Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 14:31:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 19:30:25 GMT
If you have kids- friends, relatives, neighbors, whatever - at your house that aren't yours, do you feel comfortable correcting them, even if their parents are present?
I've never had a problem doing so, usually just a nice, "Hey, we don't do that at our house" when they're screaming for no reason, running up and down the stairs or throwing stuff in the house.
This weekend my in-laws came to visit. They've adopted two of their granddaughters who are now 8 and 10. They've had them since they were infants. Neither my FIL or MIL seem to have any interest in making them behave. It frustrates my DH to death since he knows how he was brought up, and it's nothing like this! We can't figure out if it's them being in their 60's instead of their 20's, or if they still of the girls as their grandchildren instead of children.
Numerous times throughout the weekend we corrected their kids because they couldn't be bothered to look up from their tablets or phones. His mom even thanked him for taking care of those situations.
I'm like - Dang it! He shouldn't have to be correcting THEIR kids! But at the same time, I don't want our house trashed.
So, are you okay with laying down the law to other people's kids while they're at your house?
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Post by *christine* on Jul 28, 2014 19:32:35 GMT
Yes, I do, and I would be OK with someone reminding my child to behave if he weren't when at someone's house.
The big one in my house is no running or jumping on the furniture. I wasn't allowed to when I was a kid, my son never did it at our house and I'm stunned by OPKs who run through my house and launch themselves onto the furniture.
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Post by agengr2004 on Jul 28, 2014 19:32:44 GMT
I don't have a problem correcting other kids in my home. It's typically a gentle "That's not the rule in our house", "That's not how we treat things/people in our home etc." And I don't have a problem with other people doing it with my kid in their home.
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clarita
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Jun 26, 2014 12:26:40 GMT
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Post by clarita on Jul 28, 2014 19:34:30 GMT
Yes we are. We often have neighbor kids over playing with my daughter and we have no problem telling them to quiet it down if they get too loud or tell them to stop doing something we don't find acceptable. I think it's a little more difficult when the parents are actually around but we still do it.
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 14:31:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 19:37:32 GMT
Yes, I do, and I would be OK with someone reminding my child to behave if he weren't when at someone's house. The big one in my house is no running or jumping on the furniture. I wasn't allowed to when I was a kid, my son never did it at our house and I'm stunned by OPKs who run through my house and launch themselves onto the furniture. Yes, the whole jumping/climbing on the furniture thing is a huge one with me, too. Especially when the parents are right there! I just want to say, "Do you not see your kid walking on the back of my house, or hanging off the side of my recliner?" We went through this several times over the past few days! And the screaming. Don't even get me started on the screaming!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 19:42:05 GMT
Yes! I absolutely do correct other children who are in my home. If their parents aren't going to teach them how to behave when they are here, then I will.
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Post by *christine* on Jul 28, 2014 19:42:06 GMT
Yes! What is with the screaming?!?! A tantrum screaming would be one thing, but screaming/screeching when you're having fun? What is that???
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trollie
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Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
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Post by trollie on Jul 28, 2014 19:42:45 GMT
I have no problem correcting other people's children in my home. My guess is that the grandparents are too tired at their advanced age to correct their granddaughters. They also might feel guilt over their granddaughters' situation as well and are having a hard time disciplining for that reason.
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marianne
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Not my circus, not my monkeys. . . My monkeys fly!
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Jun 25, 2014 21:08:26 GMT
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Post by marianne on Jul 28, 2014 19:44:47 GMT
I have no problem correcting any child in my home, and had no problem with anyone correcting mine. If the parent does nothing, I'll speak up with a gentle reminder that we don't run in the house or whatever needs correcting. I expected my kid to behave in other people's homes and I expect the same courtesy in my home.
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River
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Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Jul 28, 2014 19:45:50 GMT
I have no problem correcting others kids while they are at my home. If the parents are there, I will tell them first. After that, I feel comfortable telling the kids "no". Some have looked at me like I have two heads, some have looked at me like "what is this 'no' that you speak of?" But they all listen to me after they get the evil serious look.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 28, 2014 19:47:44 GMT
Of course I will correct other people's kids when they're at my house if their parents don't do it. It's my house, and I don't want my things to get broken. Luckily, it doesn't happen often, but if necessary, I will not hesitate.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 28, 2014 20:13:07 GMT
Yes, I do it like you - with a statement about we don't do that in our house.
The only person to ever get mad is my youngest sister. Her kid became a brat no one could stand. I felt sorry for my niece. Luckily she has mostly outgrown it.
Do you think your in-laws don't discipline them because they feel sorry for them, having grandparents instead of parents?
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Post by mdoc on Jul 28, 2014 20:15:53 GMT
I'm comfortable correcting certain things. If a kid is doing something that is disturbing everyone or could damage my house, I'll say something (after giving the parent an opportunity to do so first if h/she is present). If it's something like poor table manners or something that doesn't really impact me, I don't.
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Post by rumplesnat on Jul 28, 2014 20:22:04 GMT
With certain things, absolutely! We don't touch some things at my house. I didn't put up breakables for my kids, I don't do it for the kids I babysit. I won't do it for guests. We don't touch. We don't jump on the furniture, run around or push the curtains and blinds out of the way to look out the windows. We don't walk around (kids) with food and drinks. We work hard for what we have and to keep the house clean. You may be a guest, but you're in my house, we have rules and if you aren't going to parent your child, I will enforce my rules.
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Post by Native New Yorker on Jul 28, 2014 20:24:02 GMT
i've had to. Not fun but necessary.
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Post by melanieg on Jul 28, 2014 20:41:02 GMT
Yes I do. My house, my rules (OMG I just sounded like my parents there!)
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kate
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Post by kate on Jul 28, 2014 20:42:50 GMT
I try to rein myself in when the parents are around - as a teacher, I am very comfortable correcting OPKs, and I worry that other parents will think I'm being presumptuous. In a case like jumping on the furniture(!), however, I would not hesitate to say something.
It's easier in my own house, where I can invoke "house rules." Harder is at a party when I'm not the host, where kids I have in class are tearing around, and I can tell things are headed south in a hurry - usually, I just pull my own kid out of the scene, but I have occasionally redirected the whole shenanigans on the basis of "staying safe." I would not do that with kids I didn't know.
I can be sensitive about other people correcting my kids if I think what they're doing is okay. For example, I've had friends tell my kids (with me right there!) that they shouldn't sit in a certain place on the subway, or that they shouldn't walk so far ahead of me. Um, they ride the subway every day, and they know how far away from me they're allowed to be. I don't say anything, though, because I figure they're trying to be helpful.
If someone had to tell my kids to stop running on the furniture, I'd be mortified that a) my kids were being so rude, and b) that I hadn't noticed it first! So yes, if my kids are doing something like that, PLEASE DO correct them!
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 28, 2014 20:42:51 GMT
At home, in the neighborhood, at school, sporting events... I'll correct them anywhere
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Post by colleen on Jul 28, 2014 20:46:05 GMT
Generally, I give the parents a chance to correct them (unless there's immediate danger, ie the pool or messing with the dog) and I always hoped if I wasn't around someone would correct my kid. I do remember getting upset at my sil when ds was little (4 or under). She's teacher and was just always on him at the dinner table. Constantly nitpicking at him. We didn't let him walk around during dinner time, or throw food, or get loud or any of that nonsense but I do remember getting aggravated with her.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 28, 2014 20:47:01 GMT
At my house, it's my rules and I do not hesitate to correct kids. And I have no problem with anyone correcting my kids either. I hope if someone sees them doing something inappropriate and I miss it, they catch it.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 28, 2014 20:49:06 GMT
Yes! What is with the screaming?!?! A tantrum screaming would be one thing, but screaming/screeching when you're having fun? What is that??? OMG - one time dh went running out of the house thinking someone was hurt. Nope, it was dd's friend just standing in the back yard screaming We have no problem correcting other kids at our house. For me it's just me telling them that our rules are x, y, z. We don't allow screaming, jumping on furniture, throwing balls/toys or running in our house. My sister allows all of those in her house
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MizIndependent
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Post by MizIndependent on Jul 28, 2014 20:51:41 GMT
If you have kids- friends, relatives, neighbors, whatever - at your house that aren't yours, do you feel comfortable correcting them, even if their parents are present? You bet. My house, my rules. Period.
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rickmer
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Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Jul 28, 2014 20:55:30 GMT
i have no problem with it and don't mind other correcting my children either. the only time it ticks me off is when someone is all over MY kid for something and meanwhile, their kids are not held to the same standard. my girlfriend used to BEG me to correct her son... she said he just doesn't listen to her. maybe it's a case like that??? when she would correct her son at HER house she would say "oh, merrick hates when you make that much noise. stop or she's going to leave and take her son with her and your playdate will be over". i was like , this kid is gonna HATE me!
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 14:31:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 20:58:54 GMT
Do you think your in-laws don't discipline them because they feel sorry for them, having grandparents instead of parents? I honestly don't know. My MIL is especially proud of the fact that she adopted them. She loves, loves, loves to tell people that the kids are her children. Legally, they are. But she does get offended when DH refers to them as his nieces instead of his sisters. C'mon, our kids are older and you want them to call their cousins Aunts? When they were discussing adoption (one was 4 months old when they got custody of her, the other came home from the hospital with them), we cautioned them about treating them as grandkids instead of kids. They assured us they could do it. Well, actually MIL assured us. FIL has always just gone along with whatever she decides, cause it's easier that way. We also voiced our concerns about their age. It's one thing to chase after kids and teach them how to behave when you're 20, it's entirely different when you're 60! They were adamant they could handle it. Clearly, something's not working.
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Post by Outspoken on Jul 28, 2014 21:01:49 GMT
I correct OPKs in my house if the need arises - in front of their parents if necessary. And when I leave my kids in the care of someone else, I tell them to treat them like they would their own - discipline included.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2014 21:02:11 GMT
my girlfriend used to BEG me to correct her son... she said he just doesn't listen to her. maybe it's a case like that??? MIL jokingly (or maybe not jokingly) said she'd leave them here with us for a week so we could straighten them out. Well, yes, I could probably get them to mind me, but they'd go right back to ignoring the in-laws when they got home. It's not the location, it's the parenting!
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Post by salem on Jul 28, 2014 21:06:34 GMT
I have no problem telling a visiting child to knock it off if they are doing something they shouldn't be. Just as I would hope that their parent would do the same to my child if they were acting up at their home. I speak to them the same way I would my own kids because my expectations of behavior are the same for all kids present.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 28, 2014 21:10:37 GMT
I have stood in a room with my hands on hips saying "what in the everloving hell is going on???" So, yeah, I have no trouble. But I haven't had to do that in a very very long time. Most of the boys guests are more Eddie Haskel than Dennis the Menace.
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Post by gillyp on Jul 28, 2014 22:43:47 GMT
my girlfriend used to BEG me to correct her son... she said he just doesn't listen to her. maybe it's a case like that??? when she would correct her son at HER house she would say "oh, merrick hates when you make that much noise. stop or she's going to leave and take her son with her and your playdate will be over". i was like , this kid is gonna HATE me! Similar sort of thing - I own a candy store and parents will often say to their kids "If you keep on doing that the lady will shout at you". What's wrong with telling the little darlings that what they are doing is not acceptable and they have to stop? I will correct OPK in my home if necessary but if the parents are with them I do wait for them to do it first. My kids are grown now but I would have been horrified if they misbehaved anywhere and certainly would expect them to be pulled up about it if I wasn't there.
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Post by jlynnbarth on Jul 28, 2014 23:11:19 GMT
Yes, I correct other kids in my house and other places too. If their parents are around, I wait a bit to see if they will intervene and if not, I say something. We had friends staying at our home for a week. They had two little guys with them. The youngest was jumping on our GLASS topped coffee table. The Mom said "stop it" about 10 times and the child wouldn't stop. I walked over, picked him up in my arms explained that we DO NOT jump on furniture in my house and explained to him that the glass top could break, he would fall through and could get hurt very badly. He looked at me and very seriously, like he was contemplating what I told him and said "I sowwy, I don't want an ouchie" (he was 3) got down and never even looked at the table again as a "toy" to be jumped on. The Mom was amazed that he stopped. Sometimes they just need to know why they should not be doing something, especially when they are that little. Older kids need it too sometimes. I don't mind being the "mean" mom if it saves someone from getting hurt or teaches a child "why" we shouldn't do things.
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