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Post by theboydbunch on Jul 28, 2014 2:21:32 GMT
Not implying they do, I would think for a baby shower a family member could provide addresses, also. I meant for a wedding shower, it would be very easy to put together a guest list from wedding invite list...OR...have people stopped inviting those to both events? Okay but... who do you think put together that wedding invite list? Of course the bride to be and her family did, I'd imagine, which is a great resource to use. I see that as different then, "here's the list of all the people I want invited to the party for myself"
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Post by myshelly on Jul 28, 2014 2:21:45 GMT
Not implying they do, I would think for a baby shower a family member could provide addresses, also. I meant for a wedding shower, it would be very easy to put together a guest list from wedding invite list...OR...have people stopped inviting those to both events? Okay but... who do you think put together that wedding invite list? Well <gasp> not the bride. It would be so tacky and rude for her to make up her own guest list for her own wedding. Seriously though OP...is it ok for the bride to make her own guest list for her wedding? If her parents are paying for the wedding then they are the hosts not the bride, right? What's the difference between making a guest list for your wedding and making a guest list for your shower? I really don't get it.
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Post by theboydbunch on Jul 28, 2014 2:23:11 GMT
The bride and/or her family are paying for the wedding.... A party in her honor, they are not...
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Post by myshelly on Jul 28, 2014 2:23:20 GMT
Okay but... who do you think put together that wedding invite list? Of course the bride to be and her family did, I'd imagine, which is a great resource to use. I see that as different then, "here's the list of all the people I want invited to the party for myself" But why do you see that as different? A wedding is a party for the bride. By making a wedding list you're saying these are the people I want to come to my party for myself. I don't see a difference
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Post by theboydbunch on Jul 28, 2014 2:25:02 GMT
Okay but... who do you think put together that wedding invite list? Well <gasp> not the bride. It would be so tacky and rude for her to make up her own guest list for her own wedding. Seriously though OP...is it ok for the bride to make her own guest list for her wedding? If her parents are paying for the wedding then they are the hosts not the bride, right? What's the difference between making a guest list for your wedding and making a guest list for your shower? I really don't get it. I honestly think you are looking for an argument here and I was not. I was more curious than anything else, as I was reading about someone demanding a certain theme of decoration for their upcoming baby shower and the hostess didn't know how to pull it off.
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Post by myshelly on Jul 28, 2014 2:25:03 GMT
The bride and/or her family are paying for the wedding.... A party in her honor, they are not... They are if a family member is throwing the shower. Let me guess...you think that's tacky, too.
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Post by myshelly on Jul 28, 2014 2:26:10 GMT
Well <gasp> not the bride. It would be so tacky and rude for her to make up her own guest list for her own wedding. Seriously though OP...is it ok for the bride to make her own guest list for her wedding? If her parents are paying for the wedding then they are the hosts not the bride, right? What's the difference between making a guest list for your wedding and making a guest list for your shower? I really don't get it. I honestly think you are looking for an argument here and I was not. I was more curious than anything else, as I was reading about someone demanding a certain theme of decoration for their upcoming baby shower and the hostess didn't know how to pull it off. It's not so much that I'm looking for a fight, I just thought your tone in the OP was really judgmental about something that is completely main stream now.
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Post by smokey2471 on Jul 28, 2014 2:28:42 GMT
I edited because I didn't want to be argumentative but I see while I was editing I got quoted. Oh well Myshelly I don't want to argue. I should not have questioned your right to your opinion or the manner in which you chose to express it.
OP I feel like getting a guest list from the mother to be is fine. Her input as far as themes or asking someone to throw them a shower is a bit tacky. I have thrown many showers and sometimes ask the mother to be if she has a theme in mind but I choose decorations food etc.
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Post by theboydbunch on Jul 28, 2014 2:31:46 GMT
I like it better this way. The guest list? Seriously? How would someone else know a list of all your coworkers and friends and their addresses without getting it from you? That is stupid, pointless bullshit. I don't even understand the point of that. Hey, I'm going to throw you a party, but I don't care who you want to invite I'm going to invite who I want to invite. Gee....thanks? Stupid. I don't see why you have to be so nasty about it. OP I feel like getting a guest list from the mother to be is fine. Her input as far as themes or asking someone to throw them a shower is a bit tacky. I have thrown many showers and sometimes ask the mother to be if she has a theme in mind but I choose decorations food etc. I have as well. Close family members have often given input, because they know what they honored guest may be hoping for. I do understand the need for several different groups of friends to be included that someone needs to oversee the guest lists.
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Post by Heart on Jul 28, 2014 2:37:22 GMT
I have never been to a surprise shower. The last shower I attended as a guest of honor was 19+ years ago. I am pretty sure I had no say so in the invite list mostly because it was all my Inlaws- MIL, an aunt of DH's, old lady friends of theirs etc
other showers I have been to, the person of honor had a little input (especially guests) but there were no EXPECTATIONS. I think the level of "entitlement" or " this is what I want" has gotten crazy.
For me, when my MIL threw a shower for me, I was thrilled over the MOON that anyone cared about my baby- and were giving me stuff- and would have rather died than expect anything.
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Post by grammyj64 on Jul 28, 2014 2:45:40 GMT
I don't see a problem with asking the honoree for a guest list, but I agree that the hostess should set the number of guests according to her space and budget for refreshments. If the bride/mother to be has so many friends they can't all be accommodated at one party, well, that's what multiple showers are for isn't it? I also don't have a problem with gift registries. I always appreciate knowing what is needed, and one would need input from the honoree to know where she is registered.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 28, 2014 2:50:34 GMT
I can understand asking the guest of honor who they would like to invite to the shower.
I think it is a bit tacky for the guest of honor to dictate every single detail of the party.
I think there can be a happy medium.
For the record, I've had two baby showers (for two different pregnancies). Both were surprises (and thrown by different people at different times in my life). I would have much preferred to have some heads up that I was attending my own shower that day. I was truly surprised, and dressed like a fat, slobby, "omg I'm THIS pregnant in the summer heat" woman. Makes me cringe to see photos of myself from those days.
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Post by roxley on Jul 28, 2014 2:55:22 GMT
My baby shower was a surprise. I wasn't even thinking about it. My mom and MIL somehow managed to find everyone to invite. They got input from my husband. It can be done. I think I would have felt rude to ask for certain things when someone else was throwing me a party. It isn't any thing that I am entitled to or should expect. Actually, the one at work was a surprise as well. I think saying that you would be "so mad" if someone did this to you comes off as sounding entitled or unapreciative, even if you don't really feel that way. This was 13 years ago.
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Post by eebud on Jul 28, 2014 2:56:52 GMT
I have been to surprise baby and bridal showers as well as many where the honoree had input into the guest list and it was not a surprise. I don't have a problem with either one. Where I do have a problem is if I am hosting a shower and the honoree is demanding invites for way more people than I care to accommodate in one shower. As the host, I should have the final say in how many are invited. If the honoree has more that they want to invite, then another person will have to host another shower and the guest list split in a logical way..........school friends, work friends, relatives, etc.
I do not agree that a bridal shower guest list should be put together from the wedding guest list. I agree that if the bride-to-be is inviting you to the bridal shower, there should also be a wedding invitation coming. However, not everyone invited to a wedding is necessarily close enough to the bride/groom to be invited to the shower.
I also don't have a problem with the honoree having input into a theme for a shower. For example, most baby showers I have been to or hosted have had a theme related to however the baby's room is being decorated. I do feel that it is up to the host exactly how that theme is incorporated into the shower. The honoree doesn't get to dictate that the cake will look exactly a specific way and be ordered from a specific bakery. The hosts budget might not be able to handle that or maybe the host was planning to decorate the cake themselves.
So, while I have no problem with some involvement from the honoree and actually welcome some input, the host still has the final say.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 28, 2014 2:58:54 GMT
I think that I sort of understand what you are saying, although I wouldn't use the word "surprise" shower.
Back in the dark ages when I got married my mother in law had a wedding shower for me. I had zero input into any part of the shower, beyond the date (I was in college still and she wanted to make sure that I didn't have a test.) She invited all her friends, the church ladies, and whoever else she wanted. She lived in an entirely different city than we did, or any of my family, and in the long run, the only thing I did was show up and open gifts. Incredibly generous gifts from people who loved my then mother-in-law and her son. I didn't even know 3/4ths of the people there.
The same thing happened when I had my first baby. My step mother had a baby shower for me. She lived in a different city than we did, and she invited her friends, the church ladies, people she worked with...again, I didn't know a single soul and had no input in the party at all. These were all women who she held dear and wanted to share her happiness with. I didn't know a single one of them, except my stepmother.
The same thing happened with my ex's place of employment. One of the partners wive's had a baby shower for me, and I met for the first time a lot of the wives from the firm that day for the first time. I didn't have an input in that either.
So, I think that maybe "surprise" wouldn't be the word, but the party was thrown in my honor, by people who wanted to share the moments.
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Post by chaosisapony on Jul 28, 2014 3:21:02 GMT
In my circle of friends it is often the guest of honor or her parents paying for the party. For example when my best friend was getting married I technically threw her shower. Meaning that me, her mother and sister planned it and her mom wrote the checks. There was absolutely no way I could have afforded to pay for even the most modest shower for her, let alone the kind of shower her mom and sister wanted her to have. The showers themselves are often held in the guest of honors home that way it is convenient for them (no hauling of gifts, they have the largest space available, etc). Of course the guest of honor chooses the guest list, how else would we know who she wants there? My best friend wouldn't have the slightest idea how to get a hold of my cousins or ex-coworkers that I would want invited unless I provided their contact info. To me, none of this is tacky. Everyone knows that the whole purpose of a shower is to get gifts, if you don't want to attend no one is forcing you to do so. There have been many showers I have declined to attend and we're all still friends.
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Post by princess consuela on Jul 28, 2014 3:47:57 GMT
I have only ever been to one surprise shower, and I thought that was abnormal! I didn't realize that traditionally, showers were surprises. I'll have to ask my mom if hers were surprises. Anyway, I threw my bff her bridal shower, and it was not a surprise. I think I picked the theme and okay'd it with her, and I got the guest list from her. And I suppose she did say what she wanted as gifts... but that is the point of a registry lol. We actually threw it at my parents' house (we were close family friends) and I and my parents did pay for the majority of it. Her mom got the fancy cake, though. I don't think personally I would like a surprise party... I mean, I like the idea of it, but I know I would want to make sure I looked my best, had a nice outfit, etc. and not be walking in in sweats and a ponytail haha. The shower that I attended that was a surprise worked out well as the bride to be had actually just been to her appt for trial wedding hair, so her hair looked good lol! I do remember she changed outfits, though!
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Post by darkchami on Jul 28, 2014 4:00:22 GMT
The guest list would come from the wedding invite list? I can see that being more challenging for a baby shower, but also think there are ways to get the needed information. My best friends threw me a wonderful small shower. The guest list for my wedding was far larger than what would have been appropriate for a shower. Without my input, they really would have had no idea of who to invite. Everything else was totally up to them. I will also say that I once was left off of the guest list for my best friend's shower. Her sister organized it, and didn't get any input from the bride. The day after we had an awkward conversation that started with, "Why weren't you there?!" Well, because I didn't know about it and wasn't invited.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jul 28, 2014 4:28:37 GMT
The only part I would want to have control over IS the guest list. If I have a falling out with a friend I'm not want to talk about it to someone else...so the last thing I would want is a ex friend being invited and/or showing up (not sure why they would if we're not friends but who knows). So the host may invite someone I no longer have a relationship with and the last thing I would want is that.
Plus I'm guessing getting addresses would be easier for the bride/mom to be to give to host than the host calling guest that she don't know asking for addresses.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
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Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 28, 2014 4:33:16 GMT
They are a reasonably new phenomenon in the UK, say the last 10 years or so. Every one I have been too has been organised by someone other than the centre of attention, and whilst they have known the date and venue, that is all.
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