s/o divorced moms

I would want what would be the best for my kids every time. It might be difficult to swallow, but I most admire divorced couples who can truly put their children's needs first.

Haha. I just commented on the other thread with my opinion.

As a stepmom, I treat my dh's girls the same way I treat my dd. We talk and we laugh, but when there's a time for me to be a "mom", I do that too. I have worked really hard to create a healthy atmosphere of open communication with all the girls (mine and his). I never ask questions because I'm nosey, I ask questions because I truly want to know what's going on in their lives, so I word my questions carefully so they don't come across as such. I never make judgmental comments about the things they do with their mom and it works for us. I usually say things like, "Oh that sounds like so much fun" or "that's so cool that you guys get to do (whatever) with your mom, I'm sure that makes her and you so happy".

I have an idea about how she feels about me. From time to time she will unleash her feelings on my poor dh about me and my dd. It's horrible and unfair to us. There have been times (in the beginning) where I just wanted to give up and focus solely on my dd when dh's girls were here at our home. But then I realized that that was stupid. Dh and I work really hard to make this home the one that's stable and normal. We are the academic parents and she is the fun disneyland mom. Oh how I would love to tell you her whole sorted story, she's a real peach. But I won't because I'm classy like that. Lol.

As far as my ex goes, he has a 24yo girlfriend (he's 43) and I don't believe he's introduced her to our kids yet. I know he's told our older boys about her, but not the younger two. He and I have talked about her, their age difference, and other things. My goal with him is to keep the lines of communication open so I always know who is around and whats going on. Again, not because I am nosey, I just like knowing. Haha. Honestly, as long as any other woman wants to be super nice to my kids, I'm so happy with that. No one can or will replace me as my kids mother. Will they like her better some times? Sure. Am I threatened in any way by that? No.

My kids' stepmother is good to them.  They seem to like her well enough.  I am happy with that.  The only thing is, I wish she were more motherly.  My DD is 14 and her stepmother is 25 and so she has kind of a big sister vibe going on with her.  It's OK.  I've come to accept this.  And I'm grateful her and I can talk and get along.  

On the flipside, I have three stepdaughters and their mother is very threatened by me.  I try to treat DH's girls like I would want my kids to be treated by their stepmother.  I am careful not to overstep my boundaries.  I try to leave discipline up to their father.  And especially with the little one, I leave it to him to really comfort them and guide them.  I put myself much more in the supporting role.  My stepkids respect me and are good to me, despite the fact that they hear negative things about me from their mother.  They are good kids.  I, do worry, though, that as they get older because their mother and I don't have a cordial relationship I won't get invited to things like graduations and bridal/baby showers.  Whereas I would never leave my kids' stepmom out.  She is a part of their life.  

My children's stepmother is wonderful! She is the perfect match for my ex and very handily handled his mother so that there was much less meddling in their marriage or their parenting of our children - huge problem when I was married to him. She let the children know that she was there as their friend but when they were at her house they had to abide by her house rules. She and I became great friends as soon as she figured out that I did not and would not bad mouth her or my ex and I would not ask questions about their time together. I could not have asked for a better stepmother for my kids which has made life much easier and more enjoyable for all.