freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927 
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Post by freebird on Apr 20, 2016 16:30:28 GMT
I'm kind of irritated at my sister right now. Our niece (we'll call her Mary - my brother's youngest) graduates from high school next month and is having her party on a Saturday. My sister's daughter (we'll call her Becky) is turning 3 years old that day. My sister asked me the other day when Mary's graduation party was. I told her that date and said I couldn't go because I had a wedding booked for that day (for a very long time!) Then last night, I get a birthday party invite on FB for Becky the same day! WTH?
IMO, the graduation should trump the birthday party by 10. Mary lives about 3-4 hours away and I would have driven it if I was available. The birthday party could have very easily been the next day.
I don't know why my sister would have done that on purpose. I'm sure that Mary will be VERY hurt considering that her older sister got REALLY mad a few years back when her graduation and my son's graduation were on the same day and because they are so far away, most people came to my son's. The older sister is adopted and she thinks (to this day) that we don't think of her as our "real" niece, but that's not true at all.
To make matters more difficult my sister was super upset when none of her siblings (there are 5 of us) came to Becky's first birthday. Thing is, she had it on Memorial weekend. I get 2 chances a year for a vacation and I took it. I did make it to Becky's 2nd birthday and the younger one's first birthday. Both weren't much fun. One we had to sit in the garage and the other one we got to be inside (winter) but my BIL's family is so strange, they just sit around and scowl at everyone.
Do you all agree that the graduation should have taken priority?
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Apr 20, 2016 16:34:02 GMT
Absolutely. The birthday party is for a 3 year-old who won't even care what date the party is.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 20, 2016 16:46:44 GMT
Each family does their thing. No need to buy into other's drama. You accept the invites you want/can attend and decline those you can't. Don't make excuses. If they are upset, that's on them. You only get sucked in if you allow yourself to.
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Post by marzbar71 on Apr 20, 2016 16:48:27 GMT
I don't think either one "trumps" the other - they're both important to the people involved.
BUT - the fact that your sister set that date after she knew the grad party date says she's asking for drama. Don't engage.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Apr 20, 2016 16:49:59 GMT
Each family does their thing. No need to buy into other's drama. You accept the invites you want/can attend and decline those you can't. Don't make excuses. If they are upset, that's on them. You only get sucked in if you allow yourself to. I'm not sucked in to this one because I've been obligated to a wedding that day for a long time. I just feel really bad for my niece. I feel like it's totally insulting to her. So I think I'm just being protective of her feelings. |
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Apr 20, 2016 16:50:32 GMT
I don't think either one "trumps" the other - they're both important to the people involved. BUT - the fact that your sister set that date after she knew the grad party date says she's asking for drama. Don't engage. So don't say anything to my sister? |
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 20, 2016 16:52:40 GMT
No don't say anything to your sister. It's not your monkey nor your circus.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 20, 2016 16:57:36 GMT
We have lots of invites for things in May. There are plenty of weddings, birthdays and graduations for us. We will go to the first thing we are invited to. In my head, wedding trumps graduation, graduation trumps birthday. Thankfully invitations for those activities are usually sent out in that order, so it isn't so difficult. It does change a bit if it is family though. I think the person who wanted the birthday party the same day as graduation is looking for drama or she just wants what she wants and that is how some people are. She might also be looking for a good excuse not to go to the graduation. It happens.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 20, 2016 17:07:11 GMT
I think that once your sister knew the date of the grad party, she should have stayed away from that weekend altogether. However, it was her choice to be a douchewaffle, so when no one goes to "becky's" party because the graduation is far more important, she will see the results of that. As for you, I would just decline both invites and stay out of it otherwise. You can't control other people's need to create drama!
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Post by cmhs on Apr 20, 2016 17:48:52 GMT
Yes, graduation trumps birthday party, imo.
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Post by bianca42 on Apr 20, 2016 17:57:24 GMT
I think it's pretty rude to schedule the b-day party knowing it was the same date as the grad party, but I wouldn't say anything.
My cousin got married over the summer at my aunt's house (cousin's aunt too). My aunt's son and daughter in law planning their child's birthday party at the same time. So their kid's grandma couldn't come to the birthday party because she was hosting her nephew's wedding at the same time. It just seemed very bizarre to me.
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,016
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Apr 20, 2016 18:47:58 GMT
If the birthday party was scheduled that same day on purpose, then that's pretty messed up.
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Post by marzbar71 on Apr 20, 2016 19:20:29 GMT
So don't say anything to my sister? Yep - you're not going to either event, so you have no dog in this hunt. |
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Apr 20, 2016 19:29:35 GMT
Graduation does trump a birthday party IMO.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 20, 2016 19:33:37 GMT
Well I find it a bit odd that your sister had to ask you when the graduation party is - we're talking May here. If the graduation invites aren't out by now, they're way behind the curve - at least around here. Everyone knows May is a total disaster - we've been fully booked on Saturdays in May for weeks. Maybe she figured she wasn't invited. Maybe she prefers your brother's family isn't there. Maybe it's the only weekend that works for her family and she figures whoever will come will come.
ETA - I guess I didn't answer the question - I do agree that as an extended family member, if I received both invites, I would attend the graduation.
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Post by krazykatlady on Apr 20, 2016 19:53:00 GMT
I think your sister is probably hoping people will pick the birthday party which will make her feel loved. Unfortunately I think she's going to end up angry and hurt instead. I agree she's out of line but you shouldn't say anything unless she brings it up. And, be thankful you don't have to pick between the two!
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 20, 2016 20:16:09 GMT
Well I find it a bit odd that your sister had to ask you when the graduation party is - we're talking May here. If the graduation invites aren't out by now, they're way behind the curve - at least around here. Everyone knows May is a total disaster - we've been fully booked on Saturdays in May for weeks. Maybe she figured she wasn't invited. Maybe she prefers your brother's family isn't there. Maybe it's the only weekend that works for her family and she figures whoever will come will come. ETA - I guess I didn't answer the question - I do agree that as an extended family member, if I received both invites, I would attend the graduation. Ours just started arriving this week. Graduation for most is in a month. The schools don't even pass out the invites until mid April. I guess everyone does it differently. |
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Post by utmr on Apr 20, 2016 20:21:50 GMT
Personally, I'd pick the one that worked better for my family and go on. Are they both three hours away? In that case I'd send a card and be done. If not, I'd pick the nearby one.
Is it a graduation party? Or the actual "sit in the stadium and watch 899 kids we don't know and one we do know cross the stage"? Because no way am I attending that for anyone I didn't give birth to.
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Post by refugeepea on Apr 20, 2016 20:25:29 GMT
Ugh. I'm not a fan of kids birthday parties. I know every family is different, but why can't it just be a thing for mom, dad, kid's friends, and grandparents only? Even grandparents should be able to opt out. I'd go to the graduation.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 20, 2016 20:27:28 GMT
You couldn't pay me to get in the middle of that one. Seriously, I can't believe your sister did that. You are lucky you have an excuse to miss both events.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Apr 20, 2016 20:41:27 GMT
So don't say anything to my sister? Yep - you're not going to either event, so you have no dog in this hunt. Yea, I wouldn't get in the middle of it either if I wasn't going. I have two sisters that bicker and fight all the time. I'm the peacekeeper, but I don't get involved unless or until I have to. |
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Post by fotos4u2 on Apr 20, 2016 20:56:12 GMT
I do think that a graduation should trump a birthday party, but from the sounds of it this isn't the graduation but the graduation party? Those are a little more equal. I do think it's sucky of your sister if she specifically picked the same date, but to be a devil's advocate maybe she had already picked that date and had heard from someone that the graduation party was that day and wanted to confirm?
I will say that we missed my uncle's wedding for my daughter's birthday party. While normally wedding would trump birthday party, we had already sent out of the invites and paid the non-refundable deposit by the time we found out the date of the wedding so couldn't change it. So obviously sometimes these things happen. My uncle was disappointed but didn't hold it against me and we still have a good relationship (he's not even married anymore lol).
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,080
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Post by used2scrap on Apr 20, 2016 21:25:44 GMT
I don't think either one "trumps" the other - they're both important to the people involved. BUT - the fact that your sister set that date after she knew the grad party date says she's asking for drama. Don't engage. So don't say anything to my sister? How do you say something if you aren't going to either??? I'd stay waaaayyyy out of it! |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 21, 2016 1:55:08 GMT
Ugh. I'm not a fan of kids birthday parties. I know every family is different, but why can't it just be a thing for mom, dad, kid's friends, and grandparents only? Even grandparents should be able to opt out. I'd go to the graduation. I thought that too, and last year people were upset with me for *not* inviting them to DD's birthday party.  Guess you can't win no matter what you do. I do agree it's pretty lousy to intentionally host a second family event on the same day after you've been told something pretty big has already been planned for that day. But as others have said, since you are already committed elsewhere for that day and can't go to either event it doesn't make sense to rock the boat even more by saying something to anyone. Send a nice card and/or a gift to each kid (if you like) and call it good. |
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Post by freecharlie on Apr 21, 2016 2:13:59 GMT
BUT - the fact that your sister set that date after she knew the grad party date says she's asking for drama. I think your sister is being assholian by scheduling the party on graduation. I would go to the graduation party (if you didn't have the wedding to shoot) |
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Post by pierkiss on Apr 21, 2016 3:41:17 GMT
Why arent your sister and her family going to the graduation? We're they not invited? I think it's majorly fed up to plan a family Bday party for the same time and day as another family members graduation. Who does that???
I would just tell my sister that I have a wedding that day and won't be able to come. The end.
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Apr 21, 2016 3:59:55 GMT
Absolutely. The birthday party is for a 3 year-old who won't even care what date the party is. This!  A high school graduation is a once in a life time event. A birthday party can be scheduled to be a week earlier or a week later without causing too much trouble. |
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Guess you can't win no matter what you do.
