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Post by compwalla on Jul 29, 2014 13:35:54 GMT
...but don't you want your suit to be flattering? Some suits are just better for certain body types. I see those type of articles during swim suit season every year. "If your apple/pear/whatever shape try these styles when shopping for bathing suits." Along with pictures. ... Flattering has this connotation that there is a right way to look, usually thinner/younger/etc. and God forbid that anything else be visible ... ... I'm kind of over the idea that I need to camouflage my big ass for someone else's viewing comfort. I agree. "This suit is flattering" means you have internalized whatever (nearly unobtainable) standard of beauty you're told to conform with. Your thighs touch so you have to cover them. Your tummy is poochy after three c-sections so you have to cover it up. Your waist isn't small enough so you have to use visual tricks to make it look as small as other people think it should look. Who are you there to impress? Are you at the water park trying to attract a mate? Or are you there to enjoy the sun and have fun with your family and friends? Wear whatever the hell you want and tell anyone who tuts about it to go pound sand. |
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 29, 2014 14:30:46 GMT
And I worry when I wear a full dress head to toe swimsuit... lol Where can I get one of these?  ??  It's highly confidential...I don't want to spread sexy around!! bwwhaaahaaa |
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Country Ham
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Post by Country Ham on Jul 29, 2014 14:44:13 GMT
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Post by Kelpea on Jul 29, 2014 14:59:16 GMT
Only jumping in to say (and there were threads about this galore on the old board) that I agree with Anon. I'm not gonna judge ANYone for their water ensembles.  What I'm concerned about, however, is the mentality that is being perpetuated about weight. As we all know, obesity in the US is at an all-time high. Diabetes is also on the rise. With all the education and information out there, I think we need to really assess our lifestyles (sedentary vs. movement; high fat foods versus fresh foods, etc.). What we are seeing is, while it's fantastic to be able to appreciate one's body and not subscribe to the whole "body shaming," it's a double-edged sword. I hope this makes sense, and doesn't offend. I'm just concerned that with our continued collective unhealthy lifestyles; we are not focusing on the right messages: eating healthier, being more physical, etc., in addition to being okay with one's body. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 15:32:31 GMT
I wear a rashguard, biker shorts, and then regular shorts over the top of the biker shorts when I go swimming. I've always been modest, I wore a t-shirt over my bathing suit back in high when I had a good body.
I don't think I look any better really than if I didn't wear it. I'm still overweight...but it's what makes me comfortable, and that's what's important.
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Post by alibama on Jul 29, 2014 15:36:55 GMT
And I worry when I wear a full dress head to toe swimsuit... lol that just made me laugh!  |
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jul 29, 2014 15:55:46 GMT
They exist too.
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Post by gryroagain on Jul 29, 2014 16:03:22 GMT
How timely, I went to a waterpark this weekend, too, and it's not the "you shouldn't wear a swimsuit if you aren't perfect" thing, it's a "holy crap 75 percent of the people here, including children, are very overweight and that is not good" thing. and the other 25 percent were varying degrees of overweight but not obese. It's an epidemic that is perhaps easier to see at a waterpark, since everyone is in a swimsuit. It was my first time at a huge amusement park waterpark since moving back from overseas, and it is shocking. This is a really terrible problem our country has, not that I can figure out how to solve it, even for my own family.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 29, 2014 16:26:05 GMT
A good friend of mine talked about going out and buying a bikini during spring break this year. She had been commenting to her teenage daughter that she envied her two piece as it was so hot out and her suit was uncomfortable. The daughter asked her why she didn't wear a bikini, and the mother found herself in the position of sounding like an utter hypocrite after years of talks on accepting one's body. She decided to walk the talk and put her less than perfect 50 year old body in a bikini.
I think a discussion about obesity and disease etc are totally separate. The reality is the vast majority of women at healthy weights including normal bmi's wouldn't put on a bikini. They think their tummy's a little too poofy from having children, or the bit of cellulite on the thighs are repulsive. Or they simply know they don't have the same body they had when they were 20. That's sad - even if I'm an utter hypocrite as I'm sporting a tankini.
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Post by melanell on Jul 29, 2014 16:55:51 GMT
I think all of the overweight & obese folks in America likely know that it isn't good for them. They're big, not stupid. The media bombards people day in and day out with messages about eating healthier and being more active. I am sure they have heard the message loud and clear.
Which likely means either they don't care about that message, which is their choice to make, or that they care and they agree, but it's a struggle for them. In either case shaming them doesn't help.
For all we know that "unattractive" 300 lb woman may have been 350 lbs last year, but she is currently making an effort to stop staying in her house all summer, hidden from view, drowning her sorrows in ice cream, and she's actually out trying to be more healthy and enjoy her life.
And if other women are going to sit around and say "Holy hell, only people under 140 lbs should wear bikinis.", all we are doing is being cruel and possibly making her feel that her efforts have been for naught. Which would really, really suck. We should be congratulating her.
When people come here and show off their 100 lb weight losses, we applaud them. But at some point, they were at the very beginning of that loss, and we need to support them during their entire journey not just when the reach a point in which we feel more comfortable with how they look in a swimsuit.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 16:58:37 GMT
I think all of the overweight & obese folks in America likely know that it isn't good for them. They're big, not stupid. The media bombards people day in and day out with messages about eating healthier and being more active. I am sure they have heard the message loud and clear. Which likely means either they don't care about that message, which is their choice to make, or that they care and they agree, but it's a struggle for them. In either case shaming them doesn't help. For all we know that "unattractive" 300 lb woman may have been 350 lbs last year, but she is currently making an effort to stop staying in her house all summer, hidden from view, drowning her sorrows in ice cream, and she's actually out trying to be more healthy and enjoy her life. And if other women are going to sit around and say "Holy hell, only people under 140 lbs should wear bikinis, all we are doing is being cruel and possibly making her feel that her efforts have been for naught. Which would really, really suck. We should be congratulating her. When people come here and show off their 100 lb weight losses, we applaud them. But at some point, they were at the very beginning of that loss, and we need to support them during their entire journey not just when the reach a point in which we feel more comfortable with how they look in a swimsuit. Exactly. And I call BS that most are just concerned about the obesity epidemic. It is body shaming, nothing more. |
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Post by melanell on Jul 29, 2014 17:01:28 GMT
We can all help solve the obesity epidemic in our own small way by offering smiles to those out there trying to be active. No embarrassing comments, no scowls of disdain. Just a good old friendly smile. Make them feel welcome. How often do you hear women say that they hate going to the gym because of how others look at them there. What a sad commentary on us. We tell people to get in shape but make them feel badly when they try to do so.  |
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Post by greenlegume on Jul 29, 2014 17:06:56 GMT
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Post by juliet on Jul 29, 2014 17:48:46 GMT
Today I went to the beach for the first time in years. I'm fat. I feel watched and judged, that's why I never went.
Today I thought 'f#$% it' and went anyway. My oldest is 3,5 and had never seen the sea. I wore a dress and leggings, not even a bathing suit. Just because I'm afraid what other people.... Like you Caro.... Might think of me or might say behind my back.
Huge step for me. Then I come here and read what you wrote. Thanks girl. Way to make others feel like crap.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 29, 2014 18:16:41 GMT
Today I went to the beach for the first time in years. I'm fat. I feel watched and judged, that's why I never went. Today I thought 'f#$% it' and went anyway. My oldest is 3,5 and had never seen the sea. I wore a dress and leggings, not even a bathing suit. Just because I'm afraid what other people.... Like you Caro.... Might think of me or might say behind my back. Huge step for me. Then I come here and read what you wrote. Thanks girl. Way to make others feel like crap. I love the beach. It is my happy place...it is magical, it was amazing-you can find shells, you can see sea life, you can simply enjoy the sand between your toes. I love sharing my beach. I love seeing the wonder on people's faces when they walk out on the beach for the first time-or the millionth time. I am SO proud of you for going. And if you looked over at me and thought I was staring-I'm not. I just can't see without my glasses and I want to see how happy you are in "my house." And, I am very likely to hand your child a special shell that I found just for them...not because I am creepy lady, but because I want to share the amazing things that you can find at "my house." No judgment from me. None. And what is they say? Y'all come back and don't be a stranger! |
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by craftykitten on Jul 29, 2014 19:04:20 GMT
I think all of the overweight & obese folks in America likely know that it isn't good for them. They're big, not stupid. The media bombards people day in and day out with messages about eating healthier and being more active. I am sure they have heard the message loud and clear. Which likely means either they don't care about that message, which is their choice to make, or that they care and they agree, but it's a struggle for them. In either case shaming them doesn't help. For all we know that "unattractive" 300 lb woman may have been 350 lbs last year, but she is currently making an effort to stop staying in her house all summer, hidden from view, drowning her sorrows in ice cream, and she's actually out trying to be more healthy and enjoy her life. And if other women are going to sit around and say "Holy hell, only people under 140 lbs should wear bikinis.", all we are doing is being cruel and possibly making her feel that her efforts have been for naught. Which would really, really suck. We should be congratulating her. When people come here and show off their 100 lb weight losses, we applaud them. But at some point, they were at the very beginning of that loss, and we need to support them during their entire journey not just when the reach a point in which we feel more comfortable with how they look in a swimsuit. What she said I think a lot of people (not necessarily the P who posted above) use the 'health' excuse to get away with body shaming. Skinny does not = healthy. You can't tell a person's health just by looking at them. Instead of encouraging people to be thin, I think we should all embrace our bodies and their differences. I think a positive body-image culture would get MORE people to be active and lead healthy lifestyles, instead of feeling judged and shunned by others. |
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Post by Scarlet Ohana on Jul 29, 2014 19:04:32 GMT
I don't understand why some think shaming fat people is helpful and that they need to be shamed for their own good. Fat people are reminded over and over how ugly, dumb, and lazy they are. When you are told that your whole life, you start to believe you are worthless. What is wrong with feeling good about yourself, putting on a pretty dress or a bikini and a smile and not give a fuck about what anyone thinks about you? What is it about a confident fat person that causes people to lash out with quit promoting your unhealthy lifestyle by feeling good about yourself!! You don't know how healthy or unhealthy that person is just by looking at them, just like you don't know by looking at any skinny person. You don't know their story. Thin people get diabetes, have heart conditions, etc. too.
I love seeing a happy, confident fat person and I wish I was like that when I was younger. My life would have been much different. I've spent my life avoiding the camera and hiding behind everyone in group shots. I looked back on my family photos and realized I have tons of pictures of my kids and hubby, but there are hardly any pictures of me. That makes me so sad that my kids are almost all grown up and there are hardly any pictures of me with them, just because I've always felt horrible about myself because I am fat. All because all my life I felt fat shamed and I felt worthless. See what fat shaming does? IT'S NOT OK.
I've decided enough is enough. I'm excited this weekend I have a photo session with famous plus size model, Tess Munster. This is very outside my box and hard for me to do, but I would love to have some nice pictures of me for my family! The session includes makeup, hair and posing tips from Tess. I know my husband and kids love me the way I am and think I'm beautiful and you know that's all that really matters.
I'm sure some of you are just rolling your eyes and saying why don't you just lose weight? I'm not going to make any excuses about why I'm fat, but it's my personal struggle and everyday, almost every moment I beat my self up because of it. I'm working on my health. In fact, I was thinking about what I was going to post while I was swimming laps today because before I left for the gym I read this thread.
Hugs to you Sweetie. Don't let time pass you by like I did. Your babies love you the way you are and don't let what any idiot like Caro says hold you back from doing what you want with them. ox
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Post by Kelpea on Jul 29, 2014 19:36:05 GMT
Benem, I respectfully disagree. This problem is EVERYone's problem, in that the increase in obesity and also diabetes diagnoses (as well as heart conditions, blood pressure, and the like; all chronic illnesses that are a result of obesity) affects an already overburdened healthcare system. Feel free to read about it; it's been one of the leading causes in skyrocketing healthcare as well.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 19:40:59 GMT
Ok, I have avoided this thread until now because I knew what was going to happen. With that, I will say this. I am very overweight. Just two weeks ago I was at a resort with a friend of mine and I was very skeptical about removing my cover up and actually getting in the pool. She asked me how in the world I could stand not getting in because it was very hot.
I said to her, "adults are cruel. We tend to think that kids, teenagers etc have the run of cruelness, but that has not been my experience. I have been overweight my entire life and I can tell you that the most cruel and hurtful things that have been done or said to me or the awful looks I have received have come from adults and 90% of those are from.......OTHER WOMEN!
I can only recall ONE male who ever said anything to me and this was in junior high. These days, it will not be a man or men that make me feel uncomfortable in my skin, it will be a woman.
So, with that said, either there is either a lot of double talk going on here, or the peas make up the 10% of women that have never, never, ever body shamed another woman.
BTW, if it matters, I do not wear a bikini. I wear a tankini and I will still never be comfortable in it. Period.
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Post by greenlegume on Jul 29, 2014 19:43:02 GMT
What she said I think a lot of people (not necessarily the P who posted above) use the 'health' excuse to get away with body shaming. Skinny does not = healthy. You can't tell a person's health just by looking at them. Instead of encouraging people to be thin, I think we should all embrace our bodies and their differences. I think a positive body-image culture would get MORE people to be active and lead healthy lifestyles, instead of feeling judged and shunned by others. This. Although I DO think that person was most defninitely using the 'health' excuse to get away with body shaming. And it's really a shitty thing to do. |
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Post by moveablefeast on Jul 29, 2014 19:51:52 GMT
I won't say I never ever ever talked crap about another person's body.
I did it. Plenty. Especially as a snotty teenager and young adult, when I apparently knew pretty much nothing.
Then I learned how uncool it is to comment on people's bodies. Bodies are good and deserve respect. Perfect or not perfect.
I probably owe some people a pretty serious apology for being an asshole, but I can't quite form a list anymore.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 20:00:23 GMT
I'd much rather see a "larger" woman confident enough to wear a bikini, than deal with someone close minded and judgemental.
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Post by anxiousmom on Jul 29, 2014 20:06:06 GMT
So, with that said, either there is either a lot of double talk going on here, or the peas make up the 10% of women that have never, never, ever body shamed another woman. BTW, if it matters, I do not wear a bikini. I wear a tankini and I will still never be comfortable in it. Period. I try really hard to not judge. I find that usually when I get all judgey it is a direct result of how I am feeling about myself at that moment. If I am uncomfortable with myself, I think it is easier to turn my feelings outward. I am never going to say that I haven't had mean spirited and ugly thoughts about others- I am human and imperfect and make awful choices sometimes. However, I will say this. I am not the most religious person around, but I am spiritual in my own way. As a child I learned that God made us in his own image, and therefore to judge another's physical form is to judge God. So if God made me the way He did and He is cool with the image that was decided on for me, then it stands to reason that He also made you (the global you) in the image that he decided on for YOU. To me that also means that He thinks you are beautiful and perfect in your you-ness, if that makes sense. So rock the suit of your choice.  |
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Post by ~Zoey~ on Jul 29, 2014 20:08:15 GMT
Right! Part of you wonders if they don't have a mirror, the other wishes you had that kind of self confidence ....   ![]() |
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caro
Drama Llama
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Post by caro on Jul 29, 2014 20:20:34 GMT
Only jumping in to say (and there were threads about this galore on the old board) that I agree with Anon. I'm not gonna judge ANYone for their water ensembles. What I'm concerned about, however, is the mentality that is being perpetuated about weight. As we all know, obesity in the US is at an all-time high. Diabetes is also on the rise. With all the education and information out there, I think we need to really assess our lifestyles (sedentary vs. movement; high fat foods versus fresh foods, etc.). What we are seeing is, while it's fantastic to be able to appreciate one's body and not subscribe to the whole "body shaming," it's a double-edged sword. I hope this makes sense, and doesn't offend. I'm just concerned that with our continued collective unhealthy lifestyles; we are not focusing on the right messages: eating healthier, being more physical, etc., in addition to being okay with one's body. Thank you Kelpea for saying what I could not get across nicely. In the area of GA where I am visiting, heavy people and children seems to be the norm. It's talked about among family members on needing to watch what they (family)are eating to prevent obesity. A couple of family members are teachers and see a lot of obesity among children they teach. It doesn't 't seem to be the norm in the area where I live and teach. I'm not saying there are no heavy people where I Iive but most people in my circle are very health/food conscious not necessarily body conscious but being food conscious leads to a healthier body. |
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Post by Kelpea on Jul 29, 2014 20:44:14 GMT
Caro, sadly, people are choosing to think emotionally (which I can appreciate; this is a sensitive subject) versus more intellectually. I honestly had no clue about how much not eating healthily affects healthcare (and of course; our OWN health!) until I had to do projects for school. It was eye-opening, to say the least. The increased costs are upwards in the millions of dollars, much of which is preventable.
My DH works for the American Diabetes Association; they are desperately trying to educate the public about how how their diet and their sedentary lifestyle not only increases diabetes, cardiovascular illness and obesity, but again, taxes the healthcare system in general.
I'm trying really hard to eat more healthily (I grew up in the South; I loved fried chicken), because I just received a higher cholesterol count than I ever had before. I am increasing the intake of fresh fruits and vegetables, treating myself to fast food once a week, having one soda a week, and increasing my water intake. Because of my initial diagnosis of higher cholesterol and higher triglycerides, I have contributed to the increase of care on the health system; if I ate better, I wouldn't have to go back for follow ups. It just makes sense to me to try to revise eating habits and sedentary lifestyles.
BTW, I'm not skinny; I'm an unhealthy size 14; I'm at least 20+ pounds overweight. My BMI is not where it should be, either.
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Post by melanell on Jul 29, 2014 21:06:08 GMT
But how does criticizing how a person looks help this? Truly? Because I have already discussed that I thought it might do the opposite and others have piped up that in their experience it HAS done the opposite.
If you are truly concerned about the heath of others then you should truly be concerned with ways to encourage those who are out there trying to be more active.
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Post by juliet on Jul 29, 2014 21:09:16 GMT
Only jumping in to say (and there were threads about this galore on the old board) that I agree with Anon. I'm not gonna judge ANYone for their water ensembles. What I'm concerned about, however, is the mentality that is being perpetuated about weight. As we all know, obesity in the US is at an all-time high. Diabetes is also on the rise. With all the education and information out there, I think we need to really assess our lifestyles (sedentary vs. movement; high fat foods versus fresh foods, etc.). What we are seeing is, while it's fantastic to be able to appreciate one's body and not subscribe to the whole "body shaming," it's a double-edged sword. I hope this makes sense, and doesn't offend. I'm just concerned that with our continued collective unhealthy lifestyles; we are not focusing on the right messages: eating healthier, being more physical, etc., in addition to being okay with one's body. Thank you Kelpea for saying what I could not get across nicely. . But Caro... In your OP you say you 'love watching people' and then you come here and make snooty remarks about the way others look and wear? That has nothing to do with being concerned. |
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Post by greenlegume on Jul 29, 2014 21:24:42 GMT
<abbr data-timestamp="1406665234000" class="time" title="Jul 29, 2014 16:20:34 GMT -4">Jul 29, 2014 16:20:34 GMT -4</abbr> caro said: Thank you Kelpea for saying what I could not get across nicely. In the area of GA where I am visiting, heavy people and children seems to be the norm. It's talked about among family members on needing to watch what they (family)are eating to prevent obesity. A couple of family members are teachers and see a lot of obesity among children they teach. It doesn't 't seem to be the norm in the area where I live and teach. I'm not saying there are no heavy people where I Iive but most people in my circle are very health/food conscious not necessarily body conscious but being food conscious leads to a healthier body. Every post you made until this one made absolutely no mention of people's health-even under the smarmy guise of concern. It was all about appearance and how you didn't like it. Trying to backpedal now that more people didn't join in on your crappy behavior is really cowardly and hypocritical. And lest Kelpea try to claim that this is a purely defensive reaction, I am slightly overweight (5'9"/150 lbs) but I am not who you were trying to belittle and denigrate with this thread. I just don't appreciate people who jab at the appearance of others for sport. Once again, go pound sand. |
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jayfab
Drama Llama
procastinating
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Post by jayfab on Jul 29, 2014 21:39:30 GMT
Today I went to the beach for the first time in years. I'm fat. I feel watched and judged, that's why I never went. Today I thought 'f#$% it' and went anyway. My oldest is 3,5 and had never seen the sea. I wore a dress and leggings, not even a bathing suit. Just because I'm afraid what other people.... Like you Caro.... Might think of me or might say behind my back. Huge step for me. Then I come here and read what you wrote. Thanks girl. Way to make others feel like crap. I know how you feel. (((hugs))) |
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