I feel the depression creeping back in...

Thanks zella and threecs. I haven't tried anything for MS other than seroquel, trileptal, and another somethingleptal. The neurologists at Duke wouldn't do anything, and with dh needing to get his stuff sorted and it being difficult to get time off just for his appointments, it's been back burner. My mom says she'll be happy to do stuff like take me to appointments, but then she makes excuses--she also doesn't like driving to Durham (Duke) or Chapel Hill (UNC) so I'm kinda stuck. It doesn't make sense to start treatment here when I'm about to move--which is why I haven't switched pain doctors. 

Threecs, thanks for the info about the Massachusett psych hospital. I'm doing really well on my meds--thankfully my depression does respond to meds. 

I just have issues with treating the pain with neuro meds like cymbalta, gabapentin, and lyrica. The cymbalta raised my liver enzymes--not good with my pancreatitis. Savella caused an emergency with my heart arrythmia--my great pcp in Chicago had to get a radiologist to do special CT scans on the weekend because the EKGs were showing possible heart damage--and he needed to decide if I needed to be transferred to a big Chicago hospital. Thankfully there was no lasting damage. I did feel horrible. The nurses felt so bad that they were "snowing" me (figured that out later) They were giving me extra pain meds because my pain was making my heart rate go so high I was in danger of a heart attack. 

The gabapentin and lyrica cause severe muscle spasms--I would be relaxing on my sofa, and my leg would spasm so strongly, my laptop would go flying. I had to have two nerve tests at Duke because I couldn't stay still--they wouldn't sedate me. The doctor acted like I was doing it on purpose. 

All this makes me feel worse--I feel like doctors don't believe me. People ask all sorts of questions and act like they care--but they just want to feel better about themselves or have morbid curiosity. Oh, and the people at churches would do stuff for me when the church would ask for help--so everyone knew that they were "helping". That year I was in the hospital 15 times with acute pancreatitis, dh and the nurses (they were on the pediatric floor and volunteered to treat me everytime) got together and only allowed people that dh and I listed because so many people would come and hang out and not leave even when I felt horribly. I've had the family of roommates that were strangers kick "visitors" and even chaplains out when I was too weak to stand up to them. It should be common sense that when the patient is vomiting they don't want visitors. 

The important thing to glean from my experiences is that there *are* people that care. That want you to feel as good as you can. Even people you don't know will be there for you--when you think that nobody cares, people will come along and give you hope again. I believe God works in mysterious ways and sends people to help you when you're at the end of your rope. That's why I share my experiences--when I was first on the internet to do something to pass the time (and my neurologists/physical therapists said that typing would help my fine motor skills after my stroke) I thought I was a medical freak and nobody understood what is was like--then I found others who were going through the same things. We were able to help each other--it really helps to find somebody that can understand.