perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439 
Location: Idaho
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Post by perumbula on Jul 28, 2014 18:28:50 GMT
So Saturday they were supposed to come to my house for a game night. This is something we're trying to make a regular thing, btw. It was just supposed to be the couples and the kids would play (well supervised) at another house. They decided while they were having their shopping day they didn't invite me on that it was too much work to come to my house. It's a 12 mile drive after all and it would complicate the kid situation a little bit. So they were going to move the party I was hosting to one of their houses. They live in the same town so kids at one house, party at the other. Yes, it's easier, but it's a bit rude to move my party without talking to me, don't you think? DH had a friend call and ask if he could come visit on Saturday. It's a music friend DH hasn't seen in years and DH was really excited to see him. We didn't feel comfortable asking friend to bring his girls along to the home of someone he's never met for a game night. Friend loves games though so we decided to go ahead with the hosting at our house. We would have to have the kids here but it would be just this month and we would find something for them to do in a different room. Nope. Not going to work. Sisters call me back and "reschedule" the whole thing. Their excuse is that I'm too busy to host a party right now. What? Because apparently being 40 years old does not qualify you to decide how busy you are.  Um, thanks? Also it looks like the monthly game night that was supposed to rotate homes is never going to be allowed to be at my house. Fun times. Oh and on the shopping trip I wasn't invited on they both found their dresses for dd's wedding: ivory lace. both of them. Grown women showing up in the exact same color as the bride. Then they decided that they would dress them up with ribbon sashes in one of the wedding colors.  They are going to look ridiculous. And that my friends is what you call Karma. If they had bothered to invite me, I would have warned them not to buy ivory lace dresses. My dd is very relaxed about tradition, but even she thought it was awful. "Are they trying to look like me or a bridesmaid?" She originally was so horrified she wanted me to call them and tell them not to wear the dresses. I just told her the aunts were the ones who would reap the consequences and it wasn't a big enough deal to ruffle feathers at this point. It does make me laugh though. I guess it's a good thing. I really needed a laugh. I'm thinking I'm over them. Sigh. |
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 28, 2014 18:35:30 GMT
Sister drama is the worst! I know it's mean but I'm picturing your sisters in lace dresses like the evil stepsisters in Cinderella. You get to be lovely Cinderella.
Hope things get better soon!
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,346
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Jul 28, 2014 18:35:47 GMT
Are these women your sisters or sister in laws?
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angie w
Full Member
Posts: 107
Jun 26, 2014 2:35:35 GMT
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Post by angie w on Jul 28, 2014 18:37:11 GMT
whoa that's a lot of drama! Sounds like you have a good attitude about it though. they are going to look really silly at the wedding.
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
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Post by perumbula on Jul 28, 2014 18:45:21 GMT
Sisters. This are the women I grew up with and talk a big game about sisterly love. I don't think they are trying to be mean, but they have gotten really thoughtless and self centered in the last couple of years.
Friday night after the shopping trip they each stopped by (separately) to tell me about what a great day they had and all the awesome stuff they bought. I was polite, but dang that was hard.
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smginaz Suzy
Pearl Clutcher
Je suis desole.
Posts: 2,606
Jun 26, 2014 17:27:30 GMT
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Jul 28, 2014 19:20:55 GMT
You know, even with sisters, it is OK to simply say, "Hey, I'm glad you had a great time but I have to admit, I feel a bit left out."
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 28, 2014 19:25:21 GMT
Wow.  I know it's your sisters, but maybe you are lucking out not having them over and trying to have fun with them. Oh, and double for them both buying ivory lace dresses that will match your dd's wedding dress. Seriously, that's weird. |
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 28, 2014 19:57:38 GMT
Can't you just tell your sisters you feel left out? Does your family not communicate well?
Two of my sisters cause a lot of drama, but I'm very removed from it. For years each of them would call me and complain about the other. I just kept out of it, didn't get involved, didn't share what each was saying with the other, etc. They both still call to vent, but don't try to pull me in like they used too.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 28, 2014 20:02:28 GMT
I'm sorry, but I did have to laugh about the dresses! My PITA SIL did this to her own daughter. She wore a white bustier with a white chiffon skirt to her own daughter's wedding. She looked ridiculous and no one blamed the bride, believe me!
ETA - I'm sorry they are being so controlling. I'd say no thanks to game night with them. I hope you still have it with DH's friend.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jul 28, 2014 20:05:43 GMT
Sister drama hell...... I am so sorry yo have to deal with this.... I am so glad I disowned my sisters years ago... I don't have to deal with sister drama.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Jul 28, 2014 20:07:29 GMT
Sisters. This are the women I grew up with and talk a big game about sisterly love. I don't think they are trying to be mean, but they have gotten really thoughtless and self centered in the last couple of years. Friday night after the shopping trip they each stopped by (separately) to tell me about what a great day they had and all the awesome stuff they bought. I was polite, but dang that was hard. If they are your sisters why didn't you ask why you weren't invited? I would have. |
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Post by Aheartfeltcard on Jul 28, 2014 20:12:55 GMT
Holy crap! I could have posted the same but a different scenario. I don't know what the heck to say other than move on! They sound like the same bitches my sisters are.
Yes, I said it.
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Post by Aheartfeltcard on Jul 28, 2014 20:19:51 GMT
Can't you just tell your sisters you feel left out? Does your family not communicate well? Two of my sisters cause a lot of drama, but I'm very removed from it. For years each of them would call me and complain about the other. I just kept out of it, didn't get involved, didn't share what each was saying with the other, etc. They both still call to vent, but don't try to pull me in like they used too. Similar situation but my sisters stopped talking for 10 years. Now that they do talk and things happened within the family. I saw true colors. The only regret I have is not being able to witness how the sisters relationships with each other blossom or wilt , lol!! I mean really, how will two self centered controlling women get along. Especially because while they have similar personalities they have very different family and financial dynamics. They cannot understand each other! |
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Post by jemali on Jul 28, 2014 20:25:38 GMT
So they decided that you were too busy to host the game night?
The ivory lace dresses is weird.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 28, 2014 20:34:16 GMT
IDK, you sound a bit ....passive? I mean, do you TELL them that no? or just nod yes, and go along with them? So they just keep stepping on you.
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Post by Penellopy on Jul 28, 2014 20:40:48 GMT
I had sister drama. She caused so much havoc I divorced her and her family. Last year, I rounded one of the isles in Walmart of all places and ran smack into her. She started yelling at me about why I wouldn't speak to her and wasn't I going to speak to her. I just looked at her and said I don't think so. And calmly walked off. She was still yelling. Her temper and her all about me attitude is more than I want to deal with. It is no wonder her husband works all the time and her kids moved out.
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Post by krazykatlady on Jul 28, 2014 20:43:31 GMT
You're a bigger person than me. I'd be telling them exactly what I thought of their thoughtlessness and there's no way they could wear those dresses to my daughter's wedding!
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Post by Aheartfeltcard on Jul 28, 2014 20:47:06 GMT
IDK, you sound a bit ....passive? I mean, do you TELL them that no? or just nod yes, and go along with them? So they just keep stepping on you. It is easier to be passive than to say something with self centered control freeks. I was passive and when I wasn't the shit hit the fan and we no longer speak. I'm not saying this applies to OP but if so I can relate. My feeling was to accept them for who they are. I felt when I spoke up that they didn't respect me, my feelings and when j saw that light of day I ended the relationships completely . It's sad, but true. |
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Jul 28, 2014 21:26:29 GMT
Oh and on the shopping trip I wasn't invited on they both found their dresses for dd's wedding: ivory lace. both of them. Grown women showing up in the exact same color as the bride. Then they decided that they would dress them up with ribbon sashes in one of the wedding colors. They are going to look ridiculous. And that my friends is what you call Karma. If they had bothered to invite me, I would have warned them not to buy ivory lace dresses. My dd is very relaxed about tradition, but even she thought it was awful. "Are they trying to look like me or a bridesmaid?" She originally was so horrified she wanted me to call them and tell them not to wear the dresses. I just told her the aunts were the ones who would reap the consequences and it wasn't a big enough deal to ruffle feathers at this point. It does make me laugh though. I guess it's a good thing. I really needed a laugh. I'm thinking I'm over them. Sigh. I'm laughing just thinking how awful they are going to look in ivory lace dresses, compared to the young, beautiful bride. The color and the contrast are only going to make them look older and more wrinkled in comparison to the bride! (Yes, I'm mean!). |
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perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
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Post by perumbula on Jul 28, 2014 21:31:57 GMT
I probably could have said more when the game night crap happened but it came the day after the shopping trip mess. I was already annoyed with their high handed behavior. At the time I just didn't want to deal with them anymore.
Secondly, in my family if you make waves, you are the one being the problem. There is no such thing as a legitimate beef. We are allowed to *itch about each other behind each other's backs, but open confrontation is very much frowned upon. We all have pretty hot tempers, so I think this is how we somehow avoid big family blow ups. Of course, nothing ever gets worked out. You just have to get over it.
As for why I didn't just invite myself, well, it went like this: One week before the shopping trip, youngest sister started asking for a babysitter on Facebook. She didn't say what for. Finally, three days before the shopping trip she gave up looking for someone local and asked me if my middle dd was available. She still didn't tell me what for. The next day I babysat for her while she had a job interview in my town. When she came to pick up her kids I point blank asked her what the babysitter was for. She hesitated before answering like she didn't really want me to know but knew she couldn't get away with keeping it quiet. (I've known this woman for over 30 years; yes I can read her.) Then totally downplayed the trip. She said she and other sister were going shopping. she implied it was a quick trip for one or two things and would just be the two of them. She did not say Mom was going too. Neither my mother or my other sister said one word to me about the upcoming shopping day. No one mentioned that it was a much bigger deal than younger sis implied to me. I found out Friday morning when I called to talk to other sister about something else.
TL:DR--I could have invited myself, but sisters did not make me feel welcome. I don't force myself in where I'm not welcome. It's not fun.
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Um, thanks? Also it looks like the monthly game night that was supposed to rotate homes is never going to be allowed to be at my house. Fun times. 
They are going to look ridiculous. And that my friends is what you call Karma. If they had bothered to invite me, I would have warned them not to buy ivory lace dresses. 
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