This was a kick in the pants

I'm sorry for your friend's diagnosis and the message you received. I understand -- your feelings and his.

I've been trying to follow through on all those " we need to get together" thoughts and conversations. It's difficult. I wish my friends and family could know how often I think about them.

I'm sorry. I have no advice, just sympathy.

so, going forward what will you do about old friendships that are no basically none existent? It seems to me we all have a limit to how many people we can keep in meaningful contact. While you feel insignificant now how big can your circle of meaningful friendship really be so you don't feel insignificant in the future, or make someone feel insignificant in your every day life.

I doubt he feels you are insignificant, but really only has so much time & energy left to give to family & friends. There is no priority on rekindling old friendships.

{{hugs}}

I'm really sorry your friend feels this way, and he has cancer. Cancer sucks....
As a pp said, it's about him, not you. 

People confuse me at times. I was with a friend a few weeks ago, someone I'd known for maybe 10 years and he tells me I'm an acquaintance, not a friend. I didn't ask why, just let him talk. At first it really bugged me, but since then, I realized he and I view friends differently. I want more substance and with that comment, I'll probably not engage or extend invitations as I have in the past. 

Hugs to you.

prayers for Mike

I'm sorry

I was thinking a note would be good, but I don't know since I've never been in that situation. 

I had a friend do a version of this. With limited time she wanted to focus on those that meant the most to her, and she to them. those beyond that circle took too much time and energy.

I think it would be nice to send a card, but don't expect a reply. And I'd keep it light

So sorry. I'm sure he's experiencing a lot of anger and hurt due to his illness. I would reach out, regardless, without expectation. Take care.

I very recently lost one of my friends to melanoma. We were coworkers several years ago and became good friends - then I left that company and went to a new job. We stayed in touch by going to Archivers once a week (not religiously, but most weeks) and making cards together. Sometimes, if there wasn't enough time for cardmaking, we'd shop at Michael's or Target or go have dinner. 

She was diagnosed a little less than two years ago.  This was just before Archivers closed.  We tried to continue in my basement, but because of her doctor visits and how the treatments left her feeling, it didn't happen as much.  I tried to stay in touch with her, but I know she was terribly busy and not always feeling well, so it was difficult. 

Back in April of last year, we managed to meet up for dinner and then a little shopping. She looked great. She said the treatments had worked and she was in remission. We laughed like we always did whenever we got together. That was the last time I saw her in person where she was conscious. 

She texted me in July to see if I wanted to go to the scrapbook convention, but I was going to be out of town that weekend, so I couldn't go. That was the last time I talked to her where she understood what I said. 

The 2nd week of Jan, I got an email and a FB message from one of her coworkers. This woman went to the trouble of tracking me down through an old email address my friend had in her computer so she could let me know that my friend was in hospice. 

I texted her husband and he thankfully agreed to let me come see her. She was essentially already gone when I got there the next day. But I found out later from the same coworker that the only reason I got to see her at all was because she was no longer aware of her surroundings. Prior to that, she'd made her husband promise that only family would visit. 

I say all that to say this - it's about him, not you.  It doesn't mean he thinks your insignificant. It could mean that he doesn't want you to remember him this way. It could be that he's overwhelmed with people giving him pity and he doesn't want one more person to feel guilty about leaving behind. 

I also understand your own guilt about not staying in touch. I feel it every day. I have to remind myself that there are all kinds of friends and that staying in touch is a two-way street.  It wasn't like I wasn't returning her calls or emails - there were no emails or calls to return because she was as bad at keeping in touch as I was. 

Be kind to yourself. You have to grieve just like everyone else, and in your own way. 

Jen

i agree with this. I'd send him a card letting him know I'm thinking of him and I wouldn't worry about hearing back from him. He has other things on his mind.

Please don't take it personally. It's not so much a snub as it is a drawing-in for him.

I disagree.  My sister was pretty irritated at all the people who came out of the woodwork in the weeks leading up to her death.  People she hadn't seen or heard from in years suddenly just ringing her doorbell and overstaying their welcome (well, let's be real, they weren't welcome, but her DH kept getting to the door before I did).

If you want to send a card or a note as others suggested, feel free, but understand that you do it for yourself and not for him.

I'm also in favor of a note.

I dated a guy very seriously whom I later broke up with. A few years later, when he and I were both married to different people, he became terminally ill. I wanted to reach out to him when he was sick, but I felt it would be inappropriate and might upset his wife, so I stayed away from the hospital and didn't attend his funeral.

Looking back, I wish I had written a note just to let him know I was thinking of him. It didn't occur to me at the time and has always bothered me.