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Post by lesleyanne on Aug 1, 2014 2:52:15 GMT
DD1 (my avatar) irish dances. One of her teammates, Lily, has just been diagnosed with a very rare and serious cancer. It is quite bad. She's 13 and very good, just returned from Nationals. She's also simply the nicest kid. I want to make her a matching dance dress for a build-a-bear. Example of DD1 in her old dress:  I can make her one. But I'm worried about it being a good idea or not. Lily may never dance again (likely) and her life has changed forever. In my head I think it would be a way to encourage her and show our support. DD1 thinks it might make her worry/feel bad. Thoughts? |
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Aug 1, 2014 2:56:09 GMT
I think you are both thoughtful and caring... but I think I might agree with your DD on this. It would be different if you were going to make her a new bear and then dress it in your creation, but just a dress? That feels iffier to me.
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Post by katlaw on Aug 1, 2014 3:00:56 GMT
I love the idea but I wonder if it would remind her of what she lost and make her sad.
Maybe you could make her something like a quilted bed jacket and make one for her bear as well. If she is sick she will use one.
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Post by lesleyanne on Aug 1, 2014 3:01:28 GMT
Eddie-n-Harley, I see your point. The thing is that dance becomes SO MUCH to these kids. They train as hard as any athlete. The kids have their identities wrapped up in irish dance and their costumes are a special thing to them. You don't get to wear your own dress until you reach a high level and no two costumes are the same. I guess my problem is I want to DO SOMETHING!!!! but there's nothing to do.  |
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SuPeaNatural
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Jun 27, 2014 8:49:11 GMT
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Post by SuPeaNatural on Aug 1, 2014 3:01:42 GMT
I think it's a lovely idea. Can you make it as a signature bear and dress it in the matching outfit? That way all her team mates can sign it and it will be a lovely keepsake for her, to remind her she has their support and friendship. Or if you want a regular bear, make the skirt from material that can be signed.
ETA: Sorry, I missed the end of your post about your DD being worried about the girls reaction. So maybe hold off for the moment and see how things go over the next weeks\months. Or can you ask her mother what she thinks is the best way to go. |
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kate
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Aug 1, 2014 4:23:24 GMT
No suggestions here; just wanted to say I'm so sorry.
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Post by PEArfect on Aug 1, 2014 4:33:21 GMT
Could you ask her parents what they think? They know her best. Even it's not a surprise, it's still a thoughtful gesture. Prayers to the her and her family. I can't imagine going through cancer treatments with a child.
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by melissa on Aug 1, 2014 5:10:28 GMT
Don't overthink this. Make the dress.
Here are some thing that happen with a lousy diagnosis. There are people who pull away because they don't know what to do or say and people who pull away because they are scared. Don't be one of those people. If this is something she would have appreciated before the diagnosis, it is something she will appreciate now. Dance is such a huge part of her life. This will help keep her tied to something normal. Normalcy is something she is going to miss terribly.
What is more likely to make her sad is if her teammates pull away. Having her teammates support her will mean so much. And, think about this... what if you wait and it's too late. Don't let that happen.
I would say not only make the bear/dress, but start thinking of ways that your dd and her friends can continue to support her through the upcoming battle. People often rally around at first, but then drop away over time. Try to figure out how they can keep the support up.
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anniebygaslight
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Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 1, 2014 5:53:08 GMT
I think this is a lovely idea. There is no point pretending that dancing wasn't a massive part of her life, and tiptoeing away from the subject will not be a good idea in my view. I'm sure she will be thrilled with the gift, and will appreciate the trouble you will have gone to.
Poor kid. I hope she makes a full recovery.
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Post by houston249 on Aug 1, 2014 5:54:54 GMT
Melissa hit the nail on the head. Dont hesitate, do it and continue supporting her.
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Post by peasful1 on Aug 1, 2014 5:56:46 GMT
A quilt or blanket would be nice to have during treatment. I think it's possible to express concern and caring without tying it in to dance at all. Dance is what she does. It isn't who she is. If she never dances again, is she nothing? No. It's kind of you to think of her.
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cycworker
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Posts: 4,387
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Post by cycworker on Aug 1, 2014 6:19:16 GMT
I agree with everything Melissa said about continuing to support her. I think it's really important that you not give her the feeling of people dropping away. That said, for me, the reminder of something I would never be able to do again might be too much right now. I think I'd talk to her parents about the specifics of the gift. But I don't really know.
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Post by pmk on Aug 1, 2014 7:11:03 GMT
I also agree with Melissa and would make the costume.
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Post by anniefb on Aug 1, 2014 7:55:39 GMT
I'm leaning towards asking her parents if you're feeling unsure.
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Post by phoenixcov on Aug 1, 2014 11:34:39 GMT
I agree with Melissa but would also check with parents.
They will know if their daughter is ready for this lovely gift now or
if it might be better given in a little while.
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back to *pea*ality
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Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Aug 1, 2014 11:39:27 GMT
Beautifully said Melissa. OP follow your heart. This child and her family are going to need the love and support of family and friends,
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Post by Miss Ang on Aug 1, 2014 11:39:42 GMT
Don't overthink this. Make the dress. Here are some thing that happen with a lousy diagnosis. There are people who pull away because they don't know what to do or say and people who pull away because they are scared. Don't be one of those people. If this is something she would have appreciated before the diagnosis, it is something she will appreciate now. Dance is such a huge part of her life. This will help keep her tied to something normal. Normalcy is something she is going to miss terribly. What is more likely to make her sad is if her teammates pull away. Having her teammates support her will mean so much. And, think about this... what if you wait and it's too late. Don't let that happen. I would say not only make the bear/dress, but start thinking of ways that your dd and her friends can continue to support her through the upcoming battle. People often rally around at first, but then drop away over time. Try to figure out how they can keep the support up.  Perfect. |
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 1, 2014 13:05:32 GMT
I think this is a lovely idea. There is no point pretending that dancing wasn't a massive part of her life, and tiptoeing away from the subject will not be a good idea in my view. I'm sure she will be thrilled with the gift, and will appreciate the trouble you will have gone to. Poor kid. I hope she makes a full recovery. This! The worst thing for DH was when people did nothing. They were afraid to "bother" us. Don't be. We'll never forget those who reached out, even with just a card. I think it's a wonderful idea. |
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Post by Debbie on Aug 1, 2014 13:10:23 GMT
I agree with Melissa but would also check with parents. They will know if their daughter is ready for this lovely gift now or if it might be better given in a little while. I agree with this. |
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Post by alibama on Aug 1, 2014 13:20:02 GMT
Melissa said it perfect
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Post by alibama on Aug 1, 2014 13:20:57 GMT
DD1 (my avatar) irish dances. One of her teammates, Lily, has just been diagnosed with a very rare and serious cancer. It is quite bad. She's 13 and very good, just returned from Nationals. She's also simply the nicest kid. I want to make her a matching dance dress for a build-a-bear. Example of DD1 in her old dress: I can make her one. But I'm worried about it being a good idea or not. Lily may never dance again (likely) and her life has changed forever. In my head I think it would be a way to encourage her and show our support. DD1 thinks it might make her worry/feel bad. Thoughts? I wanted to add one thing. Your daughter is beautiful!! Love the picture. |
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Post by jmurray on Aug 1, 2014 13:21:24 GMT
I think melissa's reply is spot on.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 6:22:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2014 13:22:40 GMT
From what I have seen and heard from friends in a similar situation, I think Melissa advice is excellent.
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caro
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Post by caro on Aug 1, 2014 13:23:16 GMT
I imagine the girl isn 't thinking she will never dance again, that is adult thinking. Make the dress and give her the bear from the team. She will love it.
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Deleted
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Oct 7, 2024 6:22:05 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2014 13:24:35 GMT
I agree with Melissa.
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Post by llinin on Aug 1, 2014 13:44:22 GMT
Your daughter is beautiful and that dress is spectacular! I would not make the dress. If your daughter doesn't want you to, and it sounds like she has thought it out, then I wouldn't. I would find a way to show support, you and your daughter can brainstorm and do something you are both comfortable with. I think it would be beautiful, and a great idea if your daughter were on board with it, but since she isn't I think it is not a good idea. It is her friend, and she knows her best, so I would respect her wishes on this. Sorry for the little girl's diagnosis  LL |
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Post by Prenticekid on Aug 1, 2014 14:01:09 GMT
Don't overthink this. Make the dress. Here are some thing that happen with a lousy diagnosis. There are people who pull away because they don't know what to do or say and people who pull away because they are scared. Don't be one of those people. If this is something she would have appreciated before the diagnosis, it is something she will appreciate now. Dance is such a huge part of her life. This will help keep her tied to something normal. Normalcy is something she is going to miss terribly. What is more likely to make her sad is if her teammates pull away. Having her teammates support her will mean so much. And, think about this... what if you wait and it's too late. Don't let that happen. I would say not only make the bear/dress, but start thinking of ways that your dd and her friends can continue to support her through the upcoming battle. People often rally around at first, but then drop away over time. Try to figure out how they can keep the support up. Absolutely this. I've had family members, including my brother, who have had sick children and some have ultimately died. One heartbreak that they've all had and don't forget is the people who pulled away and left them feeling abandoned or even just the people who would not treat them in some of the normal ways that they had. It just made the illnesses and losses that much harder. |
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Post by theboydbunch on Aug 1, 2014 14:58:16 GMT
I agree with Melissa and think you are very thoughtful to want to do something.
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Post by wezee on Aug 1, 2014 14:59:56 GMT
I think Melissa has given you some good advise but I would do what ever your daughter wants to do.
Your DD is just beautiful!
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Post by wezee on Aug 1, 2014 15:01:50 GMT
I think Melissa has given you some good advise but I would do what ever your daughter wants to do.
Your DD is just beautiful!
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Perfect.
