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Post by katiekaty on Aug 1, 2014 15:07:00 GMT
Follow your heart. And Melissa put in some good advice. I think the girl would love it.
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,912
Jun 25, 2014 20:45:00 GMT
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Post by melissa on Aug 1, 2014 16:19:38 GMT
If there is a single phrase that I have embraced since my own cancer diagnosis it is "live without regret."
I sincerely believe you will regret not doing this very special thing for this young girl.
I have a dancer myself. Those of us with serious, passionate dancers understand that it does indeed define who they are. If you were a dancer like this, even when you walk away from it, you still identify as a dancer. It becomes part of your soul. Yes, it is something they just do, but it is also who they are.
Even if this little girl is going to lose a leg to something like osteosarcoma, she will always be a dancer and, in that case, once she beats it, will dance again someday, somehow. If the comment about not dancing again is due to her upcoming chemotherapy treatments, don't be so sure. Check out The Bald Ballerina on Facebook. She is a 23 yr old ballet dancer with stage 4 breast cancer who is actually taking ballet classes during her chemo treatments. Not at the pace she was doing before, but she is still dancing. She is a friend of a friend of my daughter's.
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Post by missysauter on Aug 1, 2014 16:26:05 GMT
Don't overthink this. Make the dress. Here are some thing that happen with a lousy diagnosis. There are people who pull away because they don't know what to do or say and people who pull away because they are scared. Don't be one of those people. If this is something she would have appreciated before the diagnosis, it is something she will appreciate now. Dance is such a huge part of her life. This will help keep her tied to something normal. Normalcy is something she is going to miss terribly. What is more likely to make her sad is if her teammates pull away. Having her teammates support her will mean so much. And, think about this... what if you wait and it's too late. Don't let that happen. I would say not only make the bear/dress, but start thinking of ways that your dd and her friends can continue to support her through the upcoming battle. People often rally around at first, but then drop away over time. Try to figure out how they can keep the support up. I could not have said this any better myself. This girl is 13 and is old enough to understand her diagnosis. She needs reinforcements of positive things to get her through this very difficult time. Please make the dress.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on Aug 1, 2014 16:29:18 GMT
So thoughtful - I agree with most peas that she would love it if she wasn't facing this battle, so why not love it with the hopes that it will brighten many days and treatments that she has to endure? I hope she makes a full recovery.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 1, 2014 17:13:50 GMT
I'd make the dress. An acquaintance's child suffered through 2 years of intense treatment for a rare form of cancer. I sent a few really basic care packages. Gift cards for restaurants near the hospital and gas (the children's hospital was a few hours away) and a couple games that I thought her daughter would enjoy. Truly nothing special, but the family was in our community and I wanted her to know we were thinking of their struggle. I ran into her a year or so after their treatment ended, and she thanked me so profusely I was embarrassed. When I mentioned that I really hadn't done much, she related how friends she'd had for years and even family members just disappeared. Their family felt so, so alone - that a greeting card with a gas card meant the world to them. I really never realized just how many people are so worried of offending that they do nothing - and that is so much more hurful.
I agree with so much of what melissa said - just be there for them, any thought you have is going to be fine, and so, so much better than doing nothing.
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bomo
Full Member
Posts: 150
Jun 26, 2014 15:54:49 GMT
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Post by bomo on Aug 1, 2014 20:02:59 GMT
Don't overthink this. Make the dress. I so agree with this. I feel that one day she will appreciate your thoughtfulness and have warm memories of her dancing.
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Post by jemali on Aug 1, 2014 20:13:47 GMT
I think you should make the dress.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 1, 2014 20:15:36 GMT
I agree with Melissa. I also understand that you might want to follow your daughter's wishes. I would call the parents and ask if you could make the dress/bear and have them tell you when she is ready for it.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Aug 1, 2014 20:53:37 GMT
I agree with the not over thinking. That usually gets you to second guess yourself. I would make the dress.
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Post by BeckyTech on Aug 1, 2014 21:52:48 GMT
Melissa actually talked about two different things. One was the fact that many people pull away and do nothing during a time of crises and the other was making the dress. I think everyone agrees that staying a steady presence in the girls life is definitely something you and your daughter should do.
If your daughter has doubts about the dress, how about just making the bear and a special outfit for the bear without making a matching outfit for the girl? That alone would be a lovely gift.
No matter what you do it doesn't sound like you and your daughter will abandon the girl and her family, and that is the most important thing of all.
Prayers for your daughters friend.
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Post by lesleyanne on Aug 1, 2014 23:39:38 GMT
Thanks everyone. I remain conflicted, but I'm going to go ahead and make the dress. Lily's dress is green and white -- absolutely beautiful.
I know what everyone means about pulling back. My mum died of lung cancer at 60, after living with it for 10 years. I totally get it from that point of view, but can't imagine having a child in these circumstances. My heart breaks.
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Post by lesleyanne on Aug 1, 2014 23:43:45 GMT
If there is a single phrase that I have embraced since my own cancer diagnosis it is "live without regret." I sincerely believe you will regret not doing this very special thing for this young girl. I have a dancer myself. Those of us with serious, passionate dancers understand that it does indeed define who they are. If you were a dancer like this, even when you walk away from it, you still identify as a dancer. It becomes part of your soul. Yes, it is something they just do, but it is also who they are. Even if this little girl is going to lose a leg to something like osteosarcoma, she will always be a dancer and, in that case, once she beats it, will dance again someday, somehow. If the comment about not dancing again is due to her upcoming chemotherapy treatments, don't be so sure. Check out The Bald Ballerina on Facebook. She is a 23 yr old ballet dancer with stage 4 breast cancer who is actually taking ballet classes during her chemo treatments. Not at the pace she was doing before, but she is still dancing. She is a friend of a friend of my daughter's. Thank you for that story. What an amazing dancer and she is inspirational! Your words that I would regret are 100% accurate. I think the worst response is silence and even if this turns out to be a misstep, I think it's the right thing to do. There's a culture with these kids and they are so connected to that identity.
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mely
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:59 GMT
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Post by mely on Aug 2, 2014 1:41:42 GMT
My name is Ryan, I'm an 18 year old open champ dancer who started dancing when I was 4. Honestly make her the dress. Irish dance becomes part of who you are and what your life is about. You can't just leave that behind. When Jane lost her leg during the bombings every dance school in the world came together. Every school in the world. Make her something that she'll remember for the rest of her life.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk
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mely
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:59 GMT
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Post by mely on Aug 2, 2014 2:08:25 GMT
^^^^ that is my son posting. He wanted to offer perspective as a dancer. And it's a part of you no matter what. I have a friend who is an adult dancer who had to quit after a hip surgery - but she still stays active in the community even though it's hard sometimes. Make the dress.
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Post by coaliesquirrel on Aug 2, 2014 15:05:43 GMT
I also agree with Melissa; however I just wanted to offer up a different option if you feel duplicating her solo dress is too sensitive. Girls in our school made a darling little sock monkey-style stuffie out of poodle socks dyed to our school's color (see here). She's become the school mascot of sorts and goes to feises with the dancers. I just want to say I was so tickled to see this: He's absolutely right! My husband and his fire crew baked 200 cupcakes to sell at a dance-out our area dance schools and performance groups coordinated to benefit Jane's family. DD is 6 and just a beginner (hasn't feised yet) but she was really excited to be able to participate in helping out another dancer.
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mely
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:59 GMT
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Post by mely on Aug 2, 2014 18:03:49 GMT
We are long timers. I think my eldest son even competed against Beths daughter way back when. Some people try it and don't stick with it but for the ones that do - it takes hold of your soul even after you stop dancing. I still think it is a beautiful gesture and I hope you do it.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on Aug 2, 2014 19:04:44 GMT
Make the dress.
I am working with a teenager, female, who has been playing soccer forever. She has a cancer that will prevent her from playing soccer again. The rallying of her teammates has been a huge help to her spirits and healing.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 7, 2024 6:22:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2014 19:26:13 GMT
No loving gesture will be wrong. Make the dress for the bear and let her know you want to and will be there as she goes through this horrible time. ((((hugs)))) and many, many prayers.
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