AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by AnotherPea on Mar 27, 2016 20:56:15 GMT
I get that the norm for spending varies a lot by region. Let's exclude the "cover the plate" thoughts and close relative exceptions for this question... Do you spend more on a couple that is just starting out versus one that has been living together for a while?
DD's friend is getting married. She and her fiance' have never lived on their own and the only items they have are what they used in their dorm rooms. I am finding myself spending more on getting essentials for them than I have for other people that already have their needs met. Of course it is completely my choice, I'm just wondering if others feel the same way.
When a coworker of mine got married relatively recently, I was less inclined to spend as much money on her even though my relationship with her is closer. She just doesn't "need" as much because she's already made a home with her then-fiance.
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theshyone
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Post by theshyone on Mar 27, 2016 21:09:29 GMT
No I don't think that way at all. But then I'm one to think a third or fourth baby should be just as celebrated as a first too.
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Post by bigbundt on Mar 27, 2016 21:09:59 GMT
Living arrangements have no impact on how much I spend. I spend what I feel comfortable spending on the couple at the time.
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 27, 2016 21:12:31 GMT
I think my gift usually reflects my closeness to the couple rather than my perception of their need for a gift, if I give a little more.
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Post by txdancermom on Mar 27, 2016 21:13:48 GMT
For me it is how well do I know the couple or their family - a real close friend is going to get a nicer gift than someone who is a friend, but not as close.
If they are just starting out, it does change what I might get, but I like to get nice things that will last, I love getting things out that were wedding gifts and remembering the people who gave it to us.
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smginaz Suzy
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Je suis desole.
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Jun 26, 2014 17:27:30 GMT
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Post by smginaz Suzy on Mar 27, 2016 21:15:46 GMT
The main driver for me is my budget and how close I am to the bride and groom. I can absolutely see myself deciding to do more for a couple that needs more if the other drivers are also positive.
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Post by anniefb on Mar 27, 2016 21:19:05 GMT
The main driver for me is my budget and how close I am to the bride and groom. I can absolutely see myself deciding to do more for a couple that needs more if the other drivers are also positive.  |
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melissa
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Post by melissa on Mar 27, 2016 21:23:04 GMT
Like others, it has more to do with my relationship with the couple and family.
I think for a couple just starting out that I am close with and aware of just how much they really need, I'd probably do the same, looking for those things you just don't think of. Just went through this with my dd who just moved out and into an apartment by herself. No roommates, so it's what she has or nothing. There were little things that she realized she did not have in the weeks after she moved in. In fact, she just bought a whisk this week. We made sure she had dishes, silverware, knives and some basic cooking utensils, but that was one that was missed. Though, I admit, I'd save that sort of stuff for a wedding shower and not a wedding gift per se.
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Post by lucyg on Mar 27, 2016 21:23:29 GMT
I think I agree with you, OP. Or maybe it's more based on being a second wedding. I know I have spent more on young couples, even though every one of them was already living together, than I have on older couples getting married for the second or third time. Those gifts seem more perfunctory to me. Actually, they all say no gifts anyway, so anything I do is smaller or a donation in their name or something. My mother and my sister both got married for the second time within six months of each other. They both said no gifts and I had to travel, pay for a hotel, etc. for both weddings. I knew they really didn't want gifts and I didn't bother getting them any. When my brother got married for the second time, same deal only local, but it was her first marriage at age 50+. She didn't want gifts either (they already had three houses between them) but she was really excited to be getting married finally.  I made a big wedding scrapbook for them and she was thrilled with it. |
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AnotherPea
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Post by AnotherPea on Mar 27, 2016 21:28:38 GMT
I think 3rd and 4th babies need to be celebrated too. For close family members I did spend less on their subsequent babies though. The first babies got: stroller, bassinet, pack and play (three different babies, not all three to one baby!). And something handmade/personalized. The subsequent babies got the handmade items only.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 27, 2016 21:38:10 GMT
I probably would feel inclined to get a couple just starting out more "things" without necessarily spending a lot more money. For example, they'll need all the smaller kitchen stuff, a bunch of towels, etc., whereas for a more established couple I would probably just buy one of the larger things on their list.
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Post by leannec on Mar 27, 2016 22:23:34 GMT
We give cash ... $100 to friends and clients (dh is a realtor and get invited to weddings sometimes) and more to family members regardless of whether it is the first marriage or not I agree that at baby showers all babies should be celebrated the same and that all deserve a shower because they are all special  |
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Post by KikiPea on Mar 27, 2016 22:42:03 GMT
No. Nothing about a wedding dictates what I spend. I spend what I can afford, period.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 0:57:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 22:47:47 GMT
I would be more inclined to spend extra on someone just getting started than someone established. It's your money to spend how you want.
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MorningPerson
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Post by MorningPerson on Mar 27, 2016 22:55:01 GMT
Yes, I will spend more when there is a need.
Spending $100 on a practical gift for a bride and groom who have nothing will mean much more that giving a well-established couple a $100 silver plated corkscrew.
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 0:57:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2016 23:02:53 GMT
For me, it comes down to my relationship with the couple. The cousin I see once a year? Generic card with a gift card or check. Beloved friend or family member? Check or cash would be more or included with a more thoughtful gift.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Mar 27, 2016 23:27:36 GMT
It does depend on the friend for me, too. If DS' friends were going to get married I would get them (the couple) something useful. I would talk to the mother or MIL and ask what they have and don't have. I like stocking someone's kitchen full of utensils and stuff like that. I know I liked having my kitchen ready to use and I would assume they would like that, too. I know some people put a video game console and stuff like that on the registry but I won't be buying something like that.
When my sister and her husband got married I got them their duvet cover and sheets. That was fairly expensive as the set they chose was expensive. I know she's my sister and all but I would do that for DS' BFF as well. I would do that for any of his friends as I love those guys and see them as an extension of DS.
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Post by lovinlife on Mar 28, 2016 0:01:06 GMT
Depends on how close I am to the couple. Also, if they need more and are just starting off I tend to be more generous.
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Mar 28, 2016 0:04:08 GMT
For me, it's more about what I want to give than how much I want to give. If I have a great idea for a wedding present (or if I see something on the registry that I'm dying to give them), then that's what I get. The price is not the first consideration. Obviously, I have a limit on what I can spend - but I certainly don't obligate myself to max out my gift budget if I find "the perfect thing" that is less than my max.
For second weddings, I'm more likely to get a gift that doesn't take up space (tickets, monthly wine subscription, etc.), since they often have the necessities already.
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Post by littlemama on Mar 28, 2016 1:14:54 GMT
Wedding gifts where I live are always cash. I would not expect a couple who has an established home together to have a large shower, as the purpose of a bridal shower is to help outfit the new home with things the couple wouldn't already have.
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Mar 28, 2016 1:28:50 GMT
Living arrangements have no impact on how much I spend. I spend what I feel comfortable spending on the couple at the time. This is how I feel too. |
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Post by CarolT on Mar 28, 2016 1:45:56 GMT
If all other factors are equal, I would be inclined to give more where there is a greater need.
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Post by nlwilkins on Mar 28, 2016 10:06:22 GMT
For me it depends upon the couple. I like giving a set of china that is on their registry. Sometimes it can be hard to accumulate enough. But not all couples want china and many don't have a life style that china would be appropriate. Its sad, but not all couples would ever use china anymore.
After 46 years of marriage, I still have some wedding gifts that are used on special occasions. I would have never had those items if they had not been gifts and I really appreciate having them. But they are formal things that are used for formal entertaining or family occasions.
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I made a big wedding scrapbook for them and she was thrilled with it.
