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Post by anonrefugee on Feb 16, 2016 0:23:24 GMT
I was fortunate not to witness that. I heard parents complain when they thought calls weren't fair or correct. But never against the players. It's good that your friend called them out! Oh my yes- pity the poor teenage refs too!
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Feb 16, 2016 0:27:49 GMT
I was fortunate not to witness that. I heard parents complain when they thought calls weren't fair or correct. But never against the players. It's good that your friend called them out! Oh my yes- pity the poor teenage refs too! OMG, the refs...I feel SO sorry for them sometimes. At one of our club's U8 games a few weeks ago, the parents of the other team got SO bad that the REF walked off the field, flipped the bird to all the parents sitting on the bench and didn't return to the game. I wasn't at that game either but from what I heard the parents of the other team were SCREAMING at the ref and at all the players. I couldn't believe it. Yes, bad calls are made...the ref(s) can only see so much. They do their best. I NEVER call out a ref on calls. That's the coach's job if he feels that we're being wronged somehow. Respect - that's what I'm teaching my kids. You do NOT argue with a ref. If he makes a call against you, whether you did it or not...you be respectful. So far, so good.
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Post by anonrefugee on Feb 16, 2016 0:30:38 GMT
anxiousmom my hands involuntarily stiffened reading about your son. That's just horrible behavior. I do t know what's wrong with people.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 16, 2016 0:34:13 GMT
You think it's hard to be the parent of a player - try being the parent of a ref. I honestly can't imagine what in the world gets into these parents. These are young, rec teams, who can't begin to find enough adult referees, so they hire KIDS. I had one mother go nuclear about an offsides call my daughter made when she was 12ish. I mean seriously. She was on the field YELLING at a child. And just so there's no confusion, my daughter doesn't look old for her age - if anything she looks a couple years younger than her age. There was no doubt this woman knew she was yelling at a preteen working the sideline about a call for her 9 year old kid's soccer game like he'd just been denied a gold medal. Perspective people!
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Feb 16, 2016 0:47:25 GMT
You think it's hard to be the parent of a player - try being the parent of a ref. I honestly can't imagine what in the world gets into these parents. These are young, rec teams, who can't begin to find enough adult referees, so they hire KIDS. I had one mother go nuclear about an offsides call my daughter made when she was 12ish. I mean seriously. She was on the field YELLING at a child. And just so there's no confusion, my daughter doesn't look old for her age - if anything she looks a couple years younger than her age. There was no doubt this woman knew she was yelling at a preteen working the sideline about a call for her 9 year old kid's soccer game like he'd just been denied a gold medal. Perspective people! It really makes me wish there were supervisors that could walk around all these games and give out red cards to the asshat parents. LOL
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 16, 2016 0:51:02 GMT
You think it's hard to be the parent of a player - try being the parent of a ref. I honestly can't imagine what in the world gets into these parents. These are young, rec teams, who can't begin to find enough adult referees, so they hire KIDS. I had one mother go nuclear about an offsides call my daughter made when she was 12ish. I mean seriously. She was on the field YELLING at a child. And just so there's no confusion, my daughter doesn't look old for her age - if anything she looks a couple years younger than her age. There was no doubt this woman knew she was yelling at a preteen working the sideline about a call for her 9 year old kid's soccer game like he'd just been denied a gold medal. Perspective people! It really makes me wish there were supervisors that could walk around all these games and give out red cards to the asshat parents. LOL They actually do that here. The best part of that interaction was watching my daughter kick the parent off the field. They would not resume the game until the parent left the field. They do have a supervisor - but the reality is the kids need to learn how to deal with it as there 10 or so fields. They'll even kick the coaches out if they go onto the field to yell at the refs. Now it doesn't stop the yelling from the sidelines, but luckily they can't hear half of the crap being said.
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Post by leslie132 on Feb 16, 2016 1:00:08 GMT
As the mother of a 6ft 1, 12 year old who plays competitive hockey, baseball and football I have heard it all. It used to really bug me and I would make comments back asking if they want to see his birth certificate. It doesn't bother ds so I have learned to relax and just laugh say yep he's 12 you should see his dad. People who know us get a good giggle out of that as DH is 5"5. My dd has been a competitive hockey goalie since she was 8 and I have always sat away from the rest of the parents. Mostly becasue I get nervous for her but not being able to hear other parents is a bonus. So hang in there OP and let it go in one ear and out the other. One of my sons best friends (Matt) is turning 12 this month. My son is 11.5 and tall for his age. His friend topples over him. His doctor told him he is the size of an average 16 year old. People always comment about Matt's size and age. The football coach drools over him. I'm happy to report that Matt's heart is just as big....and football is not in this gentle giants future. He plays baseball!
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Post by leslie132 on Feb 16, 2016 1:05:50 GMT
I am a competitive players Mom. I love that type of game. I also cheer louder than most....I swear it is my voice. I'm just loud by nature (blush).
Anyway.....I cheer for ANY player. If the opposing team catches one of my sons hits I may groan loudly. But, if it is a good catch I always call out "great catch #?". These kids have to learn that there is always a winner and a loser. There is no shame in losing and sometimes there is more than one way to walk off the field a winner.
Parents who scream at players in a negative way....they are very insecure. They need to prove something to themselves if they have to try to make a child feel small. So sit where ever you feel comfortable. Your child will feel your support from across that field!
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Post by jassy on Feb 16, 2016 1:10:47 GMT
No, its not. I wish I was better at it! My son plays varsity HS soccer, and competitive club. He's pretty good and very fast, and can frustrate the opposing team. He's also a visible minority, and the the most horrible thing is how many times another parent or player's frustration towards him comes out with racial slurs. We've had three major incidents with that at the high school level. It breaks my heart. I refuse to accept it - and neither does he - and we have pursued those issues beyond the field on all occasions. Some people are just the worst
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Post by Really Red on Feb 16, 2016 1:23:03 GMT
As the mother of a 6ft 1, 12 year old who plays competitive hockey, baseball and football I have heard it all. It used to really bug me and I would make comments back asking if they want to see his birth certificate. It doesn't bother ds so I have learned to relax and just laugh say yep he's 12 you should see his dad. People who know us get a good giggle out of that as DH is 5"5. My dd has been a competitive hockey goalie since she was 8 and I have always sat away from the rest of the parents. Mostly becasue I get nervous for her but not being able to hear other parents is a bonus. So hang in there OP and let it go in one ear and out the other. My son was always the youngest on his team as his birthday was just before the cutoff. We had SO many games where the mom manager had to pull out his birth certificate. He stopped playing travel at U13, so this was all when he was 12 and under!!!! I thought it was funny and it did make my son proud. And psiluvu I, too, sat away from everyone for the longest time. My son in on a private school Varsity team and really, not only do we have the best parents EVER, nearly every single team (bar one or two), has great parents as well. My son was in the state tournament and at one point, the game ended with a 1-1 tie. You know that means penalty kicks. I did walk away from everyone at that point, because we were in the state tournament for the first time ever! I hated that it came down to my son. Well, my son saved two kicks and we advanced. This time (!) it was good. But I went over to the parents of the other goalie (who I didn't know and were from NOVA) and I told them that their son did great. Honestly, they could not have been kinder. They complimented my son and my son's team and seriously, I felt like we all could've been friends if we didn't live 200 miles apart. It made me very happy. Good sportsmanship DOES exist!!! With parents and kids!
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Feb 16, 2016 1:35:25 GMT
It really makes me wish there were supervisors that could walk around all these games and give out red cards to the asshat parents. LOL They actually do that here. The best part of that interaction was watching my daughter kick the parent off the field. They would not resume the game until the parent left the field. They do have a supervisor - but the reality is the kids need to learn how to deal with it as there 10 or so fields. They'll even kick the coaches out if they go onto the field to yell at the refs. Now it doesn't stop the yelling from the sidelines, but luckily they can't hear half of the crap being said. Oh wow!!! Good for her!! I've never seen any coach or parent get kicked off the field but there are times that it should definitely happen!
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brandy327
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,353
Jun 26, 2014 16:09:34 GMT
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Post by brandy327 on Feb 16, 2016 1:38:39 GMT
As the mother of a 6ft 1, 12 year old who plays competitive hockey, baseball and football I have heard it all. It used to really bug me and I would make comments back asking if they want to see his birth certificate. It doesn't bother ds so I have learned to relax and just laugh say yep he's 12 you should see his dad. People who know us get a good giggle out of that as DH is 5"5. My dd has been a competitive hockey goalie since she was 8 and I have always sat away from the rest of the parents. Mostly becasue I get nervous for her but not being able to hear other parents is a bonus. So hang in there OP and let it go in one ear and out the other. My son was always the youngest on his team as his birthday was just before the cutoff. We had SO many games where the mom manager had to pull out his birth certificate. He stopped playing travel at U13, so this was all when he was 12 and under!!!! I thought it was funny and it did make my son proud. And psiluvu I, too, sat away from everyone for the longest time. My son in on a private school Varsity team and really, not only do we have the best parents EVER, nearly every single team (bar one or two), has great parents as well. My son was in the state tournament and at one point, the game ended with a 1-1 tie. You know that means penalty kicks. I did walk away from everyone at that point, because we were in the state tournament for the first time ever! I hated that it came down to my son. Well, my son saved two kicks and we advanced. This time (!) it was good. But I went over to the parents of the other goalie (who I didn't know and were from NOVA) and I told them that their son did great. Honestly, they could not have been kinder. They complimented my son and my son's team and seriously, I felt like we all could've been friends if we didn't live 200 miles apart. It made me very happy. Good sportsmanship DOES exist!!! With parents and kids! Wow - that's phenomenal!!! Gives me hope!!
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
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Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Feb 16, 2016 1:40:16 GMT
No, it's not for the faint of heart at all. Wait until you get to high school baseball. Worse than the little league parents with all the parents yelling at the kid who makes a mistake. No fond memories for me
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Post by maryland on Feb 16, 2016 3:36:54 GMT
I know what you mean about nasty moms! We have experienced that in both soccer and dance. My daughter played on a U18 coed indoor soccer team. One of the teams was an all girls team. They were very good, and could easily beat our mostly boys and 2 girls team. But they played so aggressively and the moms encouraged it. They thought it was fine for the girls to push and do some nasty moves to the boys. But if the boy got the ball away from the girl they yelled. That team was finally kicked out of the league. Too many complaints about the parents and the girls nasty playing. And the coaches never tried to stop it the girls or their parents.
When my daughter was 14, she was playing in a late night indoor game the night before Thanksgiving (and our big trip). She was not involved in a play and a girl intentionally ran into her, knocked her over and broke her wrist. My husband was ready to go after the girl and the ref who didn't do anything about it! It's so hard to see your child hurt when they are just trying to have fun and play a game.
We were at a dance comp this weekend. Some moms sat and talked loudly in the audience when their kids weren't on stage. They whooted and hollered when their kids were on stage. They acted like teen girls and boys at a concert.
Good for your friend sticking up for the team! I would have loved to have seen the look on those moms faces when she shot them down!
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Post by Belia on Feb 16, 2016 3:57:59 GMT
No, its not. I wish I was better at it! My son plays varsity HS soccer, and competitive club. He's pretty good and very fast, and can frustrate the opposing team. He's also a visible minority, and the the most horrible thing is how many times another parent or player's frustration towards him comes out with racial slurs. We've had three major incidents with that at the high school level. It breaks my heart. I refuse to accept it - and neither does he - and we have pursued those issues beyond the field on all occasions. Some people are just the worst That's horrifying. To think that in this day and age people are so ignorant... about children, too. And something as meaningless as high school sports!
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Post by anxiousmom on Feb 16, 2016 12:55:52 GMT
No, its not. I wish I was better at it! My son plays varsity HS soccer, and competitive club. He's pretty good and very fast, and can frustrate the opposing team. He's also a visible minority, and the the most horrible thing is how many times another parent or player's frustration towards him comes out with racial slurs. We've had three major incidents with that at the high school level. It breaks my heart. I refuse to accept it - and neither does he - and we have pursued those issues beyond the field on all occasions. Some people are just the worst That is just wrong on so many levels. Of all the things we have heard over the years, I am glad that this isn't one of them-and good for your son to stand up against it. It isn't always easy to go against the grain in the world of competitive high school sports so you have every reason to be proud of him. To me, that means he learned both the technical skills of the sport, and the greater lesson of what is good sportsmanship. Good for him.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Feb 16, 2016 13:21:15 GMT
Eh see all of that doesn't bother me. I remember last year at youth baseball. Bases were loaded, we were losing, 2 outs. Yep it's my son's turn at bad. I am actually said "Why aren't they putting in a sub?" He came off the bench at the 4th inning. The other mom's were like "He'll be fine". I ain't stupid, they were thinking the same thing as me but were being polite. Long story short, he hit a line drive over the head of the first baseman straight down first base line. Drove in 3 runs. Had he not held up at 3rd it would of been a grand slam home run (the catcher dropped the ball but the coach didn't chance it). We won the game and I sat there with tears in my eyes.
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Post by debmast on Feb 16, 2016 13:22:52 GMT
Both my girls played soccer. The oldest is now in college and no longer plays (although does occasionally play intermural because she misses it). Younger one is 15 and a freshman in HS - plays competitive and on her HS Varsity team.
Parents are the issue 99.9% of the time, seldom the kids (unless encouraged by the asshat adults).
My favorite is when the kids make the parents look stupid. We watched a game of one of my daughter's sister teams. Ref called the other team off sides and girl from our sister team (at that time age 13) was taking the kick. A parent was SCREAMING at her that the player was not offsides, she shouldn't be getting the kick, just insanely yelling at her. She face toward him and calmly says "The ref called her offsides, so I'm taking the kick. But thank you so much for your input." And then she continued to play. All the parents from his own team started laughing and said to him "Well she just told you!"
I would never comment on the way another person's child was playing. I don't even comment on my own child. She knows far more about soccer than I do.
Our club sent an article out years ago about how to be supportive of your child, etc. One thing was that they do NOT want to talk to you most of the time after the game (especially after a loss) about what happened. That you should just tell them how much you enjoyed watching them play. So our family joke after games now is to just say to her "I ENJOYED watching you play" and it almost always gets a grin out of her, even after a loss!
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Post by brina on Feb 16, 2016 14:07:27 GMT
I was fortunate not to witness that. I heard parents complain when they thought calls weren't fair or correct. But never against the players. It's good that your friend called them out! Oh my yes- pity the poor teenage refs too! I am a ref's mom. After years of watching him play hockey - take checks, get boarded, etc, nothing has been worse than watching him referee a game. Adults screaming at him, telling him he is blind or an idiot or both. When I asked him he says the fans he just tunes out but he hates when a coach beckons him over to the bench because no matter how calm they seem when calling him over once he is there they start screaming in his face.
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Post by Really Red on Feb 16, 2016 14:52:42 GMT
No, its not. I wish I was better at it! My son plays varsity HS soccer, and competitive club. He's pretty good and very fast, and can frustrate the opposing team. He's also a visible minority, and the the most horrible thing is how many times another parent or player's frustration towards him comes out with racial slurs. We've had three major incidents with that at the high school level. It breaks my heart. I refuse to accept it - and neither does he - and we have pursued those issues beyond the field on all occasions. Some people are just the worst This is just shocking. I'm in the south and I can tell you that if I ever heard such a thing, I'd go directly to the head of whatever sport it was. That second. Unbelievable. Three major incidents!! Good for your son for pursuing this and good for him for letting you know. I think both of those things are harder than we can imagine for teenagers.
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Post by threegirls on Feb 16, 2016 15:07:47 GMT
My daughter plays goalie and I always ask her, "How many times did you prevent a goal from being made and how many times was a goal made?" Her answer is almost always that she prevented more goals than she missed. In my book she was successful at the game even if her team lost. It makes her feel better. For my dd the problem was not with parents but with fellow players. She plays fall and spring. Last fall was rough because her team and another merged. Some of the new girls were awfully nasty to her when a goal was made. I just repeated, "How many times did you prevent a goal from being made and how many times was a goal made?" ljsmom Thank you for telling the opposing keeper that they did a good job. It does mean something to the player. My daughter has had a few parents from other teams tell her she did a good job at goalie. It really makes her day! I had a coach from the opposing team tell me that she did a good job. That made my day. I think you are a good role model for kids.
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Post by RiverIsis on Feb 16, 2016 15:44:06 GMT
I mostly clap for my team, but I can tell you, when the other team is not doing so well or they do something great, I always clap for them. It sucks being the parent of a goalie and it sucks more listening to adults be mean to kids. I make sure that everyone knows that I don't tolerate it.
I get some sideways looks from other parents when I applaud a particularly good play by an opposing keeper. I can be totally bummed that a goal was not scored for our boys while also impressed with skill that their keeper makes. I often will yell "great save, keep" or even after a game if we encounter them (win or lose) as we walk out I be sure they know how well they did. Not sure some random soccer mom telling them makes them feel better but I know how lonely and hard that position can be.
When my DS's were playing, I learnt that I chat a lot and I actually do know quite a bit more than the average parent. Must be being married to a Englishman and watching "football" every chance we get from Premiership (yes, we have family friends that were Internationals). DH and I always give Kudos for great plays, doesn't matter which team. Of course we would all like it to be for our team! DS16 has played in pretty high level, competitive soccer leagues since he was 8. The one and only time my DH lost it with someone on the sidelines was just last spring. This guy was loudly calling out kids by name, being critical of their play. When he specifically started critiquing DS, my normally calm DH got in his face and told him that those were "somebody's kids and he should just shut it." It caused a bit of stir among the other parents as he was a friend of one of the team families.. . . He was their priest. . . Wearing his collar. . . Guess that goes to show you it can bring out the ugly in everyone. I know I "critique" play but not loudly, normally it is a conversation with DH about if a player could have made a better choice, or if they are tired etc. It is only a conversation between me and DH. Once one of the player's moms was in front of us and said "you know that's my son" I did reply yes but that we talk about the whole game and aren't singling players out nor being mean. Her son had a lot of talent but he was running on empty that game and the coach just didn't notice it (happens with teenage boys). I think once she actually heard we were discussing the game and not just her snowflake (I don't think she was listening until she heard her son) she was ok. My DH had actually offered multiple times to help coach. So that kind of call out wouldn't have worked with us! I watched a kid deliberately slide tackle, cleat first, my son which completely tore his MCL get high fived by his teammates when my son dropped like a stone and had to be helped off the field. The kid got a yellow card. My son got months of physical therapy, pain and crutches and the kid got a yellow card. I won't even tell you about the glee in the parent's comments when it happened. I have never been so angry in my whole life-and I am one of those people who it takes a whole lot to get mad. I was furious. I don't know if it is the parents who think their snowflakes are the next best player, I don't know if it is the entitled kids or the poor leadership of coaches-but watching the other side high five each other when an opposing player was hurt on purpose and not one single adult did a thing to stop them, I think it is no wonder why we have such trouble with our college and professional athletes they haven't been taught what is right and wrong. (And I should add, we have had great coaches over the years. The boy's high school soccer coach benched kids for bad sportsmanship and it really sets the tone when the coach is more concerned with 'right' play rather than winning at all costs.) I can't stand those teams/players I honestly think it should be grounds for an immediate forfeit. We had a kid from the local Catholic school who at the time were miles better than our HS, feign injury. As soon as our player got yellow carded, he miraculously jumped up ready to take the free kick. I admit I did shout "It's a miracle! Greatest comeback since Lazarus" which made the linesman laugh. I'm so sorry your son was injured like that. It doesn't promote the game at all. It was horrible. And that was about the time I had to disengage from going to all the games. It stopped being fun and became a blood sport and I couldn't take the other parents (on both sides) and I couldn't watch the coaches divorce themselves from teaching good sportsmanship. I would go to random games, but I was no longer at every single game. I am thankful that my younger son has started playing tennis-I often know the parents from the other teams and I rarely hear any negative comments from them and the coaches seems pretty darn encouraging. Soccer though. Some of those coaches are hard core and teaching the kids how to play dirty without getting caught seems to be a badge of honor. I was absolutely SHOCKED...SHOCKED when we first realized that there were coaches out there that taught the nastiness. My dh and his friend that coach - his friend is kind of the hard ass coach, and my dh is the "nice" coach. My dh encourages the girls, gives them props for the things they do right and basically a "you'll do better next time" type of coach. His friend was a soccer player all through high school and is more of the tough love (but NEVER mean). They both expect the girls to show up and give their absolute best at every game...and teach them as much as they can. But ALL of the girls know that if they see ANY intentional bad play, they'll be pulled and benched for the rest of the game. The few times we've come up against teams that were encouraging that kind of play, they told the girls that they'd rather see them play hard and CLEAN and lose then to play dirty and win. Too bad not all coaches teach those things. Some friends of ours got roped into coaching a rec league U8. They called my DH and said "Help! We don't even know the rules!" We went over and worked with the boys, encouraged them to rotate the players between positions - (keeps the parents happy when little Johnny isn't always stuck in goal picking daisies). There was one team that was going to play the physical game at U8, they had the one kid in the league who was a foot taller than everyone else, and eventually the ref stopped the game and had a word with the coach. They were better when we played them again later in the season. We did have one kid on the U8 that I wouldn't be surprised if he gets a Div 1 scholarship, he already had both feet, many skills and family support. Our other thing when our boys were playing is that we often stopped someone on the opposition team (if the team wasn't a bunch of jerks) and told them how well they played. There was one school that had to field a mixed team against us and honestly their keeper was immense he easily saved them from being mercy ruled. DH talked to him for quite a while every time we played them after that
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Post by brina on Feb 16, 2016 20:32:06 GMT
My daughter plays goalie and I always ask her, "How many times did you prevent a goal from being made and how many times was a goal made?" Her answer is almost always that she prevented more goals than she missed. In my book she was successful at the game even if her team lost. It makes her feel better. For my dd the problem was not with parents but with fellow players. She plays fall and spring. Last fall was rough because her team and another merged. Some of the new girls were awfully nasty to her when a goal was made. I just repeated, "How many times did you prevent a goal from being made and how many times was a goal made?" ljsmom Thank you for telling the opposing keeper that they did a good job. It does mean something to the player. My daughter has had a few parents from other teams tell her she did a good job at goalie. It really makes her day! I had a coach from the opposing team tell me that she did a good job. That made my day. I think you are a good role model for kids. that is unfortunate about the girls on her team. We have been very lucky. My daughter is a hockey goalie and most of the girls (and boys when she still played on a boys team) seem to have had it drilled into their heads that a shot on goal means that the opposing team got the puck past all of you - the goalie is the last line of defense, not the only line of defense. I always compliment opposing goalies - and my daughter has had a number of parents from other teams compliment her over the years. We goalie parents have to stick together.
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