paigepea
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Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Mar 24, 2016 13:43:59 GMT
My dd's closest friend got a phone for her 11th birthday. My dd is almost 1 year younger because she's born at the end of the year. She's noticed that a good portion of girls at school already have phones - maybe a group of 10 girls out of 23 in the grade. These girls post on Instagram and participate in group texting.
When her friend was over the other day this girl walked around my house with her phone. If her phone tinged she looked at it. When they played board games it was face up on the floor. When they played catch it was face up on the sofa. If it made any noise she looked at it. And it dawned on me that when they were in dd's room she had the phone - which made me slightly uncomfortable. I haven't allowed my daughter access to Instagram - not that she has asked - and I have no intention of subjecting her to that. It seems to cause so much drama amongst the girls. We have given her texting access on an old phone that has no internet access, but she seems uninterested in texting with friends so we don't encourage it.
But it has happened that kids have texted things that have left me aghast (photos / videos) and id be upset if any texting / instagraming was going on from dd's room.
I know some of these kids are texting / posting at school - during lunch / recess. My dd is moving schools for next year and one thing we looked for was a school with stricter phone rules - new school doesn't allow phones out during lunch and is very strict about posting anything on line during school hours - and they're strict about what kids post from home not during school hours. They aren't afraid of expelling a student who texts / posts something inappropriate.
Is dd of the age where all of this starts? Do I just accept it and move on? Is she going to start asking for a phone / internet access / Instagram access. Need advice from those who have btdt! Feeling overwhelmed with opinions after dd's friend showed up with a phone this week and I don't know if I need to get over it. The mother is one of my closest friends and I alluded to the phone being a bit of a centre of attention but she was calling / texting with her dd during the day so maybe she enjoys that.
So what is the norm?
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Post by leslie132 on Mar 24, 2016 14:01:11 GMT
Well I have a boy....but, 12 seems to be the magic number here with all the kids.
I just have a hard time buying into that extra phone payment when he is with me 95% of the time, except when he is at school. School is a no phone place, so it makes no sense to me. I'm not sure how we wil go. All I know is that he will be asking for it I'm sure!
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psiluvu
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Location: Canada's Capital
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Post by psiluvu on Mar 24, 2016 14:09:25 GMT
The norm here is to get a phone for grade 6 "graduation. Both my kids got one then did as did most of their friends. The middle school is a BYOD school so they use them in class on a regular basis.
I have always had their passwords and checked dd's pretty irregular for grade 8 and 9 and haven't in quite a while she I now in grade 11. DS is in grade 7 and I check his very often there are a couple of girls who should have someone supervising what they send and he has received some pretty racy texts and snapchats from them(even after I have spoken to their parents but that is a whle other post)
They both have the iphone 5s with a shared data plan.
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Post by miominmio on Mar 24, 2016 14:14:06 GMT
DD is almost ten, and most of the girls have iPhones. DD recently got an old one, but so far, she only used it to play games or text me when she's outside.
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Deleted
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May 4, 2024 4:12:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2016 14:21:08 GMT
We got a phone for dd when she was 11.5. It was her Christmas gift. We got it for her because we wanted to get rid of our landline but there were times we left dd home with her siblings and they needed to have access to a phone. We saved money by getting her the phone with data plan and dropping the landline. Dd texts one friend frequently and I check those. Nothing inappropriate there. She plays games on the phone and watches movies. She doesn't participate in Instagram and other social media sites. She just isn't interested. She is in 6th grade and many of her friends have phones. Her school is very strict about phone usage. No phones out during the school day.
I think it really depends on the child on whether or not they can handle a phone. I don't think my DS with get one at 11. I'm worried he would lose it.
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Post by FLA SummerBaby on Mar 24, 2016 14:22:57 GMT
I know I am NOT the norm. I let DD have a "old school" style phone when she started middle school. She continued to get upgrades on the phone as she went through MS and HS but only had the option to talk on phone or text -- no internet access. I did not let her have a smart phone until she turned 18. (She will be 20 this weekend.) She begged for one all through HS but I told her that (for me) -- the point of me providing her with a phone was for MY convenience and access to her and also for safety for her if she was stranded, needed a ride home, etc. Beyond that I felt like everything else was a distraction. She didn't understand my way of thinking all those years. As soon as she had her iPhone for 6 months she actually thanked me for not giving it to her sooner.
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tanya2
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Post by tanya2 on Mar 24, 2016 14:25:16 GMT
norm here is sometime during grade 8 so that they have it going into high school - so I guess at 13
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 24, 2016 14:42:11 GMT
It was 10 and 11 for my kids when they got a phone. But we did not have a home phone and they were staying afterschool by themselves at that point. So their phone was used primarily to reach me. We started with basic phones, though, no smart phones. Smart phones came a bit later, when my son was 12 and my DD was 13.
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Post by belgravia on Mar 24, 2016 14:51:18 GMT
My daughter is 13. We gave her a new phone for her 13th birthday. About 6 months prior to her birthday we gave her my old phone, primarily because she needed to be able to communicate with us to facilitate drop off/pick up arrangements. Like "mom, I'm done at the barn, can you come get me now" kind of stuff. She has an Instagram account, which I follow. It has been drama free so far. Lots of group texting and face time. She takes it to school but it stays in her locker, as per school rules. The only issue we have had so far is data overage charges  |
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Post by gar on Mar 24, 2016 14:54:22 GMT
It's hard. Phones are part of most kids' lives and they aren't going away. There will probably come a point when she's unintentionally left out of things if she doesn't have a phone because plans and chat etc will largely happen via phones. And the idea of standing by your opinions of phones is a great one but it gets harder when your kid is on the periphery socially and missing out. As much as we, as old fogies, might not agree or encourage it, it's a hard battle. I would hold out a while but be aware of your ideas being biased simply because you're an adult  |
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Post by debmast on Mar 24, 2016 14:57:13 GMT
My oldest (now in college) got hers going into 8th grade.
My younger daughter (HS Freshman) got hers for her bday in 6th grade. They actually utilize smartphones a lot at school here and we got hers earlier for that reason.
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mom22girls
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Post by mom22girls on Mar 24, 2016 14:57:31 GMT
My oldest got hers at 13. She is 15 now most of her friends had theirs at that point beginning grade 8. She is young for the grade.
Now my 10 year old, many of her friends have phones. Starting at 9 or 10. Such a difference in a few years.
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Post by Linda on Mar 24, 2016 15:02:26 GMT
my older DD got a phone at 13 (not a smart phone). She was probably the last of her peer group to get one (also the youngest of her peer group). I was shocked when I first sent her to school in 3rd grade (she had been homeschooled) that she had classmates with phones.
my younger DD is 9/3rd grade - I'm thinking no earlier than middle school but even in K, there were kids with phones and I would guess at least half her class has one now
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Post by maryland on Mar 24, 2016 15:23:50 GMT
I don't think gender matters, it seems that so many kids have phones these days, and it seems to get younger and younger. My daughter is 12 and in 7th grade and she is one of the few in her class of 600 that doesn't have a phone. Many kids in our district have them by 5th grade, but in our area, a 5th grader could be as old as 11/12.
We didn't plan to buy our kids phones. When they turned 16 and could get a job to pay for the phone, they could get one. But we caved in when my husband got a new job and a great cheap offer (long story). So we got our 13 and 15 yr. olds phones. There are no pay phones in their school, which I don't like. They couldn't call us when their activities were over early.
The phones are expensive, and adding someone costs $50 to our plan. We are on a tight budget and are looking at stopping our data plan to save money. The kids can get a job to pay for their data plan if they would like to keep it. We have wi-fi at home, and they can use their phones here!
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Post by cmpeter on Mar 24, 2016 15:25:30 GMT
6th grade for us. That was when she started to have a need for a phone. She's in 10th grade now and absolutely has to have one. Texts, emails and fb groups for her vocal group, being able to manage her own schedule, research, all her music and tracks for choir.
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Post by maryland on Mar 24, 2016 15:27:19 GMT
Forgot to add, my 7th grader has an ipod touch that she uses until she is allowed to get a phone. So she can still text/snapchat, has instagram, etc. That works for now!
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Post by kellybelly77 on Mar 24, 2016 15:29:29 GMT
Dd's bff had a brand new iphone when she was 7. DD is now 11 and still doesn't have a phone. Her bff just got a 6S.  I told dd that she could have my new 6S at the end of this year when I upgrade. Older dd got her phone when she was 13. Middle dd will be 12 when she gets mine. She tells me that most of the kids in her class have a phone and talking with the teacher, that seems to be true. |
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Mar 24, 2016 15:50:54 GMT
Girls at my son's school had iphones in the 4th grade (ages 9 & 10), were texting and had instagram accounts. I do think this is too early. I am sure you know this, but in instagram there is a search button. You can put in #.... anything and explicit images may appear. I don't even want to start about snapchat. I have heard a few stories from my friends about not so great things that have happened to their children and it just plain stinks. Kids should be kids and not be attached to their phones, waiting for texts and mindlessly looking at apps.
We will be getting my son a phone (not sure what type) in 6th grade (middle school for us). He will be going to a new school on the other side of town and I would just feel more comfortable with him having it. Just as we have internet and gaming rules, we will have rules in place with the phone.
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Post by Basket1lady on Mar 24, 2016 16:10:23 GMT
I'm not sure you can really look at those of us with older teens/kids in their 20s. Life is so different now, even 5 years later.
Both my kids got phones when they went to middle school-6th grade for them. DS was 12, DD was 11 because of how their birthdays fall. (And DS didn't have his right away when school started. It was my lack of ability to communicate with him for after school pick ups that made us decide to get him a phone. But that was 8 years ago...).
I will say that I made/make decisions for DD a lot based on her grade, not her age. Her birthday isn't until the end of April and she was early. So my decisions I make are mostly based on her grade in school rather than her chronicological age.
When both of my kids got phones, I didn't even have a smart phone. It was so different just five years ago! So they just had the free phone AT&T was offering. Both got smart phones when they entered HS because our HS has a BYOD policy and the kids do home work and research with their phones during class.
I would base your decision on how your DD's friends communicate. Do they plan to get together via texting? Do they make study plans via texting? Do you need to reach your DD when she isn't with you? When the kids were in elementary school, I could email the teacher if I had a message to pass on (usually about pick up), but you can't really do that in middle school. And when the kids are off at school events, it's helpful to get a text about a specific pick up time. In addition, texting often works when a signal is low and a phone call wouldn't go through.
One thing I did was have a central place for phones in the kitchen. During certain hours, the phones had to be in the charging station. You could do that when friends come over, but then you will have to monitor the phones. Parents will text kids about pick up times and get into a blind panic when they can't reach the kids. Even now with older teens, I see this, as our basement has poor reception and the kids will usually hang out in the game room down there.
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paigepea
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Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Mar 24, 2016 16:18:16 GMT
Thank you for all of the replies.
Reading the replies - it dawns on me that as we move dd to a new school with major worries of her staying connected to her friends at the current school, it seems like a phone would be the best way for her to stay connecting. Especially considering the kids are starting to talk / chat / make plans through texting. It could become important to her. Yikes. I trust my daughter to not do anything inappropriate but this realization makes me feel a bit like screaming Yikes!
P.
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Mar 24, 2016 16:20:01 GMT
The kind of stuff you described is what made my daughter NOT want a phone. She couldn't stand trying to play a game with a friend who constantly checked her phone. She's kind of anti-culture though and she takes things to extremes. She refused to have a phone - we were feeling like she should have one for many of the reasons listed above. Anyway, is your daughter interested? We had LOTS of conversations about phones long before my daughter received one. She just turned 14 and we gave her a phone for her birthday. We broke her in with my old phone a few months ago where she would just use it to text me if I wasn't home when she got home. Then she added a friend to text. Then she added a few friends. Then she got an instagram account (but won't post more than one photo or so every couple of weeks because she doesn't like when people put photos up all the time!) Anyway, it really all depends on your daughter. But talk about it, talk about it, talk about it.
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Post by katiejane on Mar 24, 2016 16:21:51 GMT
DD is 11 and getting one as she now walks home from school alone. She is one of the last girls in her class to get one.
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Mar 24, 2016 16:37:59 GMT
My kids have been getting them when they begin commuting on their own. I realize it's different in NYC than someplace where commuting is done in cars... My latest kid to get a phone is 10.
Many, many kids in the elementary school where I teach have phones (not my kids!). Phones are supposed to remain stowed during the school day, but there have been occasional social media/texting problems during non-school hours (why the parents think the school should be dealing with these after-school problems is a whole other rant).
I got my 10yo a $35 pay-per-month phone at Best Buy. It looks like a regular modern phone, and he can get some games on it. He texts up a storm LOL but I love that he stays in touch with me. He has already had to SOS me twice when he was lost. THAT's why he has a phone.
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Post by snugglebutter on Mar 24, 2016 16:45:45 GMT
My oldest is 10/4th grade and I know that some kids have phones, but I don't know the numbers. They can't have them at school until 6th grade. Of the kids I know her age that have them, over half of them don't have data plans - they are hand-me-downs from parents and are used more like an iPod Touch.
I'm not sure what decision we will make but I'm sure it will be later than average, for several reasons.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Mar 24, 2016 17:01:46 GMT
My 23 year old daughter got her first cell phone for Christmas her 5th grade year. It was back before smart phone were the thing so it had calling and limited texting. Her dad and step mom bought the kids each one. Step mom called me before hand to ask if I would alloow her to have the phone and use it before they actually bought them. I agreed with the phone but there were strict rules.
I agreed for a few reasons
1. we lived 250 + from her dad. We thought it would be easier for her to talk to him because at the time we had a land line and the long distance was killing us.
2. We thought that the girls could communicate with each other since they were close and didn't like being so far apart.
3. It was just talking and texting.
but then there was the bad part where they went over on the amount of texting they were allowed. It was mostly step moms daughter (1 year older than my daughter)
SO when step mom looked at bill and counted the texts from all 3 kids phones and found out who was doing all the texting and found that they were doing one word texts back and forth with people step mom got mad and had a sit down with all 3 kids and told them again about the limit on texting and that who went over their limit had to pay for each text they went over. the texting overage stopped.
we never have had issues with Amanda and her phone after that.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Mar 24, 2016 17:21:43 GMT
My oldest will be 13 next week. He got a phone for his 11th birthday. Next oldest will be 11 in June. He got a phone about 6 months ago, in part because we changed phone plans and he got the phone that we had been using as our "home phone". However, I believe it is more typical for kids in his grade to have a phone than not. He has one friend who I think only has an iPod (that he uses for texting anyway) but the others all have phones.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Mar 24, 2016 19:09:25 GMT
Most kids get them before they go to middle school, so I guess around 11.
All the kids seem to be on Instagram by 7th grade. Mine waited until she was 13... a lot got it at 12.
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LeaP
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Post by LeaP on Mar 24, 2016 19:13:53 GMT
Where we lived in North Van, many 6th graders had them and by 7th grade most had them. I'm not sure where you are in B.C. but if you live in a Wind Mobile area (coverage) get that. We spent $$ on overages for my eldest with Telus. For $35 we had "unlimited" (spotty at times) data, but there were few opportunities for extra charges.
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Post by Zee on Mar 24, 2016 19:58:32 GMT
This is how the world works now. When she asks, I'd let her have the phone and start teaching her responsible use now. How to keep track of it, what your expectations are regarding its use, what is and is not allowed, and that you will check it from time to time as necessary.
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Post by bearmom on Mar 24, 2016 20:54:34 GMT
My dds got their phones when they turned 11 (that was when older dd started middle school and was coming home alone).
I think that how your dd handles her friends phone behavior will dictate how they handle it. I know my dds have said something when friends who have spent too much time on their phones when they are together. But we have strict no phones at the table policy and other times, and they have come to appreciate "phone free" times and the dialog that comes from that.
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I told dd that she could have my new 6S at the end of this year when I upgrade. Older dd got her phone when she was 13. Middle dd will be 12 when she gets mine. 
