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Post by PEArfect on Feb 24, 2016 2:04:45 GMT
I recently had a conversation with one of the pastors at my church. He is also a therapist. He wanted to know if he could ask me a few questions about my loss. This was after a bible study group. I opened up during group about my late husband. My loss pertained to the group discussion. He was in my group.
1. Have you talked to a professional about your loss? No
2. What do you feel was the biggest difference between the first year and the second? The first year I felt numb. I was just going through the motions for my girls. Taking care of their needs. The second year was acceptance. Accepting that our lives were forever changed and making adjustments to our new lives. February 4th was 2 years for me. I finally feel like I'm ready to focus more on me.
3. Where have you found the most support? Family and close friends, but my main support is a good friend that is also a widow with three children. We talk daily about anything and everything.
We talked about other topics too. By the end of our conversation he basically told me I didn't need to see a therapist.
I would compare the widow brain or fog to numbness.
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DEX
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Post by DEX on Feb 24, 2016 2:51:05 GMT
It will be 2 years for me next month. I had a response all typed out but.....I am not ready to talk much about it yet. I am starting to see a therapist next month. I think I have PTSD.
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mimima
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Post by mimima on Feb 24, 2016 3:03:24 GMT
It will be 2 years for me next month. I had a response all typed out but.....I am not ready to talk much about it yet. I am starting to see a therapist next month. I think I have PTSD. Love and prayers to you. Huge hugs
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Post by lucyg on Feb 24, 2016 3:35:36 GMT
umm ... 22+ years? Of course, mine was exacerbated by chemo brain, and now with advancing age, who knows, it could be the onset of dementia ... so who knows what all is wrong with my brain at this point, but there's definitely plenty. (Sorry, I thought I copied the entire paragraph. I guess I should be grateful I got the salient sentence, at least.) Things will improve. Maybe in a year or two or three. Don't expect everything to be all normal and Mayberry-ish today. ETA speaking of my general idiocy, I just realized this is an older thread and I already responded to it ... and said pretty much the same thing. Absolutely no memory of reading or responding before. hmmph
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Post by lucyg on Feb 24, 2016 3:53:23 GMT
It will be 2 years for me next month. I had a response all typed out but.....I am not ready to talk much about it yet. I am starting to see a therapist next month. I think I have PTSD. Love and prayers to you. Huge hugs Ditto that. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Feb 24, 2016 12:42:32 GMT
Mine isn't widow brain, but orphan brain. My sisters and I are totally wiped out from my mom's death 3 months ago. None of us feel like we can make a decision or function at our optimal level. It's awful. I feel like I'm exhausted all the time. I'm sorry for the rest of you who are grieving as well. It's awful. I am so sorry...has your dad passed also??? (making you an orphan??) No - he's fine, thankfully. I guess I should've said "motherless brain." ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg)
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Post by jenjie on Feb 25, 2016 3:27:08 GMT
PEArfect I'm glad you're starting to sense a shift. My doctor wants me to see a counselor. My first appointment is in two weeks.
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Post by jenjie on Feb 25, 2016 3:27:54 GMT
It will be 2 years for me next month. I had a response all typed out but.....I am not ready to talk much about it yet. I am starting to see a therapist next month. I think I have PTSD. Big big hugs DEX. ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/mYSUyHtG9Jrcmm_ydVcK.jpg)
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scrappinspidey2
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Feb 25, 2016 3:34:14 GMT
Its coming up on 3 years and 8 months and Im still not functioning to full capacity. I saw several professionals and don't feel like any of them really helped me long term. More like a bandaid and send me on my way. I fear I will be foggy brained forever. I still have days (like the last two) where just getting out of bed is a feat of strength. Of course it doesn't help that I mistakenly mislabeled a box and what i thought was office supplies was all funeral memorabilia....and today the winds shaking the house sent me into flashback land. I swear if it wasn't for the flashbacks I might actually be able to feel "normal" oh well....when its time to stop flashing, it will stop. No....not that kind of flashing
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Post by jenjie on Feb 25, 2016 3:35:00 GMT
lucyg you always manage to make me laugh. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg) Would you say widow brain and grief brain are similar. One of my IRL friends has been through chemo. She is the one person, besides the widows, who understands exactly what this fog feels like. We compare and laugh at ourselves and each other. When she starts with "girl you have no idea!" I know it's going to be a doozy.
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Post by jenjie on Feb 25, 2016 3:39:13 GMT
Its coming up on 3 years and 8 months and Im still not functioning to full capacity. I saw several professionals and don't feel like any of them really helped me long term. More like a bandaid and send me on my way. I fear I will be foggy brained forever. I still have days (like the last two) where just getting out of bed is a feat of strength. Of course it doesn't help that I mistakenly mislabeled a box and what i thought was office supplies was all funeral memorabilia....and today the winds shaking the house sent me into flashback land. I swear if it wasn't for the flashbacks I might actually be able to feel "normal" oh well....when its time to stop flashing, it will stop. No....not that kind of flashing I get it. And I'm so sorry Lynn. The wind is blowing so hard right now it feels like it's going to rip my house apart . It already took down the cable line, Verizon is coming in the morning. But this is the first big storm since the one that hastened Fred's death. I have been wondering how I would make out. So far so good but we haven't lost power yet and I'm keeping my mind occupied.
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scrappinspidey2
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Feb 25, 2016 3:43:56 GMT
so far my cable is intact thank goodness ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png) I must have my west wing for noise when the girl is at school ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png) The new dog helps out tremendously as well. He knows things. Its crazy. He has been a very big blessing to me. Best therapy ever ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/Q_m8lDOvc_3Le3r1GKdf.jpg) Although today he was more like a toddler lol. All the animals were spooked by the wind. Seems the wind is hitting several places this week. A lot of my friends are saying they are experiencing the same heavy wind gusts etc. many hugs to everyone on this thread, although I did breathe a sigh of relief to read everyones responses lol. It makes me feel a bit normal
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Post by jenjie on Feb 25, 2016 3:49:45 GMT
scrappinspidey2 I'm glad the dog is helping. Dd wants a puppy. I said no way, I already have two dogs that drive me crazy. It's good to know we're not alone in the fogginess. Brain drain as someone said upthread.
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Post by jenjie on Feb 25, 2016 21:09:23 GMT
scrappinspidey2 how did you make out overnight? Surprisingly I had the most restful night's sleep in months. I was very thankful.
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Post by PEArfect on Feb 25, 2016 22:36:33 GMT
I honestly believe I wouldn't be where I am without my widowed friend. We talk daily about anything and everything. If any of you want to talk, message me. No one understands like a fellow wid. You can ask or tell me anything, no judgment. I just wanted to put that out there. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg)
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scrappinspidey2
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Post by scrappinspidey2 on Feb 25, 2016 23:55:13 GMT
Jenjie I did okay. Thank you for thinking of me! I ended up spending the night with some fellow wids in a chat. We haven't all been in a chat group together in ages and it was nice to catch up. These particular people are more family at this point than anything. Got to bed after 1 so I paid for that today lol.
I'm glad you got rest!! It's amazing what a difference that can make.
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Post by jenjie on Feb 26, 2016 2:32:56 GMT
PEArfect and scrappinspidey2 I'm starting to understand that. Just today I went to lunch with a woman around my age that until recently I didn't know beyond her name, and didn't know she was a widow. We attend the same church. She started texting me encouragement that was always at just the right time. When we met up today she started out saying it was awkward like a first date. But as soon as we sat down melted away and we talked for hours. I really enjoyed her company. PEARfect what a sweet offer. I might take you up on it. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg)
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Post by jenis40 on Feb 26, 2016 3:18:40 GMT
lucyg you always manage to make me laugh. ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg) Would you say widow brain and grief brain are similar. One of my IRL friends has been through chemo. She is the one person, besides the widows, who understands exactly what this fog feels like. We compare and laugh at ourselves and each other. When she starts with "girl you have no idea!" I know it's going to be a doozy. I didn't want to interject myself into this thread because I'm not a widow. However I have been through 2 and a half years of fighting cancer and I emphathize with so many of things you mention. Chemo brain is very real. My whole life has changed and I have times when I mourn my old life very much. I don't want to compare my hardships to losing a spouse but I do grieve for the way things used to be. My heart goes out to all you ladies and I admire the strength and grace you have shown. It's never easy and each person's burden is different but you are all doing your best to deal with one of life's biggest hardships. My thoughts are with you all.
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Post by jenjie on Feb 26, 2016 4:25:32 GMT
lucyg you always manage to make me laugh. Would you say widow brain and grief brain are similar. One of my IRL friends has been through chemo. She is the one person, besides the widows, who understands exactly what this fog feels like. We compare and laugh at ourselves and each other. When she starts with "girl you have no idea!" I know it's going to be a doozy. I didn't want to interject myself into this thread because I'm not a widow. However I have been through 2 and a half years of fighting cancer and I emphathize with so many of things you mention. Chemo brain is very real. My whole life has changed and I have times when I mourn my old life very much. I don't want to compare my hardships to losing a spouse but I do grieve for the way things used to be. My heart goes out to all you ladies and I admire the strength and grace you have shown. It's never easy and each person's burden is different but you are all doing your best to deal with one of life's biggest hardships. My thoughts are with you all. I know chemo brain is very real and very scary. I'm sorry you have to deal with any of it. I remember one day dh couldn't remember quite a few things. It was very much a he said/she said thing. He got so angry and SCARED! Out of everything, the worry of the possibility of his mind not working properly scared him the most.
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Post by blarneygirl on Feb 26, 2016 15:23:10 GMT
I have the double whammy with widow + chemo brain. That may explain a lot. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/Q_m8lDOvc_3Le3r1GKdf.jpg)
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Post by jenjie on Feb 26, 2016 15:46:06 GMT
I don't know blarneygirl. After reading the "what's the dumbest thing you've done lately" thread I am wondering if it's just that we - all of us - are just plain dumb sometimes. ![:D](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/grin.png)
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