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Post by playingcinderella on Jan 16, 2016 3:35:19 GMT
How do you or do you mark milestone birthdays for loved ones who are gone?
I always think of my Dad on his birthday but have never really did anything to mak/remember etc. Today he would have turned 60 and it has really hit me hard for some reason. He's been gone since 2003, so not fresh, but just really recognizing how young he was and how soon I will be older than he was when we lost him. Just rambling a bit.
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
Posts: 3,082 
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Jan 16, 2016 4:36:56 GMT
I'm sorry you're missing your Dad. If my math is correct, he was 47 when he passed? That seems so young.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,073
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Post by mimima on Jan 16, 2016 4:59:47 GMT
May his Memory be Eternal. Huge hugs. I agree, he was young when you lost him, I'm sorry
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Post by RiverIsis on Jan 16, 2016 5:39:57 GMT
It just depends. Last year my aunt died suddenly after a long illness on which she was declared on the mend. I contacted her sons a couple of months after her death and asked if they would like to celebrate her life on her 70th birthday as she loved family get togethers. So we did. Pictures were brought, a potluck arranged and the grief wasn't so raw and numbing as it had been at the time of her death.
All that said, do what you need to do. Grief isn't linear and there is no timeline. Some of the times I have thought of my own father the most is events with my own kids and how he would have loved to be there. He was only 48 when he passed. The age thing has gotten to me a little bit too as I approach my father's age.
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Post by corinne11 on Jan 16, 2016 12:34:55 GMT
47 is terribly young, I can understand your feelings.  Today is my mum's birthday and she would have been 78. She died last April so we haven't even reached the first anniversary and it was still so hard today not celebrating her birthday with her.
I was just thinking about the fact that next year it will be 25 years since my brother died. He was only 25 when he died and it is making me feel extra sad to think that then he will have been gone longer than he was here, if you know what I mean.
Since both my parents have passed away during the past few years, I really make every effort to spend time with my remaining family and appreciate every moment we share, even just the everyday occasions.
Corinne
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4my2sons
Shy Member
Posts: 36
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Post by 4my2sons on Jan 16, 2016 12:58:52 GMT
This is an issue I am struggling with as well. January 26th will be what would have been my DS Kevin's 21st birthday. As many of you know, he died in a car accident at age 19 in May 2014. He was really looking forward to this particular birthday and we are unsure how to mark this milestone. We continue to be heartbroken over losing him, but still want to honor him in a meaningful way. It will also be difficult when DS Ryan turns 19 in March and even more difficult when he turns 20 since Kevin didn't make it that far. 
Hugs to all who are missing loved ones
Patti |
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Post by katiejane on Jan 16, 2016 13:29:13 GMT
For my mom, I always have a cup of coffee in a bone china cup. She loved drinking out of bone china and its not my thing. But once a year it is. Each Christmas and mothers day we make a donation to a bereavement charity in her name. For my daughter I bake a cake. Not a birthday cake, not decorated but just a cake.
I only bake cakes for birthdays so it is significant for me. I also at Christmas buy 'my first Christmas' decorations and give them to our local nicu for the 6 babies in their high level unit on Christmas Day. Like others have said some years are more painful and I miss them more and feel their loss more.
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Post by playingcinderella on Jan 16, 2016 14:17:22 GMT
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me. My Dad was 47 and he died in a accident. After I made my post, I called Dad's best friend who is like an Uncle to me, just needed someone to miss him with me. I know it's okay to grieve but I just never know which birthdays and anniversaries are going to hit a little harder.
Thank you again, reading your responses made me feel a little less alone in my grief.
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Post by disneypal on Jan 16, 2016 14:18:25 GMT
Today is my dad's birthday too!! But not a milestone, He passed away 4 years ago.
I am not sure what to do when he (or my brother) reaches a milestone birthday. Maybe you could plant a rose bush or other plant that blooms each year, perhaps make a donation to a charity or church he supported or you think would have been a cause he would stand behind.
Although, it has been a few years, I am sorry for your loss. You never stop missing them.
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Post by blarneygirl on Jan 16, 2016 16:26:25 GMT
It wasn't a milestone birthday, but on my husband's first birthdate since he passed, I remember feeling an odd lightness thinking that he was with his mother on his birthday. She passed away when he was my older son's age when he passed away. He missed her so much, and missed having a relationship with her as an adult.
It doesn't answer your question really. On that date I was so energized that I emptied, purged and cleaned out the garage. A job that was needed and one that gave him a lot of satisfaction when he was done.
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Post by keesha on Jan 16, 2016 23:18:19 GMT
My dad passed before I had children so they never knew him. He loved those orange slice gumdrops and I would get him some for his birthday every year. Starting when the kids were young on his birthday I would have a bowl of those out or take to whatever gathering we were going to in his memory (his birthday was 4th of July). Last year my college age son went to the store and bought them himself  . |
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Deleted
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Oct 5, 2024 3:14:47 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2016 23:28:34 GMT
I'm sorry. My dad would have been 70 at the end of the month. He was 63 when he died. I say do what works for you. What would have been my parent's 50th anniversary, we met at a restaurant with just the siblings and their spouses along with my aunt. My sister put together a scrapbook. It was nice to celebrate a bigger milestone. For me, I wish the day would go as quickly as possible when it's his birthday. |
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Post by candygurl on Jan 17, 2016 0:38:21 GMT
My dad passed before I had children so they never knew him. He loved those orange slice gumdrops and I would get him some for his birthday every year. Starting when the kids were young on his birthday I would have a bowl of those out or take to whatever gathering we were going to in his memory (his birthday was 4th of July). Last year my college age son went to the store and bought them himself . Every holiday we have family over we always put out a bowl of M&m's, my grandmas favorite! For her first birthday after she passed we had a celebration of life (since it was a month after her passing) and every birthday of her since, we treat ourselves to dessert, her favorite! |
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Post by k8smom on Jan 17, 2016 0:43:45 GMT
I lost my daughter when she was one month and 8 days old in 1987, and I celebrate her memory every year on her birthday. I used to take it off from work but haven't done that for a while. I always think of her and try to devote the day in her memory, and usually it's my annual "random act of kindness" day and I do little things for others since I can't do anything for her. It gets easier, but the milestones are hard. Hugs to you.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jan 17, 2016 1:10:04 GMT
I drove tot he beach on my moms birthday. She would be 76.
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Post by Merge on Jan 17, 2016 1:15:53 GMT
I celebrated my mom's 65th last year with a glass of wine and some quiet reflection. Dad would have been 70 this year - for him I'll buy a really good bottle of Scotch and enjoy a couple of fingers' worth in his honor. In July it will have been nine years since they passed.
IDK what else to do. My sister has a mass said for both of them each year on their birthdays and the anniversaries of their deaths, but I don't attend church any more. In the past I have donated to charities in their honor - maybe that would be a nice remembrance for you as well.
Hugs to anyone who has painful milestones to mark.
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