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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2016 14:34:36 GMT
I need to vent for a moment. I have a 9 yr old DS who is immature and doesn't fit in at school. He doesn't have a single friend even though he says has them.
From what I see his "friends" use him for a laugh at his expense.
About a month ago he got in trouble for making a thrusting motion towards another kid. We was sent to ISS and we were notified.
Yesterday he comes home and tells us that a few boys told the teacher that he had RAPED them. I wan't notified by the school or nothing.
This morning we went to the school to find out what exactly happened. It was true that several boys accused my son of "rape".
We spoke to the counselor who had spoke to all the children. What it came down to was the boys were referring to the incident of my son making thrusting motions A MONTH AGO and decided to bring it back up and tell the teacher my son had raped them.
I am completely heart broke and at my whits end.
I know my son has issues at school. He doesn't fit in. I have refused to be that parent whom thinks there kid is "special" I have had my son "suck it up".
His behavior at home and school are WORLDS apart. He cry's and screams at school, never has he done it at home. He has trouble concentrating so his desk to away from all the other kids in his class next to the teachers.
He is in 3rd grade. It took us two yrs to get him tested for dyslexia at the school. (I knew from 1st grade he had it) He has struggled with reading and he is just got over his studdering this year.
I know the world is not fair, no matter how hard we try and push there will always be bullies and just hateful people whom enjoy seeing others suffer. I just never thought that it would happen in 3rd grade.
Our solution is we have decided to homeschool him and my youngest daughter whom is in K.
The school is not that great. it is over 80% below poverty level.
I just can't watch him go through this anymore.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Update:
I want to thank each and everyone of you for your comments and suggestions. I really needed to hear that I am making the right decision.
Today was his official last day. There is only 12 days of school left.
The more I thought about what happened the more angry I became.
With that coming to light a lot of other things fell into place as far as what has been happening. He really did stick out like a sore thumb and desperately wanted a friend at any cost. That cost came as him being a target to get in trouble for other kids enjoyment.
What those boys did was nothing short of a set up to get him in trouble for their fun.
We will be putting him in karate and possibly boy scouts.
Homeschooling will allow him to spend more time on reading and he can now jump up to the level of math he is capable of. At home he is doing 5th grade math so school has not been challenging in math. Also he love science.
Again thank every so much for everything.
I have been reading the peas for nearly 18 yrs. you all are there for when someone really needs advice, needs to vent, or needs a knock in the head!
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by DEX on May 12, 2016 14:39:14 GMT
Heartbreaking. I am so sorry for you and your son. I hope things improve.
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Post by myboysnme on May 12, 2016 14:39:55 GMT
My son now an adult was so unhappy at school for many reasons bur nothing like your son is suffering. Please look at all other available options for him. This is a never ending sort of thing.
Look at out of district, homeschool, private school, small school, unschool, anything but what he is currently going through.
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Post by jenjie on May 12, 2016 14:40:04 GMT
I am angry for him. I am so sorry. It does sound like homeschool is a good plan for next year.
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Post by 3SugarBugs on May 12, 2016 14:42:42 GMT
Offering hugs to you as well. Hang in there momma, it's so hard to see our kids suffer.  Sounds like you have a good plan in place and are advocating for him. |
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luckyexwife
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Post by luckyexwife on May 12, 2016 14:44:54 GMT
That is so heartbreaking! I am so sorry for your son.
I have several friends who homeschool their kids, and The Homeschool Co-op they belong to is amazing! They pool their resources and they take turns teaching different subjects, as well as hiring people to come in and teach special classes, such as art and chemistry. Research your area and see if you can find a homeschooling Co-op that you can become a part of, it is really helpful as far as figuring out with your state laws, what's required, as well as support for you and your child. Good luck!
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freebird
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Post by freebird on May 12, 2016 14:45:03 GMT
Our solution is we have decided to homeschool him and my youngest daughter whom is in K. That sounds like a really good solution and most likely what I'd do too, and I was totally NOT a homeschool kind of mom. It'll be ok, give him a few years to grow confidence at home and with different people. |
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Post by refugeepea on May 12, 2016 14:45:20 GMT
I'm sorry. It's hard when kids have issues. My daughter is at a very small charter school this year and overall it's been better. If that wouldn't have been available I think I would have done part homeschooling and part classes at the public school.
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momto4kiddos
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Post by momto4kiddos on May 12, 2016 14:50:57 GMT
Heartbreaking! I'm so glad you are in a position to home school him and get him out of that environment. I have a nephew who is now 12 who had a lot of problem in school at a young age also. He was picked on and made fun of. They ended up pulling him and putting him in private school and things have been better. No kid should have to endure that kind of treatment, glad you are being proactive about it.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 12, 2016 14:56:04 GMT
(((hugs))) to you & your son.
It sounds like that classroom is absolutely out of control, and not a good environment for your son.
I know you have decided to homeschool. Have you considered enrolling him in an online school? My dd2 attends an online charter school that we found through http://www.k12.com She has live classes four days a week, where she interacts with her teacher and classmates. There are outings we can attend to do social activities with.
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Post by anonrefugee on May 12, 2016 14:59:28 GMT
Oh I am sorry, that's beyond usual kid teasing, it's warped. I hope those kids get help- and some punishment!
Did your son receive a dyslexia diagnosis? If so I wouldn't leap to homeschooling as first alternative. I have two kids with dyslexia. They each needed training with a different twist to the program in order to learn to compensate. If I homeschooled I might have gotten there eventually, but a professional started prepared.
My heart goes out to you as you search for a better locatIon. He deserves to be protected. You are a good mom for fighting for him!
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Post by BoilerUp! on May 12, 2016 15:04:19 GMT
I wish I could offer a suggestion for you, but I can offer a virtual hug. I'm sorry for you as his mom, and I am sorry for him as well.
Unfortunately some kids suck!
I'm happy that you are able to accomodate some special arrangements for next year.
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Post by mikklynn on May 12, 2016 15:04:37 GMT
I just want to add I'm sorry. My granddaughter is very socially awkward and only has 1 friend. She goes to a small school with about 13 girls in her entire grade level. It breaks my heart that she doesn't ever get invited to the other girl's parties.
Hugs, Mom. You are doing the right thing.
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valleyview
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Post by valleyview on May 12, 2016 15:04:50 GMT
I am so sorry that your son is in this situation, and I agree that he does not seem to be in a good learning environment. However, you need to talk to the counselor at school and special ed teacher so that you get the best possible resources ready for him before you homeschool. There may be some special guidelines and resources required/available because of his diagnosed dyslexia.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:11:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2016 15:05:11 GMT
Homeschooling is great!
Btw, you still can send your son for specific classes like art, gym, music. I sent my son to school for language arts, since that was "boring" to do at home.
Be prepared to prepare! He may blow through all his lessons in less than 2 hours since he doesn't have other students slowing the teaching down.
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Post by anonrefugee on May 12, 2016 15:09:39 GMT
Homeschooling is great! Btw, you still can send your son for specific classes like art, gym, music. I sent my son to school for language arts, since that was "boring" to do at home. Be prepared to prepare! He may blow through all his lessons in less than 2 hours since he doesn't have other students slowing the teaching down. Yes- maybe you can hire a reading specialist! OP your post makes me wish we all lived in the same town and gather at the school, and set them straight. Hugs. |
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caro
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Post by caro on May 12, 2016 15:21:29 GMT
Your son is being bullied. Are there specific plans at school for the bully's? I hope those boys are being talked to by the school counselor.
I am sorry for your son.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on May 12, 2016 15:21:52 GMT
((Hugs))
I've heard of children who have terrible experiences in one school but are so different and excel in a different environment. It could be this was a damaging environment for your ds. I know there are wonderful school options that your son would probably do well in but I don't know if you have any of these options in your area, or if they are affordable for you. My friend removed his son from our private school after K for similar reasons you've mentioned. In the new school - geared to kids who are gifted, have special needs, or just don't fit in in the regular system, he has excelled.
I hope the homeschooling goes well for you. I volunteer with an organization that sets volunteer teachers up with at risk readers. You might want to see if your area has something similar. Good luck. Vent anytime.
P.
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blue tulip
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Post by blue tulip on May 12, 2016 15:28:01 GMT
holy crap, that's horrible! what did the school do with the boys who accused rape? I hope they came down hard and fast on that, it is NOT a joke and appalling that they would do that. I am so mad and sad for you. that is just beyond the pale. |
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Post by peanuttle on May 12, 2016 15:28:50 GMT
That is heartbreaking. Please look in to other options for him. I am not sure of your situation, but it does not seem that a normal school environment is right for him and is making his issues worse.
Can you look into homeschooling or maybe an online/home school program?
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compeateropeator
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Post by compeateropeator on May 12, 2016 15:29:52 GMT
My heart goes out to your son. Is is very hard to see a child hurting and on the outside, and even more so when it is your child. Your unconditional love is so important during this hard time.
It sucks that as kids we can't see what we hopefully do as adults...some people are just mean and that there are a lot of components to self worth and popularity and fitting in are not high on the list. Also that most of the time you will find "your group of people" as you get older and have more places to interact with people So you just have keep looking. Is there any club or group that he can join where he has a common love or interest as the others involved?
I am sorry you are dealing with this.
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Post by compwalla on May 12, 2016 15:30:50 GMT
My son is getting ready to graduate from a school for kids with learning differences. There are about 70 students k-12 and the kids there have a variety of difficulties that make it hard for them to succeed in public school. High functioning autism, dyslexia, ADHD, etc. Their student-teacher ratio is capped at 10 to 1 for all grades. It's a wonderful school and has been life-changing for DS. There were times we never thought we'd get to high school graduation but he graduates the 20th of this month and we couldn't be prouder.
Don't count out private school as a good option; it's the best decision we could have made.
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Anita
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Post by Anita on May 12, 2016 15:35:02 GMT
I'm so sorry, what a horrible environment for him. I really hope there is some punishment for the bullies.
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peppermintpatty
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Post by peppermintpatty on May 12, 2016 15:35:08 GMT
Um, those kids who made those accusations need to be held accountable. Not only would I pull your son out of school, I would make sure those responsible are punished accordingly. I am so sorry your son has had to deal with this. It sounds like he will get a much better education being homeschooled! Hugs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2016 15:40:15 GMT
I am so sorry! My heart breaks for kids in his situation. I would encourage you to be open to other options besides homeschooling. If he has a Dyslexia diagnosis, he will most likely need specialized help that you may not be fully equipped to give him. I say that gently. Good luck to your family! |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 12, 2016 16:07:00 GMT
Thanks everyone for the kind words.
It was the school counselor that we spoke to and no punishment was given to the boys. Just a talking to.
It boils my blood that at the beginning of the school ur when my son joked about killing the principle it was taken very serious three day suspension but other boys accuse my son of rape ( the counselor knew that it was a bogus accusation) didn't treat it as serious. No ISS or suspension.
We home schooled kindergarten for him when we lived out in the boondocks but when we moved back to the city I thought it was a good choice for him to go to public school.
When he started getting in trouble I sided with the school. Blaming my son for his actions.
There has been lots of "accidents" with other kids on the playground resulting in my son hurt numerous times. Some one accidentally grabs his cloths causing him to fall, accidental pushing, or tripping.
This was the thing that beyond a shadow of a doubt that certain kids in his class has been intentionally trying to get him in trouble. He is the one who will do something if the tell him too and he will do it. He trust everyone and doesn't understand that kids can just be plain mean.
I am kicking myself that I trusted the school. All you hear about is no kid left behind... Bla bla bla. But truth is school works for normal average kids.
I guess the only thing I hate about homeschooling is explaining to people why I am doing it. At least last time we were out in the boondocks so to others it was a "valid" reason.
There are no private schools around here that deal with any kind of learning disability like dyslexia. Again thanks for all the wonderful words.
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Post by Miss Ang on May 12, 2016 16:17:18 GMT
I'm sorry. I know that must be very hard.  I can't offer any magical words of wisdom but I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry and I hope things get better with the changes. |
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luckyexwife
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Post by luckyexwife on May 12, 2016 16:17:57 GMT
Thanks everyone for the kind words. It was the school counselor that we spoke to and no punishment was given to the boys. Just a talking to. It boils my blood that at the beginning of the school ur when my son joked about killing the principle it was taken very serious three day suspension but other boys accuse my son of rape ( the counselor knew that it was a bogus accusation) didn't treat it as serious. No ISS or suspension. We home schooled kindergarten for him when we lived out in the boondocks but when we moved back to the city I thought it was a good choice for him to go to public school. When he started getting in trouble I sided with the school. Blaming my son for his actions. There has been lots of "accidents" with other kids on the playground resulting in my son hurt numerous times. Some one accidentally grabs his cloths causing him to fall, accidental pushing, or tripping. This was the thing that beyond a shadow of a doubt that certain kids in his class has been intentionally trying to get him in trouble. He is the one who will do something if the tell him too and he will do it. He trust everyone and doesn't understand that kids can just be plain mean. I am kicking myself that I trusted the school. All you hear about is no kid left behind... Bla bla bla. But truth is school works for normal average kids. I guess the only thing I hate about homeschooling is explaining to people why I am doing it. At least last time we were out in the boondocks so to others it was a "valid" reason. There are no private schools around here that deal with any kind of learning disability like dyslexia. Again thanks for all the wonderful words. Practice saying "it's the best choice for my family " for when people question you. If people further question you, just look them straight in the eye, smile and ask why they are so interested. |
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Post by scrapmaven on May 12, 2016 16:30:30 GMT
Have you seen a child psychologist or educational psychologist for your son? Bullying that is severe enough to warrant him leaving school and ITA w/your choice will leave scars and your son might need that extra support. An educational psychologist might be able to fully re-assess your son as well as make recommendations for private or homeschool options. Your poor boy needs a lot of support and it sounds as though the administration at his school is incapable of handling it.
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Post by justkat on May 12, 2016 16:42:00 GMT
I just wanted to offer ((hugs)). I can't imagine being in this position.
It's awful that the school is choosing to do nothing regarding the accusations/accusers. They need to take this much more seriously than they apparently are. Good luck to you and your son with homeschooling.
As for anyone who asks why. Smile nicely and politely tell them it's none of their business. Or just says it's the best choice for your family. Nobody has a right to question you or your decision.
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Sounds like you have a good plan in place and are advocating for him.
I can't offer any magical words of wisdom but I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry and I hope things get better with the changes.
