s/o How do you feel about being the professional in the fam?

I know on the other thread that I said I absolutely expect freebies or cheap deals, but honestly, I do know where to draw the line. I have a friend who is a doctor and I rarely ask her medical questions, knowing that she spends all her working days doing just that. Last year she wrote me a referral to a urology gyno after something came up in a conversation that she initiated. A couple of other times I have rung her to let her know that I booked my DD in to see her and what it was about. But I don’t want to take advantage of our friendship so that’s the only time I have called her regarding medical issues. When our DD’s did dancing classes together when they were little, I would make her daughter’s costumes for free – that’s 6 costumes a year for 6 years. I have also done photo shoots and put together slideshows and made invitations for her. 


My DSO does a LOT of stuff for people for free. He used to be a landscape gardener and he still does some decking or retaining walls for friends. The most recent time that he built a deck for a friend, his friend helped him out with the labour. His friend tried to pay him but DSO refused. So then his friend got DSO some business cards printed for DSO’s business and gave them to him for free. That’s how it works with us and our friends and family – it’s a reciprocal arrangement. He built a deck at another friend’s house, and she gets us all free lens in our glasses. He helped another mate build a man cave, and his mate gave him….. well, nothing except a few beers! But DSO just saw it as a way to spend some time with a mate that he doesn’t otherwise see enough of.

My husband and his dad used to have a concrete company. When my husband (a teacher) and I were first married he would take on jobs during the summer so we'd have extra money. It was amazing how many people wanted him to do it free. My neighbors were the worst. They were all on the fire department and considered themselves to be his good buddies, so they bugged him the most. My husband is a nice guy and helped pour three large driveways in a span of five years. You would have thought that maybe one of them could offer to mow our lawn when we went on vacation, but no. Just a bunch of takers. My husband finally learned to say no.

I don't take advantage of friends and family, but I am bothered if they take advantage of me and aren't willing to return the favor. My oldest brother bummed babysitting off on me several times a year when his son was small, but when I called asking an IT question (less often than I babysat for him) he couldn't be bothered to answer. If you're going to want me to do favors for you, you had better be willing to do favors for me.

My husband is a physical therapist assistant and people are always wanting his help. They twist an ankle or hurt their back or whatever and they call him. I totally get that most of the time they just want some advice and the injury isn't bad enough for a full course of PT. What they don't get is that he can lose his licence if he diagnoses injuries or determines a course of treatment. He's not allowed to do that according to this state. He can tell them to take pain meds, loosen up muscles, tell them how to alternate ice and heat, etc. but everyone wants him to push that line. He doesn't mind helping, but I don't think they realize that so much of what they want from him could cause him to lose his lively hood.

I understand!

I am fortunate that my family is really diligent about paying me, even for things that I insist I'll do for free! You know, this thread has made me appreciate them - I had sometimes assumed that they paid me because they thought I needed the money (in a "poor relation" sense), but y'all have helped me reframe it into "they value my expertise and time." Thanks!

I do get freebie requests from acquaintances. Those annoy me because they're often for events that I wouldn't ordinarily be attending, which means it's extra work AND an extra place to go.

I know it drives DH nuts when his family comes to him with computer problems. Yes, he is a software engineer, no he will not set up or build a computer for you. He works for a large tech firm, don't ask him how to trouble shoot your issues with another firm, he isn't familiar with their stuff.

One of my bil's is a pediatrician. I have emailed him a couple times with quick questions on whether he thinks I should take the kids into the doctor. I have always been really apologetic about it (because I do feel bad at times asking). But the last time we were out visiting he pulled me aside and told me that I could ask his advice anytime. Apparently his wife's sister (my other sil) who lives nearby is having him look at one or another of her kids constantly. He said that answering a couple questions over email was totally fine and he knew that I would never take offense if he told me to go get it checked by our doctor.

Sitting with you on your bench, except I don't have kids. I don't like to ask my brother to look at anything mechanical, although he absolutely LOVES to tinker with stuff. 

I need a bit of time to read the thread and I owe a couple of peas some answers/ messages but I had to jump in here. BTW I had a very bad experience (I think it was just before the demise of the old board) with a pea here who called me selfish in the extreme for expressing our joint view, so beware 

ETA: now that I have read the thread I am reassured and I feel pretty normal. Seems like we are all overstretched and sometimes abused by the entitled. The most frequent irritation in my case is a relative who expects me to handle even the most mundane administrative tasks just because they have or may have a legal component. She is also known to argue with some of the advice given, the stuff she doesn't want to hear, then she makes a mess of things. Wash, rinse, repeat. Which makes my post a s/o of a post on another thread 

I worked in translation and tourism due to my "language abilities".

I have had every uninvited Japanese person in the world contact who has no reason to contact me telling me they wanted personal tours of my province and or to borrow my translation/interpretation abilities. Free of charge.

The true people I want to see don't have the money for trips like these and can't afford to come and see me. I would find them great accommodation close to my house or stay with me and we would rock the town out. *Sigh*.

NB I needed some accounting class help when I first studied an accounting course. I asked someone I figured at least would give me a general explanation of what I was supposed to be learning seeing how I pick him up and take him to the airport many times a year, cook his dinner every night, clean the house, walk the dog, mowed the lawn, dropped him and my mother off at parties and then picked them up, prepared and served food at their parties, took care of my mother for the last 20 years or so... I mean I just want you to tell me how to begin when you look at the first page. Would not do that. He said read it and come back if you have any questions. Yeah, that one still bugs me. I guess I am not over it yet.

I still had to translate at his Japanese parties, though. I was uninvited until I got a PANIC STRICKEN phone call from my mother,　"ドーン, get dressed quickly as I am coming to get you. There is no one here who speaks any Japanese. Sorry about the disagreement earlier. Put on that dress from wherever and heels." This happened twice and it's funny how after the second time I think they learned to listen to me. (I suggested in my offhanded way that maybe they should have someone there who speaks Japanese, you know, just in case....no we are fine."

This thread and other makes me glad while dh is a professional, no one needs a structural engineer in every day life.

My dad is a licensed electrician. Plus he was a mechanic in a previous life and is an all-around handy man. He gets calls all the time from friends and local family about repairs and other fix it jobs. My mom hates it because he'll always go help.

This is exactly it. I do the same. Plus, I'm a technical writer. You might not think that you'd get a lot of need for a tech writer, but "can you look over my resume" is something I get weekly. It takes me about 4 good hours to work on a resume to get it right. And you know what? I am thrilled to do it for my family and friends. I don't have 5 minutes to spare IRL, but my family and friends are always there for me and I couldn't be happier to do something small for them.

Family members and a couple of friends have tried to draw me into making a diagnosis and or looking at their intimate parts because they have an itch/ rash, lump etc. I tell them that my insurance won't allow it and that they should see their GP. I have on 3 or 4 occasions delivered the babies of neighbours and acquaintances that have put in an unexpected appearance. That is different and I don't mind too much as long as I have a pair of gloves about my person.

That's true however the charges in question I think are for the merchant themselves rather than ones passed to the customer. I know we deal with some suppliers and clients that will give us significant discounts for cash transactions versus credit card ones, because they get around any associated cost with a card transaction. 

It is annoying to be asked but I've discovered, especially in the media/entertainment industry, that paying by cash is very common and that cash discounts are pretty much expected and given.

It may have something to do with being able to record the transaction differently for tax purposes. 

My dad used to be a car dealer. I'll never forget something he said to me once.  "When I closed my dealership, the biggest open bill accounts all had my last name." He felt 'obligated' to help out his family buy cars, which somehow turned into them being his problem to pay for. 

I'm in marketing so I don't get asked for a lot of help. The only one I truly struggle with is my high school class reunion. I'm expected by everyone that I will plan it b/c I plan events for a living. But I'm too busy, and don't care that much. So that's why we are approaching 20 years and haven't had a reunion yet. 

I'm a graphic artist - my friends, on occasion, have asked for my help and it always turns out to be more complicated than most of my clients' work. Thankfully they don't ask often, so I'm happy to help, but I can see where it would become a problem if they asked all the time.

Jen