Do I "need to get over it"?

Do you need to get over caring about your parents' safety and the safety of those around them? Ummmm, no. I think your sister needs to get her head out of her arse. Sorry to be so blunt.

L

Exactly! Elaine, in the case of the chest pains issue, I can see what you're saying. That totally fits in with the mortality argument.

But cataracts? A normal day surgery procedure for which anyone, regardless of age, must have a driver to bring them home? GMAB.

This case is not one of, 'Oh, you're too old to be safely driving.' I've seen  that. A friend of mine went through an awful time when her Mom's Dr. pulled her license. But that is not the case here. If her dad is unable to realize that ANYONE who has surgery or a procedure that that involves anesthetic is unfit to drive, regardless of age, well... he's not as sharp as he seems. He was impaired. Had he been pulled over or caused an accident, he would likely have been charged. Doesn't matter if it's the 18 yr old who needs a sedative when their wisdom teeth are removed, or the 25 yr old having an endoscopy, the 30something having a colonoscopy (all me), the 50something person having chemo, or whatever procedure you can think of. It isn't about age. It's about being impaired due to the impact of the drugs they give you.

And what WAS the hospital thinking? They should absolutely prevented him from driving. Here, they will not discharge you after these types of procedures until you have a driver to take you home. You must provide a name & contact info at sign in, and when you're safe to leave, they call the person and tell them you are ready to be picked up. Alternatively, you can be sent in a cab. But under no circumstances would an hospital allow the OP's dad to drive in this scenario. If he tried, security would be called.

Sadly, though, OP, you may have to get over it for the sake of your own sanity. Frankly, I'd be tempted to tell Dad, "Fine Dad, do what you want. Drive after anesthesia. And don't come crying to me looking for help if and when you get caught, get pulled over, and really do lose your independence, as they take away your license due to your stupidity."

I can understand why you are worried, and the person who told you how to feel about it can't have a grasp on the seriousness of the situation.

The safety of the public at large is the main issue, not your parents independence, bluntly.

We were mightily relieved when my dear old Dad decided it was time to hang up his car kets for the last time. It did mean that we all had to pitch in and help with lifts, shopping etc, but we were happy to do so, and it was infinitely better than 'allowing' him to continue to drive, and the possible consequences.

You are going to probably have some difficult conversations, and will most likely have to help out more, but that is infinitely preferable than having them involved in an accident.

Can you speak to their GP?

I hope you can resolve this situation.

While I agree it was a dangerous thing for your Dad to do, you can't change it now however angry you are so in that sense, maybe you need to let it go. We are facing the same thing with my MIL who has vision problems. None of us live near enough to help on a daily basis but thankfully she can afford to get cabs when necessary - it's just a case of making her do that!

I think your sister would rather blow off this serious issue rather than deal with it. Telling you to get over it shows she doesn't have the intellectual capacity to understand that not only are your parents a danger to themselves - they are a danger to others.

You need to sit down with your mom & dad and have the conversation. It is hard to give up your independence . I remember my dad telling me when he had to take the car keys away from my grand dad. He then sold grandpa's green Ford Torino.

No, you shouldn't get over it, ie, not being concerned, expressing your concern.

But...

if your reaction is over the top, goes on and on and on and on and on and on...never ending never ending never ending... in light of the fact that NOTHING can undo what they already did...but you won't stop talking and talking and talking and talking about it...in an endless loop of rage and anger and rage and anger...

...Then yes, you need to "let it go" if you are offended by the phrase "get over it".

I live in a town where there is a very large retirement community. I've been here over 25 years.

Because we have a high number of seniors driving in our community, we have a high rate of accidents. A few weeks ago a man in his 80's struck and killed a women in her 70's. That was the worst case but there are accidents all the time and it has become clear that people are driving way beyond their capacity to be able to safely do so.

My state does not require that after a certain age you be retested for a drivers license but I think it would be a good idea.

My Grandma was the same way for a long time. It is about giving up independence and feeling like they are a burdon on those around them. I'd imagine it's hard when roles switch and your kids start parenting you.

I don't think you should let this go. I think your parents need to understand that they didn't just put themselves in danger but every other person on the road. They are acting very irresponsibly.