raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Apr 30, 2016 1:29:46 GMT
My sister-in-law announced they won't be making it to my graduation party that we gave a months notice for, because her 5yo has a ball game and a pizza party that day.
Now look, I get it. I have kids. Those are fun things.
But I can promise you that my kids would not miss something as major as this. I didn't make them feel obligated to come see me walk (even though I sat through her graduation, I gave them the option), and i'm sure to have a blast with friends and family and I"m not really that worried about the actuality of them showing up.
But the principal of the thing really, really irks me.
T-ball and cheap pizza with the local rec team is not more important than a major family event. It's not.
If she was the star pitcher at the college level in some major tourney...ok. Prom and I want my party at nigh? Sure.
1pm with a catered lunch and your kid is 5? You just suck.
Just venting. I don't even know why. It bugged me and I guess I need to get it off my chest.
I don't even need validated. I can see both sides. (I disagree with her side, but I can see it).
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 30, 2016 1:34:42 GMT
Sorry that this is happening. I validate your feelings.
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jayfab
Drama Llama
procastinating
Posts: 5,589
Jun 26, 2014 21:55:15 GMT
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Post by jayfab on Apr 30, 2016 1:35:00 GMT
That stinks. There will be many more t-ball games but not graduations. I would be ticked too. Sorry, your sil is inconsiderate.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 30, 2016 1:36:02 GMT
I'll validate you. It's pretty lousy that they're missing this once in a lifetime event for you in favor of something that will probably be repeated a hundred times in her kid's lifetime and that he/she won't even remember next month. I hope you have a wonderful time with the people who DO make the effort to attend and celebrate you. Congratulations!
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Post by lucyg on Apr 30, 2016 1:36:34 GMT
So am I allowed to respond with an opinion? Never mind, you know I will anyway. Disclaimer, I'm one of those who said graduation-schmaduation in the other thread. I know it's a big deal to you, but to her, it's probably about equivalent to her kid's team party. Don't worry about her. You will have a fantastic time with the people who do show up. Congratulations!
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Apr 30, 2016 1:38:50 GMT
That stinks. There will be many more t-ball games but not graduations. I would be ticked too. Sorry, your sil is inconsiderate. You know, they blew off my bachelor's entirely. But this is my Master's and we live out of state and are traveling back for just 2 days. You are right. Dammit. It IS once in a lifetime and a chance to see cousins, and spend time with us. It really makes me not very interested in working around schedules for the upcoming holidays. And I can guarantee they will never visit us, we will only ever see them if we travel there.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Apr 30, 2016 1:40:33 GMT
So am I allowed to respond with an opinion? Never mind, you know I will anyway. Disclaimer, I'm one of those who said graduation-schmaduation in the other thread. I know it's a big deal to you, but to her, it's probably about equivalent to her kid's team party. Don't worry about her. You will have a fantastic time with the people who do show up. Congratulations! I agree. I don't expect them to come see me walk, or even care. It just miffs me that I mean so little to them that this stupid thing is what takes precedence. It feels so mean. Like a big F you. Even though they don't owe me, nor do I want them there, since clearly it wouldn't be by choice. Though I can assure you that if this were in reverse i would never hear the end of it.
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Post by lucyg on Apr 30, 2016 1:42:38 GMT
That stinks. There will be many more t-ball games but not graduations. I would be ticked too. Sorry, your sil is inconsiderate. You know, they blew off my bachelor's entirely. But this is my Master's and we live out of state and are traveling back for just 2 days. You are right. Dammit. It IS once in a lifetime and a chance to see cousins, and spend time with us. It really makes me not very interested in working around schedules for the upcoming holidays. And I can guarantee they will never visit us, we will only ever see them if we travel there. That changes things for me. I didn't realize you were traveling and wouldn't get another chance to see them.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 30, 2016 1:48:29 GMT
So am I allowed to respond with an opinion? Never mind, you know I will anyway. Don't worry about her. You will have a fantastic time with the people who do show up. Congratulations! I agree. I don't expect them to come see me walk, or even care. It just miffs me that I mean so little to them that this stupid thing is what takes precedence. It feels so mean. Like a big F you. Even though they don't owe me, nor do I want them there, since clearly it wouldn't be by choice. Though I can assure you that if this were in reverse i would never hear the end of it. And you probably know that since YOU are the one who moved away, you will never ever be taken into consideration wnen there will be family events. been there, done that.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Apr 30, 2016 1:53:19 GMT
I agree. I don't expect them to come see me walk, or even care. It just miffs me that I mean so little to them that this stupid thing is what takes precedence. It feels so mean. Like a big F you. Even though they don't owe me, nor do I want them there, since clearly it wouldn't be by choice. Though I can assure you that if this were in reverse i would never hear the end of it. And you probably know that since YOU are the one who moved away, you will never ever be taken into consideration wnen there will be family events. been there, done that. I've lived this before as well. And have had the "you can afford it better than us" card played as well. So awesome. But expected. I actually don't even mind, since if we travel it's a chance to see everyone vs if they travel it's just one group of family. But yeah. It's still pretty lame.
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scrapbug
Full Member
Posts: 343
Jun 26, 2014 0:11:46 GMT
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Post by scrapbug on Apr 30, 2016 1:54:38 GMT
I agree with you. People suck and have stupid priorities sometimes.
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Post by mlynn on Apr 30, 2016 1:54:46 GMT
If I were that parent, I would have the kid play in the game, but the party would be a no go. We would go from the game to your party.
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Apr 30, 2016 1:54:52 GMT
You know, they blew off my bachelor's entirely. But this is my Master's and we live out of state and are traveling back for just 2 days. You are right. Dammit. It IS once in a lifetime and a chance to see cousins, and spend time with us. It really makes me not very interested in working around schedules for the upcoming holidays. And I can guarantee they will never visit us, we will only ever see them if we travel there. That changes things for me. I didn't realize you were traveling and wouldn't get another chance to see them. Yeah. I didn't mean to leave it out. I hate when people do that later in the thread. Sorry. :/
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Post by anniefb on Apr 30, 2016 1:56:23 GMT
I'll validate you. It's pretty lousy that they're missing this once in a lifetime event for you in favor of something that will probably be repeated a hundred times in her kid's lifetime and that he/she won't even remember next month. I hope you have a wonderful time with the people who DO make the effort to attend and celebrate you. Congratulations!
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Apr 30, 2016 2:13:52 GMT
When you added that you were traveling in, that does make some difference, but I have finally realized that we can't dictate the importance of our activities to other family members. I would have hoped that your short visit would warrant some family time.
I'm really sorry that you feel blown off for a tee ball party.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 6:27:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2016 2:19:04 GMT
I'll validate you. It's pretty lousy that they're missing this once in a lifetime event for you in favor of something that will probably be repeated a hundred times in her kid's lifetime and that he/she won't even remember next month. I hope you have a wonderful time with the people who DO make the effort to attend and celebrate you. Congratulations!
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 30, 2016 2:23:43 GMT
That stinks. There will be many more t-ball games but not graduations. I would be ticked too. Sorry, your sil is inconsiderate. You know, they blew off my bachelor's entirely. But this is my Master's and we live out of state and are traveling back for just 2 days. You are right. Dammit. It IS once in a lifetime and a chance to see cousins, and spend time with us. It really makes me not very interested in working around schedules for the upcoming holidays. And I can guarantee they will never visit us, we will only ever see them if we travel there. These extra details do change everything for me big time. We live far from family and are thankful everyone on my side makes it a priority to get together when we are in town. One of DH's siblings we haven't seen in years because she always blows off events at the last minute. I swear, she still things my kids are 5 & 6, not 17 & 18.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 30, 2016 2:27:07 GMT
It sounds like a crappy thing to do. It sounds like she just doesn't want to see you or celebrate your accomplishment. Her loss, right? You can't change people only your reaction to their behavior.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 30, 2016 2:28:39 GMT
I know how you feel. I'm in the same position right now. But you know what? Getting your masters is a big deal. It's a lot of hard work. Congratulations to you. I hope your celebration is wonderful.
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Post by Mary_K on Apr 30, 2016 2:31:46 GMT
I've got kids involved in MANY events and activities. No way would their pizza party trump going to a family members grad party.
You're validated & I hope your party is AWESOME!
Mary K
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Post by gypsymama on Apr 30, 2016 2:43:50 GMT
my family has a reunion every spring, we set the date almost a year in advance... MANY of my cousins have not been since they were kids, and its within an hour of most of them... last year one cousin said she couldn't come bc her grandson had a t-ball game that day... its a must-do event for me (we are sadly attending via skype this year due to our move) and i put zero value on sports but still... its our once a year huge family event vs one of dozens of t-ball games
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Post by joylynaroundthebnd on Apr 30, 2016 2:47:55 GMT
I am so sorry this has happened, but congratulations on your achievement!
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Apr 30, 2016 2:49:53 GMT
You know, they blew off my bachelor's entirely. But this is my Master's and we live out of state and are traveling back for just 2 days. You are right. Dammit. It IS once in a lifetime and a chance to see cousins, and spend time with us. It really makes me not very interested in working around schedules for the upcoming holidays. And I can guarantee they will never visit us, we will only ever see them if we travel there. These extra details do change everything for me big time. We live far from family and are thankful everyone on my side makes it a priority to get together when we are in town. One of DH's siblings we haven't seen in years because she always blows off events at the last minute. I swear, she still things my kids are 5 & 6, not 17 & 18. I guess for me the details are not as important because we just moved and have only been away 3 months. So it doesn't seem long enough to be missed really.
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Post by lancermom on Apr 30, 2016 3:03:32 GMT
Just my opinion... I get it is a big deal to you. However you are an adult. Is it common place to have parties after high school? In my area it is not. So I would miss a college grad party for one of my kids events, even if he is five. The question is who is the party for? You or her? If it is for you, then enjoy the time with those that are there. Also, have you discussed the importance of her attendance? Maybe to her it isn't a big deal. A thanks for coming to see me, but you didn't have to. So she doesn't feel the importance to you. Maybe discuss, and dad, or someone else can take the boy to the game and party while she attends your party.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 30, 2016 3:11:04 GMT
Just my opinion... I get it is a big deal to you. However you are an adult. Is it common place to have parties after high school? In my area it is not. So I would miss a college grad party for one of my kids events, even if he is five. The question is who is the party for? You or her? If it is for you, then enjoy the time with those that are there. Also, have you discussed the importance of her attendance? Maybe to her it isn't a big deal. A thanks for coming to see me, but you didn't have to. So she doesn't feel the importance to you. Maybe discuss, and dad, or someone else can take the boy to the game and party while she attends your party. To me, a Masters degree is a big deal. I don't get the hoopla of high school graduation. Everyone graduates from high school, at least in my area and there are no big home parties. Must be a USA thing. University graduation is the big one.
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Post by ntsf on Apr 30, 2016 3:23:21 GMT
I am also of the school of not going to any graduation parties..either high school, grad school whatever.. when my dh got his masters, we didn't even go out to dinner. we did torture our kids and made them go t o the ceremony. but I kind of see it as a private family thing. I travel out of state to see my family and haven't seen my brother for at least 4 yrs..he doesn't bother to come to gatherings..small that they are. we'll see if we even see him this summer for my dad's 90th birthday.
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
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Jun 27, 2014 4:11:36 GMT
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Apr 30, 2016 3:24:16 GMT
First off, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Your graduation is a big event and it should be a big deal.
I'm sorry that it's not such a priority with your SIL. I completely understand why you're feelings are hurt. If I were you, mine would be hurt, too.
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Post by dreamer on Apr 30, 2016 3:34:47 GMT
Hey, Congratulations!!! You know I've realized family has never lived up to my expectations so I don't get my feelings hurt any more. ( this has also taken me about 33 years to figure out!)
your sister gave a lame excuse. It sounds like she's a bit jealous to me. Enjoy your day! .....
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,422
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on Apr 30, 2016 4:25:33 GMT
Sorry your feelings are hurt.
Really though anything is better than a graduation. Hours and hours and hours of boring, can't see, can't here, for ten seconds of a crossing of a stage by someone you can't even really see...... I hate graduations. I've only gone to ones where I was forced to (my own), skipped others totally (my own). Hate them.
But the party, lots of fun.
But you say you are always the one left out in this relationship, so you already new the answer.
Have fun. Enjoy, be proud, masters is a huge accomplishment.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 6:27:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2016 4:28:51 GMT
Congrats on getting your masters! While I do think your graduation is cause for a celebration, I have to say that I don't know of many who have had parties for graduating college or getting their masters or PhD's. It's a huge accomplishment, but one that I don't think others, outside of the immediate family, can totally appreciate. Is this t-ball game and party an end of season/championship type of event? Hopefully, your SIL will be make the effort to see you while you are still there.
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