to Minnesota! I was never so proud to be a Minnesotan as the day my dear friends, John and David, could get married! It's a human rights issue, people! I love the members of this board. They are so supportive.
|
|
|
Post by meridon on Jul 24, 2014 18:22:50 GMT
It sounds like a private adoption (where you hire your own adoption attorney and find your own birthmom or the attorney does) is probably your best bet, with one of you being the adoptive parent with the hope that as laws change, the other could adopt as well. That, or international adoption, but again, only one of you could be the adoptive parent. You might also look into foster/adopt, but it sounds like you are well aware of the legal risks that can come with that plus I have no idea how the foster system in SC views same sex couples. I'm in Alabama, so a similarly conservative state, and I suspect that there's a lot of "looking the other way" when it's a foster mom and her "roommate" because there's just such a desperate need for good homes for kids. It totally sucks that two people who are committed to each other and who want to parent a child together are subject to such discrimination.
I really think you should have an informational meeting with an adoption attorney and look into the foster/adopt program in your state to just see what your options are, especially if you are open to transracial adoption or adopting a child with special needs (and children older than 4 are considered special needs in most cases). There's just such a need for good foster/adopt homes, there may be more flexibility to work within the system than you think.
After you meet, you'll have a much better idea of how to best go about forming your family. If the situation you posted about with the little boy sounds promising, the adoption attorney can tell you how to proceed. In AL, the birthmom/dad/whoever has legal custody of the child currently can give you guardianship so that you can legally have physical custody and make educational/health decisions for the child and he can be with you as you go through the home study and legal process. That's what we did with 2 of our 3. They were with us and we had guardianship for almost a year while we were doing all the legal stuff and waiting on our court dates to finalize the adoption. It was risky as the birthmom could have relinquished that guardianship at any time, but we were confident because of other stuff she had going on that she most likely wouldn't. Anyway, states all have different laws.
Good luck and feel free to PM if you have questions!
|
|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 24, 2014 18:36:03 GMT
I agree with you all the way.
You must be honest.
A prospective birth mother has the right to have all the facts and honest truth in front of her when she chooses an adoptive family to place her child with.
(((hugs))) I hope the right baby comes into your lives (yours & your partner's) soon.
|
|
|
Post by meowgal on Jul 24, 2014 18:38:15 GMT
Be honest. Frankly, if I were giving up a child for adoption, I'd rather place it with a couple...same sex or not, than a single person. Just the family dynamic and all that I'd want for the child. Even still, honesty is best here, because living in fear isn't a very good option.
|
|
purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,790
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
|
Post by purplebee on Jul 24, 2014 18:41:38 GMT
Like the other posters, I also think that being upfront and honest is the way to go. I wish you and your DP the best in completing your family.
|
|
|
Post by maryland on Jul 24, 2014 18:47:19 GMT
I'm sorry that your state won't allow you both to adopt. I hope the state allows it soon! I will say that if I was putting a child up for adoption, I could care less what the parents gender is as long as they will make the best parents!
|
|
|
Post by annabella on Jul 24, 2014 19:01:54 GMT
I think the mother would prefer her baby be adopted by a two parent home verses a lone single woman. Thus it's in your advantage to disclose the truth. Are you afraid of word getting around to your neighbor and her church?
Also it doesn't matter who can legally adopt the child, unless you let it matter to you. I've seen threads here were peas say only one spouse is on the house deed. You know you are both the child's parents and that's all that matters.
|
|
goodwitch
Shy Member
Posts: 39
Jun 29, 2014 22:30:25 GMT
|
Post by goodwitch on Jul 24, 2014 19:06:36 GMT
Honesty is the best policy.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 22:40:10 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2014 19:12:36 GMT
Better to be honest. If it was meant to be, it will happen for you.
|
|
melirez
Junior Member
Posts: 51
Jun 26, 2014 15:46:38 GMT
|
Post by melirez on Jul 24, 2014 19:18:09 GMT
I have to agree with the majority and say that honesty is the best policy, especially in such an important decision. I'd like to add that I find it sad that sexual orientation plays such a large role in hindering children from being placed in loving and secure homes.
|
|