Post by MorellisCupcake on Apr 22, 2016 14:41:20 GMT
I don't necessarily air all my business online but I'm really getting desperate and not sure how to proceed with this. The whole thing is in Canada, not the U.S., just to be clear off the top.
My father-in-law is going to be 83 this summer. He lives in a very nice assisted living place in Ontario - he has his own 1 bedroom apartment, and they provide all meals, laundry, bus service to events/shopping, nursing care, meds, etc. It's not cheap, but he can afford it very comfortably. Without tossing out numbers, he has enough to live there for 34 years without running out.
My brother-in-law, who lives in Alberta, is his POA. He has the brilliant idea to move his dad OUT of the place above, and into a 55 plus condo that FIL will pay cash for. This condo also happens to be 5 minutes from BIL's house, and just FYI BIL is 59 years old. I'm very suspicious of the whole thing.
FIL is in no condition for this. He has dementia. Examples?
He didn't recognize DH and was talking to him like he was his brother.
He forgets he ate during the day and calls us every night to tell us he hasn't eaten all day. (He does - we were just visiting him and DH spent entire days with him, watching what went on, and he would forget what he had done.)
He relies very heavily on a neighbor and good friend of 40 years, who has to open his mail and read it to him so he understands. Neighbor takes him to appts and has been just a godsend in all this. The other day, FIL called him all agitated, that he had to go to the bank and get money. Neighbor went to see him and FIL is insisting he has no cash, and opens wallet to show neighbor. Neighbor looks, and pulls out $600 that FIL didn't even see.
He has lost his licence and we took his keys away because he still insists he can drive. No way.
BIL, who I have never really liked (just a qualifier).. thinks that when FIL moves near him, he'll be magically better and can drive himself all over the place. His plan is, stick dad in the 55 plus, and BIL and his wife will bring him meals, and help him out (and get paid for it!!!!) The condo will cost 3/4 of FIL's money and leave him in a very bad place, without the cash flow to help him if he needs more care or has another stroke. BIL refuses to listen to DH, their sister, the neighbor, the family MD who has known FIL for 30 years.. he's thinks everyone is full of shit and he's going to "take care of dad". He won't be able to handle him.
So far, he has done jack shit as POA. He helped FIL sell his house (where is the money? no one seems to know). He doesn't handle his bills, he never visits him now, he doesn't talk to him but once a week if that, and when he does, he manipulates him and ends up telling everyone else, "Dad said.." Well, Dad will say what anyone can talk him into, and he should be left out of the business side of his life now so he can be at peace. Not manipulated for someone's agenda.
What can we do to stop him? I know as POA he has the right to do what he wants, but this will kill FIL. He won't have any social aspect to his life (he's elderly, uses a walker, and speaks only broken English.) BIL will see him maybe 1x/week and his wife will bring meals, but I'm already betting it will be several at once, that FIL will forget to eat.
FIL calls DH five times a day every day. We're both so frustrated and angry about this and want to make sure that FIL is taken care of as best we can. Money is only there to take care of him, period. I know BIL is supposed to keep a full accounting but that isn't happening.
What can we do?
I called the Office of the Public Guardian and Trustee in Ontario and can't get a person. DH would be a better POA, but FIL isn't mentally competent enough to get that signed. We can manipulate him like BIL does but that is.. I don't even know the word.
My father-in-law is going to be 83 this summer. He lives in a very nice assisted living place in Ontario - he has his own 1 bedroom apartment, and they provide all meals, laundry, bus service to events/shopping, nursing care, meds, etc. It's not cheap, but he can afford it very comfortably. Without tossing out numbers, he has enough to live there for 34 years without running out.
My brother-in-law, who lives in Alberta, is his POA. He has the brilliant idea to move his dad OUT of the place above, and into a 55 plus condo that FIL will pay cash for. This condo also happens to be 5 minutes from BIL's house, and just FYI BIL is 59 years old. I'm very suspicious of the whole thing.
FIL is in no condition for this. He has dementia. Examples?
He didn't recognize DH and was talking to him like he was his brother.
He forgets he ate during the day and calls us every night to tell us he hasn't eaten all day. (He does - we were just visiting him and DH spent entire days with him, watching what went on, and he would forget what he had done.)
He relies very heavily on a neighbor and good friend of 40 years, who has to open his mail and read it to him so he understands. Neighbor takes him to appts and has been just a godsend in all this. The other day, FIL called him all agitated, that he had to go to the bank and get money. Neighbor went to see him and FIL is insisting he has no cash, and opens wallet to show neighbor. Neighbor looks, and pulls out $600 that FIL didn't even see.
He has lost his licence and we took his keys away because he still insists he can drive. No way.
BIL, who I have never really liked (just a qualifier).. thinks that when FIL moves near him, he'll be magically better and can drive himself all over the place. His plan is, stick dad in the 55 plus, and BIL and his wife will bring him meals, and help him out (and get paid for it!!!!) The condo will cost 3/4 of FIL's money and leave him in a very bad place, without the cash flow to help him if he needs more care or has another stroke. BIL refuses to listen to DH, their sister, the neighbor, the family MD who has known FIL for 30 years.. he's thinks everyone is full of shit and he's going to "take care of dad". He won't be able to handle him.
So far, he has done jack shit as POA. He helped FIL sell his house (where is the money? no one seems to know). He doesn't handle his bills, he never visits him now, he doesn't talk to him but once a week if that, and when he does, he manipulates him and ends up telling everyone else, "Dad said.." Well, Dad will say what anyone can talk him into, and he should be left out of the business side of his life now so he can be at peace. Not manipulated for someone's agenda.
What can we do to stop him? I know as POA he has the right to do what he wants, but this will kill FIL. He won't have any social aspect to his life (he's elderly, uses a walker, and speaks only broken English.) BIL will see him maybe 1x/week and his wife will bring meals, but I'm already betting it will be several at once, that FIL will forget to eat.
FIL calls DH five times a day every day. We're both so frustrated and angry about this and want to make sure that FIL is taken care of as best we can. Money is only there to take care of him, period. I know BIL is supposed to keep a full accounting but that isn't happening.
What can we do?
I called the Office of the Public Guardian and Trustee in Ontario and can't get a person. DH would be a better POA, but FIL isn't mentally competent enough to get that signed. We can manipulate him like BIL does but that is.. I don't even know the word.
