Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 18:08:09 GMT
It is very sad. Unfortunately he will either be in a residential facility or jail. She says she will not put up with this any longer. And good for her. She needs to be safe...I don't want you coming back and telling us she's dead at his hands. That is my very real fear for her. I can understand her not wanting him to have a police record because it would be harder for him to get a job, but get real, he's not going to have a job. He can't handle when things don't go his way. He needs intensive inpatient behavioral therapy in order to live a productive life. If he needs a police record to get that help, I'm all for it. Right now he doesn't give a damn about anything or anyone but himself. And when I said he was lazy - he is. He's not stupid, far from it. He can wash and iron his clothes, cleans himself up to look and smell nice, etc. He just will not do one damn chore at home. Not one. He tells his mother "you can't make me go to school" or "you can't make me take my meds" and on and on and on. He's late every day because he's up all night on the electronics and wants to sleep in because he's tired. It's all for him and what HE wants. He curses his mother out regularly when she asks him for a little help around the house. It isn't unreasonable for a 17 year old boy to help out!
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Post by anniefb on May 15, 2016 19:53:56 GMT
How does he get to school? Since he does it on his own timetable? She has to press charges. That is the only way the system can help her, because she is his legal guardian. That ^^
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 20:02:43 GMT
How does he get to school? Since he does it on his own timetable? She has to press charges. That is the only way the system can help her, because she is his legal guardian. That ^^ He lives close enough to the school that he can walk. So he doesn't care if he misses the bus. His mother is not his legal guardian yet. She has to put in the paperwork for that in July. He turns 18 in January.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on May 15, 2016 20:48:53 GMT
He lives close enough to the school that he can walk. So he doesn't care if he misses the bus. His mother is not his legal guardian yet. She has to put in the paperwork for that in July. He turns 18 in January. What? If she's not his legal guardian then who is? And why can't he go back to that person?? I'm so confused.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 21:15:24 GMT
He lives close enough to the school that he can walk. So he doesn't care if he misses the bus. His mother is not his legal guardian yet. She has to put in the paperwork for that in July. He turns 18 in January. What? If she's not his legal guardian then who is? And why can't he go back to that person?? I'm so confused. She is his parent, in July she will apply to be his legal guardian. A legal guardian has to be appointed by a court.
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Post by christine58 on May 15, 2016 21:30:18 GMT
What? If she's not his legal guardian then who is? And why can't he go back to that person?? I'm so confused. She is his parent, in July she will apply to be his legal guardian. A legal guardian has to be appointed by a court.I might be wrong...but legal guardianship is for minor children. She is his guardian right now...when he turns 18, why would she then set up guardianship?? I think she is misinformed to be honest. Maybe ~Lauren~ can weigh in???
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 21, 2024 3:27:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2016 21:35:18 GMT
He lives close enough to the school that he can walk. So he doesn't care if he misses the bus. His mother is not his legal guardian yet. She has to put in the paperwork for that in July. He turns 18 in January. a parent is the defacto legal guardian until age 18 unless parental rights are curtailed/terminated by a court order. Given his behavior does she REALLY want to be his legal guardian after he turns 18?
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Post by elaine on May 15, 2016 21:36:55 GMT
She currently IS his legal guardian as his parent while he is a minor, unless someone else was appointed to be.
Depending on how disabled he is, she could be court appointed to be his legal guardian when he is no longer a minor. It is typical for disabled adults, who do not have the ability to live independently and make rational decisions, to have a legal guardian. That is what she going to apply for.
But currently she IS his legal guardian. Control of decisions about him haven't been turned over to someone else. Let's say he was taken away from her, legal guardianship might be taken over by the state or a foster parent. Hence, SHE is the one who must press charges.
Why isn't she seeing a social worker?
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 22:12:26 GMT
She is his parent, in July she will apply to be his legal guardian. A legal guardian has to be appointed by a court. I might be wrong...but legal guardianship is for minor children. She is his guardian right now...when he turns 18, why would she then set up guardianship?? I think she is misinformed to be honest. Maybe ~Lauren~ can weigh in??? She has to apply for legal guardianship when he is 17 1/2 years old so that the process can be completed prior to him turning 18. "Guardianship Services are provided to individuals who are alleged to be incompetent or adjudicated incompetent by the court." This is for the state of NC. This boy cannot take care of himself, he cannot hold a job, he is immature, refuses to take the necessary meds to keep himself functioning in a stable manner. If he is thrown out into the world in January he WILL fail. She is trying to get help for him. He will likely not graduate high school, either because he refuses to go at all or refuses to do the work involved. He is still a freshman or sophomore I think. He misses school a LOT. If he had his way he would have his face in the phone all day with the earphones on. And authority figures tell him he doesn't have to go to school if he doesn't want to, doesn't have to do really ANYTHING if he doesn't want to.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on May 15, 2016 22:29:43 GMT
I might be wrong...but legal guardianship is for minor children. She is his guardian right now...when he turns 18, why would she then set up guardianship?? I think she is misinformed to be honest. Maybe ~Lauren~ can weigh in??? She has to apply for legal guardianship when he is 17 1/2 years old so that the process can be completed prior to him turning 18. "Guardianship Services are provided to individuals who are alleged to be incompetent or adjudicated incompetent by the court." This is for the state of NC. This boy cannot take care of himself, he cannot hold a job, he is immature, refuses to take the necessary meds to keep himself functioning in a stable manner. If he is thrown out into the world in January he WILL fail. She is trying to get help for him. He will likely not graduate high school, either because he refuses to go at all or refuses to do the work involved. He is still a freshman or sophomore I think. He misses school a LOT. If he had his way he would have his face in the phone all day with the earphones on. And authority figures tell him he doesn't have to go to school if he doesn't want to, doesn't have to do really ANYTHING if he doesn't want to. If your friend needs to apply for guardianship in July she had better start thinking about what she wants her future to look like. By getting guardianship she's protecting him but risking herself and her daughter. By the sounds of it he's not as unstable as he acts, he's learned that he can get out of the hospital and skip school by saying the right things to the right people; he can treat his mother like total shit yet she won't do anything about it and instead will continue to rescue him. I'm not even sure the courts will grant guardianship since his medical records don't seem to show anything to grant him more than a day or three hospital stay (latest incident aside, but surely all he'll have to do is say he'll take his meds).
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 22:48:08 GMT
She has to apply for legal guardianship when he is 17 1/2 years old so that the process can be completed prior to him turning 18. "Guardianship Services are provided to individuals who are alleged to be incompetent or adjudicated incompetent by the court." This is for the state of NC. This boy cannot take care of himself, he cannot hold a job, he is immature, refuses to take the necessary meds to keep himself functioning in a stable manner. If he is thrown out into the world in January he WILL fail. She is trying to get help for him. He will likely not graduate high school, either because he refuses to go at all or refuses to do the work involved. He is still a freshman or sophomore I think. He misses school a LOT. If he had his way he would have his face in the phone all day with the earphones on. And authority figures tell him he doesn't have to go to school if he doesn't want to, doesn't have to do really ANYTHING if he doesn't want to. If your friend needs to apply for guardianship in July she had better start thinking about what she wants her future to look like. By getting guardianship she's protecting him but risking herself and her daughter. By the sounds of it he's not as unstable as he acts, he's learned that he can get out of the hospital and skip school by saying the right things to the right people; he can treat his mother like total shit yet she won't do anything about it and instead will continue to rescue him. I'm not even sure the courts will grant guardianship since his medical records don't seem to show anything to grant him more than a day or three hospital stay (latest incident aside, but surely all he'll have to do is say he'll take his meds). I agree that by getting guardianship she is risking herself and her daughter. I made it a point to ask about that (daughter) when we were at the hospital. Everyone is saying that nobody will fault her if he does something to his sister. I don't believe it for a second. I believe they will go after her for not keeping the daughter safe. They say they won't but I don't believe it. The plan is to get him out of the house and into a residential setting. Or (I think) jail. He cannot stay but he cannot take care of himself. If he goes off the chain without a guardian then nobody can make him get help, nobody can access his medical records, etc. He's on his own, and he can't handle it. I can't even fathom what it would be like if someone wasn't there to take care of him.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on May 15, 2016 22:50:52 GMT
She is his parent, in July she will apply to be his legal guardian. A legal guardian has to be appointed by a court. I might be wrong...but legal guardianship is for minor children. She is his guardian right now...when he turns 18, why would she then set up guardianship?? I think she is misinformed to be honest. Maybe ~Lauren~ can weigh in??? That would be conservatorship.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on May 15, 2016 23:27:23 GMT
Everyone is saying that nobody will fault her if he does something to his sister. I don't believe it for a second. I believe they will go after her for not keeping the daughter safe. They say they won't but I don't believe it That seems like a strange concern, shouldn't the first concern be for the girl's safety??
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Post by refugeepea on May 15, 2016 23:41:42 GMT
It may vary by state, but I have taken a class on guardianship. It is very difficult to get FULL guardianship of an adult with high functioning Autism. It also might be best to have a court appointed guardian for areas like finance and medical if he hates his mother that much.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 23:41:51 GMT
I might be wrong...but legal guardianship is for minor children. She is his guardian right now...when he turns 18, why would she then set up guardianship?? I think she is misinformed to be honest. Maybe ~Lauren~ can weigh in??? That would be conservatorship.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 23:49:46 GMT
Everyone is saying that nobody will fault her if he does something to his sister. I don't believe it for a second. I believe they will go after her for not keeping the daughter safe. They say they won't but I don't believe it That seems like a strange concern, shouldn't the first concern be for the girl's safety?? She is very concerned for her daughter, that is another reason she is trying to get him out of the home. They keep sending him back, and that is why I asked about them blaming her if the son did anything to his sister. It is a very real concern. So help me if they take her daughter away and say she wasn't trying to keep her safe! They keep denying that it would happen but I don't believe it. God, I can't wait until he turns 18 and is dealt with as an adult. No more of this "he's too old for this program" or "he's too young for that program." Apparently there isn't a single damn program for a 17 year old boy. Nobody appears to want to do anything.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 15, 2016 23:57:20 GMT
It may vary by state, but I have taken a class on guardianship. It is very difficult to get FULL guardianship of an adult with high functioning Autism. It also might be best to have a court appointed guardian for areas like finance and medical if he hates his mother that much. What is the difficult part? I really have no idea about this so I'm glad to hear you have experience with it. Can he refuse guardianship? He does have a trust fund with about $40,000 that he inherited from his grandmother. My friend wants to use that to fix all the stuff he broke at home (which is a lot). My friend doesn't have really good credit, can she pick someone else (like a family member) to oversee the finances? I think a disinterested party would be better, frankly.
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Post by elaine on May 16, 2016 0:31:55 GMT
It may vary by state, but I have taken a class on guardianship. It is very difficult to get FULL guardianship of an adult with high functioning Autism. It also might be best to have a court appointed guardian for areas like finance and medical if he hates his mother that much. What is the difficult part? I really have no idea about this so I'm glad to hear you have experience with it. Can he refuse guardianship? He does have a trust fund with about $40,000 that he inherited from his grandmother. My friend wants to use that to fix all the stuff he broke at home (which is a lot). My friend doesn't have really good credit, can she pick someone else (like a family member) to oversee the finances? I think a disinterested party would be better, frankly.It depends on how the trust fund was set up. We have special needs trusts set up for our boys, and in the state of VA, that money can only be used for limited things directly related to their cost of living - food, rent, utilities. It would not be possible for us to decide to use that money for home repairs. But, it all depends on what type of trust was set up and who is listed on the legal papers as the conservator. A lawyer or a social worker with experience in this area is who would be most helpful. I think that it is great that you want to help your friend, but think that supporting her in going to resources who actually have knowledge and experience in all these matters would be more helpful in a physical sense. Please have her talk with a social worker at the Department of Health and Human Services about all of these issues. Please.
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Post by JustKim on May 16, 2016 1:19:37 GMT
thanks for the update. She needs to stay strong. Not easy when it is your child. Hopefully he gets the help he needs.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 16, 2016 12:36:47 GMT
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Post by Florida Cindy on May 16, 2016 13:42:30 GMT
I had a friend who went through what your friend is going through, except it wasn't as abusive. She went to the top of agency for persons with disabilities-in the state of Florida. If his IQ is low enough, he may qualify for services. If not, mental health services can help. Your friend has to be the squeaky wheel. Your friend should consult with his psychiatrist as to what his future needs w/o coming home. My friend went to the state rep and obtained services. Legal aide helped my friend get guardianship-as her grandson needed her to be his guardian. It's a very tough road for your friend. Also, make sure your friend tells the psychiatrist he cannot come home because he will kill her and her daughter.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 17, 2016 13:06:08 GMT
Well we went to Alliance and got them set up with a care coordinator. That is the first step to really get what he needs, they say. Also went to the sheriff's office to file the paperwork for undisciplined juvenile. That paperwork is being sent up to the juvenile division where they will decide to either go with the charge of undisciplined juvenile or to charge him criminally as an adult. My friend is OK with either. We also found out that they won't charge her for damages that he causes, it's on him. Also, she won't have to pay court costs if she presses charges against him.
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Post by terri on May 17, 2016 13:35:36 GMT
I really hope everything works out for this family. People do change and hopefully with help she will someday be able to have a healthy relationship with her son. I am proof that is can happen, but it takes a lot of work on both sides. She needs time and space now, but when he changes hopefully she can find a way to forgive him. I am so glad I did. My son is so important to me and I am thrilled we are close, something I never thought would happen after all he put me through. Just tell your friend to keep having hope, but also she really should be in therapy for herself. Keeping them in my prayers.
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Post by peanuttle on May 17, 2016 15:35:09 GMT
If she doesn't want to press charges and keeps allowing him back in the house, she is going to end up dead. I don't care if he's not 18, he would not be stepping foot back in my house.
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Rainbow
Pearl Clutcher
Where salt is in the air and sand is at my feet...
Posts: 4,103
Jun 26, 2014 5:57:41 GMT
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Post by Rainbow on May 17, 2016 15:59:38 GMT
If she doesn't want to press charges and keeps allowing him back in the house, she is going to end up dead. I don't care if he's not 18, he would not be stepping foot back in my house. Sometimes you don't have a choice. All the official type people know what is happening. If they send him back home she HAS to let him in. They've told her that. I suppose she could offer to go to jail instead, but what would happen to her daughter? No way would I be offering to go to jail for his sorry ass.
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