J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on May 1, 2016 16:32:33 GMT
This is getting away from the original discussion, but I think wedding parties are a bit about conforming to begin with. Where else do you see a line of girls all wearing the same dress, same shoes, same jewelry, sometimes same hairstyles - all at the request of the one person who is desiring a certain look from different people, and often at odds with some part of each girls' personal style. If we really want to be radical, can we change this too?
I had a casual wedding at a tiny chapel on a beach. I actually asked my bridesmaids to pick out a white dress they liked and felt comfortable in. They actually got together and found a blue dress and all wore the same one because they didn't like the idea of bridesmaids in white or of wearing different dresses. There was actually much drama about this that I didn't want or need and was actually trying to avoid. I finally just said do whatever you want. Every once in a while it bugs me when I look at my wedding photos. I think it looks stupid.
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Deleted
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Apr 29, 2024 23:03:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 16:32:50 GMT
Normally I'd say tell bridezilla to back off. However this isn't a woman telling her attendants to remove a tattoo or loose weight or hold off on getting pregnant. She wants her soon-to-be sister in law to shave her underarms. Yeah, seriously join polite civilized society and shave. I'd simply ask her nicely myself. Explain to her why it's important to the bride and the groom. I'd also order a shrug that she'd be wearing if she wanted to walk sporting an armpit bush. Why does "polite civilized society" not demand men shave their pits? if haired pits are so incredibly gross why do we allow men to walk around with pit hair flapping in the wind? To me, a civilized society demands the same things of men and women. We both are expected to bathe and use deodorant~ that is civilized society. Hair growth is evidence of maturity. Why are women in a hurry to get rid of the physical evidence that they are mature women?
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Deleted
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Apr 29, 2024 23:03:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 16:36:05 GMT
Ok, so I just read this to DH to get his view (he has a beard, so I asked him what he would do if someone asked him to shave it off). And he pointed out that if the bride-to-be can't ask the bridesmaid directly by herself, then she knows it's a rude question to ask. Also, he said he wouldn't shave his beard. Not only is the bride afraid to ask, the mother of the counter-cultural bridesmaid is afraid to ask her own daughter about it (that is who wrote to dear abby). Which made me realize mom knows her daughter isn't going to be all happy to shave just to please the bride.
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purplebee
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Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on May 1, 2016 16:38:34 GMT
Contrary to popular opinion, I have to agree with Cranky Pea on this one. The bride was stuck and had to include the hippy SIL. So she should ask all of her attendants to wear a style of dress that they may not like/want because of one bridesmaid's "hippy lifestyle?" Not a religious belief, but a lifestyle choice. Would it be traumatic/insulting to request that the SIL trim the hair so it did not show if the girls' arms were not clamped to their sides? I guess it depends on how long and how dark/obvious the pit hair is. I would be tempted to have each girl pick a different style dress in the same color so SIL could cover the pit hair, but then she may want to flaunt her lifestyle and would end up strapless or. sleeveless anyway. Everyone is defending the hippy girl and not wanting to offend her, but I can't see how shaving her pits once would be that horrifying for her, and would be a sacrifice she could make for her future sister in law. If everyone is too scared to say anything, then she would not have the opportunity to accommodate the bride. She may be happy to do so, depending on their relationship. No one is forced to have anyone in a wedding party. Did the bride have a gun to her head when she had to choose the wedding party? I highly doubt it. And really, if she's so shallow that she bowed to outside pressure to pick her bridesmaids, no wonder she has this problem. Is she really uncomfortable with it, or is she just bowing to pressure. Sorry, but I see no redeeming quality here for the bride or the mother. I think you suck if you demand someone to physically change for something as temporary as a wedding. Falling for the "perfection" that the WIC insists on is a bad idea. If she didn't want the hippy sister then she shouldn't have asked her. Now she has, so suck it up. If the SIL is traumatized by someone presuming to ask her if she would mind shaving her pits for one brief occasion, I would venture to say that she would be extremely insulted and offended if she were not included in the wedding party.
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Post by hop2 on May 1, 2016 16:39:45 GMT
Personally, if I were the bridesmaid, I'd keep my pit hair and dye it to match the wedding colors.
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Deleted
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Apr 29, 2024 23:03:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 16:41:45 GMT
This is getting away from the original discussion, but I think wedding parties are a bit about conforming to begin with. Where else do you see a line of girls all wearing the same dress, same shoes, same jewelry, sometimes same hairstyles - all at the request of the one person who is desiring a certain look from different people, and often at odds with some part of each girls' personal style. If we really want to be radical, can we change this too? I had a casual wedding at a tiny chapel on a beach. I actually asked my bridesmaids to pick out a white dress they liked and felt comfortable in. They actually got together and found a blue dress and all wore the same one because they didn't like the idea of bridesmaids in white or of wearing different dresses. There was actually much drama about this that I didn't want or need and was actually trying to avoid. I finally just said do whatever you want. Every once in a while it bugs me when I look at my wedding photos. I think it looks stupid. Sure! My dil had her bridesmaid (singular) pick out a dress she would want to wear again somewhere. Maybe the key to changing it is to just have one bridesmaid?
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 1, 2016 16:42:48 GMT
No one is forced to have anyone in a wedding party. Did the bride have a gun to her head when she had to choose the wedding party? I highly doubt it. And really, if she's so shallow that she bowed to outside pressure to pick her bridesmaids, no wonder she has this problem. Is she really uncomfortable with it, or is she just bowing to pressure. Sorry, but I see no redeeming quality here for the bride or the mother. I think you suck if you demand someone to physically change for something as temporary as a wedding. Falling for the "perfection" that the WIC insists on is a bad idea. If she didn't want the hippy sister then she shouldn't have asked her. Now she has, so suck it up. If the SIL is traumatized by someone presuming to ask her if she would mind shaving her pits for one brief occasion, I would venture to say that she would be extremely insulted and offended if she were not included in the wedding party. You think? I guess anything is possible. I would be more inclined to believe that if it wasn't obviously a pity invite or a demand by pushy mothers who are trying to do over their own wedding. In fact, most people I know are relieved to NOT be in a wedding party... especially with the ridiculous demands expected like paying for dresses and shit like having a specific appearance.
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Dalai Mama
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La Pea Boheme
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Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on May 1, 2016 16:44:22 GMT
No one is forced to have anyone in a wedding party. Did the bride have a gun to her head when she had to choose the wedding party? I highly doubt it. And really, if she's so shallow that she bowed to outside pressure to pick her bridesmaids, no wonder she has this problem. Is she really uncomfortable with it, or is she just bowing to pressure. Sorry, but I see no redeeming quality here for the bride or the mother. I think you suck if you demand someone to physically change for something as temporary as a wedding. Falling for the "perfection" that the WIC insists on is a bad idea. If she didn't want the hippy sister then she shouldn't have asked her. Now she has, so suck it up. If the SIL is traumatized by someone presuming to ask her if she would mind shaving her pits for one brief occasion, I would venture to say that she would be extremely insulted and offended if she were not included in the wedding party. Traumatized? That's rather hyperbolic. I would imagine that the SIL might be a bit hurt, pissed even, but nobody (except you, of course) is suggesting any level of trauma.
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Post by epeanymous on May 1, 2016 16:46:33 GMT
Come on. Men would never ask each other to shave their beards off for wedding pictures. Men don't even shave their armpit in the first place. Who are we? Why must we?
I think everyone agrees there are unreasonable requests that a bride could make. If a bride wanted all of her bridesmaids to go blonde for the wedding so they would have a certain "look," you'd think she was on crack. If she wanted one to wax her arms because of dark arm hair, you'd be like, get out of here. Shaving is a personal choice and for many women is a political and philosophical choice.
BTW, I personally do shave, so this isn't about defending my own choices. And I agree with other posters that if you have to go to the woman's mother to ask her how to talk to her about it, you know you're crossing a line (and I am guessing you are actually trying to passive-aggressive her into doing that work for you).
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purplebee
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Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on May 1, 2016 16:47:54 GMT
[/quote]You think? I guess anything is possible. I would be more inclined to believe that if it wasn't obviously a pity invite or a demand by pushy mothers who are trying to do over their own wedding. In fact, most people I know are relieved to NOT be in a wedding party... especially with the ridiculous demands expected like paying for dresses and shit like having a specific appearance. [/quote]
True dat! Not sure what the answer is. I can see both sides. But it is too late to change her wedding line-up...guess she'll go with pit hair or not, depending on the SIL's response. I hope Abby writes about the resolution to this drama!
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Deleted
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Apr 29, 2024 23:03:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 16:50:19 GMT
Ok, so I just read this to DH to get his view (he has a beard, so I asked him what he would do if someone asked him to shave it off). And he pointed out that if the bride-to-be can't ask the bridesmaid directly by herself, then she knows it's a rude question to ask. Also, he said he wouldn't shave his beard. Not only is the bride afraid to ask, the mother of the counter-cultural bridesmaid is afraid to ask her own daughter about it (that is who wrote to dear abby). Which made me realize mom knows her daughter isn't going to be all happy to shave just to please the bride. I agree with both here. I'm also in the camp of you could just ask but you better be prepared for an answer you don't like and/or insulting the person you're asking. Who knows? Maybe the hairy armpit daughter will say yes or at least trim it so it's not obvious. Sure, there's Photoshop but that won't do anything for everyone else's memories or casual snapshots.
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Post by justkat on May 1, 2016 16:58:23 GMT
Normally I'd say tell bridezilla to back off. However this isn't a woman telling her attendants to remove a tattoo or loose weight or hold off on getting pregnant. She wants her soon-to-be sister in law to shave her underarms. Yeah, seriously join polite civilized society and shave. I'd simply ask her nicely myself. Explain to her why it's important to the bride and the groom. I'd also order a shrug that she'd be wearing if she wanted to walk sporting an armpit bush. Why does "polite civilized society" not demand men shave their pits? if haired pits are so incredibly gross why do we allow men to walk around with pit hair flapping in the wind? To me, a civilized society demands the same things of men and women. We both are expected to bathe and use deodorant~ that is civilized society. Hair growth is evidence of maturity. Why are women in a hurry to get rid of the physical evidence that they are mature women? voltagain, I have no idea why men and women are asked to do things differently. What I do know, is that where I'm from a woman shaving her underarms and legs is considered basic hygiene. I'm not debating societal oppression of women through body hair. Given the original post and the letter to Dear Abby, I get the impression that the bride invited the sister in law as a courtesy unaware of the situation. I'd guess she didn't ask the bridesmaid herself because she's probably not close to her and thought she'd give the request more thought coming from her mother. In my eyes, asking someone to shave their underarms to participate in a wedding is not the same as asking them to loose weight or get a nose job or hold off on getting pregnant. In my eyes, it is also not the same as forcing a vegan to eat meat or asking a Hasidic Jew to cut his curls. Others feel differently and they're entitled to their opinion; we're all different and that's what makes the world interesting. I think the bride should politely ask the girl to shave. She might say yes of course and she might laugh and say no. If she says no I'd be prepared by having the bridesmaids wear shrugs. People are going to notice regardless of how beautiful the bride or how happy the couple is, it's (in most places) not the norm and therefore noticeable. Wanting wedding photos sans someone's arm pit hair doesn't make the bride a bridezilla nor does it mean she's kow-towing to some evil wedding industry. When we agree to be in a wedding we are agreeing to the bride's vision. We know she may choose a dress or a colour we don't like,that doesn't look good on us. We know we may have to walk the aisle with someone we don't know. We may have to give a speech when we're not comfortable with public speaking. We may have to spend more than we anticipated for all the events,parties,gifts involved. Nobody is demanding this woman do anything. The Dear Abby letter was inquiring as to whether the bride has the right to ask the question of the bridesmaid. It's my opinion that she does have the right. As long as she asks politely and respectfully I think she can ask. The bridesmaid can say no but I do believe the bride has every right to ask.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 1, 2016 17:00:31 GMT
Seriously? As expected, I disagree with all the responses so far, but especially this one. And I feel like such an old fart, even though I realized after we recently did a "How old are you" poll and it seemed that the majority of the Peas are around my age. Is this really so much for the bride to ask? This makes her a terrible person? She isn't asking Hairy to have a nose job or liposuction (or stuff her bra with socks). It takes two seconds to shave under your arms. It is not painful or dangerous. Armpit hair grows back. Almost immediately, in my case. I believe the bridesmaid who would refuse to make such a simple gesture for the bride - who she presumably cares about - is the one who sucks. In the Dear Abby column, the mother was too much of a weenie to even ASK her special snowflake about this. The bridesmaid might have been like, sure what's the big deal? Yes, it's too much to ask. It's controlling. It's rude. 'You' ( General you ) do not get to dictate your lifestyle and feelings to others. Some people seem to get all wrapped up in how 'Valid' their own feeling are that they fail to stop to consider that others feelings are equally as valid. Directing my response to the last part quoted- So when does it stop?? When does one persons feelings/lifestyle (specifically lady under arm hair) trump another persons feelings or consideration? The bride is in a precarious position. She may offend if she doesn't have the hairy girl in the wedding because it's family. If she does have her in the wedding, then she may have to deal with photos with what she might feel is unbecoming photos of armpit hair. You cannot tell me that it won't go unnoticed at the ceremony or in photos--it will. It will get looks, comments and the like from other guests. This event is not about the hairy girl, it's about the bride. I get that hairy armpits are not the end of the world. I get that it can be photoshopped out--but then again if she does that, she will likely get grief and accused of being ashamed at the hairy girls armpit hair choice, so she's in a lose lose situation there too. Not to mention the cost of having them professionally Photoshopped out, her photographer is going to charge for the time! But why is the bride the one who has to make all these adjustments and concede on what is supposed to be her day? A day that (is meant to) happen(s) once in a life time? I think to say that a persons armpit hair is part of their vegan or lifestyle choice is really pushing it--that it's part of that identity and asking them to shave for one day crushes that "identity" is ridiculous!!! It's armpit hair--it's not asking her to eat meat if she's a vegan, it's not telling her to act straight that day if she's gay! Its not a strict religious choice either.
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Deleted
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Apr 29, 2024 23:03:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 17:02:17 GMT
Not only is the bride afraid to ask, the mother of the counter-cultural bridesmaid is afraid to ask her own daughter about it (that is who wrote to dear abby). Which made me realize mom knows her daughter isn't going to be all happy to shave just to please the bride. I agree with both here. I'm also in the camp of you could just ask but you better be prepared for an answer you don't like and/or insulting the person you're asking. Who knows? Maybe the hairy armpit daughter will say yes or at least trim it so it's not obvious. Sure, there's Photoshop but that won't do anything for everyone else's memories or casual snapshots. If anyone's memory of a wedding is that someone had hairy armpits, I'd posit the bride and groom did a piss-poor job thinking about their guests' enjoyment and focused way too much on stupid stuff that doesn't actually contribute to the joy and fun of the day.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on May 1, 2016 17:03:54 GMT
A four-pager on armpit hair...ahhh, this is like the good old days!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 29, 2024 23:03:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2016 17:10:25 GMT
Yes, it's too much to ask. It's controlling. It's rude. 'You' ( General you ) do not get to dictate your lifestyle and feelings to others. Some people seem to get all wrapped up in how 'Valid' their own feeling are that they fail to stop to consider that others feelings are equally as valid. Directing my response to the last part quoted- So when does it stop?? When does one persons feelings/lifestyle (specifically lady under arm hair) trump another persons feelings or consideration? The bride is in a precarious position. She may offend if she doesn't have the hairy girl in the wedding because it's family. If she does have her in the wedding, then she may have to deal with photos with what she might feel is unbecoming photos of armpit hair. You cannot tell me that it won't go unnoticed at the ceremony or in photos--it will. It will get looks, comments and the like from other guests. This event is not about the hairy girl, it's about the bride. I get that hairy armpits are not the end of the world. I get that it can be photoshopped out--but then again if she does that, she will likely get grief and accused of being ashamed at the hairy girls armpit hair choice, so she's in a lose lose situation there too. Not to mention the cost of having them professionally Photoshopped out, her photographer is going to charge for the time! But why is the bride the one who has to make all these adjustments and concede on what is supposed to be her day? A day that (is meant to) happen(s) once in a life time?I think to say that a persons armpit hair is part of their vegan or lifestyle choice is really pushing it--that it's part of that identity and asking them to shave for one day crushes that "identity" is ridiculous!!! It's armpit hair--it's not asking her to eat meat if she's a vegan, it's not telling her to act straight that day if she's gay! Its not a strict religious choice either. First, I do not believe a wedding is or should be all about the bride and only the bride. Talk about narcissism! The bride has no right to ask people to change who they are. Period. She doesn't have that right the day before the wedding or the day after so why should she have that right on one day she picked? Simple, she doesn't have that right ever. What she does have the right to do is pick a gown that minimizes what she doesn't want exposed. If she doesn't want her bridesmaid hairy armpits exposed, then choose a gown that doesn't expose them. www.aliexpress.com/store/product/Boat-Neck-Off-The-Shoulder-Elegant-Black-Evening-Dress-Short-2015-New-Women-Formal-Dresses/1549028_32282768484.html No more shave/not shave problem.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on May 1, 2016 17:12:37 GMT
Come on. Men would never ask each other to shave their beards off for wedding pictures. Men don't even shave their armpit in the first place. Who are we? Why must we? Actually my sister made the men who had beards do just that. There was only two with beards and one agreed the other said "no way" so he was replaced. I just want to add my sister is a real piece of work in pretty much every aspect in life lol.
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Post by mzza111 on May 1, 2016 17:19:26 GMT
Personally, if I were the bridesmaid, I'd keep my pit hair and dye it to match the wedding colors. Hahaha! For the win!
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
Jun 25, 2014 20:45:00 GMT
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Post by melissa on May 1, 2016 17:20:37 GMT
No one is forced to have anyone in a wedding party. Are you sure? I did not have a choice in having my sister-in-law in the wedding. Not really an issue for me. My sister did not have a choice in including both of her sister-in-laws, including the one with the tattoos on her arm that would have required long sleeves to cover. Thinking about this, I'd rather have a bridesmaid with the underarm hair than ugly arm tattoos. If you are going for that "perfect" magazine cover look for the photos, at least you won't see the underarm hair in most photos, unlike the tattoos. Not that it's my wedding and not that I would have said or done anything about either of these things had it been my wedding. My sister did not say a word either.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 1, 2016 17:24:40 GMT
Directing my response to the last part quoted- So when does it stop?? When does one persons feelings/lifestyle (specifically lady under arm hair) trump another persons feelings or consideration? The bride is in a precarious position. She may offend if she doesn't have the hairy girl in the wedding because it's family. If she does have her in the wedding, then she may have to deal with photos with what she might feel is unbecoming photos of armpit hair. You cannot tell me that it won't go unnoticed at the ceremony or in photos--it will. It will get looks, comments and the like from other guests. This event is not about the hairy girl, it's about the bride. I get that hairy armpits are not the end of the world. I get that it can be photoshopped out--but then again if she does that, she will likely get grief and accused of being ashamed at the hairy girls armpit hair choice, so she's in a lose lose situation there too. Not to mention the cost of having them professionally Photoshopped out, her photographer is going to charge for the time! But why is the bride the one who has to make all these adjustments and concede on what is supposed to be her day? A day that (is meant to) happen(s) once in a life time?I think to say that a persons armpit hair is part of their vegan or lifestyle choice is really pushing it--that it's part of that identity and asking them to shave for one day crushes that "identity" is ridiculous!!! It's armpit hair--it's not asking her to eat meat if she's a vegan, it's not telling her to act straight that day if she's gay! Its not a strict religious choice either. First, I do not believe a wedding is or should be all about the bride and only the bride. Talk about narcissism! The bride has no right to ask people to change who they are. Period. She doesn't have that right the day before the wedding or the day after so why should she have that right on one day she picked? Simple, she doesn't have that right ever. What she does have the right to do is pick a gown that minimizes what she doesn't want exposed. If she doesn't want her bridesmaid hairy armpits exposed, then choose a gown that doesn't expose them. www.aliexpress.com/store/product/Boat-Neck-Off-The-Shoulder-Elegant-Black-Evening-Dress-Short-2015-New-Women-Formal-Dresses/1549028_32282768484.html No more shave/not shave problem. I totally agree. One of the biggest things that made me the most uncomfortable was the people who were all "it's your day you have to have it perfect for you" (well, and those who were the exact opposite and told me that I was doing everything wrong because I wasn't doing it their way). No, it's a WIC myth that it's the "bride's day". Last time I checked, there's also a groom involved and probably a bunch of people helping to make it happen. Are the bride and groom at the centre of the day? Yes. But the people helping them are just as important (sometimes moreso) than the bride and groom... and there's no reason to be rude and expect major body changes just to fit some cookie cutter bullshit wedding look. I acknowledged and embraced my bridal party's differences and looks... we had three very different looking guys. They may have had similar suits, similar shirts and ties on, but each one looked just like they always do... personalities, piercings and all. I would have never dreamt of demanding they do something out of the ordinary just to get a specific look. Nor would I have asked someone because of family demands. No one wants a pity invite. And I wager this "hippy" sister knows that's all she is. If the bride has to go to mommy about this, there is no relationship. And that's sad. And tacky.
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Post by epeanymous on May 1, 2016 17:26:09 GMT
Come on. Men would never ask each other to shave their beards off for wedding pictures. Men don't even shave their armpit in the first place. Who are we? Why must we? Actually my sister made the men who had beards do just that. There was only two with beards and one agreed the other said "no way" so he was replaced. I just want to add my sister is a real piece of work in pretty much every aspect in life lol. Ugh. That is a piece of work. Although you'll note I said men wouldn't do this.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on May 1, 2016 17:27:42 GMT
No one is forced to have anyone in a wedding party. Are you sure? I did not have a choice in having my sister-in-law in the wedding. Not really an issue for me. My sister did not have a choice in including both of her sister-in-laws, including the one with the tattoos on her arm that would have required long sleeves to cover. Thinking about this, I'd rather have a bridesmaid with the underarm hair than ugly arm tattoos. If you are going for that "perfect" magazine cover look for the photos, at least you won't see the underarm hair in most photos, unlike the tattoos. Not that it's my wedding and not that I would have said or done anything about either of these things had it been my wedding. My sister did not say a word either. Absolutely sure. How do you not have a choice who stands with you? I would have laughed at anyone who dared to assume I would have specific people as my attendants. And then probably considered not inviting them to the wedding since they are obviously not supportive. It was my choice for my side and my husband's choice for his side. He chose two people, I chose one. Done. The only person who had a say in who stood up was me and him. So yes, I'm absolutely sure. And I would stand up for anyone's right to not be steamrolled by overbearing parents or family members. If they want specific people in a wedding, they can have their own.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 1, 2016 17:37:27 GMT
I agree with both here. I'm also in the camp of you could just ask but you better be prepared for an answer you don't like and/or insulting the person you're asking. Who knows? Maybe the hairy armpit daughter will say yes or at least trim it so it's not obvious. Sure, there's Photoshop but that won't do anything for everyone else's memories or casual snapshots. If anyone's memory of a wedding is that someone had hairy armpits, I'd posit the bride and groom did a piss-poor job thinking about their guests' enjoyment and focused way too much on stupid stuff that doesn't actually contribute to the joy and fun of the day. That's pretty crass that you would say the bride did a piss poor job of planning her wedding, if focus was on armpit hair. If it's stupid stuff, then the hairy girl shouldn't have an issue of shaving then, because a wedding is supposed to be focused on and about the bride and groom. And why doesn't the bride deserve to look back at photos of her wedding day and have good memories for herself? Why should she have to relive armpit hair for the rest of her days if viewing photos of it?
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 1, 2016 17:43:31 GMT
I totally agree. One of the biggest things that made me the most uncomfortable was the people who were all "it's your day you have to have it perfect for you" (well, and those who were the exact opposite and told me that I was doing everything wrong because I wasn't doing it their way). No, it's a WIC myth that it's the "bride's day". Last time I checked, there's also a groom involved and probably a bunch of people helping to make it happen. Are the bride and groom at the centre of the day? Yes. But the people helping them are just as important (sometimes moreso) than the bride and groom... and there's no reason to be rude and expect major body changes just to fit some cookie cutter bullshit wedding look. I acknowledged and embraced my bridal party's differences and looks... we had three very different looking guys. They may have had similar suits, similar shirts and ties on, but each one looked just like they always do... personalities, piercings and all. I would have never dreamt of demanding they do something out of the ordinary just to get a specific look. Nor would I have asked someone because of family demands. No one wants a pity invite. And I wager this "hippy" sister knows that's all she is. If the bride has to go to mommy about this, there is no relationship. And that's sad. And tacky. So Armpit hair is now "a major body change?"
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Post by refugeepea on May 1, 2016 17:49:42 GMT
Are you sure? I did not have a choice in having my sister-in-law in the wedding. Not really an issue for me. My sister did not have a choice in including both of her sister-in-laws, including the one with the tattoos on her arm that would have required long sleeves to cover. [/quote Why wouldn't an adult have a choice who is in the wedding? Maybe it's a cultural thing for some people.
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Post by 950nancy on May 1, 2016 17:58:11 GMT
No one is forced to have anyone in a wedding party. Are you sure? I did not have a choice in having my sister-in-law in the wedding. Not really an issue for me. My sister did not have a choice in including both of her sister-in-laws, including the one with the tattoos on her arm that would have required long sleeves to cover. Thinking about this, I'd rather have a bridesmaid with the underarm hair than ugly arm tattoos. If you are going for that "perfect" magazine cover look for the photos, at least you won't see the underarm hair in most photos, unlike the tattoos. Not that it's my wedding and not that I would have said or done anything about either of these things had it been my wedding. My sister did not say a word either. This was my situation too. Both of my SIL's were in my wedding party. Looking back, ugh, we should have eloped! I am not a fan of armpit hair (really on anyone). I probably would not have gone with a dress that shows the pits. I have my wedding photos in several places in my house (almost 30 years later). I don't know if there was photoshop back then or if I would have used white-out, but if you could see the hair, it would have grossed me out. In my head, it is like seeing the pubes stick out of bathing suit. I don't think I would have asked her to shave though.
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theshyone
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,402
Jun 26, 2014 12:50:12 GMT
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Post by theshyone on May 1, 2016 18:14:43 GMT
Would it be just as offensive to the sister-in-law to receive a wedding picture of herself that was obviously photoshopped? I think that's more offensive than originally asking her to shave. Hitch I think is absolutely terrible.
You girls were seriously "dictated" as to who was in your wedding party?
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Post by lucyg on May 1, 2016 18:23:10 GMT
When I got married, I had three average-sized bridesmaids (two were my sisters) and my very plus-size sister-in-law. No one said I had to have her, but I wanted her.
We found a bridesmaid dress pattern that came in regular and plus size. It was a strapless gown with an attached little cape thing that completely covered the shoulders and cleavage. We probably would skipped the cape part but we wanted something with a little more coverage for my SIL. One sister made her cape thing detachable and then removed it after the ceremony, and it looked nice that way. SIL actually made her cape thing a little longer than the pattern (or maybe the plus-size version came that way, now that I think of it).
None of that was perfect but it was a solution that worked for us. Yes, I realize that weight isn't the same as armpit hair. But my point is that we worked with the situation we had, not the situation we might have preferred.
I think if the bride cares that much about armpit hair, she needs to choose dresses that cover the arm pits instead of expecting her SIL to conform to her own personal grooming standards.
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Post by anniefb on May 1, 2016 18:31:30 GMT
I assume the bride knew the situation when picking the dresses. I would suggest she add shrugs or wraps to the dresses if she is really concerned, or should have picked dresses with some kind of sleeve. I don't think you should ask your bridesmaids to physically alter their normal appearance for your wedding - be that cutting or dying their hair, losing weight, shaving something they don't normally shave, etc. Even makeup - while most wedding parties do wear makeup (and mine did), if you have a bridesmaid who is philosophically opposed to makeup and never wears it, even for special occasions - you know what you're getting into when you select that person. Don't expect your wedding party to change who they are.
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Post by 950nancy on May 1, 2016 18:36:46 GMT
Would it be just as offensive to the sister-in-law to receive a wedding picture of herself that was obviously photoshopped? I think that's more offensive than originally asking her to shave. Hitch I think is absolutely terrible. You girls were seriously "dictated" as to who was in your wedding party? By my husband. To be fair, he also wanted my brothers, but I would have preferred just my two good friends.
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