scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,307
Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
|
Post by scrappinghappy on Jul 29, 2014 12:03:53 GMT
I have a friend who I have known for 22 years. When our oldest were babies we were very close but have drifted apart over the years. We are still friends, just not very close any more. We talk to each other, she watched our dog when we went away for a few days a few months ago.
she is a professional photographer and has photographed some of our important life events for which I paid her more than she wanted to charge me because I thought she undervalued her work.
weve been out of town for the last three weeks but my dd was at home to watch the dog. Just before we left town, my friend asked me to monogram some luggage for her son. I was happy to do it, and we agreed up front there wouldn't be a charge. She also asked me if I could watch her dog over this upcoming weekend, something I was happy to be able to help her with.
the day before we left she let me know her dog was going somewhere else and now, as I'm going through the mail, there is a check from her for the embroidery I did.
i am so upset! The only thing I can possibly think of is that she saw on FB ONE photo posted by another local photographer of dh and I. We weren't tagged in it, but he used it as his profile shot and said how much he'd enjoyed the family shoot. The shoot was a birthday gift and I chose this other photographer.
WWTPD?
UPDATE: I spoke to her. She wasn't able to go for coffee so we just chatted over the phone. Based on what she said, I am 100% certain she saw the picture but she didn't come right out and say it. Just asked when next all the kids would be home and did I want her to do another shoot of them. I told her I wasn't sure when next the kids would all be in town but when they were I'd definitely call her. She asked if I had any future shoots planned and I joked and said only weddings but had to wait for Spouses to be selected. My kids aren't anywhere near that stage yet. I think I'm going to call her back and ask her out right if she saw the picture on FB. That whole previous conversation was both of us moving around a big white elephant. I feel terrible but I am so not confrontational and I hate hurting people's feelings but I feel if I don't sort this out properly I will loose the friendship. I just have no idea or experience in dealing with this. UGGGGHHH!
I had no idea the photographer would post any of the pics, not happy he did and I wouldn't have even seen it if the friend who had put dh in touch with the second photographer hadn't tagged me in it. I have FB set so I have to approve tags, which BTW I didn't do because there are NO other pics of me on FB, and that's the way I like it. But the mutual friend who tagged me in her comment on the picture is also friends with my friend so my friend must have seen it on her newsfeed.
|
|
mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
|
Post by mallie on Jul 29, 2014 12:06:02 GMT
If she's been a friend for that long, why not call her up and ask her why she's paying you when you specifically said you did not want payment?
|
|
|
Post by gar on Jul 29, 2014 12:09:01 GMT
I would call her and talk about it. It could be because of the photo but it could be unconnected - and you won't know til you talk to her!
|
|
|
Post by Aheartfeltcard on Jul 29, 2014 12:13:51 GMT
I don't think your conclusion is off. I think she is sending a signal and if the friendship is important you should give her a call.
|
|
|
Post by disneypal on Jul 29, 2014 12:16:01 GMT
It sounds to me like she just felt that she should pay, you spent your time and used your supplies and she appreciated it. Just as you paid her extra for her photography because you thought she undervalued her work, she is doing the same. She feels that your work is worth it.
I would just return it to her and say "thank you but I couldn't possibly accept, I was so happy to do it - that's what friends are for"
ETA: I don't think something thing is wrong at all...I think she just appreciated it and felt it was the right thing to do.
|
|
|
Post by leslie132 on Jul 29, 2014 12:16:32 GMT
I wouldn't cash the check. I would instead call and tell her there was no need to pay for it. Then I would lead into a conversation asking if something was wrong. I'm sure wires have been crossed..... I know I would want to fix it instead of losing a 22 year friendship.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Jul 29, 2014 12:17:09 GMT
It sounds to me like she just felt that she should pay, you spent your time and used your supplies and she appreciated it. Just as you paid her extra for her photography because you thought she undervalued her work, she is doing the same. She feels that your work is worth it. I would just return it to her and say "thank you but I couldn't possibly accept, I was so happy to do it - that's what friends do" I think the fact that she's also having someone else look after the dog without explanation is playing into the OPs thoughts.
|
|
|
Post by 1lear on Jul 29, 2014 12:20:28 GMT
Yes, talk to her, the sooner the better.
|
|
|
Post by disneypal on Jul 29, 2014 12:23:57 GMT
I think the fact that she's also having someone else look after the dog without explanation is playing into the OPs thoughts. Perhaps, but not necessarily - maybe she found someone to take the dog for the weekend so he had 24 hour care and attention, rather than just someone checking in on him. Perhaps it was time for the dog's annual shots/exam so they left it with the vet - there isn't enough info to tell. I think her friend is just being nice by paying her.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Jul 29, 2014 12:27:21 GMT
I think the fact that she's also having someone else look after the dog without explanation is playing into the OPs thoughts. Perhaps, but not necessarily - maybe she found someone to take the dog for the weekend so he had 24 hour care and attention, rather than just someone checking in on him. Perhaps it was time for the dog's annual shots/exam so they left it with the vet - there isn't enough info to tell. I think her friend is just being nice by paying her. Oh I agree, I was just saying that I think that was part of the OPs thought process. Until she talks to her she won't know if that's relevant or not, I was just pointing it out
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 14:22:21 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 12:28:40 GMT
I would give her back the check, say "I thought we agreed on no payment" and go from there. You could ask about the dog. If you truly are as close as you think, then she shouldn't have a problem with saying that she's offended by the fact you went to another photographer. Did you ever tell her about the gift? Maybe she's offended you didn't tell her you were doing a shoot with someone else.
|
|
|
Post by Ellie on Jul 29, 2014 12:50:16 GMT
I don't think your conclusion is off. I think she is sending a signal and if the friendship is important you should give her a call. This is what I was going to say exactly.
|
|
scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,307
Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
|
Post by scrappinghappy on Jul 29, 2014 12:54:03 GMT
Thank you for validating my concerns.
I know she's going out of town this weekend so will try and talk to her before she goes. I'm going to call her a bit later, she's not a morning person, and see if she wants to go for coffee.
BTW, her doggie was going to be staying with us for the weekend.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Jul 29, 2014 12:55:38 GMT
I'd definitely try to clear the air with her. Coffee is a good idea.
|
|
julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
|
Post by julieb on Jul 29, 2014 13:22:09 GMT
I agree with all of the above. Call her and get the air cleared. She shouldn't be upset you used another photographer - every artist has a different perspective of their subjects and hopefully she will understand that.
|
|
scrappinchar
Full Member
Posts: 113
Jul 29, 2014 12:54:19 GMT
|
Post by scrappinchar on Jul 29, 2014 13:55:17 GMT
It sounds to me like she just felt that she should pay, you spent your time and used your supplies and she appreciated it. Just as you paid her extra for her photography because you thought she undervalued her work, she is doing the same. She feels that your work is worth it. I would just return it to her and say "thank you but I couldn't possibly accept, I was so happy to do it - that's what friends are for" ETA: I don't think something thing is wrong at all...I think she just appreciated it and felt it was the right thing to do. I agree with this.I would definitely give her a call and say that she didn't have to pay for it, etc. What she did sounds nice and respectful to me.
|
|
|
Post by sisterbdsq on Jul 29, 2014 14:15:44 GMT
I would give her back the check, say "I thought we agreed on no payment" and go from there. You could ask about the dog. If you truly are as close as you think, then she shouldn't have a problem with saying that she's offended by the fact you went to another photographer. Did you ever tell her about the gift? Maybe she's offended you didn't tell her you were doing a shoot with someone else. I would be upset by the confrontational wording of "I thought we agreed on no payment." I think disneypal had it right with the way she worded it!
|
|
loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
Jun 26, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
|
Post by loco coco on Jul 29, 2014 14:22:15 GMT
seems a little passive aggressive to me, I would call her and work it out. Definitely not something that should hurt a friendship!
Ive had the same thing happen with photography although we were not as close as you two! I had to explain it wasnt supposed to be an insult and I just wanted a different style. Just like with scrapping, each person has their own style and changing it up is good sometimes.
|
|
whitneyz
Shy Member
Posts: 27
Jul 5, 2014 12:54:34 GMT
|
Post by whitneyz on Jul 29, 2014 15:00:03 GMT
I don't think you are jumping to conclusions. I have 2 friends that this reminds me of. One is a much closer friend, so she confided in me about the situation. She was very hurt when a picture of her friend (taken by another pro photographer) popped up on facebook. From my photographer friend's perspective, she had given her all of this photography for such a low price, which, in her mind, was a gift. People don't realize how much time photographers put in behind the scenes (my friend said she spent about 5+ hours editing and making slideshows, ordering prints, etc. for each session). It was a slap in the face for the other gal to go out and pay full price to another photographer, and it really hurt her feelings. I know you mentioned that you paid her than she wanted to charge, but was that anywhere near the going rate, or her current prices for customers? Or similar to what you paid the other photographer? If not, she still may have looked at it as a gift to you. I know it is a tricky situation - you wanted another style, or didn't want to ask your friend again. This friend of mine "puts her heart and soul into her art", so she is very sensitive about situations like this. I think if you go on any photography forum, you will find that photographers feel taken advantage of by their friends, and friendships have been lost over it. I have no idea if this is even how your friend feels, but I thought I share this just in case it could help you! I hope this helps!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 14:22:21 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jul 29, 2014 15:05:03 GMT
I think you are jumping to conclusions.
She may have just remembered that you have always paid her and felt she wanted to pay you. And the dog - who knows, but we have definitely changed our plans for dog sitting at the last minute because of changes in travel plans or whatever that made it make more sense for him to stay somewhere else than we originally planned.
Even though you aren't close anymore, you have been friends for 22 years. Talk to her. Don't just assume the worst.
|
|
|
Post by alibama on Jul 29, 2014 15:31:13 GMT
I would talk to her too. 22 years is a long time!
|
|
|
Post by lovetodigi on Jul 29, 2014 15:35:05 GMT
It sounds like her feelings may be hurt. I would call her up and try to get things smoothed out.
|
|
scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
|
Post by scrappert on Jul 29, 2014 15:40:59 GMT
Yea, it could be her feelings are hurt, but why did she not say something instead of just sending a check in the mail and telling you she has someone else to watch her dog? If her feelings are hurt, she should have asked about it. It's a two way street. But I so agree with trying to talk to her. It's a friendship that has lasted a long time.
Good luck!
|
|
|
Post by gonewalkabout on Jul 29, 2014 15:52:36 GMT
I'd talk her also.
I find it all a bit off myself and don't think you're jumping to conclusions.
As you have both been friends for a long time, you'd know when something didn't feel right.
If I was suddenly receiving a check for something with a previous 'no payment' agreement and the dog was going somewhere else and just recently a different photo was on your stream, I'd find that to be the logical conclusion - that she was upset by it.
If my plans had changed and my dog needed to go somewhere else, I'd have called to let the other person know. Especially if we'd been friends for that long, specifically so there would be no false jumping to conclusions and that my friend would simply need to know
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 29, 2014 15:53:52 GMT
Sounds like she has got the hump about something. Why couldn't she say what was on her mind instead of playing games?
|
|
|
Post by krazykatlady on Jul 29, 2014 16:12:24 GMT
It sounds like a passive aggressive way of saying "we have a problem." Right or wrong it's just the way some people are wired and is how they deal with a problem. If you value the friendship you play the game and give her a call and ask what's wrong. Otherwise you ignore it and go about your life.
|
|
|
Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 29, 2014 16:34:25 GMT
I think you are jumping to conclusions. She may have just remembered that you have always paid her and felt she wanted to pay you. And the dog - who knows, but we have definitely changed our plans for dog sitting at the last minute because of changes in travel plans or whatever that made it make more sense for him to stay somewhere else than we originally planned. Even though you aren't close anymore, you have been friends for 22 years. Talk to her. Don't just assume the worst. I agree To me changing dog sitting plans would be to prevent someone from having the extra work of my dog. To me they are going out of their way to help me, so for them to not have to watch my dog would be a good thing. I wouldn't think of it as a bad thing We have either a good friend or my ds watch our dog. If I thought my dog would cause one of them any trouble or change of plans I would ask the other one. Even if I had already asked them first.
|
|
|
Post by Ellie on Jul 29, 2014 16:43:48 GMT
Sounds like she has got the hump about something. Why couldn't she say what was on her mind instead of playing games? Sorry to hijack, but "got the hump"? Brilliant. I think I've learned like 4 new idioms from you, annie, since 2Peas Refugees started up.
|
|
NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
|
Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jul 29, 2014 16:50:19 GMT
At first I thought you were jumping to conclusions but then when you said she is getting someone else to watch the dog I'm thinking maybe not. I mean her sending the check could have been like someone else said her way of saying "your work is valuable and thanks" but if you have always watched each other animals and she is changing it up then there may be something more to it. Which in her eyes maybe that's how she feels when she seen the other photographer pic..since y'all have been using her.
I would call and find out for sure that's the only way you will know. Good luck! I really hope y'all can get this fixed...and maybe this is nothing so all will be good anyways.
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 29, 2014 16:51:03 GMT
Sounds like she has got the hump about something. Why couldn't she say what was on her mind instead of playing games? Sorry to hijack, but "got the hump"? Brilliant. I think I've learned like 4 new idioms from you, annie, since 2Peas Refugees started up.
|
|