Divorced (with kids), friends with Ex & 'situation' question

Go, but don't go together. It can be done.

It is a hard situation. But think of it as this, if this couple did not know that you two were divorced and they see how you get along together, imagine how they may think about your situation when they do know you are divorced.
I think it says a lot about how you feel about your kids' well being other than what you two are feeling. I know you said that the previous years were not good and now you are at a place that is good, it shows growth and maturity on both parts.

If the get together happens and you want to go, go. Enjoy it! No one says you have to stick by his side the whole time.
I think it is great that you can get along. You have to go through the grieving process, the first years you were hurt and mad and glad to be rid of him. Now you need to grieve for what might have been IF only...take that time to do that.

I would go for it and enjoy the get together. 

My daughter was the luckiest kid when she was growing up because she had 4 parents.   her dad and I were never really "together" as a couple. 

When daughter was about 8 months old her dad met Sally at a party we both went to. At first Sally wouldn't have anything to do with him because she thought we were together. then I explained to her that we were not together and we were just friends and parents to daughter. That made Sally ok with dating daughters dad. 

Sally moved in with daughters dad when daughter was  18 months old.  Sally has 2 kids (adults now)  So daughter had a family with 2 step siblings.  when she was at her dads. Sally was her other mom. 

Sally and I became friends.  

Then when daughter was almost 3 I got together with the rat bastard and we had a great 20 years together. 

When daughter was in first grade all of us went camping together. It was so much fun we did it again and again. always went to the same park.

We did other things together as well.  Daughter's dad and I are still friends today.  

It is always better for everybody involved if you can be friendly.  the kids are so much better when the parents don't find. 


I have never understood it when people say I split with my ex because all we did was fight and then they spend years fighting over the divorce and the kids and everything else.   I just don't understand how  people can do that. 


My ex with my other 2 kids pulled a shitty on me and kept the kids away from me for most of their lives because he didn't think I was a good person. He did that because he didn't want me to have the kids. basically he was keeping them from me because he was an ass hole. Now my oldest is 27 and we have never really had a relationship. She doesn't speak to her father or her brother. My son has so many issues that he is just now starting to get his life together at 25.  my youngest keeps telling me that if I raised the 2 I didn't raise then they wouldn't have so many problems and that they would gave been raised by the better parent. She has seen through the years what the bitter fighting has done to her siblings.  She says it was not fair to them. 


After all these years and many years of not speaking to the ex we can say we are on friendly terms but when ever he brings up my 2 oldest kids childhood and anything that happened during their childhood that was related to him not allowing me contact with them I leave.  I was at his house a few days after we moved up here because I wanted to know where my daughter was. We had a great visit. Heck he gave me some smoked salmon because he knew I would like it. It was really good.  So the guy remembers what I like. But after about 30 minutes of a nice visit he brought up something about their childhood and the fact that my daughter had to grow up too fast because she was the mom of the family. I told him to stop and I wasn't going to have that conversation and I was leaving and I walked to the door opened it and walked out.  He had to help me down his wood steps because it had been raining and they were wet and because of my back I wasn't going to trust them steps.  

But he knew I wasn't going to have that conversation with him. I told him I wasn't going to have that conversation with him. now or never. We are finally on friendly terms after all these years of HELL I am not going back there. 


 

I get along extremely well with my ex. I had kids in a lot of different activities. I would not do it.

I'm not saying not to get together for kids' stuff, like end-of-the-season bashes, etc; those are fine. Do not be bullied into getting together for a couples thing. If you want to and think you'd like it, that is fine. People wanted to do that with my ex and me because we got along so well, but it wasn't the right thing for me. I'm sure I missed out on some things, but I am also sure it's not a big deal. Wasn't a big deal. FWIW, my ex thought it was a great idea, too!

As someone whose parents divorced many moons ago, whether you know it or not your ability to get along with your ex is one of the best gifts you could ever give your kids.

My parents have been divorced for 40 years, each remarried for 30-plus years and they still bicker in front of everyone at events. I would love to be able to invite them to parties, holidays and events but their behavior is just too unpredictable (not to mention embarrasssing).