I don't know if I need advice or to vent or WHAT!

He's 18 so basically it's pretty simple. You can decide that he's an adult and can do what he wants or you can decide he's an adult but in your house you get to say if he can smoke weed in the house.

If he's not doing it in the house then I don't know what you can really do. Whatever you decide you both need to stick with the decision and stop going back and forth.

If it was me with my sons I would tell my DH we are not putting him out of the house before he graduates. After he graduates, he can either pay you rent and be your tenant or he can move out.

Is marijuana legal in your state? What are his plans after graduating? Do you have younger children in the house? These would be important questions for me. I would not kick out my child for smoking weed outside the house (and sure as hell not a few months before he graduated). I may not like it, but it is not a hill I'd be willing to die on. If marijuana was illegal in my state, and he was using in MY house or had drug paraphernalia in MY house, particularly if I had younger children in the house - we would need to come to an understanding of what I would or would not tolerate in MY house. I also agree with a previous poster regarding driving and whether they DUI and on my insurance.

I would also like to know what the law is where you live. Although the state I live in has not legalized pot, the city I live in has decriminalized it. I don't know the exact law (because I don't need to know but I believe for example if you are sitting on your deck in your yard smoking you will not be arrested.

I see he's working in a restaurant now, do they drug test? Lots of jobs do, so if he ever hopes to hold another job he should probably be aware of that. Marijuana stays in the system a pretty long time.....

First of all is it legal in your state of not legal? 

if it is legal you can not do anything about it but ask him to move out of your house. He has the right to smoke it if it is legal. If it is not legal then you have the right as parents and home owners to not allow it on your property. 

I smoked it in the 80's when I was in high school and in my 20's. but I quit. but in October of 2015 Oregon went legal and I started smoking it again because I am allergic to narcotics and I have been in major pain for 3 years and needed some relief. I am working on getting my medical marijuana card so that I can get the strains I need for major pain relief. I do get relief from the pain now but the medical stuff is so much better. 

I know your son is just 18 and doing it for pleasure but you do have to protest yourselves if it is not legal. because you as parents and as home owners can get into trouble if it is in your home. 

good luck. 

Since it's illegal in your state, I'd start there. Illegal activities aren't happening on my watch. Would I kick him out right before he graduates? hell no! But he sure as hell wouldn't have any privileges like a car, a phone, a computer, etc. He'd be lucky to have a mattress and some clothes in my house.
I know pot is all "free love" nowadays but I'm completely anti pot period. It would be my hill to die on.

Having said that, be prepared for him to move out on his own after all he's a big bad grown up now. If he does, car, phone, etc stays.

I'd also pull the plug on paying for any college for a kid breaking the law and doing drugs. Remember, the pot you smoked in high school is not the same pot they are smoking now.

Who's paying the payments on the car if there are any? who pays the insurance? Who pays the taxes and registration? If I'm doing all those things, it's MY CAR.

If he he wants to use the excuse that it's legal in "some states" then he should start making plans to move to one of those states. I'd probably also consider letting him talk to some cop about how it's not legal in YOUR STATE.

I'm really fairly speechless. He's breaking the law period. You don't live in a state where it's legal so it doesn't flipping matter if it is in other states. It's not a carrot. It's somebody's life. 







Not mention risking his life and that of everybody else on the road. 

Man up girlfriend. You're in for a long ride. 

Oh hell no.

I WILL be an Indian Giver if he is breaking the law in a vehicle I pay insurance, upkeep and all costs related. 

If he wants to smoke in HIS car, so be it. He can get his own payments and then smoke away.

He's 18 and he has a job.

Let me tell you a little story. BIL graduated from high school early. He had no desire to go to college right away. He worked as a fry cook or cook in different small restaurants in his area. I cannot remember if he had his own place or if he was living with his Dad but one night, when he was 20, just 6 months away from being 21, he got drunk and high and drove. I do not know all of the details but the basics are he was driving down a rural road in the middle of the night, missed a curve, hit a tree, rolled his car several times and was ejected. Because it was rural and in the middle of the night, no one found him until 5 or 6am and even that was pure luck. He laid in the dark, hurt, unable to move, mostly likely passed out for most of that time and was very close to dying all because he was drunk and high. He is now paralyzed from the waist down, has muscle spasms in one leg because it's not a complete paralysis. There's a couple nerves that seem to be intact enough to cause pain and spasms but not enough to allow him to walk again.

Before that, he smoked weed like it was no big deal. It's not legal in MI. Now medical marijuana is and he is now relying on it for pain relief instead of enjoying it for the fun of it. Is that a possibility your DS want to face?

Add in the fact that it is illegal and as a high school student, he is still your responsibility. Any car insurance, car payments, etc still in your name means you will face any and all legal fees due to any accident he is in, no matter who's at fault. Not only will he be facing difficulties with securing loans, future jobs, housing, etc if he has a drug conviction, you stand to lose everything you have if something happens before he graduates. Maybe even after as long as any bill of his is in your name.

I'm the same as your DH.

I chose not to hang out with people who smoked or did anything worse growing up. Wasn't my thing. I remember telling my boyfriend who was smoking it at his work after they closed - you choose that or me. There was no further discussion. He gave it up and didn't touch it again - he's pretty much as hardlined as I am now. His brother used and working on tv/movie sets, there's much more available to him. He thinks he hides it...and nope he doesn't.

My sister started with pot and then wanted something stronger and stronger and now tells me she tried EVERYTHING. She's been clean for over 11 years - but she destroyed family relationships that won't and can't heal; she stole, she lied, she exposed us to people that I would never ever have associated with. Yep, she's clean and she does program and we're all happy that she's able to finally keep a job, etc. - but the sad fact is, no amount of words that say "sorry" can fix the damage all the way. She didn't repay anyone for what she stole from our homes, our Dad died from stress and she was a huge part of it. And yes, it started with pot. Some people are just wired that way and that is all it takes.

I'd get your son to 18/graduation then offer him a choice and if he chooses it, there's the door. My house, my home that I pay for - well it has rules. My rules. And you're doing it because you love him, not because you're being a tyrant or old fashioned. Heck we told our son, no smoking LOL  ETA- we bought our son a used car - its in our name, I pay insurance.  He's been told that if he gets a ticket, the car is in time out for 30 days.  At 24 he knows that rule still applies.  He was hit one time - ended up taking the passenger of the guy who hit him to the ER because the guy who hit him drove away!  If my son does pot or worse or drinks ... I'm taking the car back.     

  

Yes...adult consequences! Go back up and read that part again about felony convictions. He will be unemployable and (speaking from the fact I work in a real estate office and know a fair amount of information about the rental market in my area) most people will not rent to felons. Your husband is right and you are babying him. It is for his own good that you two get on the same page and put some boundaries into place.