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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 4, 2016 17:32:08 GMT
My 14 year old DS has been slowly deteriorating. His grades are terrible. He's dressing in all black. He even dyed his hair black. He has lost about 20 pounds in the last few months. We are fighting every morning just to get him up out of bed and to school. And he has gotten to the point where he's barely interacting with anyone in our house. He confessed to me that he's been having suicidal thoughts. I am thinking that he has my bipolar disorder. When he confessed to the suicidal thoughts, I immediately made him an appointment with a therapist and a psychiatrist. We have seen the therapist twice now and are waiting to see the psychiatrist on March 18th. After his therapy appointment this week, he is saying he doesn't need therapy and won't go back. He is open to medication, though. I have tried reasoning with him. Yesterday, I printed off a bunch of material regarding what cognitive behavioral therapy is thinking I could appeal to his sense of logic. He's a very linear, rational thinker. Which is why I think these irrational thoughts are scaring him so much. I told him he needed to read them and be ready to discuss it with me tonight. I thought that seeing in black and white that most cognitive therapy results can be achieved in as little as 16 sessions would help.
He has agreed to go see the therapist again this week. I have asked him if it's the therapist he doesn't like. That's not it. He is just remembering what therapy was like when we went through our divorce and says he doesn't want to talk to anyone. He is a very quiet, very private kid who doesn't like sharing with anyone. I keep trying to tell him that this type of therapy will be different than he remembers from six years ago during the divorce. I keep trying to relate my own experience to him, as someone with bipolar disorder who has been where he is right now. But I think he's having a hard time understanding that because he can only remember me well, taking good care of myself. He even made a comment last week that broke my heart about how he is crazy. I asked him if he thought I was crazy. He said no. And then I told him that if I didn't have therapy and medication I would feel crazy too. So I understand.
I am trying everything I can think of to help him. I am being very honest about my experience. I keep trying to tell him that I would not be as together and successful as I am without the CBT and the medication. I am trying to encourage him to stick with it. And right now, we are basically drifting week to week with him protesting going to the therapy.
Right now, he has agreed to go next week, which is good. But I am wondering if you had a teen like this who was resistant to therapy, what worked for you? I am wondering if you ended up punishing them into going? Ex-husband says I should take his computer away if he refuses to go. Right now that computer and his online gaming is the only thing bringing him joy so I hesitate to take it from him. But he's got to go to therapy. Even if the psychiatrist puts him on medication, I know from firsthand experience that medication isn't enough sometimes. You do need the therapy end of it too to change your thinking and learn how to control your emotional reactions.
I am looking for any suggestions or experience you guys might have. And please be gentle with me, I am experiencing a lot of mom guilt right now as I feel like I have passed my broken brain onto my child. And I'm just really worried sick about him. |
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Post by woodysbetty on Mar 4, 2016 17:37:37 GMT
I don't have any answers as I have never been in your situation....but I do know you need to let go of the guilt....your brain isn't broken and neither is his....you simply have different needs. keep doing what you doing...staying connected and following through...that's what real love and caring is....I think you are a wonderful, insightful & caring mom....
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Post by redshoes on Mar 4, 2016 17:39:08 GMT
I sense the worry and concern in your post and I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sounds like you're doing a wonderful job giving him a different perspective while being very understanding. I think it is good that he's willing to go to therapy. I hope it begins helping quickly. Nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your child struggle. Hugs and prayers for you both.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,975
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Mar 4, 2016 17:50:13 GMT
You need to let the therapist know that he is therapy resistant. The therapist can work with him on this as well. It's scary for kids to worry about what might come out in therapy. Also - has he been thoroughly reassured that his therapy is totally confidential unless he threatens to hurt himself or someone else. Sometimes that's the big worry with teens.
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zztop11
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,573 
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Post by zztop11 on Mar 4, 2016 17:52:53 GMT
Maybe you can meet with the therapist for a few minutes before your son does. Discuss this with therapist and they can work with son on getting him to continue going.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 4, 2016 17:56:24 GMT
You need to let the therapist know that he is therapy resistant. The therapist can work with him on this as well. It's scary for kids to worry about what might come out in therapy. Also - has he been thoroughly reassured that his therapy is totally confidential unless he threatens to hurt himself or someone else. Sometimes that's the big worry with teens. Yes, the therapist is aware. In fact, he brought me in at the end of their session last week to tell me that DS didn't want to come back. During our first visit, the therapist did tell him that therapy was confidential unless the therapist thought he was in immediate danger or a danger to others. I really worked hard to find a good therapist who specializes in teens and CBT. DS did make a comment after our first visit that he was surprised the therapist was a man, he expected a woman. I have even asked him if he would feel more comfortable with a woman. He says no. |
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 17:57:42 GMT
I've never walked in your shoes, but something that has worked for similar things in the past for us is 'focusing on one '. We wouldn't talk about it being 16 sessions (that will seem like forever to a kid). Maybe presenting it to him as ' we are going to go to this session. We can reevaluate it again after you've gone'. Then talk with him when he's done that one. Then, encourage him to go again. Not really pressuring him, but also not letting him get overwhelmed with the time frame.
He needs to go to this session, for one hour. Focus on that.
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Post by marg on Mar 4, 2016 18:01:13 GMT
My son went through some dark times when he was 13/14/15, and I just want to say a few things if you don't mind. 1. The last thing I would do is take away his video games. I know many people would disagree, because video games are villainized. However, my son said video games saved his life. There is a website all about how video games saved people's lives: gamessavedmylife.tumblr.com/If you take away the one thing connecting him to this world and to his peers, he may want to give up - that is how my son felt, at least. Video games were the one thing that brought him some pleasure, that distracted him from his pain, and that he looked forward to. 2. Regarding the suicidal thoughts - my son's therapist taught me to ask questions in the right way. She told me that when my son talked of suicide, the key thing is to find out if he has a plan. So, if he just says "I want to kill myself" but has no deeper thought about it, then that is not an emergency. If he has thought about how he would do it, has a plan or the start of a plan - then it is an emergency. So, you have to ask and talk about it. 3. Forcing him into therapy - I think rewards and not punishment is the way to accomplish this. Buy him a new video game if he goes to therapy, for instance. At one point we were bribing my son with Steam gift cards like you wouldn't believe - but guess what, he came out fully functioning and well on the other side, and at some point we stopped bribing him and I don't even remember when, it just happened. This is all from my personal experience and what I've learned as I watched my son go through several hellish years (he was also eventually diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and it turns out several of his mental health issues were actually thyroid related and got much better on thyroid hormone replacement therapy - he still has anxiety, but it is manageable). |
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 18:08:49 GMT
My son went through some dark times when he was 13/14/15, and I just want to say a few things if you don't mind. 1. The last thing I would do is take away his video games. I know many people would disagree, because video games are villainized. However, my son said video games saved his life. There is a website all about how video games saved people's lives: gamessavedmylife.tumblr.com/If you take away the one thing connecting him to this world and to his peers, he may want to give up - that is how my son felt, at least. Video games were the one thing that brought him some pleasure, that distracted him from his pain, and that he looked forward to. 2. Regarding the suicidal thoughts - my son's therapist taught me to ask questions in the right way. She told me that when my son talked of suicide, the key thing is to find out if he has a plan. So, if he just says "I want to kill myself" but has no deeper thought about it, then that is not an emergency. If he has thought about how he would do it, has a plan or the start of a plan - then it is an emergency. So, you have to ask and talk about it. 3. Forcing him into therapy - I think rewards and not punishment is the way to accomplish this. Buy him a new video game if he goes to therapy, for instance. At one point we were bribing my son with Steam gift cards like you wouldn't believe - but guess what, he came out fully functioning and well on the other side, and at some point we stopped bribing him and I don't even remember when, it just happened. This is all from my personal experience and what I've learned as I watched my son go through several hellish years (he was also eventually diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and it turns out several of his mental health issues were actually thyroid related and got much better on thyroid hormone replacement therapy - he still has anxiety, but it is manageable). It wont let me highlight, but bribing with Steam? Brilliant! Hmmm. I have another post venting about my DS slacking in school. Might need to consider bribery. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 4, 2016 18:10:29 GMT
My son went through some dark times when he was 13/14/15, and I just want to say a few things if you don't mind. 1. The last thing I would do is take away his video games. I know many people would disagree, because video games are villainized. However, my son said video games saved his life. There is a website all about how video games saved people's lives: gamessavedmylife.tumblr.com/If you take away the one thing connecting him to this world and to his peers, he may want to give up - that is how my son felt, at least. Video games were the one thing that brought him some pleasure, that distracted him from his pain, and that he looked forward to. 2. Regarding the suicidal thoughts - my son's therapist taught me to ask questions in the right way. She told me that when my son talked of suicide, the key thing is to find out if he has a plan. So, if he just says "I want to kill myself" but has no deeper thought about it, then that is not an emergency. If he has thought about how he would do it, has a plan or the start of a plan - then it is an emergency. So, you have to ask and talk about it. 3. Forcing him into therapy - I think rewards and not punishment is the way to accomplish this. Buy him a new video game if he goes to therapy, for instance. At one point we were bribing my son with Steam gift cards like you wouldn't believe - but guess what, he came out fully functioning and well on the other side, and at some point we stopped bribing him and I don't even remember when, it just happened. This is all from my personal experience and what I've learned as I watched my son go through several hellish years (he was also eventually diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and it turns out several of his mental health issues were actually thyroid related and got much better on thyroid hormone replacement therapy - he still has anxiety, but it is manageable). Thank you for sharing your experience. I have thought the same way about the videogames. I feel like it's the only thing keeping him going right now. The steam gift cards are a brilliant idea too. This might be enough to help motivate him to keep going. Also, thank you for mentioning the thyroid issues. I, too, have thyroid issues. I cannot believe I did not connect the two. I will make an appointment with his regular doctor too and see if we can get some blood work done just to rule that out. I will also bring it up with the psychiatrist.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 4, 2016 18:13:02 GMT
I've never walked in your shoes, but something that has worked for similar things in the past for us is 'focusing on one '. We wouldn't talk about it being 16 sessions (that will seem like forever to a kid). Maybe presenting it to him as ' we are going to go to this session. We can reevaluate it again after you've gone'. Then talk with him when he's done that one. Then, encourage him to go again. Not really pressuring him, but also not letting him get overwhelmed with the time frame. He needs to go to this session, for one hour. Focus on that. This is what I have been trying. At this point, he says he'll go next week. So I'm trying to focus on the positive. When I read that CBT can be achieved in as little as 16 sessions, I actually thought that sounded encouraging. I was in therapy much longer than that. I did not think that maybe that 16 sessions might seem too overwhelming for him. |
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Post by birukitty on Mar 4, 2016 18:14:45 GMT
Is there any way at all you can get your son in see the psychiatrist any earlier before March 18th? Did you tell them that it's an emergency and that he's having suicidal thoughts? That is the key point-that he's having suicidal thoughts-they need to know that. Why do you think he has bipolar disorder? Does he have the mania side of bipolar where he is up and happy, and have you seen him experience this? If you haven't then you may very well have depression, and not bipolar disorder. Depression is more common than bipolar disorder and is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The only way to fix it is with medication that will re-balance the chemicals and the best doctor for this is a psychiatrist. The only time a therapist helps is if the depression is caused by a situation like the death of a family member which is called situational depression. If it's not caused by a situation, but rather simply a chemical imbalance than a therapist is not helpful and is not needed.
While I understand with your history and you being a good mother you want to do whatever you can to help your son, personally at this point I would stop the therapy unless you know that he's recently experienced a trauma that could be responsible for his depression. If he hasn't I would stop the therapy until he can see the psychiatrist and get a diagnosis. If he has depression it's important to understand that with it comes severe fatigue that is real, so that might be why it's been difficult getting him out of bed in the morning. He's not trying to be difficult, he's simply exhausted. Also lack of appetite is common which would explain the weight loss, not to mention withdrawal from family and friends. This is the disease doing all of this. And it is a physical disease, no different than diabetes or cancer.
As far as taking his computer away and punishing him, would you do that to someone who has diabetes or cancer? No of course not.
Hang in there. My son (26) has been diagnosed with depression and is now on medication as have I for the past several years. We are both doing fine. Keep an eye on your son (the suicidal thoughts concern me) and do what you can to get him to the doctor as soon as possible. I hope this helps.
Debbie in MD.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,994
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Mar 4, 2016 18:15:50 GMT
I have no advice, just cyber hugs.
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Post by birukitty on Mar 4, 2016 18:17:57 GMT
PS Even if it is bipolar disorder I've heard the depression part can be more "low" than regular depression so I think the basic same advice I wrote above applies, although of course you would know more about the therapy part.
Debbie in MD.
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Post by Linda on Mar 4, 2016 18:18:38 GMT
((((Hugs)))) and prayers
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Post by mom on Mar 4, 2016 18:22:05 GMT
I've never walked in your shoes, but something that has worked for similar things in the past for us is 'focusing on one '. We wouldn't talk about it being 16 sessions (that will seem like forever to a kid). Maybe presenting it to him as ' we are going to go to this session. We can reevaluate it again after you've gone'. Then talk with him when he's done that one. Then, encourage him to go again. Not really pressuring him, but also not letting him get overwhelmed with the time frame. He needs to go to this session, for one hour. Focus on that. This is what I have been trying. At this point, he says he'll go next week. So I'm trying to focus on the positive. When I read that CBT can be achieved in as little as 16 sessions, I actually thought that sounded encouraging. I was in therapy much longer than that. I did not think that maybe that 16 sessions might seem too overwhelming for him. See, and to me (no real experience to draw on) - I thought 16 sounded a ton! Hugs, Mama. |
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Post by elaine on Mar 4, 2016 18:38:53 GMT
Is there any way at all you can get your son in see the psychiatrist any earlier before March 18th? Did you tell them that it's an emergency and that he's having suicidal thoughts? That is the key point-that he's having suicidal thoughts-they need to know that. Why do you think he has bipolar disorder? Does he have the mania side of bipolar where he is up and happy, and have you seen him experience this? If you haven't then you may very well have depression, and not bipolar disorder. Depression is more common than bipolar disorder and is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The only way to fix it is with medication that will re-balance the chemicals and the best doctor for this is a psychiatrist. The only time a therapist helps is if the depression is caused by a situation like the death of a family member which is called situational depression. If it's not caused by a situation, but rather simply a chemical imbalance than a therapist is not helpful and is not needed. While I understand with your history and you being a good mother you want to do whatever you can to help your son, personally at this point I would stop the therapy unless you know that he's recently experienced a trauma that could be responsible for his depression. If he hasn't I would stop the therapy until he can see the psychiatrist and get a diagnosis. If he has depression it's important to understand that with it comes severe fatigue that is real, so that might be why it's been difficult getting him out of bed in the morning. He's not trying to be difficult, he's simply exhausted. Also lack of appetite is common which would explain the weight loss, not to mention withdrawal from family and friends. This is the disease doing all of this. And it is a physical disease, no different than diabetes or cancer. As far as taking his computer away and punishing him, would you do that to someone who has diabetes or cancer? No of course not. Hang in there. My son (26) has been diagnosed with depression and is now on medication as have I for the past several years. We are both doing fine. Keep an eye on your son (the suicidal thoughts concern me) and do what you can to get him to the doctor as soon as possible. I hope this helps. Debbie in MD. No offense, but research simply does not support this. The most efficacious way to treat depression is medication + CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) - there have been numerous studies to back this up. Therapy may have done little for you, but it helps many, many people with depression. jeremysgirl - you are doing all the right things. I agree with finding ways to reward him for going to therapy. Does he know that you are taking him there because you want him to feel better and not to punish him? Find a way to have him feel you are firmly in his corner wanting to help him fight his fight. (((Hugs))) |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 4, 2016 18:39:58 GMT
Is there any way at all you can get your son in see the psychiatrist any earlier before March 18th? Did you tell them that it's an emergency and that he's having suicidal thoughts? That is the key point-that he's having suicidal thoughts-they need to know that. Why do you think he has bipolar disorder? Does he have the mania side of bipolar where he is up and happy, and have you seen him experience this? If you haven't then you may very well have depression, and not bipolar disorder. Depression is more common than bipolar disorder and is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. The only way to fix it is with medication that will re-balance the chemicals and the best doctor for this is a psychiatrist. The only time a therapist helps is if the depression is caused by a situation like the death of a family member which is called situational depression. If it's not caused by a situation, but rather simply a chemical imbalance than a therapist is not helpful and is not needed. While I understand with your history and you being a good mother you want to do whatever you can to help your son, personally at this point I would stop the therapy unless you know that he's recently experienced a trauma that could be responsible for his depression. If he hasn't I would stop the therapy until he can see the psychiatrist and get a diagnosis. If he has depression it's important to understand that with it comes severe fatigue that is real, so that might be why it's been difficult getting him out of bed in the morning. He's not trying to be difficult, he's simply exhausted. Also lack of appetite is common which would explain the weight loss, not to mention withdrawal from family and friends. This is the disease doing all of this. And it is a physical disease, no different than diabetes or cancer. As far as taking his computer away and punishing him, would you do that to someone who has diabetes or cancer? No of course not. Hang in there. My son (26) has been diagnosed with depression and is now on medication as have I for the past several years. We are both doing fine. Keep an eye on your son (the suicidal thoughts concern me) and do what you can to get him to the doctor as soon as possible. I hope this helps. Debbie in MD. It's quite possible it is just depression and not bipolar disorder. When I first started experiencing symptoms, it was very much like it was depression. As I have gotten older, the mania has gotten worse and the depression end of it has gotten markedly better. So honestly, I am open to either diagnosis, but I want to make sure we have the right one and treat it appropriately. I have not seen manic behaviors from him. But, just a couple of weeks ago, he did have a fight at school. This kid is normally very laid back and he clearly had some pent up frustration and lost his temper with another child at school. I have never seen behavior like that from him.
Right now, I have talked to him about the suicidal thoughts. I do not believe he has a plan to kill himself. But he's definitely in the place where he feels like even getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and he doesn't feel life is worth living. If I felt like he was in the place where he was in immediate danger, I would take him to the ER. I do not feel he is quite in that place.
And I do disagree with you about therapy. I have found it helpful to myself. I think it's an integral part in a holistic treatment plan.
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Post by shevy on Mar 4, 2016 18:40:00 GMT
What peabay said.
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Post by marg on Mar 4, 2016 18:41:47 GMT
I agree that 16 sessions seems very overwhelming. That's like a part-time job for your son. I'm happy that you're going to have blood work done - can I just suggest that you don't just have TSH tested, but Free T3 and Free T4 as well? It was a long and difficult process to finally find a doctor that would diagnose my son, because his blood tests never fit the ranges that are currently in use (the doctor ended up diagnosing him based on symptoms). Here is a good article about it: www.westonaprice.org/modern-diseases/best-kept-secret/Just an FYI, regarding the TSH range: However, most doctors use the old range that goes up to 5, missing many cases. Just something to keep in mind. |
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Post by Really Red on Mar 4, 2016 18:46:05 GMT
I like what marg said. I sent you a PM. |
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Post by kernriver on Mar 4, 2016 19:11:49 GMT
Just a thought...the losing of 20 pounds makes me think he's doing drugs and/or alcohol. Have you tested?
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Post by Darcy Collins on Mar 4, 2016 19:17:28 GMT
My only thoughts are to not assume your son's diagnosis is the same as yours. I can certainly understand your fear - and the guilt that is probably driving you to see his symptoms and remember your own - but be sure and explore all avenues and keep an open mind. Regarding the video games, unless you're seeing a negative correlation with his mood/emotions during or after playing, I would not consider taking away his computer. I think for many boys in particular it's a strong connection to their peers. I would probably pay a bit closer look at the particular games and groups he is interacting with to make sure there isn't any issues that are exacerbating his depression. Good luck to you both.
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 4, 2016 19:20:24 GMT
No advice, just {{{hugs}}}.
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Post by withapea on Mar 4, 2016 19:24:41 GMT
I don't have any advice but I wanted to offer good thoughts. I think it's great you're being proactive and taking charge. Good luck to both of you. Hugs!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 4, 2016 19:25:22 GMT
Just a thought...the losing of 20 pounds makes me think he's doing drugs and/or alcohol. Have you tested? He is not eating very much. I even took him to a nutritionist because I was worried about how restrictive he's been with his eating. He started off OK, wanting to lose 10 pounds, but it has gone too far now. I do not think he's doing drugs or alcohol because he is not leaving the house for anything but school. He is never unsupervised. And after the incident at school with the fight, they have been making him come into the office every morning and search his bag before allowing him into school. So there are no drugs in his bag. I also just did a good clean up of his room recently and I found no evidence of that either. I am only an occasional drinker, as I take some pretty serious psychiatric medications and my DH doesn't drink so we rarely have any alcohol in the house either. Usually only when we have company over.
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Post by knit.pea on Mar 4, 2016 19:47:09 GMT
A few thoughts, in general.
Does he have a group of friends he is close to?
If so, do they all play online together, or is he doing his own thing?
I have wondered about the influence of online people with my own DS
who is also 14. People do join the games he plays with his friends,
and I worry about random people.
Please have someone check out his online presence (FB, Twitter, Tumblr,
Instagram, any online boards he may go to--about the only one
I know of is Serene's Forest--there are game-specific parts and
the equivalent of NSBR there, too). You don't want to
reward with Steam cards if that is somehow part of the issue
(random relationships online starting to influence him).
Is there anything happening/changing at home that is worrying him?
The change in clothing and hair color ... is he now friends with different people
recently, and he is trying to fit in?
I am guessing something is up at school, due to the fight. Some kind of
issues, and that's how he decided to handle it.
Has he talked about school, his class load, etc.?
I think what you are doing is completely correct. He needs the therapy.
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Post by elaine on Mar 4, 2016 19:49:53 GMT
Just a thought...the losing of 20 pounds makes me think he's doing drugs and/or alcohol. Have you tested? He is not eating very much. I even took him to a nutritionist because I was worried about how restrictive he's been with his eating. He started off OK, wanting to lose 10 pounds, but it has gone too far now. I do not think he's doing drugs or alcohol because he is not leaving the house for anything but school. He is never unsupervised. And after the incident at school with the fight, they have been making him come into the office every morning and search his bag before allowing him into school. So there are no drugs in his bag. I also just did a good clean up of his room recently and I found no evidence of that either. I am only an occasional drinker, as I take some pretty serious psychiatric medications and my DH doesn't drink so we rarely have any alcohol in the house either. Usually only when we have company over.
Sounds like there may be eating disordered behavior going on too. We usually only think about anorexia in girls, but a growing number of boys have issues with it too. Anorexia is all about control, and for some teens who feel out of control, there is comfort - albeit unhealthy - in being able to control what they eat. Therapy would be a great place to explore this. You may want to mention it to his therapist if you haven't yet. Another thought, if I were singled out each morning to go to the office to have my stuff searched, I wouldn't want to go to school either. I don't know the story regarding the fight, so I don't know if the continued search is warranted, but that is something to explore. |
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Post by wrongwayfeldman on Mar 4, 2016 19:58:38 GMT
I couldn't just read and run, so I'm going to toss in few thoughts from our own recent personal experience that may help you.
When my now 17 year old started therapy for severe depression and anxiety disorder, one of the things that helped so much was a personal commitment to make a behavioral activation plan. It seemed so silly at first, but it worked wonders. In short, together, we made a list of a few goals that would make small positive changes that would eventually lead to small successes.
The one thing that was on the top of the list was getting off the computer. My child had a tendency to find sites online that perpetuated his self-hate and depression; forums and tumblr pages of kids that were sinking into depression just like my ds, and they all seemed to feed off of each other. I'm not saying those sites don't have their place and provide kids a chance to vent, but for my ds in particular, they were a place to wallow and they didn't provide a light at the end of the tunnel. We agreed that the only sites he would visit with regard to his specific needs would be solution-based ones. That helped so much.
We also made it our plan that every week we would get outside in the fresh air at least twice for an hour each time. This was huge for him, since he spent so much time in his room alone.
Another part of our plan was that for most of the day when we WAS in his room alone, the door would stay open. That allowed the rest of the family to connect with him in some small way, and for him not to be able to isolate himself so easily.
This might be easier said than done, and my ds was not as resistant to therapy as yours sounds right now, but know that there is hope, and stay with him. Keep reminding him how valuable he is to you, even when he pushes you away. We were eventually able to find the right medication, and the difference is night and day. It's hard for me to believe that just two short years ago, we were also facing a suicide risk, each and every day. It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. But we did it, and I have the best, happiest kid, and you will, too. You are his greatest champion, and it sounds like he really needs you right now. I'll be sending up prayers.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 4, 2016 20:11:03 GMT
A few thoughts, in general. Does he have a group of friends he is close to? If so, do they all play online together, or is he doing his own thing? I have wondered about the influence of online people with my own DS who is also 14. People do join the games he plays with his friends, and I worry about random people. Please have someone check out his online presence (FB, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, any online boards he may go to--about the only one I know of is Serene's Forest--there are game-specific parts and the equivalent of NSBR there, too). You don't want to reward with Steam cards if that is somehow part of the issue (random relationships online starting to influence him). Is there anything happening/changing at home that is worrying him? The change in clothing and hair color ... is he now friends with different people recently, and he is trying to fit in? I am guessing something is up at school, due to the fight. Some kind of issues, and that's how he decided to handle it. Has he talked about school, his class load, etc.? I think what you are doing is completely correct. He needs the therapy. He plays his computer in the middle of the living room with the same group of friends he's been playing with for the last 2 or 3 years. Since I'm generally sitting right there while he's playing, I haven't seen anything to indicate that there's anything unusual going on. He actually is a very quiet kid, in general. He really only has one best friend and since October there's been a girl involved. I think the black clothing and hair could be her influence. They don't see each other outside of my house and school, though. She is a very nice girl. She's actually quite religious, as well. She's very quiet, just like him. Right now, she's also my biggest ally as she was the one who encouraged him to talk to me. And she seems supportive of the therapy, as well. I was surprised yesterday, he asked me to buy him a Bible. I let him pick one out on Amazon. He said she takes great comfort reading the Bible and he wanted to read it too. I told him if he would like to try going to her church, I would be happy to take him. As far as I can tell, she's a good influence on him.
The fight happened because some kid threw a football at his girlfriend and it hit her in the head. He snapped and hit the kid. The kid was not seriously injured and did not hit him back. So the fight was over quite quickly. But they did require my son to go talk to the guidance counselor about it and he did confess that he's been suffering. I think the school is searching his bag because they are in CYA mode. They actually told me that they are concerned with the changes in his behavior.
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Refupea #39