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Post by emelle64 on Jul 31, 2014 11:11:16 GMT
Just yesterday my friend and I were talking about a trip we're planning to Chicago in the fall. It's 12 hours each way and she will be taking her car and doing all the driving. I told her yesterday that the only way I'd go is if I paid for all the gas. I hate driving and she doesn't want to be in the car unless she is driving so she says she's fine with doing all the driving. I'm still not convinced it's totally fair and if we stop at a hotel on the way there I'll offer to pay for that too.
I'm very sorry you're feeling used. It's hard what that happens between friends.
Emelle
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Post by littlemama on Jul 31, 2014 11:31:53 GMT
If you are using your car every time, she should be paying for the gas every time. She should be paying for her own meals and half of the hosts' meals when you take them out. Something must have changed this last time, but she should have been upfront about it, not left you with additional unexpected expense.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253 
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Post by mallie on Jul 31, 2014 11:40:11 GMT
When it comes to money and relationships, I believe the best policy is to be clear and matter of fact about it. Don't pussyfoot around, use passive or abstract language, or end sentences in a question.
State. "Lucy, if we're going on this trip, you must pay half the gas money. I estimate that the gas will cost about $80, but it could be more. Will you pay for your half of the gas by buying the first tank of gas when I pick you up?" That way, if she doesn't pay, you can turn around and take her home.
Tell her also that she must pay for her meals. And ask for separate checks in restaurants to make that clear.
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Aug 1, 2014 1:12:54 GMT
How is the friendship otherwise? Does she drive to local events, does she pick up a meal now and then, etc., or are you left feeling used by all your interactions with her?
Honestly, I think I'd be irritated, too, and would either tell her that it's time for her to drive or find her own way to these events. I also would not be picking up the tab for her - it might be awkward, but I'd start asking for separate checks when we go out. I, too, had a "friend" like this and it was amazing how quickly the "friendship" tapered off when I wasn't willing to be the only one footing the bill and doing the legwork.
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