Deleted
Posts: 0
May 9, 2024 23:26:16 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 12:50:03 GMT
I read this in the paper on Friday:
My opinions often seem to diverge from the majority of the Peas, so I am curious to see other reactions to this.
|
|
|
Post by AN on May 1, 2016 12:53:45 GMT
I assume the bride knew the situation when picking the dresses. I would suggest she add shrugs or wraps to the dresses if she is really concerned, or should have picked dresses with some kind of sleeve.
I don't think you should ask your bridesmaids to physically alter their normal appearance for your wedding - be that cutting or dying their hair, losing weight, shaving something they don't normally shave, etc. Even makeup - while most wedding parties do wear makeup (and mine did), if you have a bridesmaid who is philosophically opposed to makeup and never wears it, even for special occasions - you know what you're getting into when you select that person. Don't expect your wedding party to change who they are.
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on May 1, 2016 12:54:03 GMT
I agree with the advice given in the column.
|
|
johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
|
Post by johnnysmom on May 1, 2016 12:57:05 GMT
While I personally find armpit hair gross, Abby does have a point.
|
|
sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,592
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
|
Post by sweetpeasmom on May 1, 2016 12:57:24 GMT
Can you imagine if the photographer decides to do some fun photo shots and says "Ok, all bridesmaids, raise your bouquet in the air." Not sure he/she would do this but that would be funny.
|
|
|
Post by coaliesquirrel on May 1, 2016 12:57:45 GMT
I think Abby's right on the money. No one (no one reasonable, anyway) would ask a man to change his facial hair, or insist that attendants whiten their teeth beforehand, or whatever else. I highly doubt it'll be noticed at all.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on May 1, 2016 12:58:44 GMT
I know bridesmaids that have been asked to cover tattoos.
|
|
AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
|
Post by AnotherPea on May 1, 2016 13:10:07 GMT
Oh, it will be noticed! But I'm not sure that the people that matter will care too much.
The bride is in a tough spot. She HAS to invite her future in-law to be part of the wedding party. But she probably has certain ideas in mind for their look too. I think this is one of those cases that if you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to understand you don't get everything you want, when you want it.
I was in a wedding once where all of the other ladies were heavy up top. I was a B/C cup. The bride's mother was making all of the dresses. While she was taking measurements, the bitty made plenty of comments about my small breasts, none of which were nice. She repeated that I wouldn't match the other girls and would look weird in the photos. Those girls had very large breasts. I get the dress about three days before the wedding. It was way too big up top. No way for me to get it altered in time. My only choice was to get a padded bra. It made the dress look nice, but I swear I bumped into about twenty things that day. I never knew how close people get to each other sometimes, lol. When we were posing for formal pictures the bride's mother looked right at my chest and said it was good that we finally matched. @@
I will say that Abby is a bit off about the bridesmaids keeping their arms down.
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on May 1, 2016 13:20:09 GMT
I'm with Abby. Asking that would go too far. Who knows what the girl will decide on her own anyway.
ONLY thing I can even consider would be remotely acceptable would be gifting some sort of 'spa' treatment but still you can't dictate how/when/ (or where in the body ) she would use it. And perhaps the future SIL is not close enough to get for that sort of gift even.
Just leave it be IMHO. Not everything can be your way.
In fact, I'd go one further and advise people to keep people who insist on having their way despite your feelings or thoughts or beliefs at arms length emotionally because they aren't going to change and they interfere in your life forever.
|
|
|
Post by nurseypants on May 1, 2016 13:24:42 GMT
If, as a bride, your definition of 'perfect day' includes dictating others' personal grooming habits, you suck. A hairy-pitted bridesmaid will not ruin your wedding day.
|
|
momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
|
Post by momto4kiddos on May 1, 2016 13:31:48 GMT
I assume the bride knew the situation when picking the dresses. I would suggest she add shrugs or wraps to the dresses if she is really concerned, or should have picked dresses with some kind of sleeve. I don't think you should ask your bridesmaids to physically alter their normal appearance for your wedding - be that cutting or dying their hair, losing weight, shaving something they don't normally shave, etc. Even makeup - while most wedding parties do wear makeup (and mine did), if you have a bridesmaid who is philosophically opposed to makeup and never wears it, even for special occasions - you know what you're getting into when you select that person. Don't expect your wedding party to change who they are. Completely agree with AN. Bride likely knew this when asking her and should have given thought to how to deal with it, as in picked a dress to hide it, picked shrugs to go with the dresses, etc.
|
|
|
Post by Drew on May 1, 2016 13:33:06 GMT
I think it's sound advice but I disagree that it won't be distracting. It will be. I have a family member who doesn't shave her legs or arms and it is very noticeable when she wears skirts and/or sleeveless. Just her regular movements reveal her hair.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 9, 2024 23:26:16 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 13:36:13 GMT
If, as a bride, your definition of 'perfect day' includes dictating others' personal grooming habits, you suck. A hairy-pitted bridesmaid will not ruin your wedding day. Seriously? As expected, I disagree with all the responses so far, but especially this one. And I feel like such an old fart, even though I realized after we recently did a "How old are you" poll and it seemed that the majority of the Peas are around my age. Is this really so much for the bride to ask? This makes her a terrible person? She isn't asking Hairy to have a nose job or liposuction (or stuff her bra with socks). It takes two seconds to shave under your arms. It is not painful or dangerous. Armpit hair grows back. Almost immediately, in my case. I believe the bridesmaid who would refuse to make such a simple gesture for the bride - who she presumably cares about - is the one who sucks. In the Dear Abby column, the mother was too much of a weenie to even ASK her special snowflake about this. The bridesmaid might have been like, sure what's the big deal?
|
|
|
Post by Drew on May 1, 2016 13:41:10 GMT
But it's not a "simple gesture" to some. I know my family member would not be happy if asked to shave. It's part of her vegan, natural, organic, etc., identity. She's very proud of her choices and her look.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 9, 2024 23:26:16 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 13:45:31 GMT
If, as a bride, your definition of 'perfect day' includes dictating others' personal grooming habits, you suck. A hairy-pitted bridesmaid will not ruin your wedding day. Seriously? As expected, I disagree with all the responses so far, but especially this one. And I feel like such an old fart, even though I realized after we recently did a "How old are you" poll and it seemed that the majority of the Peas are around my age. Is this really so much for the bride to ask? This makes her a terrible person? She isn't asking Hairy to have a nose job or liposuction (or stuff her bra with socks). It takes two seconds to shave under your arms. It is not painful or dangerous. Armpit hair grows back. Almost immediately, in my case. I believe the bridesmaid who would refuse to make such a simple gesture for the bride - who she presumably cares about - is the one who sucks. In the Dear Abby column, the mother was too much of a weenie to even ASK her special snowflake about this. The bridesmaid might have been like, sure what's the big deal? The people I've known who stopped shaving did it for philosophical reasons, not just because they were lazy or whatever you seem t,o think the reason is, so asking them to shave in this situation would indeed be a big deal. Not to mention that by asking, you're making it clear you have a problem with their choice, which isn't very kind or gracious IMO. SHe shouldn't have asked the bridesmaid to be in the wedding if this was an issue for the bride.
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on May 1, 2016 13:46:20 GMT
If, as a bride, your definition of 'perfect day' includes dictating others' personal grooming habits, you suck. A hairy-pitted bridesmaid will not ruin your wedding day. Seriously? As expected, I disagree with all the responses so far, but especially this one. And I feel like such an old fart, even though I realized after we recently did a "How old are you" poll and it seemed that the majority of the Peas are around my age. Is this really so much for the bride to ask? This makes her a terrible person? She isn't asking Hairy to have a nose job or liposuction (or stuff her bra with socks). It takes two seconds to shave under your arms. It is not painful or dangerous. Armpit hair grows back. Almost immediately, in my case. I believe the bridesmaid who would refuse to make such a simple gesture for the bride - who she presumably cares about - is the one who sucks. In the Dear Abby column, the mother was too much of a weenie to even ASK her special snowflake about this. The bridesmaid might have been like, sure what's the big deal? Yes, it's too much to ask. It's controlling. It's rude. 'You' ( General you ) do not get to dictate your lifestyle and feelings to others. Some people seem to get all wrapped up in how 'Valid' their own feeling are that they fail to stop to consider that others feelings are equally as valid.
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on May 1, 2016 13:51:27 GMT
If, as a bride, your definition of 'perfect day' includes dictating others' personal grooming habits, you suck. A hairy-pitted bridesmaid will not ruin your wedding day. Seriously? As expected, I disagree with all the responses so far, but especially this one. And I feel like such an old fart, even though I realized after we recently did a "How old are you" poll and it seemed that the majority of the Peas are around my age. Is this really so much for the bride to ask? This makes her a terrible person? She isn't asking Hairy to have a nose job or liposuction (or stuff her bra with socks). It takes two seconds to shave under your arms. It is not painful or dangerous. Armpit hair grows back. Almost immediately, in my case. I believe the bridesmaid who would refuse to make such a simple gesture for the bride - who she presumably cares about - is the one who sucks. In the Dear Abby column, the mother was too much of a weenie to even ASK her special snowflake about this. The bridesmaid might have been like, sure what's the big deal? I think your response shows you don't understand the reason people stop shaving. Would it be ok to ask a Hasidic Jewish groomsman to cut his curls for the wedding? Would it be ok to expect a vegan bridesmaid to eat meat at the reception to keep up appearances? There are some things that just aren't about looks.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 9, 2024 23:26:16 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 13:51:49 GMT
Agreed. But this one pretty much is, according to the evidence. Unless the "hippie lifestyle" involves a strict code, which I am not aware of, that attaches deep spiritual significance to armpit hair.
My sisters were actual hippies. If a friend back in the day said to them, "Hey Lotus Flower?" (or whatever they were calling themselves on the commune at that time) "I would prefer not to see your armpit hair undulating in the breeze on my wedding video for the rest of my life. Would you shave that day?" I am sure either of them would have answered as follows: "Groovy."
|
|
julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
|
Post by julieb on May 1, 2016 13:56:20 GMT
It would drive me batty also, but bride knew this going in. She should have found a dress with sleeves or not asked future sil to stand up.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 9, 2024 23:26:16 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 13:58:40 GMT
So what are the reasons people stop shaving their armpit hair? In no way whatsoever is having hairy underarms the same as not eating meat or doing something for religious reasons As for the validity of other peoples feelings, aren't the brides feelings also valid? Whose validity wins?
|
|
|
Post by katiejane on May 1, 2016 13:59:05 GMT
I am with Abby. You ask people to wear the dress you choose. They walk and stand where you want, pose for photos etc. But demanding that their change their appearance for you - no.
|
|
|
Post by Drew on May 1, 2016 14:00:21 GMT
You keep mentioning that it's easy, just for one day, simple... Shaving would alter her look for a lot longer than one day. It would affect her expression of herself until it all grew back. This has nothing to do with "gestures".
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 9, 2024 23:26:16 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 14:03:05 GMT
Shaving would alter her look for a lot longer than one day. It would affect her expression of herself until it all grew back. Oh for the love of Pete!
|
|
|
Post by nurseypants on May 1, 2016 14:06:56 GMT
So what are the reasons people stop shaving their armpit hair? In no way whatsoever is having hairy underarms the same as not eating meat or doing something for religious reasons As for the validity of other peoples feelings, aren't the brides feeling also valid? Whose validity wins? The person whose 'validity wins' is the person on whom the hair grows. Because it's her body. How is this even a question?
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on May 1, 2016 14:07:01 GMT
If, as a bride, your definition of 'perfect day' includes dictating others' personal grooming habits, you suck. A hairy-pitted bridesmaid will not ruin your wedding day. Seriously? As expected, I disagree with all the responses so far, but especially this one. And I feel like such an old fart, even though I realized after we recently did a "How old are you" poll and it seemed that the majority of the Peas are around my age. Is this really so much for the bride to ask? This makes her a terrible person? She isn't asking Hairy to have a nose job or liposuction (or stuff her bra with socks). It takes two seconds to shave under your arms. It is not painful or dangerous. Armpit hair grows back. Almost immediately, in my case. I believe the bridesmaid who would refuse to make such a simple gesture for the bride - who she presumably cares about - is the one who sucks. In the Dear Abby column, the mother was too much of a weenie to even ASK her special snowflake about this. The bridesmaid might have been like, sure what's the big deal? I agree with you @crankypea...
|
|
|
Post by Miss Ang on May 1, 2016 14:07:35 GMT
Seriously? As expected, I disagree with all the responses so far, but especially this one. And I feel like such an old fart, even though I realized after we recently did a "How old are you" poll and it seemed that the majority of the Peas are around my age. Is this really so much for the bride to ask? This makes her a terrible person? She isn't asking Hairy to have a nose job or liposuction (or stuff her bra with socks). It takes two seconds to shave under your arms. It is not painful or dangerous. Armpit hair grows back. Almost immediately, in my case. I believe the bridesmaid who would refuse to make such a simple gesture for the bride - who she presumably cares about - is the one who sucks. In the Dear Abby column, the mother was too much of a weenie to even ASK her special snowflake about this. The bridesmaid might have been like, sure what's the big deal? Yes, it's too much to ask. It's controlling. It's rude. 'You' ( General you ) do not get to dictate your lifestyle and feelings to others. Some people seem to get all wrapped up in how 'Valid' their own feeling are that they fail to stop to consider that others feelings are equally as valid. I wish I could LOVE this part of your post!
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on May 1, 2016 14:07:49 GMT
So what are the reasons people stop shaving their armpit hair? In no way whatsoever is having hairy underarms the same as not eating meat or doing something for religious reasons As for the validity of other peoples feelings, aren't the brides feeling also valid? Whose validity wins? when talking about 'your' body and 'your' personal grooming choices then your feelings count not some controlling other person who wants to micromanage everything around them. The bride had a choice - before she asked the girl.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 9, 2024 23:26:16 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 14:11:41 GMT
I guess I just don't get the fuss about armpit hair. Yes it's her body and she's perfectly entitled to do what she wants with it, of course she is but how does armpit hair define anyone? You never know she might be going to shave anyway without anyone telling/asking/throwing a hissy fit about it.
|
|
|
Post by stingfan on May 1, 2016 14:14:04 GMT
The question kind of surprises me since it's asked by the mother of the bridesmaid. You'd think she would know whether or not it was something that was up for discussion. It's not the bride's roommate, friend, or someone else the questioner is not close to. I would think the mother could just offer to talk to her daughter about it (without judgement) and go back to the bride's family with an answer one way or the other.
However, I agree with AN. The bride should have considered this before choosing a dress and chosen something that would hide it since it's an issue to her. To me, it's like having a bridesmaid who won't wear certain dress styles due to modesty restrictions (like she won't wear something strapless) and then the bride choosing a strapless style and expecting the girl to wear it.
|
|
|
Post by Miss Ang on May 1, 2016 14:15:07 GMT
My husband was asked to remove his tiny, diamond earring stud when he was the best man in a wedding. The groom (his long time friend) asked, but he told my husband that it was at the request of the bride. And to make matters worse, it wasn't requested until the day of the wedding! It was so rude.
My husband (who happens to no longer wear an earring) had that earring when he was invited to be the best man; it wasn't like he showed up at the wedding with a brand new 3" gauge in his ear lobe. The bottom line is, bride didn't like my husband the way he was (that became even more obvious in later years. And the important thing to note here is, they are no longer married and that request really did hurt my husband's feelings.). It is NOT ok to ask someone to change something about their appearance, even on your wedding day. The focus is NOT on the attendants.
For the record, I find armpit hair gross and I wouldn't like it flashing in my wedding pics either. If I were the bride I would have either chosen a dress that made the armpit hair less obvious OR not asked her to be in the wedding. Asking someone to be something they are not is just so rude.
|
|