What to do when your child is always negative?

My 7 yr old is like this. I turn it into a joke saying 'Oh B, im not surprised you think this is unfair because you think everything is unfair' but I turn it into a sarcastic / dramatic comment. When she was younger she'd get mad at me. Now that she's almost 8 she ends up laughing because she knows I'm right. It's her personality. I just have to work with it because I'm not going to change her. I doubt she'll be like this forever. And even if she is like this forever she has other amazing qualities (that her very positive sister doesn't have) which will make her a successful adult. Not that older dd won't be successful. They just have different strengths.

One of my kids went through this around the same age. I told her for every negative thing she said, she had to find something positive to say.

Honestly, I think they [we] can get into such a habit of looking for the sucky things that we need to be nudged out of it somehow. This worked for us. 

I think some people are just wired to be a glass half-empty type of person. I don't think you can change that. But the being dramatic part, maybe that can be worked on.

I was somewhat like that as a child. My mother was like that. Everything is a catastrophe, can find negativity in any situation, can never find a silver lining anywhere.

In the other hand, my father was the most positive person I ever met. He could always find a positive, rarely let mundane things get him down.

Gradually as I got older I could see that my father enjoyed life and my Mother did not. I began to consciously emulate my dad. And I made it a high priority to be like him when he died ( still darn positive ) I'm rarely not positive now but I can slip, hey everyone has bad days. But what I have learned is despite personality one CAN make a conscious choice to face the world in a more positive manner. I'm not sure wether it was nurture or nature for me as my mother was home more when I was young than my dad was so I don't know if I was naturally negative or emulating my
Mothers example.

I have one child who can be this way if she doesn't actively choose to be otherwise. Here is what helped her:

Let them know they can choose to be that way or choose not to
Be a positive role model for your child
And determine some one (you ) or something (diary ) to be her garbage pail meaning the one safe place to vent about anything and everything.
Teach them how to find joy in simple things


My DD does pretty darn good being positive to the world but it's difficult for me as I am her garbage pail so I had to reset my thinking as I hear every negative thought or vent that she has. And even now I'm her garbage pail to unload stuff. And all she wants is just someone to listen. That's it! But I have to remember when I'm Functioning as her place to pile crap and she helps me by ending with some postitve stuff and sometimes just thanking me for letting her get it off her chest

I have one, also. She is 40 now. My mother was like that, also. She became worse as she aged and had driven everyone away by the time she passed away.

Still hoping, praying for a light bulb moment for my dd like hop2 describes.

I have to children, one is like Tigger and the other is more like Eeyore the Donkey

My son will often see the glass half empty, and can bring the mood down because he sometimes makes negative comments without thinking. It's his personality. If you ask him how well he slept, he'll always answer Not great. My husband was just like him as a child, and he grew up to be a well adjusted adult

I tended to mirror my kids' bad behaviors and that soon turned things around. One of mine lied all the time. So finally my XH and I started doing it to him. Just lied about everything. Then when he would get upset with us our reply was something like "guess I lied but I don't know why." A couple of times of that seemed to curb his affection for untruths.

Not sure if it would work with your child or not. Good luck.

I tend to be a glass half empty type of person, more of a realist than an optimist. My suggestion is to try validating her...using an example from above, I rarely have a good nights sleep. So if someone asks how I sleep, and I say Not Great, being met with a Suzy Sunshine attitude will make things worse. I'd much prefer someone just say I'm sorry, is there anything I can do to help. Certainly try to help her find positives, but please try not to make her feel like her feelings are all wrong. And someone who always sees or expects the worst is likely coming from a place of fear and anxiety.

I can be a bit like that... and when I started to see it in my daughter I made sure we both changed.

She was probably a bit younger than 8... maybe 6..

When she would want to tell me something negative I would say tell me three great things first.

As we went along I had to help her find the great things... she would get into a rut, the sun is shining, my teacher is nice...

I also tried to do the same thing with her and my ex.

Two of the three of us greatly benefited.... the third lives in perpetual sunshine and is always a downer!

I can come across like this sometimes. It's absolutely part of my anxiety. I feel calmer if I'm prepared for the very worst outcome. It's not that I don't see the positives, it's that they don't bring me comfort or help me feel protected. If I know I can survive the worst then what actually occurs is going to be such a relief by comparison.

It's good for her to learn that she's fortunate. But make sure that you do that without giving her the impression that all her feelings are wrong.

My DD case be like that and she is prone to anxiety/depression. When she gets started telling me something and she starts concentrating on the negatives in the story, I stop her and ask her if anything GOOD happens in this story. It makes her stop and think about what she is saying and where her thoughts are lingering. There are even times, now that she is an adult, that I tell her to just stop, I can't take anymore negativity - if she can't find something good in what happened, she has to keep it to herself. She is a born storyteller (not a liar type storyteller, just someone who enjoys relating things) and it kills her to be told she can't share something. Nine times out of ten, she'll stop for a minute and then start again, but with a completely different slant on the story. By the time she's done, she's much more positive.

When she was younger and I wasn't as comfortable telling her she couldn't share something with me, I'd tell her that she had to tell me 3 good things that happened in whatever she is relating to me. She'd get so mad! She'd say nothing good happened, it was all bad, and I'd tell her that nothing is ALL bad. She'd think about it, then find something good to say, even if it was just that her hair looked good that day. Let's face it, how bad can a day be when it starts with good hair?! Once she even one positive thing, she could be happy.

I wondered if her tendency to get bogged down in the negatives was due to the attention that we as a society pay to negatives. When bad things happen to someone, we tend to gather round and give them a great deal of attention. When good things happen, we tend to go "Great!" and move on.

Marcy

I agree with others, it sounds like anxiety. She can't really verbalize that she feels anxious but she can portray disappointment and woe is me. It fits, you accept it as her personality (not like, accept). Next time she does it, ask, "Can you tell me how you are feeling right now?" I don't know or I can't are never acceptable answers - teach her this before you try this. Keep a journal for when this happens the most. You'll start to see her triggers. She is 8- not 40. 40 year olds have problem managing this, so keep that in mind when you think about what she can manage at 8. My kid's trigger is being away from home. Holy crap can she ruin a trip!!!!!!!!!!! When I feel like screaming at her that if she ruins another trip I will cause her enough bodily harm to be arrested!!! I pause, and say, "Okay kid, what are you afraid of." It is usually something like, "I don't know where we will eat dinner." Or, "That road we just crossed was really busy." It's taken us A LOT of work to get there but it is really up to me to figure out what the trigger will be. For mine, that "not knowing" is a lot like being out of control. Maps are like a big ol' xanax for her. If I can get her a map, she goes all Rain Man and life is awesome!

Hang in there momma!

My DH is like this and it's such a downer. Plus he makes constant excuses for why something is not his fault. Drives me bonkers. He's in Texas for 3 weeks so I have a whine free house.