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Post by triplejscrapper on Jul 30, 2014 17:16:52 GMT
Here is where I stand. I think you have every right to say what you did. I am a big old girl and I have enough self confidence and self awareness to realize my body does not belong in a bikini. I didn't think your original post was malicious at all, I think it was an innocent observation. I think the attacks were unneccessary and a conversation could have been had without bashing you. That is why so many of us were lurkers before.
The pile on mentality is a lot of the reason I lurked so much at the pod and still continue to lurk. I've never understood the need for pile-ons. We all come from different experiences and walks of life.
There have been so many times I've wanted to come to the Peas and ask for advice or opinions but I just knew that I wouldn't phrase my post correctly and someone would be offended and find a reason to get all butt hurt over the way the post was written. It's really a shame because when we do have a great discussion that becomes a multi-pager WITHOUT some sort of pile-on it's a beautiful thing. I learn so much from posts like that.
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Post by miominmio on Jul 30, 2014 17:31:51 GMT
We all judge people sometimes. Don't feel bad about it.
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 20:30:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 17:43:04 GMT
You're a good refupea, OP.
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Post by alibama on Jul 30, 2014 17:43:47 GMT
Here is where I stand. I think you have every right to say what you did. I am a big old girl and I have enough self confidence and self awareness to realize my body does not belong in a bikini. I didn't think your original post was malicious at all, I think it was an innocent observation. I think the attacks were unneccessary and a conversation could have been had without bashing you. That is why so many of us were lurkers before.
The pile on mentality is a lot of the reason I lurked so much at the pod and still continue to lurk. I've never understood the need for pile-ons. We all come from different experiences and walks of life.
There have been so many times I've wanted to come to the Peas and ask for advice or opinions but I just knew that I wouldn't phrase my post correctly and someone would be offended and find a reason to get all butt hurt over the way the post was written. It's really a shame because when we do have a great discussion that becomes a multi-pager WITHOUT some sort of pile-on it's a beautiful thing. I learn so much from posts like that.
I think this is why a lot of people lurk and didn't post on the old board. It is funny how many people jumped on her for her post, automatically JUDGING her not stopping to think she probably didn't mean it they way it sounded.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jul 30, 2014 17:52:47 GMT
Meh your thread was really no different the many "people of walmart" threads that get posted. Lots of poking fun at people and no one seems to care then.
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,971
Location: NW PA
Jun 25, 2014 23:50:38 GMT
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Post by Judy26 on Jul 30, 2014 18:11:10 GMT
We have all had those moments where we did a double take at something someone was wearing. It's a natural reaction. I would never comment within hearing of the person, but I didn't understand the rush to pile on your comment. I didn't find what you said all that offensive. But if your thoughts brought about a discussion about positive self worth and confidence then all is well.
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Post by pmk on Jul 30, 2014 18:17:21 GMT
The pile on mentality is a lot of the reason I lurked so much at the pod and still continue to lurk. I've never understood the need for pile-ons. We all come from different experiences and walks of life.
There have been so many times I've wanted to come to the Peas and ask for advice or opinions but I just knew that I wouldn't phrase my post correctly and someone would be offended and find a reason to get all butt hurt over the way the post was written. It's really a shame because when we do have a great discussion that becomes a multi-pager WITHOUT some sort of pile-on it's a beautiful thing. I learn so much from posts like that.
I think this is why a lot of people lurk and didn't post on the old board. It is funny how many people jumped on her for her post, automatically JUDGING her not stopping to think she probably didn't mean it they way it sounded.
I absolutely agree - I'm always surprised by how things go wrong.
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Post by lovemybabes on Jul 30, 2014 18:29:40 GMT
Aww, I am pretty sure we have all judged someone just a little at some point. ((hugs)) My little one is Autistic, and sometimes I field off stares when she is dancing around. I have been there, absolutely. Then there are times that I have looked at someone and thought something unkind. Very cool of you to apologize.
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Post by Aheartfeltcard on Jul 30, 2014 18:38:21 GMT
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Post by penny on Jul 30, 2014 18:44:11 GMT
OP, totally forgiven and forgotten I'm heavy and sensitive to the issue but I've caught myself thinking those things before too... I'm not sure why it's an 'easy' mistake to make, but somehow (society? media? a mix of things), it is one that's common... For me, the more I feel like I own my body, the better I take care of it... I often wonder if being brave (which sounds horrible - in what world does wearing a bathing suit require bravery??), and wearing a bathing suit would somehow connect me to myself more... And how that would effect other aspects of my life... Anyways, all is forgiven from me - life's a learning experience Thank you for your apology
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Post by formerpea on Jul 30, 2014 18:47:38 GMT
I beleive you should get some kind of award or something in your siggie for being the first to get a pile on on the new board. Consider being honored!
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Post by peasapie on Jul 30, 2014 18:48:10 GMT
I had a thread where that happened once, too. Big pile on. I think many of us have been in that spot -- underneath the pile. I read your initial post and totally understood what you were saying. Big hugs to you and really, don't think too much about it, because no one else is.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 20:30:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 18:52:20 GMT
I think you are a nice person and it shows great character to come here and apologize...kudos to you
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Post by penny on Jul 30, 2014 18:52:29 GMT
not everything looks good on every person, that's just reality no matter what some peas try to pretend! I can only speak for myself, and I don't want to hijack, but... It wasn't about that different people look good in different things or that certain outfits look better on some people than others... Or at least for me that wasn't it... The part that bugged me and brought up bad memories was that just because I don't look the best, doesn't mean it's okay to make fun or belittle me... Judging the outfit is cool (ie. I hate that cut of bathing suit, I don't like mismatched bikinis), judging the person isn't (ie. she shouldn't be wearing a two piece, she looks horrible in her choice of mismatched bikini)... I'm not going to say more about the issue - I don't want to take away from the OP's post, or get into semantics - just wanted to explain for myself what about the first thread hurt, and to explain why the OP's apology means a lot to me <3
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Post by ladytrisha on Jul 30, 2014 18:56:50 GMT
As one who has been (and is still) judged about her size, I appreciate the apology.
Countered by, as others have said, I'm also one of those who stares at plus size thongs hanging at Lane Bryant and wonder WTH! I think it comes from acceptance, self-esteem and confidence more than anything to just say "yup, I like it, I'm wearing it" ... I lack that!
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Post by annabella on Jul 30, 2014 18:56:50 GMT
Don't worry about it.
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Post by vicloo on Jul 30, 2014 19:23:18 GMT
Last night at dinner I was sharing with my 30 year old dd about this topic and how I felt you were unfairly judged, and actually called names. There are going to be "judgments" made in every area of our lives. You have lived with those with your daughter, and I would expect most of us have dealt with them. I do not know a single perfect person who can live in this world and not have opinions of others.
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Post by alibama on Jul 30, 2014 19:50:32 GMT
Meh your thread was really no different the many "people of walmart" threads that get posted. Lots of poking fun at people and no one seems to care then.
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Post by Sam on Jul 30, 2014 19:52:38 GMT
Meh your thread was really no different the many "people of walmart" threads that get posted. Lots of poking fun at people and no one seems to care then. And where did I even learn about that site? Yup...........
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 20:30:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 19:52:50 GMT
I didn't read your other thread, but I'm impressed you've rethought your post and apologized. That is a hard thing to do, and it's always refreshing to see someone do the hard thing and strive to be nicer. Thank you.
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Jul 30, 2014 19:53:29 GMT
Carol, I've known you for years and you're a sweetheart. Don't let the others get you down. You didn't say anything horrible but you know that on this message board some people aren't happy unless they're offended by something
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by evnimom on Jul 30, 2014 20:01:06 GMT
thank you for your apology.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 30, 2014 20:26:14 GMT
Here is where I stand. I think you have every right to say what you did. I am a big old girl and I have enough self confidence and self awareness to realize my body does not belong in a bikini. I didn't think your original post was malicious at all, I think it was an innocent observation. I think the attacks were unneccessary and a conversation could have been had without bashing you. That is why so many of us were lurkers before. Well said! I agree completely.
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Post by ingrid6 on Jul 30, 2014 20:28:26 GMT
Here is where I stand. I think you have every right to say what you did. I am a big old girl and I have enough self confidence and self awareness to realize my body does not belong in a bikini. I didn't think your original post was malicious at all, I think it was an innocent observation. I think the attacks were unneccessary and a conversation could have been had without bashing you. That is why so many of us were lurkers before. Well said! I agree completely. and also agree
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jayfab
Drama Llama
procastinating
Posts: 5,591
Jun 26, 2014 21:55:15 GMT
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Post by jayfab on Jul 30, 2014 20:39:19 GMT
I read the other thread, and admit it hurt me. I think women should be lifting other women, not the opposite. That said THANK YOU for the apology. That was super of you!!!
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Post by mzza111 on Jul 30, 2014 20:43:00 GMT
Carol, I've known you for years and you're a sweetheart. Don't let the others get you down. You didn't say anything horrible but you know that on this message board some people aren't happy unless they're offended by something Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk I think pigs are about to fly out of my ass and hell is freezing over..I totally are with Lauren.
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Post by Native New Yorker on Jul 30, 2014 20:47:02 GMT
I know that you're a sweet person. I'm a bit heavier than I used to be but I still don't think just because something is made in one's size that one should wear it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 20:30:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 30, 2014 20:53:53 GMT
Caro, I don't look for people to insult me, and therefore I pretty much survive everyday life. So it never occurred to me that your observation would start a ruckus.
I'm glad some people are confident enough to wear ill-fitting, ugly clothes in public because ... well, if they have that kind of confidence, then they can handle my opinion that it's not attractive, huh? (Obviously, I'm one of those who can take criticism couched in almost any way you want to phrase it and roll with it.) And if they can't handle it, that's what society opinion is for -- to teach folks what they don't discern for themselves.
We have this notion that shame, discomfort, embarrassment, and other negative feelings don't belong in our society. In reality, they can be wonderful ways to stop, turn around and motivate ourselves to something better.
Julie
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Post by melanell on Jul 30, 2014 21:22:14 GMT
I appreciate your apology very much and am glad that you were able to empathize with others in that way. I'm very sorry that people made you feel uncomfortable when you were out with your daughter. No one should be made to feel bad while out innocently trying to enjoy time with their family.
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Post by molove on Jul 30, 2014 22:01:30 GMT
Hold the phone.
Really? Sorry because SHE was made to feel uncomfortable by having to view something "offensive" or "funny" to her? Did you miss the entire point of the pile on? She said some crappy stuff. She's also a very nice person (lots of people have said that). She maybe shouldn't have said it here. People rioted. She retracted. Then apologized. And all of a sudden now SHE's a victim?
Just when you think you've seen it all.....damn.
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