Update on sleazebag STBX

I was reading through the posts and think what the above
Poster said. You are focusing on her, but she didn't break trust with you and your family. Let it go and get out as whole as you can , because this investment in her is hurting you

 Yet you felt the need to share that little tidbit.  What exactly is your expectation here?  That she remove her avatar so that you can bless her with a thoughtful reading of her post?  Maybe she can wait on bated breath for an equally thoughtful response?  

Holy freaking solipsism!

eta* for the OP.  I agree with much of what others have posted here and it seems you are taking some healthy steps.  Hugs, chiclet.

You're going to have anger at a lot of people and things for a while.  It's normal.  And sometimes it is almost easier to get mad at the woman who was with him.  That doesn't mean you don't know where the real blame lies - with him.  You may still go back and forth on who you blame the most.  But bottom line you know he was the one who made the vows to you, not her.

I called this first few months after discovering my ex (the one I did marry and the father of my son) was cheating "crazy time" because I really felt crazy, did a few crazy things, and sure thought a lot of crazy thoughts over that period of time.  You've had your whole life turned upside down. But you can turn it back up and make it better.  And I'm sure you will.

I just got back from driving to my sister's house in Ventura to pick my mom up.  It was a 3-hour drive up there.  As I was driving, a thought popped into my head about you.  My sister is a nurse.  She was engaged to a guy that was fast becoming an alcoholic and it scared her.  She broke their engagement and forced herself to move on.  She didn't want that kind of a life.  She was scared and unsure when she did it, but wanted a better life than living with an alcoholic for the rest of it.

Right after they broke up, my sister started nursing school.  As a nurse, of course you are working with doctors all day.  She ended up married to one.  Her house is right on the beach in a private gated community.  You can hear the ocean all night from any of the bedrooms in the house.  Her back deck stretches from one end of her property to the other.  And right off the deck is the sand and shoreline.  She has quite the pampered life.  I thought of the correlation between where you are and where my sister was.  You may end up married to a doctor and have a very wonderful future together like my sister did. (Unfortunately my sister is a huge B, but she does have a great life with no major worries)

So when you are having a down moment and thinking about your STBX, think of who may be in your future.  Start making a mental list of what you have learned from this marriage and what you want in the next one.  That's a lot better than dwelling on the painful situation you are currently in right?

I'm happy to help.  And I do understand.  And what I hope you learn from those of us who have been there is that you won't feel like this forever.  That life gets better.  This is an awful, painful few months that you have ahead of you, but it has an ending and then your new life begins.  I just don't want to see you waste precious days dwelling on him when you can be focusing on yourself and your daughter.  If Dr. Possibility comes along, you want to be ready, right?  And that means working through this process, dealing with what needs to be done, but not wallowing in it forever either. 

And we're all here for you if you need a boost or reminder of what possibilities could lie ahead for you and to keep you on a healthy path toward your new life.  My sister (the younger nice one, not the older one) told me that I should be excited when I was going through my divorce because it meant I got a complete "do over."  I had endless possibilities of what I could do with my life and I was now much better educated in what I didn't want.  That's what I want you to see.  I want you to be excited about your endless possibilities.  And you deserve that.

you sound like you have much more restraint than I would, in this situation. Sending positive thoughts your way!

I think you have the right to feel anger toward both of them...just get it out of your system and don't let it consume you.  This is all very fresh for you and it will take time to go through it all.  That was one place that my journals really helped me. I was not about to engage my ex's trashy whore in a public battle that she would've loved, but I could write everything I thought and wanted to say to my hearts content. I could vent everything I wanted and it didn't have to make sense. I didn't have to take the high road as I wanted to do in front of my daughter. I could just spill everything onto the pages. It really did make me feel better to get it all out, even if it was somewhere that no one would ever see it.  

I dont care care what he told the girl. Unless she did not know he was married, she is just as wrong as he is. There is zero excuse for betraying one's partner, and there is zero excuse for being a party to that betrayal. 

I know you're angry. I'm sorry your husband chose to betray you and break his marital vows. I'd be devastated and angry in your shoes. I think anyone would.

It was really hard to read your OP, though, because it is so ugly. As a woman, it's hard for me to read the word "slut" over and over. I find it interesting that you haven't called your husband a slut when it was he who was the biggest whore in all of this.

It really sucks that your daughter is being dragged into this. Please do your best to keep her out of your issues with her dad, and please do your best to keep the slut shaming to a minimum. It takes two people to have an affair, and your husband was apparently very willing.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. And as others have said, you'll be angry for awhile, but also expect grief at some point. As sad and horrible as this situation is, and as angry as you may be now, you may also grieve the marriage you thought you had, the life you thought you had.  I would also do as mentioned earlier and not focus on the other woman.  You'll need that energy to make your life better and happier for you and your child. 

Just a thought, if you give the iPod to him, make sure you transfer info/document anything on it that may be useful in court, such as times he called her, messages sent etc. I would give him the iPod, but I'd also expect him to replace it for the child.