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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 15:11:48 GMT
Can I just vent about my kid? God bless him...he is almost 17 and a Junior. But he is slacking big time with his classes and his give a damn is gone.
He runs track and as long as he gets to run, thats all he cares about. He may or may not turn work in, depending on if he remembers (WTH is that about?). We are of the mindset that he is almost in college and I am not going to babysit him anymore.
Don't get me wrong: he is a good kid. He is normally polite and gets along with people. But man. He is super unmotivated to care about anything.
Please tell me I am not alone - that someone else kid doesn't care about school & is just as happy as a pig in shit when he does just enough to get by (which, he is more than capable to make good grades. He used to do it.).
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Post by mellowyellow on Mar 4, 2016 15:19:01 GMT
Oh man...I feel your pain! My DS who is 20 now was the same way when it came to school. He is very smart but school just wasn't his thing. He was lazy when it came to school but anything else he worked his tale off. He has secured his own employment since he was literally 12 years old. We never had to tell him to get a job. He was just ready to graduate so he could start working. DH and I had to just step back and let him figure it out and suffer the consequences and you know what....he did figure it out.
Now...he's in the Navy and is a Lead Petty Officer on his aircraft carrier in Supply. He also was just chosen to go to San Diego for welding school for the Navy. He even bumped a 1st Class Petty Officer out of that slot because the chief was very impressed when DS told him what all he knew about welding. So....just hang on....he will figure it out. Hugs!
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Post by hdoublej on Mar 4, 2016 15:22:32 GMT
Nope, not alone. My DD is 17 and a senior and she's acting the same way. She's taking college classes and high school classes both this year. College classes she's doing good but the high school ones she's slacking in. Makes no sense whatsoever!! DH got a call from someone that was saying their company has a scholarship that no one had applied for, said all DD had to do was apply and it was her's. She didn't do it!!! We told her that she's now responsible for the money she would gotten from the scholarship. Completely frustrating!
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,524
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Mar 4, 2016 15:29:46 GMT
Nope...not alone. My dd, now out of high school, kept her grades just high enough to maintain a 3.0. She could've easily been a 4.0 student had she just applied herself, but the motivation wasn't there. As it is, her grades were good enough to get into a state college, but she chose the Navy because she wasn't ready for college.
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Post by scrapqueen01 on Mar 4, 2016 15:31:06 GMT
DD12 is going through this. She has math homework almost daily so she always remembers to bring it home. She sucks and math and refuses to see the importance of knowing her times tables. She's pretty good at her other classes but has stopped bringing her notes home to study for tests. She failed a few Bible memory verse tests because she didn't write down when they were due so didn't study. I've tried telling her failing Bible will get her kicked out of school. In one ear and out the other. Good things she's pleasant most of the time.
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439 
Location: Idaho
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Post by perumbula on Mar 4, 2016 15:36:02 GMT
this is all my kids. I've yet to have one who really cared to push for the best grades they could get. My oldest son is taking an online class this year. They let the kids do the work late, so he puts off doing anything until I'm getting calls from the teacher to tell me that he's got an 8% (not a typo) in the class.  He's brought it up to a B now, but he still isn't getting it. |
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 15:37:52 GMT
Oh man...I feel your pain! My DS who is 20 now was the same way when it came to school. He is very smart but school just wasn't his thing. He was lazy when it came to school but anything else he worked his tale off. He has secured his own employment since he was literally 12 years old. We never had to tell him to get a job. He was just ready to graduate so he could start working. DH and I had to just step back and let him figure it out and suffer the consequences and you know what....he did figure it out. Now...he's in the Navy and is a Lead Petty Officer on his aircraft carrier in Supply. He also was just chosen to go to San Diego for welding school for the Navy. He even bumped a 1st Class Petty Officer out of that slot because the chief was very impressed when DS told him what all he knew about welding. So....just hang on....he will figure it out. Hugs! Oh my gosh, I am bawling reading your reply. This is so my son! He did awesome on his ACT/SAT scores...which is great - but on the day to day stuff he is just floating by. No big hurry or motivation. But when it comes to working? He is all there, 110%. He volunteers to give up his weekends to take apart and rebuild motors. He was planning on going to a military academy and then go full military after that - but I am worried if he doesn't get his head in the game he will miss that opportunity (which will be HIS fault, not mine. But still. My momma heart is worried!) Thank you for chiming in. |
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 15:39:13 GMT
Nope, not alone. My DD is 17 and a senior and she's acting the same way. She's taking college classes and high school classes both this year. College classes she's doing good but the high school ones she's slacking in. Makes no sense whatsoever!! DH got a call from someone that was saying their company has a scholarship that no one had applied for, said all DD had to do was apply and it was her's. She didn't do it!!! We told her that she's now responsible for the money she would gotten from the scholarship. Completely frustrating! SAME THING HERE! He is in college Maths and Sciences and is doing fine. But the regular classes? Meh. He might do the work this week. If he remembers! |
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 15:42:14 GMT
Nope...not alone. My dd, now out of high school, kept her grades just high enough to maintain a 3.0. She could've easily been a 4.0 student had she just applied herself, but the motivation wasn't there. As it is, her grades were good enough to get into a state college, but she chose the Navy because she wasn't ready for college. Same boat. Hubs talked to me last night that he just might not be ready (or really want) to go to college. Which I tell myself is fine, but man. Im having a hard time accepting it in reality. He has always planned on going through a military academy. Im not so sure if that is a great plan anymore. He has a great work ethic - up before dawn 7 days a week. But he could care less about school. |
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Post by hdoublej on Mar 4, 2016 15:43:23 GMT
Nope, not alone. My DD is 17 and a senior and she's acting the same way. She's taking college classes and high school classes both this year. College classes she's doing good but the high school ones she's slacking in. Makes no sense whatsoever!! DH got a call from someone that was saying their company has a scholarship that no one had applied for, said all DD had to do was apply and it was her's. She didn't do it!!! We told her that she's now responsible for the money she would gotten from the scholarship. Completely frustrating! SAME THING HERE! He is in college Maths and Sciences and is doing fine. But the regular classes? Meh. He might do the work this week. If he remembers! Yep, and she works and has been promoted because she is so responsible and gives it everything she has. Just doesn't give a flying flip about high school. |
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 15:43:56 GMT
DD12 is going through this. She has math homework almost daily so she always remembers to bring it home. She sucks and math and refuses to see the importance of knowing her times tables. She's pretty good at her other classes but has stopped bringing her notes home to study for tests. She failed a few Bible memory verse tests because she didn't write down when they were due so didn't study. I've tried telling her failing Bible will get her kicked out of school. In one ear and out the other. Good things she's pleasant most of the time. Yep! We went through that a little bit about that age. He wont write (or put in his phone) any due dates, etc. Its so frustrating to me! I cannot imagine being that way at all! |
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 15:45:54 GMT
this is all my kids. I've yet to have one who really cared to push for the best grades they could get. My oldest son is taking an online class this year. They let the kids do the work late, so he puts off doing anything until I'm getting calls from the teacher to tell me that he's got an 8% (not a typo) in the class. He's brought it up to a B now, but he still isn't getting it. Completely get it. We are 2 weeks into the grading period, and he has 2 zeros for not turning the work in. He just keeps saying 'I will bring it up. I always do'. And yes,he typically will bring it up. But he just doesn't get 'why don't we turn it in to begin with'. |
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Post by scrapbookdiva on Mar 4, 2016 15:47:50 GMT
BTDT! My ds played junior hockey in grades 11 and 12. Hockey was his life. School was not. He barely passed his classes (if he even went to class). Mix in the fact that he lived away from home those two years and I'm surprised he graduated. He took a year off after graduation to play hockey, hoping he would get a scholarship or picked up for a higher level of hockey. He did some upgrading through the high school so he could get better marks for university. In BC you can do that for free. He worked hard and got much better grades. Even had a casual part time job that he tried to squeeze into his busy schedule. He just applied to two schools and our fingers are crossed that he gets into the one he wants for sports management. He did just get an offer for a junior A team so he has a decision to make.
I used to joke with him that I was afraid that he would live on our couch forever. It was partly joke and partly fear!! Looks like he will be leaving in the fall no matter what he decides. But he had to see the light himself to make it happen. We were just there to offer support and guidance.
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 15:48:49 GMT
Thank you all so much for replying.
I was literally sitting here, feeling like a complete failure as a mom.
He is a good kid - working on his Eagle Scout, runs Varisty track, is a hard worker. But I just couldn't figure out where we went wrong & why he just.wont.care about school.
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 4, 2016 15:51:58 GMT
Can I just vent about my kid? God bless him...he is almost 17 and a Junior. But he is slacking big time with his classes and his give a damn is gone. He runs track and as long as he gets to run, thats all he cares about. He may or may not turn work in, depending on if he remembers (WTH is that about?). We are of the mindset that he is almost in college and I am not going to babysit him anymore. Don't get me wrong: he is a good kid. He is normally polite and gets along with people. But man. He is super unmotivated to care about anything. Please tell me I am not alone - that someone else kid doesn't care about school & is just as happy as a pig in shit when he does just enough to get by (which, he is more than capable to make good grades. He used to do it.). You are describing my 17 year old. Really great kid, but not super motivated right now and we have learned to back off the constant nagging and let him take ownership of it. |
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 15:52:11 GMT
BTDT! My ds played junior hockey in grades 11 and 12. Hockey was his life. School was not. He barely passed his classes (if he even went to class). Mix in the fact that he lived away from home those two years and I'm surprised he graduated. He took a year off after graduation to play hockey, hoping he would get a scholarship or picked up for a higher level of hockey. He did some upgrading through the high school so he could get better marks for university. In BC you can do that for free. He worked hard and got much better grades. Even had a casual part time job that he tried to squeeze into his busy schedule. He just applied to two schools and our fingers are crossed that he gets into the one he wants for sports management. He did just get an offer for a junior A team so he has a decision to make. I used to joke with him that I was afraid that he would live on our couch forever. It was partly joke and partly fear!! Looks like he will be leaving in the fall no matter what he decides. But he had to see the light himself to make it happen. We were just there to offer support and guidance. Ha! I have the same joke. We are about to redo his room (paint, furniture). I told him Id let him have some say in it,but he didnt get all the say because I want him to leave at some point. |
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 15:55:46 GMT
Can I just vent about my kid? God bless him...he is almost 17 and a Junior. But he is slacking big time with his classes and his give a damn is gone. He runs track and as long as he gets to run, thats all he cares about. He may or may not turn work in, depending on if he remembers (WTH is that about?). We are of the mindset that he is almost in college and I am not going to babysit him anymore. Don't get me wrong: he is a good kid. He is normally polite and gets along with people. But man. He is super unmotivated to care about anything. Please tell me I am not alone - that someone else kid doesn't care about school & is just as happy as a pig in shit when he does just enough to get by (which, he is more than capable to make good grades. He used to do it.). You are describing my 17 year old. Really great kid, but not super motivated right now and we have learned to back off the constant nagging and let him take ownership of it. I completely get it! And I really try to not nag, because I know it wont help. I avoid looking at his grades normally. And for some stupid reason I checked last night and saw the zeros. Its just so painfully obvious of what he needs to do (turn his work in). Its so frustrating. So instead of nagging I came here to vent. I know he will land on his feet eventually. I just don't see why he wouldn't choose the easy path. Lets face it. He would have a pretty sweet deal if he would apply himself. :/ |
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Post by maryland on Mar 4, 2016 15:58:13 GMT
You are not alone! I have three girls, 18 (college freshman), 16 (11th grade) and 12 (7th grade). It seems that the junior year is when they really get burned out. I think this happens to many teen girls and boys! It's so hard not to nag my kids when they are in high school. We keep thinking that good grades and good SAT/ACT scores may help them get a scholarship, and as expensive as college is, we would at least like to know they are giving it their all. So I do tend to nag more about anything that can help us to afford college!  |
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
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Post by scrapaddie on Mar 4, 2016 16:02:23 GMT
I was a teacher and saw many kids like this. One of the ones I remember most was Kevin. I had him as a sophomore and he could care less,about work. I knew he had ability, but he preferred to be a royal pain, disruptive and rude. Nothing I or his parents did helped and he failed. Forward two years and he is now a senior among sophomores taking the class again. I was actually upset when I saw him on my roster and wished they had given him to another teacher.
Two weeks into the school year I am . Again calling his mother and I heard the tone in her voice..... the I've heard this so many times.... but this time I said. No, I am calling because I want you to know how impressed I am with Kevin! Kevin was now a leader... a positive role model for his classmates.
What had happened? Kevin was a wrestler, state championship two years and thought he had his choices of colleges.... except that none of the schools would take him because his grades were so bad. As a senior, he was trying to get into a two year school in the hope that eventually he could transfer and wrestle at the university level.
The point is, he did learn.... I t does happen
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Post by holly on Mar 4, 2016 16:06:30 GMT
As you can see, you aren't alone. It's a very common problem with teens. Some days I think the toddlers years were much easier to parent! We've been dealing with my just turned 18 DS for years about this. He's very lazy about school. It's one excuse after another, doesn't like the class, doesn't like the teacher, doesn't like the school, etc. After 10th grade he transferred to a STEM school in our district and really came into his own for awhile. Sophomore year was his worst year, for all of us. He wasn't in danger of failing but he wasn't performing his best. He had a couple C's and the rest B's. After transferring his first semester he got all A's. But then dropped to all B's second semester so we had to talk to him again. He doesn't like doing homework.
Now he's looking at colleges and since he blew those first two years he's only got a 3.0 which, while good, isn't getting him any financial aid except one private school that costs 40k a year. So his eyes are open a little more and he's looking at 2 years at community college then transferring. He wants to go into cyber security. He works at Safeway right now and he sees that it's not a job he wants forever (or a miniumum wage type job) so he's more motivated to get educated to make more money.
ETA: my DS is a good kid too, texts me where he's going, has a good job and I hear glowing remarks about what a great worker he is, very responsible at his job, Eagle Scout, hasn't done half of what i had done at his age, haha.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Mar 4, 2016 16:07:00 GMT
I have yet to meet a high school kid who at this time of the year doesn't stop giving a damn. I remember it well in my class, everyone just stopped caring, we were done with high school and just wanted to get the hell out. And since then, every kid I meet in high school (especially 11 and 12) just stop caring at this time of the year.
I honestly wouldn't fret about it. If he doesn't get the grades or whatever he needs, that's his problem. You're not a failure.
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Post by giatocj on Mar 4, 2016 16:11:14 GMT
Our 16 year old grandson has a LOT of these traits, as well. He is a musician and really, that is ALL he cares about. Well, music and hockey. School is nothing to him, even though he really wants to go to a private college in Nashville for their music program. I honestly am at my wits end with him, and am at the point where he's going to either have to sink or swim. There comes a time when you (general you) have to realize you've done the best you can do and now it's up to them to figure it out...I am at that point now.
He is not stupid by a long shot and could do very, very well. He is just lazy and unmotivated and very, VERY stubborn. It makes me so sad, because he has so much potential. I am so hoping he figures it out soon and doesn't throw his future away. He's a great kid in all other aspects. No drugs, no drinking, he plays hockey and stays out of trouble...all great things. He just needs to "get it", and soon.
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Post by melanell on Mar 4, 2016 17:00:15 GMT
My kid is only 13, but this is him. He just doesn't want to spend one more second on school work than is absolutely necessary. It all came so easily to him when he first started school. He never needed to study, but he'd still bring home As, but eventually, the work became more challenging, and he didn't step up. he still wants to blow off studying or scribble down some one liners where a paragraph is needed, or to write a paragraph when an essay is needed. He flies through math problems, making haste-based errors. It drives me crazy. He's disorganized and he forgets everything.
I can't find motivation for him. Offer rewards? Nope. Take away privileges? Nope. Harp at him when he is slacking off? Nope. Praise him like crazy when he does things well? Nope.
Ugh! So I hear you, OP. Hugs!!!
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
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Post by pridemom on Mar 4, 2016 17:09:58 GMT
I wrote a very similar post three years ago about my now 20yo DS. I think it's fairly common. Bright kid that is full of potential, but pulling stupid stuff like not turning in homework. Mine had to struggle a bit in college but now he's on the right track. In retrospect, he should have taken a gap year and worked before starting college.
He works full time, goes to school full time, pays his own expenses, and is surprising us. He does live at home, but is planning on getting a place with his best friend when the other's lease is up.
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Post by anxiousmom on Mar 4, 2016 17:55:29 GMT
What is so frustrating for me is that I have one that is like this-school is the last thing he cares about and one that takes AP, dual enrollment and honors classes, works after school almost every day, plays a sport or two, hangs out with his girlfriend and seemingly effortlessly carries a 4.45 GPA as a senior. They were raised in the exact same manner, exact same households, with the only difference is in personality. My guess is that the first person to argue nature vs. nurture had teenagers like mine.  My older son was always a lazy student-starting back in elementary school. School was more the mechanism for him be around friends and play sports. He was lucky in that he was bright enough to do well enough on tests to maintain decent enough grades to get by, but homework was not his thing. He 'forgot' or thought he was too good for it or just didn't feel like it ... or whatever it was that rattled around in his little pea brain. This wasn't a function of senoritis or thinking he was too old to be told what to do, it was simply who he was/is. To a certain degree, he is still that way. So no, you aren't alone. Just remember that you can't do it for them, they need to learn to deal with the consequences of their own behaviors. And another big thing we parents have to remember? To quit comparing our parenting to others-we all do what we can, and you never know what is really going on. I have a friend who has a son a lot like my older son and she spends a lot of time comparing him to my younger son-who is the kind of teenager parents dream about- and wonders what she is doing wrong as I sit there reminding her that I had one of each and didn't do a damn thing differently with either one. It's all a crap shoot really. |
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 18:05:32 GMT
What is so frustrating for me is that I have one that is like this-school is the last thing he cares about and one that takes AP, dual enrollment and honors classes, works after school almost every day, plays a sport or two, hangs out with his girlfriend and seemingly effortlessly carries a 4.45 GPA as a senior. They were raised in the exact same manner, exact same households, with the only difference is in personality. My guess is that the first person to argue nature vs. nurture had teenagers like mine. My older son was always a lazy student-starting back in elementary school. School was more the mechanism for him be around friends and play sports. He was lucky in that he was bright enough to do well enough on tests to maintain decent enough grades to get by, but homework was not his thing. He 'forgot' or thought he was too good for it or just didn't feel like it ... or whatever it was that rattled around in his little pea brain. This wasn't a function of senoritis or thinking he was too old to be told what to do, it was simply who he was/is. To a certain degree, he is still that way. So no, you aren't alone. Just remember that you can't do it for them, they need to learn to deal with the consequences of their own behaviors. And another big thing we parents have to remember? To quit comparing our parenting to others-we all do what we can, and you never know what is really going on. I have a friend who has a son a lot like my older son and she spends a lot of time comparing him to my younger son-who is the kind of teenager parents dream about- and wonders what she is doing wrong as I sit there reminding her that I had one of each and didn't do a damn thing differently with either one. It's all a crap shoot really. Thanks! I needed to hear that. I have one of each as well - and they are exact opposites in every area of life. I really haven't worried a ton about him before now...but now? I think I am panicking thinking that this time next year he will be graduating. He is so prepared in many ways, but still has a such a long shot in many as well. |
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Post by cherrie on Mar 4, 2016 18:17:35 GMT
It is good to read that "we" are not alone in this problem. My grandson (17) was always a straight A student until this year. Over the summer he got a job in fast food, found a girlfriend and thinks he has found "the answer" to life! He makes $7.75 an hour but feels that is what he wants to do forever so no reason to worry about school and grades....ugggg!
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likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
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Post by likescarrots on Mar 4, 2016 18:23:24 GMT
I don't have kids but i will admit that i was less than 'driven' in high school, especially when it came to homework. I did better in classes where the work was done in class. I did manage to graduate university with honors, get into the top ranked masters program in my field, and graduate from that with a 3.9 (damn that one A-). So there might be hope for him yet. He might just be burnt out on high school. I think the change in environment really helped me, and my ability to have more control over my life/education.
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Post by sphmaz on Mar 4, 2016 18:30:11 GMT
Can I just vent about my kid? God bless him...he is almost 17 and a Junior. But he is slacking big time with his classes and his give a damn is gone. He runs track and as long as he gets to run, thats all he cares about. He may or may not turn work in, depending on if he remembers (WTH is that about?). We are of the mindset that he is almost in college and I am not going to babysit him anymore. Don't get me wrong: he is a good kid. He is normally polite and gets along with people. But man. He is super unmotivated to care about anything. Please tell me I am not alone - that someone else kid doesn't care about school & is just as happy as a pig in shit when he does just enough to get by (which, he is more than capable to make good grades. He used to do it.). sitting next to you on the bench!  My DS is 16, junior, and I think is the LAZIEST person alive. He has no interest in school at all but says he wants to go to college. I finally had to just stop and step back (like literally this week we decided this!! lol) and let him figure it out. He says he wont fail.....guess we'll find out soon enough. This is going to be tough.
Good luck!
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tiffanytwisted
Pearl Clutcher
you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
Posts: 4,538
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Mar 4, 2016 18:30:12 GMT
Oh, HELL no you are not alone. In fact, it is one big-ass club!
Can I just say 7 midterms, 4 of them D's. My A/B kid who is in all college prep courses (including Honors History) because he is planning to go just didn't study. Yeah.
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He's brought it up to a B now, but he still isn't getting it. 
My DS is 16, junior, and I think is the LAZIEST person alive. He has no interest in school at all but says he wants to go to college. I finally had to just stop and step back (like literally this week we decided this!! lol) and let him figure it out. He says he wont fail.....guess we'll find out soon enough. This is going to be tough.