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Post by omarakbt on Dec 31, 2015 22:18:19 GMT
Not that this will help but statistically men who were in a good satisfying relationship tend to remarry more quickly than a woman in the same situation They miss the companionship, the conversation and having someone to do things with and they don't really know how to function on their own. It's very hard on the extended family to see them "moving on" so quickly but it's often very healthy for the surviving spouse Not always because sometime they end up being duped. I know we were all upset when my FIL remarried sp quickly but they had a good marriage that lasted until their death 25 years later
Diane
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Post by librarylady on Dec 31, 2015 22:18:20 GMT
Some people cannot be alone. They just cannot. They take the first opportunity that presents itself. In a weird way it is him saying he cannot go on without your sister and he must have someone to fill the void. I don't know anything about his history before your sister, but if you help your niece see that the loneliness makes it impossible for him to get up in the morning and do what he needs to do, and see this woman as his way of coping with that overwhelming need. It does not make it easy for his daughter, or for you, her sister, but he isn't thinking about any of that. He is only thinking about filling the void.  Perhaps it will help everyone if they remember: *He loved your sister and misses her very much....in fact so much that he is seeking someone to love like he loved your sister. It is so painful when a new romantic interest comes into the picture so soon. I'm sorry that your BIL and the new woman cannot understand the reasons to slow things down. My sympathy on the loss of your sister. The first year is more painful than the years that follow. |
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884 
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Post by zella on Jan 1, 2016 0:18:02 GMT
I'm so very, very sorry for your loss.
Partly because of my own very recent loss and partly because I don't give a shit, I feel no need to be PC here.
Ignore BIL but if he asks you your opinion, tell him. Yes it's too soon to be involving a girlfriend. Holy crap! I feel horrible for your niece. Be there for her as much as you can. And for her siblings too if this is hard for them. If he can't be without a woman in his life, well okay (I think that's weak, but whatever). But expecting to include her in family traditions at Christmas is cruel to the rest of the family.
I would feel NO compunction about ragging on BIL. His actions are thoughtless at the very least. My bil did something of ashole-ean proportions around my sister's death, and I have told people my feelings, and I am angry with him. Your grief may include anger towards him; and I think that's okay. If he didn't expect criticism he would be more circumspect with this relationship.
**After I typed this, I read one of your responses where you said you'd never bash your BIL. You're a better person than I am.
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Post by txdancermom on Jan 1, 2016 3:26:58 GMT
After my mother died suddenly, there were acquaintances calling and coming by offering to help Dad take care of the house, etc, basically pursuing him as an eligible man....it aggravated the crap out of him - some people were even trying to set him up, and this was just a couple months after Mom passed.
I am not saying this is the case in your situation, but it was quite alarming to our family how all these women literally came out of the woodwork to "help" Dad.
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Post by cherrie on Jan 1, 2016 4:29:42 GMT
After my mother died suddenly, there were acquaintances calling and coming by offering to help Dad take care of the house, etc, basically pursuing him as an eligible man....it aggravated the crap out of him - some people were even trying to set him up, and this was just a couple months after Mom passed. I am not saying this is the case in your situation, but it was quite alarming to our family how all these women literally came out of the woodwork to "help" Dad. My cousin and I call them the "casserole ladies". As soon as the wife passes, they are lined up on the porch to take care of the man, its almost a game to see who he will choose! |
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