FYI when you walk around like...

fuck that.

If you are that unhappy, then it's time to change and start confiding in someone you trust, be it a relative, friend and/or professional.

I can relate. I kind of wish I had been more open earlier so that when I did have serious problems, it wasn't a surprise to everyone. When I finally had something I really needed to tell people, it was like it came out of the blue. To make it worse, the first time I told someone, I blurted it out in a totally unexpected way (someone asked a simple, innocent question and I burst into tears).

So, I would encourage you to talk to someone. It will give you what sounds like a much needed outlet, and it might help you come to grips with your own feelings about your situation.

I think many people, especially men, adopt the "don't let 'em see you sweat" approach & believe discussing your problems is a sign of weakness. IMHO it's unhealthy, & people often isolate themselves from others for fear of revealing the truth or shattering their image. Everyone has ups & downs in his or her life; no one is immune. Not acknowledging them does not mean they don't exist, while seeking advice from others allows you to learn from their experiences & find solutions.


Best wishes on resolving your current issues & finding peace & happiness.

Does anyone ever really believe that any living breathing person actually has it all together and has no muck and mess in their lives?

You'll feel a lot better when you stop being so worried about what everyone else thinks about you and your marriage.

Get some wise counsel and be honest.

I can tell you from watching my ex-SIL's marriage implode, it does no good at all to put on the show. We watched them do it for years - we KNEW there were problems (though none of us knew just how bad until years after the divorce) - but they were always the perfect family show where everything was lovely, with expensive vacations, and all the excessiveness that went with it and the family photos to show they were perfect.

And then they weren't.

They didn't bother with therapy; and with our family being the polar opposite said "yup, we've done therapy, our kid went to therapy" I have a lifetime of issues with food being the comfort while inside I was dying - putting on a show for some other person just wasn't in me - sometimes we live in chaos, sometimes I'm barely hanging on, and sometimes life is just okay - and that is good (even with my crazy MIL situation).

Don't live a lie. You need to identify the life that you want, not your husband, not your family, not your friends. Because one day you'll be old, or you'll be ill, and you will have so many regrets that you didn't make changes sooner. And while it's never too late to make them, ask yourself - what are the benefits of procrastination? Find someone to talk to who can help you find who you are and what you want, and will help you make the changes you need.

And come here anytime - there's always someone who can identify with what you're going through, and there will always be a whole squad cheering you on.

Breaking dishes is very cathartic!

I have a couple close friends that I share things with and it always helps. When I have to vent, I talk to them and realize they have the same issues! I wish my husband had more close friends that he could confide it. I always think that when you have someone you can talk to, you realize that things may not be as bad as you think, and that others have gone through something too and could offer advice.

More {{hugs}}. A journey starts with a single step. You shared here. If it made you feel better share more.

I have a friend who puts on the perfect facade while her life is far from perfect. It is very isolating because those of us who wear our imperfections on our sleeves don't share our warts and all with perfect people.

Ehh... People mostly see what they want to see. Generally what they want to see is what makes them happy or their lives easier/better. So unless the person is the sadistic type that seeing the tears behind the smile would make them happy, most people are perfectly content to not see other people's struggles. 

That's especially true if you're the person who has gone around with the smile, being optimistic, etc. When you try to express your struggles, most people turn away because you're not giving them what they want any more.

Hence, why a therapist is probably best. 

My in-laws were like that and I swear it had a big part to do with FIL early passing last year.  He was MISERABLE in the marriage and she was oblivious.   But to everyone else, it was a marriage made in heaven.  Uh no.