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Post by elaine on May 12, 2016 22:43:22 GMT
I can't wrap my head around how a single-parent who is blind and has a disabled child doesn't have a social worker already assigned to her family.
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
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Post by ~Lauren~ on May 12, 2016 22:55:34 GMT
Where on earth do you live that a police officer goes out of their way in order to not become involved in a situation in which physical abuse is occurring? That doesn't seem right. And I never want to live there. I'm not the person you're addressing but as a Family Court attorney in NY, I've seen this happen. In fact, I had a client whose ex came to pick up the child for visitation. The child was crying hard and I told my client to go out and tell the father the child was upset but that she'd be out in a few minutes. He proceeded to beat the crap out of my client to the point of hospitalization. When she tried to press charges the police wouldn't arrest him. When I called the police, the a**hole patrolman told me "well, knowing he has a temper you really shouldn't have advised her to go out there so I guess it's your fault". Needless to say, I marched right into the chief of police and the mayor's office. The SOB was picked up that day and the officer reprimanded. But, I knew enough to do that and in a relatively small area, I'm "well-known". Believe me, it happens and you'd probably be surprised at how often.
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Rainbow
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Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
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Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 12, 2016 23:02:37 GMT
He gets survivor benefits and he also does have medicaid, I've seen his medicaid card. (I drive my friend to appointments because she is blind.) She has called the police many times, they don't want to do anything. They go out of their way to not do anything. Last night she had to demand that they even make a written report. They didn't even want to do that. And it's my understanding that some places do not require the abused to file charges, it's taken out of their hands because so many people were afraid of pressing charges. I wish that were true here. Can you clarify something please? In this comment you say that she has called the police many times, but they won't do anything. In your first post you said she doesn't want to press charges because she is worried about what will happen to him in prison. So which is it? If she won't press charges, there's not much the police can do. What does she think they can do if she won't press charges? OK, so a little bit ago she told me that this time she was willing to press charges and the police told her that he'd be home in 2-3 hrs and she would be stuck with court costs. She is afraid of how much it will cost and that since he'd be home anyway what good would it do. Usually when she calls the police on him they come out to talk with him and sometimes they take him involuntarily to the hospital. Foster care is out, I can't remember why she said it wouldn't be an option.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 22:47:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2016 23:12:46 GMT
Can you clarify something please? In this comment you say that she has called the police many times, but they won't do anything. In your first post you said she doesn't want to press charges because she is worried about what will happen to him in prison. So which is it? If she won't press charges, there's not much the police can do. What does she think they can do if she won't press charges? OK, so a little bit ago she told me that this time she was willing to press charges and the police told her that he'd be home in 2-3 hrs and she would be stuck with court costs. She is afraid of how much it will cost and that since he'd be home anyway what good would it do. Usually when she calls the police on him they come out to talk with him and sometimes they take him involuntarily to the hospital. Foster care is out, I can't remember why she said it wouldn't be an option.Help her plan her funeral. At every turn she finds some reason to not do it. Maybe planning her funeral will wake her up that she can't just sit there passively. He will kill her.
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on May 12, 2016 23:17:05 GMT
Because he isn't an adult. If you want services for a child you go to CPS. It's a starting point. I'd venture a guess they are in charge of most of the placements in this country. Why wouldn't you call the experts for assistance? Did you see his list of diagnosis? That's not a legal problem. Why would we send a sick person to jail to get help? That doesn't make sense fiscally or otherwise. Why would we deny this woman access to a therapeutic foster home for her son with obvious illnesses? . CPS is to provide protection for abused or neglected children, not for youth who are abusive to parents, fellow students, etc, THAT is handled by the juvenile justice system because it is a CRIME. I think you are missing the point. It is a resource that is a good one regardless. Right now mom has no resources.
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Post by elaine on May 12, 2016 23:26:27 GMT
Can you clarify something please? In this comment you say that she has called the police many times, but they won't do anything. In your first post you said she doesn't want to press charges because she is worried about what will happen to him in prison. So which is it? If she won't press charges, there's not much the police can do. What does she think they can do if she won't press charges? OK, so a little bit ago she told me that this time she was willing to press charges and the police told her that he'd be home in 2-3 hrs and she would be stuck with court costs. She is afraid of how much it will cost and that since he'd be home anyway what good would it do. Usually when she calls the police on him they come out to talk with him and sometimes they take him involuntarily to the hospital. Foster care is out, I can't remember why she said it wouldn't be an option.So, he comes back temporarily. If she presses charges, he will have to go to court eventually. The only way to have him put in prison is through a trial at court. If she won't do it, he isn't going to magically end up behind bars. Again, how does a blind woman with a disabled son not have a social worker? Why isn't she on the phone with the Health and Human Services Board right now? There are so many supports available for blind people that are government funded, she really needs to get what she is entitled to.
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Post by christine58 on May 12, 2016 23:29:06 GMT
My friend did call me early this morning and told me that she is looking into foster care for him. I was wondering if she could get a restraining order. Can you do that if it's your kid and they are a minor? He's too old for Foster care....does she realize she will also pay part of her income if they do take him??? She needs to have him arrested.
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Post by anxiousmom on May 12, 2016 23:35:45 GMT
Where on earth do you live that a police officer goes out of their way in order to not become involved in a situation in which physical abuse is occurring? That doesn't seem right. And I never want to live there. I'm not the person you're addressing but as a Family Court attorney in NY, I've seen this happen. In fact, I had a client whose ex came to pick up the child for visitation. The child was crying hard and I told my client to go out and tell the father the child was upset but that she'd be out in a few minutes. He proceeded to beat the crap out of my client to the point of hospitalization. When she tried to press charges the police wouldn't arrest him. When I called the police, the a**hole patrolman told me "well, knowing he has a temper you really shouldn't have advised her to go out there so I guess it's your fault". Needless to say, I marched right into the chief of police and the mayor's office. The SOB was picked up that day and the officer reprimanded. But, I knew enough to do that and in a relatively small area, I'm "well-known". Believe me, it happens and you'd probably be surprised at how often. You are right, I am surprised that it happens. I would like to believe that if I was assaulted, under any kind of circumstance, that the police would arrest the person assaulted me.
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Post by whipea on May 13, 2016 0:03:08 GMT
In my state and many others when there are domestic violence calls that involve a battery, by statute someone must go meaning be arrested. It does not matter if it is a spouse, child, sibling or roommate. If they reside in the same home and there is signs of a battery (not assault, assault is just the threat to harm and the ability to carry out that threat, battery is touching or striking and leaving marks or other signs), someone is arrested. Further, the victim has no input regarding the filing or "pressing" of charges, only the prosecutor's office has that authority.
Too bad the victim/parent does not have a social worker. Seems the "child" may need to be Baker Acted or involuntarily committed for 72 hours for evaluation since his behavior is a threat to himself and others. That may get the ball rolling. The police have the authority to do this as well as a social worker. She is in a vey dangerous situation and she must call the police when he acts out and if they fail to assist ask for commanders or even contact the state prosecutors office. She needs to do something soon or like others said start planning her funeral.
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inkedup
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Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on May 13, 2016 0:12:45 GMT
Where on earth do you live that a police officer goes out of their way in order to not become involved in a situation in which physical abuse is occurring? That doesn't seem right. And I never want to live there. I'm not the person you're addressing but as a Family Court attorney in NY, I've seen this happen. In fact, I had a client whose ex came to pick up the child for visitation. The child was crying hard and I told my client to go out and tell the father the child was upset but that she'd be out in a few minutes. He proceeded to beat the crap out of my client to the point of hospitalization. When she tried to press charges the police wouldn't arrest him. When I called the police, the a**hole patrolman told me "well, knowing he has a temper you really shouldn't have advised her to go out there so I guess it's your fault". Needless to say, I marched right into the chief of police and the mayor's office. The SOB was picked up that day and the officer reprimanded. But, I knew enough to do that and in a relatively small area, I'm "well-known". Believe me, it happens and you'd probably be surprised at how often. Infuriating and sad. I can't understand how, in this day and age, any law enforcement officer could keep his job and have that attitude toward victims of domestic violence. Thank goodness you were willing to go to bat for your client. She got some acknowledgement because of you.
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snappydog
Full Member
Posts: 171
Sept 11, 2014 22:53:41 GMT
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Post by snappydog on May 13, 2016 1:03:05 GMT
FYI, I'm blind...there are not magical services out there for the blind. You know what benefits most get...a discount on our school/property taxes of about $50. End of Story. Even services that are supposed to be provided by the state to help save your job are almost impossible to get. There is no blind services utopia out there.
Sandy
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MerryMom
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Posts: 2,539
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on May 13, 2016 1:06:11 GMT
. CPS is to provide protection for abused or neglected children, not for youth who are abusive to parents, fellow students, etc, THAT is handled by the juvenile justice system because it is a CRIME. I think you are missing the point. It is a resource that is a good one regardless. Right now mom has no resources. She will when she presses charges
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Post by elaine on May 13, 2016 1:46:45 GMT
FYI, I'm blind...there are not magical services out there for the blind. You know what benefits most get...a discount on our school/property taxes of about $50. End of Story. Even services that are supposed to be provided by the state to help save your job are almost impossible to get. There is no blind services utopia out there. Sandy I help put on special Ed conferences every year here in Northern VA and a number of government community agencies that provide services for the blind have tables and information regarding the services they provide. I don't know where you live, but here in Northern VA, our Community Services Board provides great services to both the legally blind and to individuals with disabilities. As I mentioned earlier, I work with them regarding my sons. I'm sorry your state/county falls short in providing you the services you deserve.
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mallie
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Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on May 13, 2016 2:18:06 GMT
I'm not the person you're addressing but as a Family Court attorney in NY, I've seen this happen. In fact, I had a client whose ex came to pick up the child for visitation. The child was crying hard and I told my client to go out and tell the father the child was upset but that she'd be out in a few minutes. He proceeded to beat the crap out of my client to the point of hospitalization. When she tried to press charges the police wouldn't arrest him. When I called the police, the a**hole patrolman told me "well, knowing he has a temper you really shouldn't have advised her to go out there so I guess it's your fault". Needless to say, I marched right into the chief of police and the mayor's office. The SOB was picked up that day and the officer reprimanded. But, I knew enough to do that and in a relatively small area, I'm "well-known". Believe me, it happens and you'd probably be surprised at how often. You are right, I am surprised that it happens. I would like to believe that if I was assaulted, under any kind of circumstance, that the police would arrest the person assaulted me. If you ever work with a rape crisis team, you would have a eye opening experience about how the police fail assault victims regularly.
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Post by berty on May 13, 2016 2:57:24 GMT
I went through an almost identical situation - same age and in NC. It is pure hell. My son had addiction issues too. He would up getting arrested after years of abusive behavior. I made the mistake of bailing him out because he sounded so scared in jail. It was a mistake - when he came home the abuse got even worst. I called the bail bondsman and basically revoked the bond I posted. They came and got him and he went to jail where he stayed for a few months. We did help him get in a rehab treatment center. We had tried different places in the past but this place worked. He has been clean for 9 months, lives in a halfway house in a different city from us, and is a few weeks from graduating high school. Our relationship is good but it has taken a lot of work by all of us. The worst part is knowing that at least 50% of the people who go through the program fail so that fear is always with us. When we were in that situation we tried working with the school, police, social workers, therapists and almost nothing helped. We were required to provide him a home so we lived in fear in our own house. We had called the police several times but they were hesitant to do anything until he turned 18. At one point he was threatening me and we found a stash of knives - I told the police and court system I was sure I would wind up dead if they didn't help us. We got no where. I'm so sorry your friend is going through this. We found our hands were really tied until he turned 18. I would highly recommend your friend get a therapist for herself. I really struggled with the idea of how did this happen since I thought we were doing everything right (Sam was in scouts, we were very involved parents, made sure we always had dinners together and did a good job balancing strictness with letting the kids breathe). I felt like I must have missed something or done something wrong which caused a lot of guilt and eventually depression. I'm still in therapy dealing with some PTSD and anxiety. It did get better. It it is a HARD process. My prayers are with your friend. Thanks for sharing this. I hope all the best for you and your family.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on May 13, 2016 3:23:58 GMT
I'm not the person you're addressing but as a Family Court attorney in NY, I've seen this happen. In fact, I had a client whose ex came to pick up the child for visitation. The child was crying hard and I told my client to go out and tell the father the child was upset but that she'd be out in a few minutes. He proceeded to beat the crap out of my client to the point of hospitalization. When she tried to press charges the police wouldn't arrest him. When I called the police, the a**hole patrolman told me "well, knowing he has a temper you really shouldn't have advised her to go out there so I guess it's your fault". Needless to say, I marched right into the chief of police and the mayor's office. The SOB was picked up that day and the officer reprimanded. But, I knew enough to do that and in a relatively small area, I'm "well-known". Believe me, it happens and you'd probably be surprised at how often. You are right, I am surprised that it happens. I would like to believe that if I was assaulted, under any kind of circumstance, that the police would arrest the person assaulted me. I'm surprised Rainbow hasn't taken her to the shooting range, given her a gun, or show up carrying!!
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Rainbow
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Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
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Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 13, 2016 3:26:17 GMT
I just got off the phone with my friend and they are going to keep him again tonight and try to get him in a psych hospital tomorrow. At least she can sleep safely for another night. She is so exhausted from trying to cope with this.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 13, 2016 3:29:11 GMT
You are right, I am surprised that it happens. I would like to believe that if I was assaulted, under any kind of circumstance, that the police would arrest the person assaulted me. I'm surprised Rainbow hasn't taken her to the shooting range, given her a gun, or show up carrying!! She's already been to the range, though it wasn't with me. It was with the vision resource group. I was surprised that they let blind people shoot, lol.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
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Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 13, 2016 3:31:56 GMT
I think you are missing the point. It is a resource that is a good one regardless. Right now mom has no resources. She will when she presses charges What resources would she have after she presses charges? Right now it looks like she'll get to pay all court costs and then take him right back home again. Why bother? What are the other resources?
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MerryMom
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Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on May 13, 2016 13:15:16 GMT
For a criminal charge of domestic violence or interpersonal violence, the police must have evidence at the time they are called in order to make an arrest or file charges. It cannot be "One person said and the other person said". There needs to be evidence or a witness who saw it. Based on the OP (quoted below), it would appear to me there was enough evidence to warrant a criminal charge. HOWEVER, I do not know the conversation the police had with the mother and what the mother said. If she said, "I just want him to get help." then it appears the police transported the youth to a mental health agency or ER and an emergency assessment was completed and he was admitted on a 24-hour involuntary (which I thought they were 72 hours, but I don't live in that state so I don't know their laws). It's the "they" in the post that is confusing. "They" meaning the police or "they" meaning the hospital? Even if the mother does not want to file criminal charges or domestic violence OR the police are not filing the charges while at the scene, the mother CAN go to the juvenile court in her county and file unruly charges on her son. As it is a status offense, the police do not file them, the parent has to. In looking at the internet, it appears North Carolina calls these charges "Undisciplined Juvenile". A juvenile may enter the juvenile court system when someone makes a complaint that he/she is undisciplined or delinquent. The District Court has jurisdiction or the right and power to interpret and apply the law to juveniles. All court proceedings are held in the courthouse in the county where the offense is alleged to have occurred. Juvenile court counselors in the Department of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention evaluate complaints and decide if a petition should be filed that requires a juvenile to appear in court. A petition describes the facts made in a complaint and asks the court to make a decision whether a juvenile is undisciplined or delinquent. An undisciplined juvenile is one who is at least 6 years old but less than 16 years old and - is unlawfully absent from school; or
- is regularly disobedient to and beyond the disciplinary control of the juvenile’s
parent, guardian or custodian; or - is regularly found in places where it is unlawful for a juvenile to be; or
- has run away from home for more than 24 hours.
An undisciplined juvenile is also a juvenile who is 16 or 17 years of age who is regularly disobedient to and beyond the control of the juvenile's parent, guardian or custodian; is found in places where it is unlawful for a juvenile to be; or has run away from home for more than 24 hours.A delinquent juvenile is any juvenile who, while at least 6 years of age but not yet 16, commits an offense that would be a crime under state law or under an ordinance of local government, including violation of the motor vehicle laws, if committed by an adult. link to pdf of explanation of NC juvenile court systemThe OP's friend has options, she is not doing them. Her son can face consequences, she is choosing not to enact them. The fact that he "doesn't act this way anywhere else, just at home" is telling to me. It appears that he can moderate his behavior with others, he is choosing to act like an a$$hole with his mother. and she allows him to treat her like crap because she is the one who doesn't follow through with providing consequences for his actions towards her. With her being on social security, the court costs would be waived. At most, the court costs are around $50. She probably spends that much in gas or parking fees or cabs to go see her son in the hospital. Sometimes, the greatest gift we can give our children is to allow them to fail and to allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. It is also the hardest thing to do as a parent. Ultimately, it is up to the mother. While I feel bad for her, SHE is deciding to not utilize the options she has. Just as the OP finds reasons to critique any suggestions, it appears the mother does as well.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
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Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 14, 2016 2:43:00 GMT
Well he is still in the ED and is on a diversion. I think that means they are going to try to send him to a psych hospital instead of home. She knows know and agrees that she needs to press charges when he does this. Every time. She says she will, and I hope she does.
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Post by mlynn on May 14, 2016 4:13:30 GMT
Her concern for her son is misguided. It would be better for him to have consequences in the juvenile system. Plus the records could be sealed so that they do not show up when he is older.
Since she is blind, I would consider calling adult protective services. I did that for my mother when she was falling all the time and injuring herself. I just reported that I was concerned that she was not adequately supervised. (Due to a highly dysfunctional family, I was not able to broach the subject with my siblings.) They came out and interviewed her and made an evaluation. Mom ended up in assisted living.
Anyway, call adult protective services. Report that she is being abused by her son. I do not think I would necessarily mention the son's age. I am not saying to lie or refuse to answer, but you do not necessarily have to volunteer the info. Hopefully they will look into it and have some resources to offer or suggest. It cannot hurt.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
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Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 6:44:58 GMT
Update in OP
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Post by gailoh on May 15, 2016 11:33:41 GMT
I am saddened for her but a a lot of relief as well...now maybe he can get helped and she can be safe in her own home...hugs
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Post by christine58 on May 15, 2016 12:37:37 GMT
Except for today. So acute psych hospital is very likely and long term residential is being investigated as well. Update: He is still in the ER on involuntary hold. Today he called his mother. She didn't want to talk to him but she didn't know when she was handed the phone that it was him. She told him she didn't want to talk to him and that if/when he does come home there will be no phone, computer, TV/DVD in his room, etc. She was taking it away because of his behavior. Well he went off and busted up his hospital room and TV in the hospital room. So. At least the staff got a first hand look at what she is dealing with. She told him over the phone that the electronics were taken away in case he went off again and he did. (She didn't want him to go off finding this out after he came home.) At least her house/possessions and herself physically were not damaged. He really thought he was going to get another couple of days of hospital/mini vacation and then come home and tear into her. He behaves at the hospital because he knows that will get him released. Except for today. So acute psych hospital is very likely and long term residential is being investigated as well. I hope you're right about the psych hospital but I will tell you that it's highly unlikely in my experience. Unless he is truly given a great evaluation and diagnosis.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
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Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 16:37:55 GMT
Except for today. So acute psych hospital is very likely and long term residential is being investigated as well. Update: He is still in the ER on involuntary hold. Today he called his mother. She didn't want to talk to him but she didn't know when she was handed the phone that it was him. She told him she didn't want to talk to him and that if/when he does come home there will be no phone, computer, TV/DVD in his room, etc. She was taking it away because of his behavior. Well he went off and busted up his hospital room and TV in the hospital room. So. At least the staff got a first hand look at what she is dealing with. She told him over the phone that the electronics were taken away in case he went off again and he did. (She didn't want him to go off finding this out after he came home.) At least her house/possessions and herself physically were not damaged. He really thought he was going to get another couple of days of hospital/mini vacation and then come home and tear into her. He behaves at the hospital because he knows that will get him released. Except for today. So acute psych hospital is very likely and long term residential is being investigated as well. I hope you're right about the psych hospital but I will tell you that it's highly unlikely in my experience. Unless he is truly given a great evaluation and diagnosis. It is very sad. Unfortunately he will either be in a residential facility or jail. She says she will not put up with this any longer. And good for her.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on May 15, 2016 16:47:38 GMT
File a report with APS. She is disabled. They should act on it.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
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Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 17:13:12 GMT
File a report with APS. She is disabled. They should act on it. I can look into that. There is a daughter as well, his sister. She will be 16 this month. My friend called CPS to inquire about her daughter's safety. Apparently child on child violence is tolerated. My friend was concerned about her daughter being taken away if someone said she wasn't keeping her safe from him. CPS apparently doesn't care about that. I'm just stunned that they don't care about this. Suppose he really hurts her? He has tried to kill his mother and told the cops he wanted her dead. I really feel long term residential psych hospitals need to make a come back. It isn't fair for society to wash their hands of these people who really are dangerous to themselves and others and leave families to try and cope on their own.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on May 15, 2016 17:24:12 GMT
It sounds like APS is a more appropriate route than CPS in this case. You can probably report it today. I imagine they would also have a 24-hour reporting line.
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Post by christine58 on May 15, 2016 17:36:42 GMT
It is very sad. Unfortunately he will either be in a residential facility or jail. She says she will not put up with this any longer. And good for her. She needs to be safe...I don't want you coming back and telling us she's dead at his hands.
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