Post by Cupcake on Feb 15, 2016 20:38:46 GMT
I apologize in advance for the long post, but could use any help, advice, bail money you care to share...
Background: Mom is a retired nurse who finally got an Alzheimer's diagnosis last year at age 68. We had been after her to see a specialist for some time, but having been a charge nurse in a nursing facility, working with many dementia patients for years, she is not a very good patient herself.
Mom lives at home with my stepfather, who has his own health issues. They have been together for 18 years. He can be very needy and demanding and we suspect has his own memory issues after an accident about a year and a half ago (which he of course denies). He cannot be relied upon to help out at all. We (my siblings and his own son) have talked to him about doing more for himself, as mom cannot take care of him like she used to. He is oblivious when it comes to her issues.
Since last January, mom has been hospitalized 3 (4?) times for unexplained severe digestive issues. She lost a ton of weight, was depressed, and felt horrible all of the time, and her memory was declining rapidly. I strongly suspected that her meds needed to be better regulated; I suspected that she was overdosing herself because she hadn't remembered she had already taken her pills and was doubling up. Also, a lot of these troubles began when she started taking Aricept. Last August, after a family meeting with a nurse practitioner and a social worker, we decided that a locking pill box with an alarm would be best for her. After lots of pushback from mom (understandably) I purchased one and offered to keep it filled. My brother had gotten Power of Attorney, and my sister, who lives right around the corner from mom but works longer hours, could stop by and check in when needed.
When I started to fill the pill box, I felt it was best to take the remaining pill bottles out of the house; my mom and siblings had a fit, so they stayed in a different part of the house, but Mom still had access to them. I thought it defeated the purpose of regulating Mom's meds; my siblings didn't want to upset mom. For the first couple of weeks, Mom went into the stash and pulled out all of her pills from the bottles, refusing to use the box. Eventually she saw how convenient it was and got used to it. I kept it filled, and would spend extra time with her when I went over there. I also went to a couple of appointments with her and got her off the Aricept. By Thanksgiving, her digestive issues resolved, her mood stabilized, she regained some weight, and was getting out of the house again. Her memory went back to her previous levels.
I have continued regulating mom's meds, and she has been doing so well. I am not a nurse, so it hasn't been easy, but I know everything she takes, who prescribed it, what it's for, and how often she takes it. I handle calling in all of her refills too.
Last Friday, my brother called and told me he had taken Mom to the airport so she could fly to Florida to see her sister for 2 weeks (we live in Boston). I had just talked to my mom a few days prior and she didn't mention anything about traveling. My sister bought Mom a ticket on Monday, after Mom's sister contacted her and said it was a good time to come down. As long as someone takes her to the terminal and picks her up on the other end, that is fine, she's done it before and is in pretty good shape right now. BUT no one called me and let me know until after mom was gone--not my brother, sister, or stepfather--and no one bothered to ask Mom about her meds!
When my brother called I was Pea Livid. He said he was focused on her finances and not her meds so he didn't even think to ask her. I told him he had better get in touch with Mom/her sister in Florida and find out if she had any meds and if so, what she did. (Her nearly empty pill box was left on the kitchen counter, I was due to fill it this past weekend). Apparently Mom went into the stash of bottles and dumped out pills into plastic bags (!) and told my brother that she was pretty sure she knew what to take. :/
He ended up going to my mom's and sending pictures of all of the bottles to my aunt, along with a photo of the list I keep in her kitchen of her current meds. My aunt sorted out everything as far as I know. I don't even know if she remembered her insulin.
I am just so dumbfounded that not a single one of them thought to ask mom about her meds, or call me. I fully plan to reopen the conversation about keeping the rest of mom's pill bottles accessible to her, and if I am still going to be in charge of her meds, want them OUT of the house. I am trying to be practical and know that this is what needs to be done in order for mom to stay independent in her home, which is what she wants. She refuses to move into assisted living, so we need to do everything we can to help them at home. They have a private pay aide who is a godsend, but she doesn't get involved with meds.
What at can I do to keep mom stable, without pissing her off? I really don't care if I piss off my siblings at this point. It would be nice to keep the peace but mom is my focus and I really think they are in a bit of denial, especially my sister. I understand but am trying to be practical.
And with that I think I set a record for my longest post ever... Any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated!
Lisa B.
Background: Mom is a retired nurse who finally got an Alzheimer's diagnosis last year at age 68. We had been after her to see a specialist for some time, but having been a charge nurse in a nursing facility, working with many dementia patients for years, she is not a very good patient herself.
Mom lives at home with my stepfather, who has his own health issues. They have been together for 18 years. He can be very needy and demanding and we suspect has his own memory issues after an accident about a year and a half ago (which he of course denies). He cannot be relied upon to help out at all. We (my siblings and his own son) have talked to him about doing more for himself, as mom cannot take care of him like she used to. He is oblivious when it comes to her issues.
Since last January, mom has been hospitalized 3 (4?) times for unexplained severe digestive issues. She lost a ton of weight, was depressed, and felt horrible all of the time, and her memory was declining rapidly. I strongly suspected that her meds needed to be better regulated; I suspected that she was overdosing herself because she hadn't remembered she had already taken her pills and was doubling up. Also, a lot of these troubles began when she started taking Aricept. Last August, after a family meeting with a nurse practitioner and a social worker, we decided that a locking pill box with an alarm would be best for her. After lots of pushback from mom (understandably) I purchased one and offered to keep it filled. My brother had gotten Power of Attorney, and my sister, who lives right around the corner from mom but works longer hours, could stop by and check in when needed.
When I started to fill the pill box, I felt it was best to take the remaining pill bottles out of the house; my mom and siblings had a fit, so they stayed in a different part of the house, but Mom still had access to them. I thought it defeated the purpose of regulating Mom's meds; my siblings didn't want to upset mom. For the first couple of weeks, Mom went into the stash and pulled out all of her pills from the bottles, refusing to use the box. Eventually she saw how convenient it was and got used to it. I kept it filled, and would spend extra time with her when I went over there. I also went to a couple of appointments with her and got her off the Aricept. By Thanksgiving, her digestive issues resolved, her mood stabilized, she regained some weight, and was getting out of the house again. Her memory went back to her previous levels.
I have continued regulating mom's meds, and she has been doing so well. I am not a nurse, so it hasn't been easy, but I know everything she takes, who prescribed it, what it's for, and how often she takes it. I handle calling in all of her refills too.
Last Friday, my brother called and told me he had taken Mom to the airport so she could fly to Florida to see her sister for 2 weeks (we live in Boston). I had just talked to my mom a few days prior and she didn't mention anything about traveling. My sister bought Mom a ticket on Monday, after Mom's sister contacted her and said it was a good time to come down. As long as someone takes her to the terminal and picks her up on the other end, that is fine, she's done it before and is in pretty good shape right now. BUT no one called me and let me know until after mom was gone--not my brother, sister, or stepfather--and no one bothered to ask Mom about her meds!
When my brother called I was Pea Livid. He said he was focused on her finances and not her meds so he didn't even think to ask her. I told him he had better get in touch with Mom/her sister in Florida and find out if she had any meds and if so, what she did. (Her nearly empty pill box was left on the kitchen counter, I was due to fill it this past weekend). Apparently Mom went into the stash of bottles and dumped out pills into plastic bags (!) and told my brother that she was pretty sure she knew what to take. :/
He ended up going to my mom's and sending pictures of all of the bottles to my aunt, along with a photo of the list I keep in her kitchen of her current meds. My aunt sorted out everything as far as I know. I don't even know if she remembered her insulin.
I am just so dumbfounded that not a single one of them thought to ask mom about her meds, or call me. I fully plan to reopen the conversation about keeping the rest of mom's pill bottles accessible to her, and if I am still going to be in charge of her meds, want them OUT of the house. I am trying to be practical and know that this is what needs to be done in order for mom to stay independent in her home, which is what she wants. She refuses to move into assisted living, so we need to do everything we can to help them at home. They have a private pay aide who is a godsend, but she doesn't get involved with meds.
What at can I do to keep mom stable, without pissing her off? I really don't care if I piss off my siblings at this point. It would be nice to keep the peace but mom is my focus and I really think they are in a bit of denial, especially my sister. I understand but am trying to be practical.
And with that I think I set a record for my longest post ever... Any words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated!
Lisa B.
Refupea #39
