Post by RiverIsis on Feb 5, 2016 22:11:51 GMT
She was diagnosed a little less than two years ago. This was just before Archivers closed. We tried to continue in my basement, but because of her doctor visits and how the treatments left her feeling, it didn't happen as much. I tried to stay in touch with her, but I know she was terribly busy and not always feeling well, so it was difficult.
Back in April of last year, we managed to meet up for dinner and then a little shopping. She looked great. She said the treatments had worked and she was in remission. We laughed like we always did whenever we got together. That was the last time I saw her in person where she was conscious.
She texted me in July to see if I wanted to go to the scrapbook convention, but I was going to be out of town that weekend, so I couldn't go. That was the last time I talked to her where she understood what I said.
The 2nd week of Jan, I got an email and a FB message from one of her coworkers. This woman went to the trouble of tracking me down through an old email address my friend had in her computer so she could let me know that my friend was in hospice.
I texted her husband and he thankfully agreed to let me come see her. She was essentially already gone when I got there the next day. But I found out later from the same coworker that the only reason I got to see her at all was because she was no longer aware of her surroundings. Prior to that, she'd made her husband promise that only family would visit.
I say all that to say this - it's about him, not you. It doesn't mean he thinks your insignificant. It could mean that he doesn't want you to remember him this way. It could be that he's overwhelmed with people giving him pity and he doesn't want one more person to feel guilty about leaving behind.
I also understand your own guilt about not staying in touch. I feel it every day. I have to remind myself that there are all kinds of friends and that staying in touch is a two-way street. It wasn't like I wasn't returning her calls or emails - there were no emails or calls to return because she was as bad at keeping in touch as I was.
Be kind to yourself. You have to grieve just like everyone else, and in your own way.
Jen
As for the OP - A written note, through USPS with no expectations. "Thinking of you and all the great times we've had together" IS SUFFICIENT. This isn't a time to unload your soul, this is about him, not you and you reaching out and being supportive but not interfering.