|
Post by mammajamma on Apr 6, 2016 14:10:38 GMT
I have to admit, I wish my MIL wouldn't buy us so many clothes. I don't like 90% of what she buys. Also, she frequently buys 2 sizes too large and I'm left storing them for a year or more. My daughter is 5 and has opinions now. I know well what types of things we both agree that she wears. MIL chooses bold, neon colors and tom-boyish styles that my daughter is not fond of. I have to make her wear them a time or two. But other items (that I have chosen) get selected the moment they enter the closet. So I end up having a sense of guilt that the closet is full of clothes hardly worn when money and energy was taken to choose and send them. MIL lives is rural America and doesn't have access to the places where we shop. My daughter loves clothing such as Tea Collection, Garnet Hill, Boden etc and soft cotton flowy dress in cheerful colors. Target does have some cute things, but It's hit and miss with her current sizing. MIL does not order online.
You on the other hand, sounds like you really tried to pick something for your DIL that was nice. And I can see why you would feel hurt when you went to so much effort.
I do appreciate the gesture and the fact she has taken the time to package and mail us the clothes. Since she lives far away, I guess this is how she wants to show her love. It's strange to me that she doesn't call to speak to our daughter on the phone or call her on her actual birthday to sing. But she is good at sending packages - almost 2 per month.
Neither of the in laws have contributed to the kids college funds and we just wonder why they wouldn't want to buy us less clothes and instead contribute small amounts to their education funds. So we have been known to return items from Target in exchange for household necessities and then we put the returned amount into our kids education fund ourselves. I hope this is not extremely ungrateful of us..but we are the ones having to run a household and keep the clutter to a minimum.
|
|
|
Post by epeanymous on Apr 6, 2016 14:14:22 GMT
Oh and the next year, we got E a really nice kids oak table and 2 chairs that we bought in Amish country in Ohio. Really pretty and we got the "barely stained' or "natural" finish. But guess what, they either returned it and got a set painted in high gloss black paint or they painted the table and chairs themselves in high gloss black paint. I'm thinking, well if I would have known that you wanted it in black, I would have gone to IKEA and got you some particle board piece of crap DIY thing versus a beautiful oak wood handcrafted table and chairs!! I mean isn't the point of wood furniture to actually see the oak? So since I was 0 for 2 with presents that I spent considerable time to either make or to drive and purchase, I now ask them for exactly what they want me to get for him and I buy it. I might get a few little presents to supplement, but I'm tired of being a tad bit insulted. So I get what you mean. I think there is a difference between buying an outfit for a child (which the child may wear on occasion, or not, and which goes in a closet or dresser) and buying furniture for someone's house. In the latter case, I'd want to make sure that the item was wanted and to the recipient's taste, because it is going to be taking up real estate and they are going to be looking at it every day. It does sound really nice, though, and like something I would like .
|
|
|
Post by giatocj on Apr 6, 2016 14:18:35 GMT
I never buy clothes for my new grandson until I send a picture to my DD first from the store. She & my SIL are very funny about clothing gifts (we have slightly different tastes), and I am not going to waste my time or money if Chase is never going to wear what I buy. I totally prefer honesty to subterfuge . If she doesn't like it, she just tells me and I move on, no offense taken. It's just really not that big of a deal to me. In the OP's instance, the whole idea of someone ELSE'S baby/child not liking a certain material as an excuse to return it is nuts and rude and, I think, quite dishonest. I think the DIL has a hair across her ass about all the attention at the shower and she's copping out with the "blame it on someone else" excuse. She's being totally ridiculous and immature and I don't blame the OP for being disappointed at all. Especially when the set was so well received by so many people, and so much thought went into choosing it. OP, I am sorry this happened to you.
|
|
Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,788
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
|
Post by Kerri W on Apr 6, 2016 14:19:16 GMT
Oh and the next year, we got E a really nice kids oak table and 2 chairs that we bought in Amish country in Ohio. Really pretty and we got the "barely stained' or "natural" finish. But guess what, they either returned it and got a set painted in high gloss black paint or they painted the table and chairs themselves in high gloss black paint. I'm thinking, well if I would have known that you wanted it in black, I would have gone to IKEA and got you some particle board piece of crap DIY thing versus a beautiful oak wood handcrafted table and chairs!! I mean isn't the point of wood furniture to actually see the oak? First, I totally agree with you about the blanket. It seems like the child would have much more anxiety caused by watching the shows than a fleece blanket. Sounds like mom wasn't a fan of the blanket. I do have to disagree with you on the table. First, that is more like adding furnishings to their home and taste does reign in this case. But not everyone is a fan of the oak/wood look. It's really not in style now either. I would be much happier to have a solid oak table then paint it because the table/chairs are better quality and would stand up to use better over long term use than a cheap table from Ikea would. My inlaws were smart and gave us a solid oak table/chairs for DD that were unfinished. I was able to finish them in a style to match the nursery and my home. I totally agree with this too. Gifting can be so hard! My MIL chose to buy each of our four kids a kid sized rocking chair. They are nice oak chairs made by an Amish family...beautiful craftsmanship, etc. But they absolute DO NOT match our decorating style at all. Those little chairs have been well used/loved and have held up like you wouldn't believe but can we talk about the fact that she insisted on buying us FOUR rockers?! When she mentioned getting one for each of the kids I told her very gently that I preferred just one for our family as I didn't really need four rockers. I even suggested maybe a small table and chair set the second time. She was mortally offended. Like get my DH involved, crying offended. So we have four kid size rockers. Her intent was very kind and loving and generous. But in this instance it was more about *her* desire to give what *she* wanted and not about the people receiving it.
|
|
caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
|
Post by caro on Apr 6, 2016 14:26:47 GMT
As a grandmother I love/loved buying clothes and shoes for my DGC. I only bought one "statement" article of clothing to be special and passed down when baby was born and I gave the article of clothing I had saved from my children's birth to pass down. The rest of the clothing I give can be worn and tossed or given to Goodwill.
Two out of three loved it and one, not so much. I got over it after awhile. Different strokes.....
What you experienced is rude behavior and pettiness.
|
|
tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
|
Post by tincin on Apr 6, 2016 14:33:50 GMT
No grandchildren yet but my niece loves it when I buy clothes for her two young sons. I buy the everyday stuff and leave the special outfits for Mom or Grandma to buy.
|
|
|
Post by khaleesi on Apr 6, 2016 14:38:04 GMT
I'm a step-grandma and I buy for my 1yo grandbaby and her little sister who is arriving at any moment. As far I know, I'm not overstepping. My step-DIL seems appreciative and thankful because it saves money for them. If I had to guess, I would say I have purchased about 25% of her clothes.
90% of what I buy is Carters and mostly because I love their clothes, how they wear, and the killer deals I can stumble on. I will buy up in size if I think it will still work. I also keep those at my house so she is not tasked with having to store it. Ellie stays with us fairly often and I know it's appreciated that they don't have to worry if they forget to pack extra clothes because I have something size and season appropriate or in the event of blow outs, etc. I have something.
While I love frilly, girly dresses, I have only bought a couple and those are just for photo opps. They do go home with her in her bag but if my DIL never puts them on her again, that's fine. If she sells them later on, that's fine as well. I bought them as a gift because I wanted to. No strings attached. I will say I do like getting text pictures of Ellie in her various outfits. Since we see her enough, I do see her in the outfits again so I apparently do a good job of picking stuff out, or she's too polite to ask me to stop.
|
|
|
Post by bigbundt on Apr 6, 2016 14:39:38 GMT
In the OP's instance, the whole idea of someone ELSE'S baby/child not liking a certain material as an excuse to return it is nuts and rude and, I think, quite dishonest. I think the DIL has a hair across her ass about all the attention at the shower and she's copping out with the "blame it on someone else" excuse. She's being totally ridiculous and immature and I don't blame the OP for being disappointed at all. Especially when the set was so well received by so many people, and so much thought went into choosing it. OP, I am sorry this happened to you. Please. There have been quite a few times when I have asked my friends if their kids had a particular piece of clothing or something similar and if a certain element or decoration bothered their kids before buying it myself. I trusted their input and experience and it has influenced what I have bought or kept. Why would she care that MIL's gift overshadowed others at the shower? I have never been to a shower where a gift was so amazing and magical that it took any significant amount of attention off the mother to be. I actually think it is kind of cool that she *did* go to her MIL to express her feelings, even if it was masked by the fabric excuse. That speaks positively about their relationship, that she feels comfortable enough to ask her MIL to do that. As a DIL of a once intimidating MIL (which was magnified by a million when I was pregnant with my first and insecure with my mothering skills), it would haven taken a lot for me to do that at that time.
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Apr 6, 2016 14:42:55 GMT
I will admit that I despised it when other people bought my babies clothes.
I will admit that I cringed at every baby shower gift that was clothes. I was annoyed. (I actually only got 2 off the registry gifts like that though)
I was VERY picky about baby clothes. I definitely had a certain taste/style and cared a lot about their clothes.
However, it wasn't specific to my MIL. I hated it when my own mother bought clothes most of all. She has terrible taste.
|
|
|
Post by giatocj on Apr 6, 2016 14:45:03 GMT
In the OP's instance, the whole idea of someone ELSE'S baby/child not liking a certain material as an excuse to return it is nuts and rude and, I think, quite dishonest. I think the DIL has a hair across her ass about all the attention at the shower and she's copping out with the "blame it on someone else" excuse. She's being totally ridiculous and immature and I don't blame the OP for being disappointed at all. Especially when the set was so well received by so many people, and so much thought went into choosing it. OP, I am sorry this happened to you. Please. There have been quite a few times when I have asked my friends if their kids had a particular piece of clothing or something similar and if a certain element or decoration bothered their kids before buying it myself. I trusted their input and experience and it has influenced what I have bought or kept. Why would she care that MIL's gift overshadowed others at the shower? I have never been to a shower where a gift was so amazing and magical that it took any significant amount of attention off the mother to be. I actually think it is kind of cool that she *did* go to her MIL to express her feelings, even if it was masked by the fabric excuse. That speaks positively about their relationship, that she feels comfortable enough to ask her MIL to do that. As a DIL of a once intimidating MIL (which was magnified by a million when I was pregnant with my first and insecure with my mothering skills), it would haven taken a lot for me to do that at that time. Please. . You have your opinion and I'll have mine.
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Apr 6, 2016 14:47:12 GMT
Oh I know. Im not offended. I probably came off a little defensive, that wasn't my intent, it's early, sorry I think the difference is when you return a gift that doesn't fit, isn't practical, won't use, or you have similar items in the same size, AND the giver doesn't know that you exchanged or returned it, then the giver's feelings aren't hurt. But when you go directly to that person and say, "For X reason, I don't like this or I won't use it so please return this gift", to me that is very "in your face". Additionally, I also think it is rude to expect the giver to be responsible for returning a gift. That is why I give books as baby gifts now or onesies and generic sleepers. But honestly, I always include the receipt or gift receipt. When it comes to dressy clothes or a coat for a baby, then I do think the mother's taste may come in to play. Personally, if she would have said that to me, then I would have handed her the receipt or mailed her the receipt. I think if she wants to return or exchange the gift, then SHE needs to do the work. Take a deep breath and take the high road. Perhaps she didn't mean for it to come across to you as it did. I also don't think you should take it that she is deciding who gets to choose who buys a gift either. I'm a "step grandma" and I buy the grandkids Christmas presents and for whatever reason, the one stepdaughter and her husband are very picky when it comes to "whatever". A few years ago, the grandson was crazy about the Hulk and I made him a big fleece tied blanket with Hulk fleece material, big enough for a twin size bed (he was 3 at the time). He watches the Avengers, and Incredible Hulk movies and cartoons plus has the action figures. A few months after Christmas, I asked them how he liked the blanket. Silence, then the son in law says, "oh we had to put the blanket away because E asked us once if the Incredible Hulk was going to take him." I guess they felt the blanket gave him "anxiety" and "stress". What was ironic was the grandson was wearing an Avengers tshirt with a much more menacing looking Hulk than the fleece blanket had (which looked a little more cartoonish) PLUS he was carrying 2 Hulk action figures. I just looked significantly at E and raised my eyebrow and said "I see" to the parents and left it at that (but thinking 'as opposed to what you let him watch, play, and wear, but it's all about the blanket'). Oh and the next year, we got E a really nice kids oak table and 2 chairs that we bought in Amish country in Ohio. Really pretty and we got the "barely stained' or "natural" finish. But guess what, they either returned it and got a set painted in high gloss black paint or they painted the table and chairs themselves in high gloss black paint. I'm thinking, well if I would have known that you wanted it in black, I would have gone to IKEA and got you some particle board piece of crap DIY thing versus a beautiful oak wood handcrafted table and chairs!! I mean isn't the point of wood furniture to actually see the oak? So since I was 0 for 2 with presents that I spent considerable time to either make or to drive and purchase, I now ask them for exactly what they want me to get for him and I buy it. I might get a few little presents to supplement, but I'm tired of being a tad bit insulted. So I get what you mean. Now on the other hand, the other stepdaughter basically comes out and asks us to buy clothes for her kids or take them for a haircut. She'll call and say, "Oh can L and/or G spent the weekend with you? And oh, if so, you can take them to get their hair cut, or, they need a fall or spring jacket so if you want to take them shopping, here is their size. etc. etc. She isn't too subtle about it. If I want to do it, then I do it, but if I don't, then I don't. Wow, buying someone furniture without their input seems really, really intrusive and overly personal. I hate wood. Absolutely despise the look of it. There is no exposed wood in my house. I would have had to paint the table and chairs, too. I'm just flabbergasted that you would buy someone something that would be on display in their house, like furniture, and then get offended when they change it to reflect their style. It's in their home. Of course it should reflect their style, not yours.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 1, 2024 11:38:19 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2016 14:52:51 GMT
I will go one better!
A mil who made the clothes! OMG my daughter barely weighed 6 pounds and was long skinny thing. She wore preemie stuff. She wore 2t to first grade. She was long and tiny. Mil made outfits that I could have stuck 6 of my daughter in that barely covered her knees.
I think she got the clue when daughter never wore any of it.
After that the kids just got money from her.
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Apr 6, 2016 15:02:53 GMT
Maybe some do not, but it's certainly not a rule across the board. My MIL bought plenty of clothes, books, toys, etc. for both of my boys and it was fine by me. She was excited and wanted to have the fun of buying them cute things. I totally understand that. Plus, she wanted to help out as well, which is nice. Yes, there were some items we didn't use, for various reasons. But we complained about them. Some the boys outgrew before they had a chance to wear them, or the items didn't fit well, or whatever, but we certainly tried to use the items when we could, and tried to let her see the boys in the outfits sometimes, too. (Our biggest issue with gifts from MIL were that in the beginning years, she tended to think "bigger was better" in terms of toys, and we live in a very, very small home. We fixed that issue by suggesting we leave the large toys at her home, since they live 10 minutes away and DS was there often. She happily filled her home with some more toys, and then started buying smaller items. But that was more than just a difference in taste, that was an inability to keep the items. We literally didn't have a place to put some of them.) I'm sorry about the situation with the gift you gave. It sounds like you really tried to get something that she would like.
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Apr 6, 2016 15:14:52 GMT
Reading this post makes me nervous. I buy my two year old grandson A LOT of clothes, a LOT! I would say half his wardrobe is from me. I work in daycare and I'm pretty up on what all the young mom's and kids like to wear, now I'm just unsure. Aw, don't be. If we allow ourselves to second guess everything we do based on what someone else does or says, we'll spend our lives locked in indecisiveness forever. There will always be people who think differently than we do---and differently than the people in our lives. Think about the holiday threads here. if you were to read them all, you'd never give a gift again, because there would be nothing left to give that either a pea or the recipient of a pea gift didn't like. Hugs! I wish someone was still willing to buy half of my 13 year old's wardrobe! He wears mens' clothing, now, which isn't cute or fun to buy, so we're buying it all these days! I miss the days of walking in MIL's house and being handed a bag of clothes for DS.
|
|
|
Post by Chips on Apr 6, 2016 15:19:50 GMT
You live with them so please tread carefully. I understand your feelings are hurt (mine would be too) but expectant moms can be a little off sometimes. Let's chalk it up to pregnancy hormones and give her the benefit of the doubt. If it turns out your DIL is so easily influenced by other people's opinions, give her some empathy (not spoken aloud) that even as a grown-up, she still needs the acceptance and approval of others. I agree. Is she a first time mom? That can make the most sane person do things out of character too! If it was an outfit I didn't care for I would have probably accepted it and then put it on her once for church and taken a picture for you and then put it away. However if it was something that I just hated and I knew cost a lot of money, I would feel sick that someone spent that amount of money on something that wouldn't get used. Especially if the gift giver lived with me and was expecting that the outfit would be worn frequently to church (which is what I am gathering from your post). I humor my mom with kid clothes, a lot of the clothes she sends are a little old fashioned. Cute on a hanger but just not practical for babies. Buttons, scratchy lace, stiff cotton fabric, have to be ironed, have to be removed entirely to change a diaper, outfits with a bunch of little stuff that my babies would never keep on (like a hat) and that I would have a hard time keeping together as a set. But my mom lives in a different state so it is a lot easier to get around than if she was living with me. I can just take a picture and take the outfit off right away. This ^^^ pregnancy hormones or possible first time mom can all make someone a little crazy! She maybe thinking she needs more of the items from her registry too. With my first I was completely overwhelmed with the choices that when I finally made one I thought I really needed that item. In my mind I was absolutely certain that I needed this floating water duck which registered how hot the baby's bath water was (well I never even used it!) and come to think of it I never even used my TV baby monitor which was an item I thought I could not live without! Hang in there and try to be there for her. I am sure it is really hard but she may need more time with you before even she knows what she wants.
|
|
|
Post by melanell on Apr 6, 2016 15:30:58 GMT
then the son in law says, "oh we had to put the blanket away because E asked us once if the Incredible Hulk was going to take him." I guess they felt the blanket gave him "anxiety" and "stress". What was ironic was the grandson was wearing an Avengers tshirt with a much more menacing looking Hulk than the fleece blanket had (which looked a little more cartoonish) PLUS he was carrying 2 Hulk action figures. I just looked significantly at E and raised my eyebrow and said "I see" to the parents and left it at that (but thinking 'as opposed to what you let him watch, play, and wear, but it's all about the blanket'). Oh and the next year, we got E a really nice kids oak table and 2 chairs that we bought in Amish country in Ohio. Really pretty and we got the "barely stained' or "natural" finish. But guess what, they either returned it and got a set painted in high gloss black paint or they painted the table and chairs themselves in high gloss black paint. I'm thinking, well if I would have known that you wanted it in black, I would have gone to IKEA and got you some particle board piece of crap DIY thing versus a beautiful oak wood handcrafted table and chairs!! I mean isn't the point of wood furniture to actually see the oak? I'm with you on the blanket, but not the furniture. If they opted not to use the blanket for his bed, that's their business, but the didn't need to give you some crazy story about it. They could have always kept it in the car, instead. My kids both loved (love) having blankets in the car. But furniture is another story imo. Just because you like handcrafted oak doesn't mean that others do, and just because you don't like Ikea "crap" doesn't mean that others feel the same. A furniture piece is going to sit in their home, so I understand them wanting furniture that fits their style, kwim? Even if you don't like their style.
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 6, 2016 15:44:09 GMT
I think so much depends on the parents and their own finances and frankly how picky they are - and later the child's preferences. I wasn't picky at all about daily baby clothes - if they were clean, I'd throw the kid in them. I enjoyed picking out special occasion outfits and was annoyed the year my MIL bought a special Christmas outfit. I know many mothers enjoy buying and picking out their clothes and I definitely know a few who had so much of their own purchases, really didn't care for others to buy clothes. We quickly ran into the issue of the kids having their own preferences and relatives not really being close enough to realize it. I dressed my daughter in a lot of Osh Kosh overalls and other sturdy clothes when she was young, but pretty much as soon as she could state an opinion she wanted dresses - the cuter the better. She didn't wear pants from 3 to about 13. I did have to finally ask my mom to stop buying them for her, as they'd just sit the closet.
Now home furnishings are a whole other can of worms in my opinion. I really do not appreciate anyone buying me anything for the home. I totally own my finickiness on that front. My SIL did the giant fleece blankets for our kids when they were younger. We kept them as extra throws - and later as the perfect swim meet blanket. But she was pissed that they didn't go on the beds. I'd already bought ridiculously expensive pottery barn quilts for their beds. I wasn't covering them with fleece blankets and both my kids overheat and didn't need an extra blanket on the bed.
|
|
ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
|
Post by ginacivey on Apr 6, 2016 15:44:10 GMT
both DILs and MILs are damned if you do...damned if you don't
i quit buying clothes when i went to her first yard sale -
now i take my granddaughter shopping and buy what she picks out (she's 8)
and i only buy toys for the youngest (until he can tell me what he likes to wear)
and i just don't spend as much money on them as i thought i would - i spend more time
gina
|
|
Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,233
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
|
Post by Gravity on Apr 6, 2016 15:51:57 GMT
Since you live with them, try to keep peace. Return the outfit and offer to accompany the parents to select a replacement outfit. Hard feelings either way over a baby outfit are not worth ruining a relationship. I have two DDs with children. I usually run all clothing purchases by them first, even if it's a gift.
|
|
|
Post by gmcwife1 on Apr 6, 2016 15:52:55 GMT
Wow I can't even imagine being that rude. I gladly accepted clothes from anyone. I'll admit that sometimes they got returned or on a rare occasion got donated with the tags still on. Just for the sake of discussion...why is being honest and saying you're not going to use a gift and would like to return it any different from either of the above options? Why is telling the giver rude? Why is keeping the end result from the gift giver any less rude? Since you said for the sake of discussion I have a sister that loves to gift people. She doesn't have a lot of extra money for gifts so she does most of her shopping, including gift shopping at thrift stores, garage sales and the dollar store. We have received everything from food baskets with expired food from grocery outlet to tarnished silver coasters from the dollar store. All were received and accepted with the same love they were given with. I know it would break her heart if she knew that people didn't like her gifts because she actually does put a lot of thought into them and she picks them special for each person. I think people have lost their filter sometimes and forget that gift receiving is as much of an art as gift giving. I can't imagine myself or my mom ever turning our noses up at any article of clothing when we were raising kids. So what if something it's my style or practical, my child will develop her own style eventually anyway, so I did let them wear various things. And if someone wants to buy something that isn't practical then it would still be received with love. My mom gave our little tomboy dd a beautiful dress when she was a baby. I know she wore it once for a family picture, not sure if she wore it again, but it really doesn't matter. It was given and received with the best of intentions.
|
|
|
Post by bigbundt on Apr 6, 2016 15:54:15 GMT
The hulk story may not be made up. Last summer I bought my then four year old daughter a shirt in Charleston where monkeys appear on the fabric when it is in the sun. She LOVES monkeys so I thought it was perfect for her. She would scream anytime I tried to put it on her or even bring it out. She would play with stuffed monkeys and wear other monkey clothing without issue, there was something about *this* shirt that scared her. I wasn't going to force her to wear something that truly scared her, even if I didn't understand or agree with it. Children's fears aren't always logical.
Why would you assume that the parents somehow influenced your GS into not using the Hulk blanket? Is there some history there?
|
|
IAmUnoriginal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
|
Post by IAmUnoriginal on Apr 6, 2016 15:59:55 GMT
My MIL and I aren't chummy by any means. Despite that, every gift of clothes she's ever made to my boys has been well received. She buys things I wouldn't splurge on. The dress/coat combo you described would be in MIL's shopping realm more than mine. That kind of gift, I appreciate so much. Some outfits she gifts aren't practical and might be worn only a few times before its outgrown. One outfit that she gifted I used for DS's 3 month portraits. She saved me the hassle of having to find something. I wouldn't have bought the ivory sweater onesie thing -- too impractical for this cheapo. I'd look at it and calculate how many every day outfits I could get for the same price and back away. If I had a girl, MIL's admitted that she'd be a nightmare with the clothes because she never had a girl to dress up. But, I have boys just like she did. She's still stuck in bugs and dinosaur land. We only had one strict rule with MIL - no sailor suits! DH was in the Navy, but only wore his dress uniform begrudgingly for inspection and the Seabee Ball as a Seabee. He didn't want DS in any sort of dress up kiddie sailor suit.
I'm sorry your DIL is being a pill about it. Her sister saying that is just weird. I'd lean toward reading it that the sister is jealous or something. It's just odd.
|
|
ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
|
Post by ginacivey on Apr 6, 2016 16:02:40 GMT
I will go one better! A mil who made the clothes! OMG my daughter barely weighed 6 pounds and was long skinny thing. She wore preemie stuff. She wore 2t to first grade. She was long and tiny. Mil made outfits that I could have stuck 6 of my daughter in that barely covered her knees. I think she got the clue when daughter never wore any of it. After that the kids just got money from her. and you couldn't recognize any of the love that she might have put into those clothes even if they didn't fit or weren't the right style? jeez...
|
|
|
Post by knit.pea on Apr 6, 2016 16:03:22 GMT
"the DIL should understand that the grandmother of her baby is trying to be loving, and she should be grown up enough not to crap all over that."
As a DIL, I have had a very hard time with this for the last 18 years.
MIL and FIL are very generous and would buy the boys things all the time, especially clothes. Very often the wrong sizes, and seemingly just to buy "something" for them. I know MIL felt bad being so many hours away from her grandkids, so she overcompensated. And I think she didn't have much growing up, so she wants to be generous.
So it ended up being me returning the wrong size clothes, and frankly I resented having to do that (the "oh, you can just exchange it for the right size"--yes, taking the kids with me to exchange things is so handy). Every visit, every holiday. Bottom line was she just plain wanted to buy them "something" ... anything.
What doesn't fit now gets donated.
|
|
|
Post by colleen on Apr 6, 2016 16:23:52 GMT
Wow I can't even imagine being that rude. I gladly accepted clothes from anyone. I'll admit that sometimes they got returned or on a rare occasion got donated with the tags still on. Just for the sake of discussion...why is being honest and saying you're not going to use a gift and would like to return it any different from either of the above options? Why is telling the giver rude? Why is keeping the end result from the gift giver any less rude? I will admit this is a hot button for me. If someone gives you a gift, I think you should shut up and accept it graciously. I have a sil who has returned every effing thing I've ever given her. I try really hard to get her something nice and it hurts my feelings. If you don't like it return it or give it away and don't tell me about it.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 1, 2024 11:38:19 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2016 16:46:44 GMT
I will go one better! A mil who made the clothes! OMG my daughter barely weighed 6 pounds and was long skinny thing. She wore preemie stuff. She wore 2t to first grade. She was long and tiny. Mil made outfits that I could have stuck 6 of my daughter in that barely covered her knees. I think she got the clue when daughter never wore any of it. After that the kids just got money from her. and you couldn't recognize any of the love that she might have put into those clothes even if they didn't fit or weren't the right style? jeez... If she had cared, she would have asked for measurements.
|
|
bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,620
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
|
Post by bethany102399 on Apr 6, 2016 17:15:57 GMT
Now that the grands are 12 and 7, she's thrilled when I buy them clothes. Mine are 10 and 7 and I love it when mom buys them clothes. Then again she won't go shopping without DD, something I suspect DD can thank me for as mom's taste in clothes tends to run buy classic and it will last for years. As DD is currently growing like a weed I see no reason to spend more money for classic as she'll outgrow it. OP, I'm not sure I even understand what happened beyond your DIL wants you to return the outfit. which is rude IMHO. You say thank you, take a photo of baby in the outfit and move on.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Apr 6, 2016 17:18:48 GMT
My MIL always gave us cash so we could get what we wanted.
I always included a gift receipt in the box so everyone was happy.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Apr 6, 2016 17:24:29 GMT
I will admit that I despised it when other people bought my babies clothes. I will admit that I cringed at every baby shower gift that was clothes. I was annoyed. (I actually only got 2 off the registry gifts like that though) I was VERY picky about baby clothes. I definitely had a certain taste/style and cared a lot about their clothes. However, it wasn't specific to my MIL. I hated it when my own mother bought clothes most of all. She has terrible taste. I liked most of the stuff I got. We had a store (think it was Gymboree) that had the brightest and most long wearing clothes. I loved those the most. I still buy my adult boys bright clothing. Other than that, I was just appreciative of the gift. I don't know if it is terrible taste or just a different taste.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 6, 2016 18:07:36 GMT
I can kind of see this one from both sides. It IS fun buying cute little baby clothes and as a mom it was (and still is) fun finding things I think my kid will look cute in. I probably wouldn't want someone else choosing the outfit for the Christmas card photo or for a family portrait though, those are personal things that I would want to choose myself. I can see where it would be fun for grandma (and others) to find similar joy in it and I wouldn't want to deprive them of it sometimes. My kid has no living grandmas anymore but other people have and do still buy her clothes from time to time which we graciously accept and thank them for. I have on occasion sold or gave away clothes that still had the tags hanging on them simply because they were the wrong season for when they would fit, or they were too small from the get-go, and without a gift receipt I couldn't exchange them for something that would fit. For that reason, as a giver I ALWAYS include a gift receipt no matter what the gift is, but especially clothing. If it isn't right for whatever reason, I would much rather have the mom or dad be able to exchange it for something more suitable or a different size instead of having to pass it on or sell it at garage sale prices and get no benefit from the gift. I also try to buy gifts for other people's kids from places where it will be easy for them to bring it back if they ever did have a need to. I think it is somewhat inconsiderate to buy something that may not work and then have it be a huge PITA to return it if it doesn't. My feelings don't get hurt if someone has to return something I give them, probably because if they ever did have to return something I have also provided them with the means to do so without ever having to tell me about it. My MIL was terrible about including gift receipts and would frequently give DH and me clothes that didn't fit. We would always end up dropping the whole bag of stuff off at Goodwill because we couldn't exchange or return any of it (bought mail order) and we didn't want to have to tell her that it didn't fit and wasn't going to work out. What a waste. MIL liked to knit too and when DD was born she made her two little baby sweaters. Unfortunately, they were roughly 2T in size and my 7 lb baby would have been swimming in them! By the time they might have fit DD (literally, when she was two), MIL had already passed away and it was summer so she never did get to see her wearing either one of them. A simple blanket would have been much more useful.
|
|